OK. So. This came to me on a very long trip from my grandparents house, and I hope it makes sense. So, as the description says, this is Sirius writing a letter to Harry, with interruptions...

Sirius is the normal print

Tonks is in bold

And Lupin is italics

And I apologise for the awful title. If anyone can think of a better one, please tell me? And I own nothing. If I did, Sirius, Fred, Tonks and Lupin would NEVER have died. Not that they did. They were asleep, that's all...

Dear Harry

I owe you an apology for not writing sooner. Things have been hectic round here.

Hello! What are you doing?

You felt the need to write that on the parchment?

You felt the need to reply to that on the parchment?

... Shut up.

Mwahahaha.

I'm writing to Harry. Can you go away?

Wotcher Harry.

TONKS!

Okay, okay! I won't interrupt you again.

Thank you. Sorry about that, Harry. My cousin is a nuisance.

Takes one to know one.

I'm trying to write a letter to my godson. Can you please be quiet?

...

Good. Anyway, Harry. I'm glad lessons are going okay. I remember fifth year was quite a jump from fourth, what with exams and things, but as long as you work hard –

You hypocrite! You didn't work hard at all! As I recall you spent most of the time the rest of us spent revising pranking Slytherins...

Time well spent, Moony, time well spent.

Hello Harry, by the way. And yes, I agree with Sirius. Make sure you start revising early and you'll be fine.

Thank you for your amazingly boring input Remus, I'm sure Harry will treasure it always.

Wait, so Remus is allowed to comment, but I'm not?

... Pretty much, yeah.

Unfair! I hate you!

I love you too dearest cousin. Now... Harry, about Umbridge...

Oooh, I hate her!

So do I. She's got it in for 'half breeds'.

And convicts.

Thinks we're subhuman.

She thinks convicts are too.

You're not subhuman Remus!

Thank you Tonks

Fine! Ignore me! I'll just sit here and wallow in misery, alone, and unappreciated.

You mean you'll wallow in self pity like you always do?

... Shut up Moony.

Sorry Pads.

I may forgive you if you go make me a coffee.

... Keep on dreaming.

I'll make you one.

Very kind, Tonks, but seeing how you almost blew up the kitchen last time. I'll pass.

I'm sure Harry has better things to do than read about you wanting coffee.

Right, yes. Um... Yes, Umbridge. Just stay out of her way Harry, and don't do anything to attract too much attention.

She's a sadist. She'll take any opportunity to hurt you.

Exactly. However, if you get any opportunity to prank her, I'd take the chance.

No, Harry, most certainly do not take it! Sirius, stop giving Harry conflicting advice. One moment you're telling him to stay out of trouble, the next you're encouraging him to go and find it.

Sorry mother.

Remus is right Sirius.

Pfffft. Like you'd say otherwise.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means you're hopelessly obvious Tonks.

I am not!

So you don't deny that you're hopelessly obvious?

...

Thought not. So while Tonks is blushing –

AM NOT!

Sure. For a metamorphagus, you really can't hide your feelings very well.

I hate you.

She just fell over, which is why her handwriting went funny. Well... Funnier than it already was.

Are you okay?

Yes, thanks.

Next thing...

Your concern touches me.

I'm a lovely person, what can I say? Moony! Stop laughing. ... It wasn't that funny.

Lovely... Person... Hahahaha...

Wow. You're mature.

Hello, pot? This is the kettle speaking. I want my colour back.

Racist.

...

...

Good. So, where was I? Oh yes. How's Snivellus? Still greasy, I suppose? Tell him I hope he dies soon.

Don't tell him that Harry. He probably hates you enough already.

Like any self respecting Gryffindor would want to be liked by that greaseball.

Your bitterness aside... Hey, Harry – how're Ron, Hermione and Ginny?

And Neville?

...

What? He's a sweet kid.

Actually, I was commenting on both your sudden interests in Harry's friends.

They're nice.

I agree. It was just random.

Like you've never done anything strange before.

I am a model citizen. ... Guys! Stop laughing. Urgh. Whatever. Your last question Harry, I want you to pay attention. It is not a sign of weakness that you are still dreaming of that night in the graveyard. I still dream of Azkaban.

And I of the night I was bitten.

Aw!

... Yes, okay. Anyway Harry. We, the bravest, awesomest –

That isn't a word

Merlin Moony! I'm complimenting you and you still correct my grammar?

He has a point though...

What is this? Gang Up On Sirius Day?

I wish.

Buzz off.

Sirius!

What?

Language!

I said buzz off. I can do much worse. Like –

DON'T YOU DARE!

Corrupting innocent minds, are we?

Being an annoying little midget, are we?

Creating lame insults, are we?

Staring at Remus, are we?

...

HA! VICTORY! OK, I have to go Harry. I can smell something delicious.

Molly's cooking.

And after twelve years of bread and water in Azkaban, I cannot afford to miss such a wonderful meal. So I shall see you soon.

Be careful

Have fun

And stay in touch.

So was that okay? I have actually written another chapter so if people want to read it I'll post it at some point... *shifty eyes* Review?