Just a silly fic, nothing more! Enjoy! - SGA
The day's investigative foray into the weird and unbelievable had ended with a bang.
A thin tower of smoke circled up into the sky as the four ragged adventurers staggered away from the smoldering wreck of a building that had formerly stood just outside of town. As he picked at one of his ringing ears, the leader of the expedition decided that there was something he really needed to bring up with the group handyman.
"Hey, Soos?"
"Huh?" His sister turned. "What'd you say?"
"No, not you." Dipper tugged on their friend's singed question mark T-shirt.
"Yeah dude?" The gentle giant asked. "'Sup?"
"That was quick thinking back there." The boy thankfully nodded down to the smoking remains of the abandoned tire factory. "But could you have given us a little more time to get away before the old generator blew? Like, just a couple seconds more?"
Soos stared back wordlessly. He hadn't picked up a single word. "...Wait, what?"
"I said that maybe you should have rigged it to go off a little later." Dipper repeated himself. "Like, one or two extra seconds probably would have helped."
"...Huh?"
Dipper sighed. His message still wasn't getting through.
"I said that the generator should have blown up a little later!" He boy raised his voice. A dust-covered Wendy finally noticed that the others were talking.
"Wait, what?" She cocked her head.
"No, I'm talking to Soos." Dipper shouted back.
"What?" Wendy repeated. "I can't hear you."
"No, Soos. I'm talking to Soos." The boy pointed before turning to their friend. "Okay, I'm not saying you weren't a help or anything. Those roach-trolls probably would have gotten us if you hadn't-"
"Dude, what?"
"I said that you should have given us a couple more seconds to-"
"Hey, Dipper!" Mabel tucked at his lightly smoldering vest.
"What?"
"While you're talking to Soos, tell him that the explosion happened waaaay too early!" She had to speak at a volume no lower than a yell in order to hear herself talk, and even then it was nothing but a dull murmur.
"...Wait, what?" Dipper cupped a hand over a still-ringing ear.
"Tell Soos that he made the boom come too early!" She raised her voice again.
"What?"
"The big boom! The one that happened just now! Remember? The one that went KERPLOW!" She took the care to add the appropriate noise and spread her arms wide for effect. "It was too early and now my ears hurt!"
"Hold on a sec, I still need to tell Soos something!" He shouted back in vain.
"Wait, what do we need to go to the dentist for?" Wendy demanded incredulously.
Little by little their hearing started to come back, but so far only in odd fits and incomplete spurts.
"Wait?" Mabel replied. "No, I'm not hungry right now!"
"What?" Dipper called back.
"Huh? Ew! I don't even like fish!" She replied. "You know that!"
"Now we're going into town?" Wendy tried to repeat. "Why? We should head back to the Shack first."
"I'm just trying to tell Soos something." Her friend attempted to tell her. "Then we'll head back to the Shack."
"No, we should go to the Shack." She grabbed one of his noodle-wrists and pointed to the makeshift bandage made from a strip of her flannel shirt. "We need to get this cleaned up."
"What? No, it's not feeling itchy at all." He said confusedly. "Don't worry, we'll take of it when we get back to the Mystery Shack."
"No dude, the Shack." She struggled to correct him.
"The Shack." He tried to do likewise. "We're going back to the-"
"Oh man, that's better." Soos gasped as the shrill ring in his head started to recede. "Okay, so what's this about a panda?"
"What?"
"Soos!" Mabel clapped her hands over her aching ears, then shot her friend a disapproving look. "Language!"
"Where?" He protectively threw meaty arms over his head.
"Wait, what?"
"What'd you say?"
"What?"
"What?"
"Wait, what?"
Dipper could see that this was nothing more than an exercise in futility. First and foremost, they needed a little more time to recover. He waved a skinny arm. "You know what, forget it! Let's just go home."
"Let's just mow phone?" Mabel chirped confusedly. "Gross! Why would you get a hairy phone? That's not practical at all!"
Thankfully she caught the signal and followed along with the rest. As they all trudged back to base at the Mystery Shack, something finally occurred to Soos.
"Man, I have no idea how those people in the movies can walk away from these kinds of things while looking so cool. I can't hear a thing right now. You dudes think I probably should've tried to get that old generator to blow a little later?"