My dreams are so full of you, don't get me wrong, Im so happy that I have you in my life but guess too much is always bad. I never know when this ridiculous feelings for you started but its becoming so unhealthy each passing day.
Moving out
I carelessly throw my stuff inside my bags. Tears pricking out my blasted tear ducts, im trying to wake my self up to stay in my reality, that I have to do something for everyone to be happy, that I have to compromise. Anyway living alone couldn't really be that bad, I put this to myself.. I chose to be admitted somewhere far away so that my mom could finally stop shouldering my stones. Im happy, believe me, I truly am, but leaving the things that I grew up with….
"Bella…" I turn my back away from the door and quickly pressed my eyes to stop the tears when I saw my moms head bob out of my bedroom door. My loving, erratic, harebrained mother. "Are you okay? You know that you don't have to do this.." I felt her soft hands rest on my shoulders. I can hear doubt and care and self reproach in her small voice making me stick to my decision.
"No mom.. Im fine.. Just don't expect me not to cry.. I practically live here all my life.."
"Of course honey… I understand." I faced her lightly and my heart broke into pieces when I see her eyes full of tears, sobbing uncontrollably . I cant help but laugh at her. We had been always like this, like im the one more grown up between us both. I kiss her in the cheeks and hugged her. I cant say anymore of how I love her and her new husband Phil.. And I look up to the sky, I love my dad too, wherever he is..
I felt breathless as I wait for my plane to be called, as usual its bright and sunny in Arizona, the place I called home for my eighteen years of life. I don't know whats waiting for me in Seatte but it's the best that I could do, I know how much my mom wants to be with Phil and she cant do it with me just around her. Oh, and they are taking the road when im gone..looking for a baseball team where Phil might just be in. he is a minor leaguer. I quietly bid my goodbye when I heard my flight number, a few more hugs and kisses and reminders and im off.. To start with my life as a grown up Bella.