Too Much Of A Good Thing

A request from Mira, over at Avada Kedavra, Inc. Several months late.

warnings: crack, conversation fic, stalker!Anthony, the taking of Johanna's name in vain.

Mira, I can't believe I just wrote this. I'm pretty sure this is an insult to Sweeney's love of his darling daughter. XD

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"Mr. Todd, did you know that Johanna has yellow hair? Almost like…wheat!"

"Yes, Anthony. You've told me this six times now."

"O-oh. Well…She also has the prettiest blue eyes."

"I am aware, Anthony."

"She said she'd meet me tonight - I'm so nervous - we're running away, you see."

"Anthony. I'm assisting you, and therefore am perfectly aware of your plans."

"That blonde hair…do you think we'll look nice together?"

"Anthony, you have no idea how much this subject fascinates me - no idea - but even the most dedicated audiences tire of the same information over and over again."

"Excuse me, Mr. Todd?"

"Anthony, don't you have some sort of…occupation? You're a sailor, correct?"

"Yes, Mr. Todd."

"And the captain of your ship is fine with you never being around?"

"Well…I may have been fired. Shortly after arriving here in London."

"What, precisely, for?"

"You see, I had just met Johanna, and I was telling the captain about her. He seemed to get more and more agitated with each thing I said about her -"

"I believe I know the sensation."

"Oh? I thought he was quite jealous, actually. You aren't jealous, are you?"

"Not exactly, no."

"If this is about Mrs. Lovett, I'm sure -"

"Anthony, continue with your story or leave."

"Ah - well - yes, sir. The captain…took Johanna's name in vain."

"…Anthony, I assume that I am correct in believing that Johanna is a human girl."

"Well - yes, but -"

"I believe I am also correct in my conviction that you can only take the Lord's name in vain."

"Well - yes, but, you see - !"

"How, exactly, did the captain take her name in vain?"

"He called her 'that damn obsession of Hope's!' I heard him say it to another crewmember!"

"However did he come across that peculiar phrasing?"

"I have no idea, Mr. Todd! But - well - it made me a…bit angry. And I may have…destroyed a bit of his property."

"Go no further. I understand completely."

"Finally, someone who can understand me! Toby, that disrespectful child downstairs, called me mad."

"…Anthony, get out."

"What's that - ? Sir! Put the knife down! I - I'm going, I'm going!"

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…because even Mr. Todd would get tired of stalker-boy's ranting on his darling obsession.

Spawned from Mira's request for crack, my desire to write a simple conversation fic, and Anthony's downright creepy love at first sight reaction to Johanna.

-- conversation hearts

edit: fudgy undercooked nuggerts, ff ballsed up my spacing. it should be fixed now.