Chapter 1

Author's note: Here's the follow up. Putting it separate so if you don't know I'll put in summary. Now lets be nosy shall we?

Water droplets trailed down my skin, steam rising from my body as I stared blankly at the tiled wall in front of me. How long I just stood there I could not remember or care to know, blinking my eyes as my tears mixed with the water. He wasn't coming back. Not after what i did and yelled at him over Eli's cries, my forehead touching the tile as I thought back to it all like a dream i wish I had never remembered.

"How can you say that!" I yelled, Sephiroth putting Eli in his crib even though he cried to be picked back up, my anger rising as I grabbed his arm and made him face me, his eyes swirling with an anger he tried to contain in front of our child even though I fell apart. "That was my fucken dream when I came here Seph, how the hell are you going to stand here and tell me I had been dropped, by you no else!" I yelled, Sephiroth grabbing my arm but I pulled away. "Cloud not in front of Eli," Sephiroth said calmly, a warning undertone in his voice. I could hardly care, wiping away forming tears clinging to my eyelashes. "And! At least this way he could learn how much of a controlling ass you are! How the hell can you decide that for me Seph! I wanted nothing more but to be a Soldier and I thought you were supposed to support me! What the hell is wrong with you!?" I hollered, Sephiroth grabbing my arm roughly as he tugged me out of the nursery, slamming the door behind us. "Clou-" Sephiroth's head thrashed to the side as the sound of contact of skin against skin rang in the room, my palm burning as I pointed a finger at him angrily. "Don't fucking touch me anymore. Don't go near Eli again, don't even stay in this house for another second. Your nothing but a monster," I hissed, Sephiroth merely staring after me blankly as I went into the nursery to take care of Eli. He left and already it's been two hours since then.

I had fed Eli and burped him before going to sleep and than cleaned whatever I could, and having nothing else to do I went to shower. And here I stood, thinking it over like an idiot who reflected over his life. I pounded my fist weakly against the tile, gritting my teeth as I slide down to my knees, feeling more stupid than I ever had in all my years of living. When did my dream become my obsession? I turned off the water when I had collected myself, my eyes heavy with puffy bags as I toweled dry, pulling on some sweats, walking to the door and reaching for the knob, stopping halfway as I just stood there. The mirror reflected a shady, misted over version of myself as steam corroded it, my hand falling back to my side. I wiped off the mirror and just stared at myself, concentrating on the even smallest of details, coming down to one conclusion. I looked like shit.

I sighed as I ran a hand through my wet hair, wincing as I saw my stomach. It had been seven months since I had given birth to Eli, and the stretch marks were not as visible but still very much there. I hated them, the one thing I hated most about having Eli. Even the first few weeks didn't disgust me as much. It was sweet irony though. Everything I had become was finally starting to show on the surface, showing me how much I had forgotten and had done so many things I regretted, visible scars that tore at me everyday.

I wondered though, was this all i had to offer? I was already as much of a freak as one of Hojo's failures, a man who gave birth. A mockery to every male on this planet. I looked away from the mirror. I had Eli now, couldn't I at least be happy about that? But I already knew the second half of my happiness that would make my heart a whole had already left out the door. I opened the door and walked to our shared bedroom, sighing as I fell onto our bed, curling into a ball with a pillow held in my grasp. Why was I so stupid? I stared blankly at the patch of light that shown from the crack of the door, a tear falling over my nose. Come back...

I fell asleep that way, giving me my own comfort that lacked warmth, the world spinning as I tried to grasp onto something, my dreams racing colors and screams as I fell, tossing and turning as I tried to find something to hold onto too, the ground advancing faster and faster as I reached for something that was no longer there.

"Cloud!"

My eyes snapped open, tears heavy on my lashes as I sat up, looking around as I tried to calm my beating heart. A dream, only a dream. Right than I heard the door open, looking to the glowing red digits of the clock, reading 3:15 a.m. I closed my eyes as I let myself fall back, unsure if I had the dignity to face Sephiroth anymore, thinking I should have been the one that left and not him. But I guess it was too late, too late to take it back because I knew if I could, I would have. I covered my face with the pillow, thinking I could just suffocate myself so I wouldn't have to face him. I curled into a ball when the door was opened fully and light shown brightly in the room, pressing the pillow closer to my face. It was quiet for a long time. I kept my eyes closed as I hoped my death would come faster, the sound of his footsteps seeming louder than normal as he walked to the bed, the tilt of his weight on it making me tense.

"Cloud," his low baritone voice called as his long fingers grabbed onto the pillows protruding edge, tugging lightly. I held onto it tighter, not wanting him to have to look at me after what I had done and said to him. I was the monster, not him. The pillow was suddenly taken from my grasp, my gasp lost to my ears as I met Sephiroth's eyes that seemed a tad too close, the smell of alcohol heavy in my every inhale. "Why are you avoiding me?" he asked with a frown, his eyes misted over as he gave me a disapproving glare. I just stared, feeling choked as I closed my eyes to block him out, turning my face into the bed. "Cloud," Sephiroth sighed as he scratched the back of my neck with the tips of his nails, running them up into my hair. I moved my face so i could meet his eyes but I quickly looked away, not feeling I could do that without having the feeling to cry.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, closing my eyes as I prepared myself. "I'm sorry for over reacting and hitting you. An-And I'm sorry for calling you a monster," I said, nearly crying near the end of my small speech, knowing that those simple words were never going to be enough.

"You didn't over react." I opened my eyes slowly in confusion, looking up and meeting Sephiroth's eyes. He was halfway on the bed, his right cheek resting in his palm as he stared down at me. He looked god like but at the same time uneven, his eyes a clouded jade that reminded me of water running over moss covered rocks. "What?" I whispered in confusion, Sephiroth smirking as he continued to run his fingers through my hair. "You didn't over react, Cloud. What I did should have made you a tad madder than you had been, and for that I am sorry," Sephiroth said simply, the weight on my shoulders shedded away as he cracked a small smile. He leaned forward, using the hand in hair to bring me closer as he connected our lips, the taste of alcohol making me pull away as I put a hand to his shoulder. "Your drunk," I whispered almost sadly, Sephiroth frowning as he stared at me. "I had drank, but the mako doesn't let it stay in system for long," Sephiroth supplied, my mind disbelieving as he reconnected our lips again. Just for now, drunk or not, I was just glad he came back.

He gently urged me back down onto the bed, crawling over me as he deepened the kiss, straddling my hips. He grabbed both of my wrists and held them above my head, sliding his hand down into my sweats. "Seph we can't," I gasped as I closed my legs when he rubbed the pad of a finger over my anus, the feeling of it so good even though I knew I would never be able to gain what we both craved. We couldn't risk it, no matter how much we both wanted too. We had not had any sex since I gave birth to Eli because we were both to busy, falling asleep once our heads hit the pillows.

"It's alright," Sephiroth whispered, leaning down and kissing my cheek than my lips, my fight slowly dwindling as I loosened my legs, Sephiroth slipping his finger inside me. I gasped, the feeling of friction a burning sensation that made me arch and my mouth fall open, a forbidden ecstasy running up my thighs. "Doesn't it feel good?" Sephiroth husked against my lips, pushing his finger deeper until my thighs were shaking, my cock hard as I moaned, the feeling to good for words. "You feel so hot, so tight around my finger, shall we see about my cock?" Sephiroth husked into my ear as he pulled his finger out, my entire body becoming limp, my legs weak as I tried to get over the shocks of pleasure that tingled in my thighs and stomach. It was like my body craved it, like an addiction that had so long been denied. "Seph, we can't I mumbled weakly as he pulled off my sweats and unzipped his pants, kissing up my jawline as he stroked himself, panting against my flesh as my body seemed to call for him, the faintest blow of his breath making me dizzy as I spread my legs. It seemed like I had no control as he slipped between them, spitting into his hand than stroking his cock, creating an unreliable lubricant though I could hardly care, his hand squeezing my wrists harder as he guided himself to me. I bit my lip. What could possibly go wrong? I thought carelessly as I gasped when he pushed past my tight ring of muscles, slipping into me with a groan.

I arched as I moaned, my thighs shaking as I wrapped them around his waist, his first thrust making my vision spin. Cries rang in the house as the shade that had clouded my brain began to lift, my eyes snapping open. Eli. I began to kick and scream, Sephiroth seeming to find it harder to snap back to reality, thrusting into me again and making me groan as I squeezed my hips against him. The shade tried to return but I fought it, pulling one of my hands free and pushing him off me with all the strength I could muster, Sephiroth grunting as he hit the bed frame. "Shit! What the! What the fuck!" I yelled, my breathing panicked as I scooted away from him in case he was still dazed. The pain from the brutal contact had seemed to bring him back though, his eyes no longer misted as he stared at me like I had grown two heads. "What was that for?" he asked, getting off it slowly as he rubbed his back. "We almost had unprotected sex Seph! But something wasn't right oh for the love of gaia what just happened!" I asked in panicky breaths, Sephiroth looking up to me when Eli's cries grew louder, sounding like he was starting to choke. We both scrambled out of the bed and ran to the nursery uncaring of clothing, a presence pushing against my chest and hurting me though i fought it, running to Eli whose face was becoming a soft shade of purple, reaching and picking him up, felling as if something tried to hold onto him, but once I pulled him to my chest the presence disappeared completely, Sephiroth coming to my side as he looked around than down to Eli whose face was returning to normal, tears burning my eyes as I looked up to Sephiroth. "Seph what the fuck is going on," I sobbed as I held Eli close to me, too afraid to let him go. Sephiroth had no answer though, looking around before down to Eli. Though he didn't want to, it was time to go to Hojo.

Note: Okay obviously this is becoming another story in it's own, but this time with a mean old nasty Jenova thrown into the mix! I hadn't expected this but my fingers moved and my mind twirled and twirled and all of a sudden this was what I had written. Most of the characters of Final Fantasy 7 are probably going to be brought up now, so I guess I'm making another awesome story lol