This is a re-upload of a chapter from my now deleted story, A Nonsensical Compilation of Unrelated Narratives. I've decided to go for a more "organized" (In a way.) route. And thus, am re-uploading (and revising.) the chapters separately.
This one is about Goofy and Donald working as detectives for their chief, Mickey. At a Detective Agency. After realizing they're not the most perfect sleuthing duo around, just how will the dog and duck patch their act together?
The Confounded Case of the Large Body That Never Was
Hyuck.
Life. Guhh, just what is life?
Fer one thing, life is the reason we're all uhh, sittin' here listenin' to me ramble! But uhh, that's far from my point. Ya see, I ask ya this because I'm in a state of uhhh, what was uh, that word..
Oh yeah! I'm in a state of stress! Hyuck hyuck. Ya see, me and ma buddy, Donald. Work as detectives! It's a real shindig if ya ask me. Going around, solving mysteries. It's like that one old show about the dog and those kids.
I guess ya could say we're "muddling kids".
The problem is, there hasn't been a case in weeks! I yearn for that anxious feelin' I get when I receive one ya know. Gawrsh, if only I could just have at least one more...
"GOOFY! Ya nut! Get up!" the monologing dog was interrupted by a short duck with a speech impediment. The shout caused the dog to bump his head on the nearby bookcase. He rubbed it and looked down at his friend. The TV playing the horror movie they had rented the previous night had gone ignored by the two.
"Guhh, huh? Somethin' da matter, Donald?"
"Didn't ya hear? The chief wants to talk with us! Come on!"
The dog, now known as Goofy, was about to reply when his shorter partner grabbed him by the arm, dragging him out into the hallway. His wide webbed feet were pounding against the ground as he made his way for the Main Office.
The duck barged into the office. Goofy scrambled to his feet as Donald volunteered to do most of the talking, "'Present! What's the big idea, Chief?" the chair spun to face the two. Revealing a small, adorable, black mouse.
"The thing is. You guys have a new case! Gosh, I thought work was starting to get slow! But we managed to get something! There's been a murder at the Alleyway on Main Street. Hurry over there, I'm counting on ya!" the Mouse spoke in an optimistic tone. Despite referring to the dark topic of "death". His name tag, which confirmed his identity as "Mickey Mouse". Reflected the Sun's light into Donald's eyes. Temporarily blinding him.
"Aww, phooey! We'll get right on it, Chief!" The duck dragged Goofy out before he could even get a word out to the mouse.
A few hours later. It was dark out. The crime-fighting duo were on-site at the scene of the crime. Goofy was dusting for any fingerprints, while Donald acted as if he was actually doing something beneficial.
"Ya know. I've been wondering why we don't get as many cases as we used tuh, Donald." his voice intercepted the duck's thoughts. Causing him to face him with slight confusion.
"Oh really, and why's that then?" his voice calmed Goofy. Which made it easier for him to admit the reason why their performances were so poorly, "Well, gawrsh. First of all, we's a team, aren't we?"
"Of course! Where are ya going with this?"
"I'm gettin' somewhare, hold yer horses! Anyways, we's a team. But we hardly get any cases! Ya know why?"
"You're being redundant! Spit it out already!"
"Well, teams always used some sorta teamwork to prevail. But most'a the time you make me do all the work! If ya actually pitched in, maybe we could do twice the work." suggested Goofy. Donald tapped his foot impatiently and crossed his arms. His temper was rising
"Why I do do work! I do uh-...and...er...- Well there was that one time when I!-...Aww phooey. You're right, Goofy! Maybe that is why we don't get enough cases. Because we take to long to finish 'em!"
At that moment, a large burly figure appeared on the scene. Startling the dog and duck due to the sheer bulk he had. Whatever it was swiftly ran to the murdered human, and scooped him right up, "Aaaaah! Hey! What's the big idea?" quirked Donald. The figure turned to face him, and the duck was faced with the most horrifying sight he had ever laid eyes on.
"Aaaaaahhh! H-H-H-H-Heartless!" Donald's skin jumped out of him temporarily. He was so shocked that his neck hairs plucked themselves off his neck and ran into a Timeshare Condo just down the street. Okay, perhaps I was just over exaggerating about that one. The duck ran past Goofy, the latter being really confused about the whole mater.
"Duh Heartless? But those were just in fairy tales that our mum's used to tell us to get us to go to bed!" Goofy exclaimed, but at the sight of the Large Body looming over him. He began to have second thoughts. He fell to the ground but quickly regained his balance. Running after Donald. The dog, entangled in a case of fear. Jumped into Donald's arms as the Large Body ran after them.
"Zoinks!" said the two in unison.
"Ten bucks says that Heartless committed the murder!"
"Gawrsh! Maybe Heartless do exist after all!
"No time for theories! Let's just trap him and see if we can squeeze any info out of him!"
The duo ran as hard as they could from the Large Body. Who was trembling after them rather quickly. The monster held up a sharp thin knife. And it looked ready to kill anything in sight...
The two made it to a dead end. With the Large Body coming closer. It was evident that this was the end. That is, until Donald pointed out the fire escape above them, "Quick! Throw me up to that fire escape!" Goofy did as he was told, and lifted Donald into the air. The aquatic mammal grabbed onto the staircase, With his webbed-feet flaying about, trying to get on it.
"Gawrsh! Now get me before he well, gets me!" Goofy backed into the wall as the Large Body walked up closer to him, the sharp knife glaring in the moonlight. Donald pulled himself up and held his hand out for the dog to grab.
Goofy grabbed the hand and pulled himself up. However, this caused a chain reaction. Donald felt the grab was more a yank, due to his smaller size. And was flung into the Large Body. Bonking the monster's head. The Duck fell to the ground, his fear rising quickly as Goofy was now on the staircase. Their positions had switched.
"Wak! Get me up there again!" Donald jumped and attempted to grab Goofy's hand. But it was too high for him to reach. As the Large Body got up. He gained an idea, and ran towards the creature.
"Huh? What'cha doin' Donald!"
"Just trust me on this! Grab me when I fly up!"
Donald jumped on the Large Body's head again, sending him to the ground once more. The duck as given higher leverage due to using the creature as a stepping stone. And he finally got back on the staircase.
"Gawrsh, c'mon Donald!" yelled Goofy was he traversed up the fire escape. Donald looked at the Large Body getting up again. And then back up at Goofy, "Just a second!"
The Duck grabbed the lever that held onto to the extra bit of the staircase. Pulling it, the sliding mechanism released. And the staircase flew towards the Large Body. Hitting him the head again.
Donald snickered, slapstick like that never got old. He ran up the staircase along with Goofy to the rooftop of the building.
"So is this really going tuh work, Donald?" asked Goofy, Donald laughed at his question. The two were hanging onto a rope that held a net. Hiding behind a giant A/C situated at the top of the building. This held a net in place which hung over a pig with an apple stuffed into it. As well as a bunch of traps.
"Goofy, I've never heard of a Heartless that could resist the almighty taste of steamed ham!" exclaimed Donald with a devious snicker. Goofy shrugged in agreement as the Large Body made his way on top of the rooftop.
The creature walked up to get the pig. When suddenly, he misplaced his footing, the Heartless slipped on a banana peel. The Large Body cried in anguish as the pig flew in the air, falling on top of him and covering his vision. As if fate was being cruel to him, his fate's pain was doubled as more items rained down upon him. Including an anvil, a pie, a flower pot, an anchor, and finally, a tiny penny.
"Now!"
The duo let go of the rope, dropping the net and capturing the Large Body. High-fiving each other. The Dog and Duck walked over to the captured beast. Adjusting the net so that his head would pop out of it.
"Alright, now let's see who you really are!" Donald pulled the pig and the Large Body mask off. Revealing a most shocking (And unexpected, to say the least.) sight.
"Pete!" said the two in unison.
"Why yes, of course it's dang 'ol me!" said Pete in the Large Body costume, "I've been chasin' ya because ya need to turn in the Heartless horror movie ya rented yesterday! It's late!"
"Huh? Oh! Ya mean, "I Know What Ya Did Last Arbor Day"? I could'a sworn that movie was due tomorrow! And why are ya working at the rental store anyways?" asked Goofy in a state of confusion.
"It's to pay off for my apartment! Anyways, the videos due! Turn it in or risk a fine!" grumbled Pete as he was free from the net.
"But, but. Why were you dressed up as a Heartless! And what was with the knife, and why did ya take the dead body we were investigatin'!" yelled Donald, demanding answers from the tubby cat.
"My boss forced me to dress up as a Heartless to promote the movie! They don't exist, moron! And this ain't no knife. It's a fine pen, I needed you to sign this contract! I held it in my hand so you could see it! And as for the dead body, it's not dead at all! It's a leftover promotional prop the store used as a widespread viral marketing campaign. Some old fool must've thought it was a real dead body and phoned you guys. Which is convenient, because as I said, you owe me a tape!" exclaimed Pete.
"Huh, well gawrsh. We'll go get it right away, Pete!" said Goofy as the two left the scene by climbing back down, "And we'll get ya a first aid kit for them head injuries!" exclaimed the dog as he and the Duck were already on the ground.
"Make it snappy!" yelled Pete from the rooftop. Donald and Goofy looked at each other in embarrassment. How were they going to explain this one to the boss?
"Aww phooey. We really screwed this one up... How are we going to get out of this one?" said Donald with a frown. Goofy looked towards their Office Building from afar, "Not tuh worry Donald! All Mickey really cares about is if we worked together during these cases. Which we've seem to have, for the first time, done so successfully! We have newfound respect in each otha' now!"
"Oh, yeah I see now! And now more people will call us with info on weal cases! Oh boy, I can't wait to read them!" cheered Donald as danced about. Goofy decided to do a little jig too.
"Well, we don't gotta! Let's go get the tape and return it to Pete, then we can spend the whole night snackin' and collectin' calls!"
"Alrighty then! Let's go...but let's get some band-aids for Pete before coming back up there.."
The two friends ran to their Office Building in joy. What a caper tonight turned out to be...
I enjoyed writing this story, probably because I'm a sucker for the Disney characters. Sue me. I have been thinking of doing a follow-up to this, but I'm not sure if it would do well...