In the war, you make very close friendships, because how else are you going to survive? One of the men you're learning to confide in and rely on talks of nothing but a girl back home, one he's only met once or twice, but he's head over heels in love with. You think it's silly and ridiculous, telling him smoothly that there's nothing such thing as love at first sight, that you know better. If there is such a thing as love, it's a slow and deep process. But you're sure there isn't. Not unconditional love anyway...you would know.
After the war, your home is destroyed (not that you'd be welcome back anyway), and your friend invites you to stay with him in his palace. You try to find a way to refuse: it seems weak and childish to accept his help, and you are neither of those things. But you eventually do decide to stay with him, you have nothing and no one else.
He finds her, the girl he'd been going on and on about. They're going to be married, but he wants you to meet her first. You're sitting downstairs when she walks into the room.
You told him there was no such thing as love at first sight, but upon seeing her, the world stops spinning and you get tunnel vision like no other.
"Hello," she says warmly, and her warm hands clasp yours while she speaks, her grey eyes warm and shining. "I feel as though we've already met, he speaks so highly of you." You fight to keep focused on her words and not her eyes, her presence instead of her smell. You hope to God you're smiling back at her, though you aren't sure what your face is doing.
The three of you sit by the fire and talk late into the night. You get to know her, and although it's obvious she loves him more than anything, you are hopelessly in love with her before you leave the room.
It appears he is dead. Wrongly, horrifyingly, dead. You don't know how to deal with the death of your best friend in the world, and she doesn't know how to deal with the death of her one true love. She falls into your arms in her grief, and you silently vow to protect her always. You already promised him you would, and of course you'd do anything for him. But now you promise to yourself, in your mess of love for her. You hold her while she cries and you cry for him, but also for her.
You know it would be wrong to make a move now, to ever make a move, because of him She would always love him, so you begin to hold her at a cold distance, protecting her with your life while trying not to love her. Not that it works.
He's alive? You're elated, but seeing her kiss him so ecstatically and passionately...it still hurts. Even if you just want the best for them both.
You realize you can't stay with the happy couple anymore, and find a group, a gang really, that you might even find happiness with.
But first...you have to confess to her, on the random, painful scrap of maybe. Honor and Chivalry be damned! Maybe she won't want you to go. Maybe she needs you like you need her.
Courage should not be something you're short in, not with your history. You are a warrior and a hero, and should not be afraid of this. Before you can get the words out, however, she tells you happily that she's pregnant.
There's no way you can interfere now.
Fighting tears, you congratulate her, tell her about the gang you're halfway to joining. One last embrace, and you leave, trying to hold your head and ignore your tears.
You will never get over this. she will always be your weakness, the chip on your shoulder.
And since that pain reminds you of her, you revel in it.