A quick(ish) two-shot which popped into my head and caught my imagination (which has been pretty sluggish these last few weeks!), the second half is already started and will be up before the end of the week. I've been having major writer's block on When Love was Young recently, but I think this has helped to clear it and chapter four should be up very soon. Sorry for keeping you all waiting, but hopefully this will provide a distraction. Please review, I love hearing all your thoughts.
Scarlett stood silently in the doorway to Rhett's bedroom, her mind clouded by alcohol and her heart heavy with grief, trying to recall how it was that she had come to be there.
She remembered wearily climbing the stairs after one too many glasses of brandy in the dining room. She remembered turning right as usual towards her own sleeping quarters, eager to curl up under the thick covers and replace the dull ache of reality with sweeter dreams of her own making. She even remembered pushing open the door to her room and feeling the weight of its black emptiness pressing down upon her until her knees almost gave out under the pressure.
But from that moment on her memories became vague and blurry, almost as if she had lost control over herself and had been directed by a force far greater than her own will. A force which had pulled her silently and determinedly to her husband's side.
Husband.
The word stung her soul and made her recoil as if she had been dealt a physical blow. Some husband he had turned out to be, one who had hidden his love from her all these years under a veil of insults and criticisms only to run from her the moment she realised her true feelings.
She allowed a wave of anger and resentment to engulf her for a moment, revelling in the sensation as it washed away other, more melancholy feelings. Feelings like her guilt at the way she had treated Melly all these years and the intense anguish she felt now that she had lost her closest friend forever without the chance to make it up to her. Yes, it was very satisfying indeed to blame Rhett for everything that had gone wrong with their marriage, for the way his behaviour had made it impossible for her to guess at his love and for all of the chances at happiness they had lost as a direct result of his cowardice. It covered over her own faults and made her feel strong and in control again, sentiments she so craved after the events of the day had left her feeling utterly helpless and defeated.
Scarlett sighed and reluctantly allowed her sudden anger to drain away leaving her weak and exhausted once more. Thinking that way may be satisfying, but it would not do her any good in the long run. Blaming Rhett for the Hell that their marriage had descended into would not help reignite the spark between them, but only serve to throw more ashes onto the dying embers until they faded away completely. For though a large part of her hated him for lying to her all of these years, a far greater part was willing to forgive him all that and much more besides if only he would open up his heart to her once more.
For she still loved him despite his decade-long deceit, in fact her vanity soared at the knowledge that he had loved her secretly for all those years, his confession making her revaluate their entire relationship and see it in a new and highly romantic light. Why she didn't know of any woman who had ever been loved the way that Rhett had loved her! And she understood too why he had felt the need to conceal his affection from her, after all she had frequently fantasied about making him fall in love with her only to use his emotions against him and bend him to her will. She herself would never have confessed her love this day if it had not been for the push that Melanie had given her mere hours before, her friend's calm, confident words enabling Scarlett to overcome her doubts and reservations and be driven by her emotions rather than her pride for the very first time.
Thinking of her hasty outpouring of love now though she blushed with shame remembering how Rhett had rejected her, how he had been so cold and detached when she had been so passionate and desperate. She must have looked a fool, the very thing that she could not stand to be and in front of the one person whose opinion she truly cared for as well. It was almost too much to bear and in that instant Scarlett came to her senses and pulled away from the doorway, terrified that Rhett would wake up and see her watching over him like some pathetic, love-struck child.
She pulled her wrapper firmly round her middle and went to turn away back towards her own room when the thought that this might be the very last time she ever saw him crossed her mind and froze her to the spot. Pain ripped violently through her chest at the idea of having to live her life without the near-constant presence of his strong tanned physique, jet black hair and bottomless, unfathomable, infuriating onyx eyes. He had been such a crucial part of her world for so long that she could not now envision how it would look without him. He would leave such a gaping hole in her life if he was to leave, a hole that she had no idea how she would ever go about filling.
Clinging desperately to the short time she had left, Scarlett raked her hungry eyes across his sleeping form taking in the sight of him sprawled out across his bed and engraining it into her memory like an animal stocking up on food before winter. She noticed how he was still clad in his trousers and shirt, almost as if sleep had crept up on him unawares whilst he had been busy packing and left him no time to undress before he succumbed to oblivion. He looked as tired as she felt, his aging face pale under its tan and carved through with lines embedded there by years of bitterness and grief.
The sight saddened Scarlett immeasurably, she could not quite believe that this was the same man who had once seemed so intensely alive to her, impervious to the wear and tear that affected the respectable citizens of the town as if his life of adventure and disrepute shielded him from the ravages of time and kept him forever young. Looking now at his diminished, world-weary form though Scarlett realised that he had given up his life of adventure in order to try and win her and the pursuit had cost him the best part of his looks, his youth and his happiness.
Unable to stand the sight of his ravaged face any longer Scarlett tuned instead to his shirt, the first three buttons of which were undone exposing the tanned expanse of his throat and the first sprigs of coarse black hair which Scarlett knew thickened into a dense mat further down his chest. The sight awakened something primal within her, something which made her forget her previously dark thoughts and take comfort in the fact that while so much about Rhett may have changed over the years, the effect he had over her body was the same as it had always been.
Rhett snored slightly, blissfully unaware of Scarlett's burning gaze as her eyes roamed hungrily over his form. She watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, mesmerised by the way it made the candlelight dance across his tanned skin. The newfound flames of her desire were swiftly dampened however by the realisation that Rhett no longer wanted her as she now wanted him.
She sighed as she thought about all the happiness she could have had with him if only she had taken the time to discover his love. She now knew how much he must have suffered, how he must have yearned for her all these years, adoring her from afar while she remained totally unaffected by his presence, as completely indifferent to his love as he now was to hers. Leaning her head back wearily on the doorframe Scarlett realised that she had slept through their entire marriage only to wake when Rhett had finally closed up his eyes and heart to her.
Tearing her gaze away from him she scanned the rest of the room, a room that she now realised she had never really looked at before despite sleeping next to it for years. She laughed bitterly at the thought that like Rhett she had ignored it for the entire length of their marriage only to notice its presence far too late in the day. Her heart clenched as she took in the bare walls and surfaces and realised that once Rhett awoke it would only take him a few short minutes until he was ready to leave. His suitcase stood in the corner containing only the essentials he would need for his initial journey and stay in Charleston.
Yet while the thought that he wasn't taking that much with him at first gave her hope that he would not be staying away for long, the fact that the rest of the room had been dismantled and packed away into boxes swiftly extinguished this hope. The sight of the boxes told her that while he might one day come back in order to honour his earlier promise of keeping the gossip down, this would never again be his true home. Looking at them she felt that it was not only the contents of the room that they contained, but also her and Rhett's entire life together. It was as if he had packed up their love along with his belongings, to be sealed up and stored away in some dark corner hidden from the light until one day no one would remember it had ever existed.
Except her. Because she knew in that moment that while Rhett might be able to forget their old life and forge a new one without her, she would never be able to do the same. Not after Melly had made her look at herself, truly look at herself for the first time in years, or perhaps even her entire life and see not the fragile and beautiful Southern Belle had she had always envisioned herself to be, but a woman who had endured, who had struggled and fought ruthlessly for survival against a seemingly unstoppable tide, and who had sacrificed her innocence and her morals in order to stay afloat.
A woman who did not need a dashing, young blond-haired knight to rescue her, nor who wanted to rescue her now world-weary, defeated and greying childhood friend, but a woman who was born to fight alongside a man every bit as hardy, passionate and rebellious as herself. A man who she now realised had been standing alongside her for her entire adult life, ready and willing to take up this position if only she would have let him.
Scarlett knew if she was to stand any chance of regaining his affections she would have to fight incredibly hard, harder perhaps than she had ever fought for anything in her life before except for Tara. But she was surprised to find that she did not mind the idea, in fact she rather relished the thought of having something to aim for once more, a goal to make life worthwhile again after years of grief and misery. She felt her fighting spirit, dormant for so long, rise up once more in her chest at the thought of the huge challenge that lay in front of her. A challenge that, if successful, would provide her with the greatest reward yet; Rhett's love.
But not tonight. Tonight she was cold and exhausted and she longed for sleep. Tomorrow she'd be different, she'd be stronger and ready to begin her campaign. After all tomorrow was another day, unblemished by death and talk of divorce, tomorrow was hers for the taking.
Scarlett yawned deeply and told herself that it was time she returned to her own bed, for if she was going to get up early enough to talk to Rhett before he left then she needed to go to sleep as soon as possible. But though reason told her to leave, her body refused to move so much as an inch away from her sleeping husband. Old and weary though Rhett may undoubtedly have looked, Scarlett still drew comfort from being near him, a thing she now realised she'd been unconsciously doing for the last twelve years. Illuminated by the solitary candle on his bedside table, Rhett seemed to Scarlett to be the sole point of light and warmth in her otherwise barren world. Her head battled fiercely with her heart as she deliberated between sleeping in her own bed as Rhett would surely want her to do and the knowledge that she would only ever find peace tonight if she lay by his side.
For perhaps the first time ever her heart won the internal struggle and she found herself creeping silently across the floor of his room as if pulled there by an invisible current. Carefully she negotiated the various boxes and piles of clothes that littered the carpet until she reached the side of the bed.
Looking into Rhett's face, Scarlett shivered as she remembered a time years ago in Frank's store when he had told her that the day she let her emotions win out over her practical mind would be the day that he left Atlanta forever. Overcome by a sense of foreboding Scarlett almost abandoned her plan and ran out of the room before the thought that he was leaving anyway crossed her mind and steadied her resolve. If this was to be there last night together then she knew where it was she wanted to spend it and she wasn't going to let some silly memory cause her to do otherwise.
Inching her wrapper off until it hit the floor with a muted thud, Scarlett gently sat down on the bed, careful not to wake Rhett from his slumber. Slowly she eased herself down onto the mattress, taking advantage of her husband's out-flung arm to tuck her head up under his shoulder. She'd meant only to lie quietly beside him, yet when her exposed calf accidentally brushed up against his trouser-clad one, the heat that radiated from him to her proved too much to resist and she eagerly curled her body around the side of his, moulding herself against his reassuringly strong frame.
All the while her emerald eyes did not stray from his face, studying his outline cautiously she braced herself against the smallest sign of his awakening. Once she had thought him panther-like in the way that his supposed languor concealed a ferocious power and never had this characteristic struck her more potently than at this moment. Lying beside him she could not help but feel like she had wandered willingly and foolishly into the beast's lair and in doing so had put herself entirely at his mercy. For she knew that in being here she was exposing her love for him openly, leaving her vulnerable to his contempt and insults which, while unable to physically harm her, would rip out her heart just the same as if he had clawed it from her chest.
His eyes remained closed however and his breathing slow and regular and gradually Scarlett felt herself relax into his unintended embrace, his warmth seemed to seep into her skin, thawing her rigid state and melting the ice around her heart until she felt it beating loudly and painfully once again. Overcome by a wave of love and desire that swept away all the remaining fragments of her judgement, she longed to get closer to him still and treacherously her hand snaked its way up from her side towards Rhett's face fuelled by a desire to smooth out the worry line that was etched between her husband's thick brows.
Inches away from its intended target though, her hand froze as she remembered with a pang that while her love might be fresh and overpowering, Rhett's had grown stale and withered with time and that her touch would not only be unreciprocated but unwanted.
Her hand was about to make a hasty retreat when the clock in the downstairs hallway struck the hour, its ghostly, metallic chimes reverberating throughout the silent house. Scarlett's heart seized up at the sound and she began fearfully counting the chimes, feeling as if each one was a death knell for her and Rhett's relationship.
Sure enough when the clock emitted its twelfth and final gong her heart seized up in the knowledge that her time was finally up, that today had ended and tomorrow had caught up with her at last leaving her without a place to hide.
Upon hearing the sound of the clock, Rhett's eyelids began to flutter open and without pausing to think Scarlett did the only thing that she could to prolong their moment together, the only thing that seemed to make sense to her confused and terrified mind, the only thing that she had wanted to do since leaving Melly's that afternoon; she kissed him.