Note: No, I don't own Dark Souls, and yes, If I did this would be canon, if you want to know more about them, just watch Only Afros videos on Youtube :)
Words: 4,848
Break it all (yea hahaha)
The Wall (yea yea)
(yo yo)When you come to it and you cant go do it and you cant knock it down you know that you found
THE WALL (WHAT) THE WALL THE WALL
nothin on earth can make you fall
When you come to it and you cant go do it and you cant knock it down you know that you found
THE WALL (WHAT) THE WALL THE WALL
nothin on earth can make you fall
I Was a high school legend
with the damn machine, 18 i was 5'4 215 19 scwaten the grime right out of the cages like nobody cares (nobody) no slugs i
slap you your god given strip alot of time spent in JM on the b**ch. Go ahead climb this is fine. The winners of all time
the strongest man breathin heavy heavy man hits harder then bricks getting your ass kicked when the walls dont fall over
hands get flow bro squeeze suckers hand gets broke punks better look out the walls goin fall over right up on you shooter,
crush them all you and you hits me like a bullet from the tank
When you come to it and you cant go do it and you cant knock it down you know that you found
THE WALL (WHAT) THE WALL THE WALL
nothin on earth can make you fall
When you come to it and you cant go do it and you cant knock it down you know that you found
THE WALL (WHAT) THE WALL THE WALL
nothin on earth can make you fall
mountain wide im skyscr*ppin so masive i break scales on the way in the big black wall will block out the sun bodys gettin
flyin flap with out guns eats you like mama's home cookin hustler by the hour before the bell rung
When you come to it and you cant go do it and you cant knock it down you know that you found
THE WALL (WHAT) THE WALL THE WALL
nothin on earth can make you fall
When you come to it and you cant go do it and you cant knock it down you know that you found
THE WALL (WHAT) THE WALL THE WALL
nothin on earth can make you fall
Disconnected from master of world. Returning to your world
~ The Wall - Heet Bob
When Titans Clash: Giantdad Faces The Wall
Anor Londo, the once proud city of the Gods, now a desolate and cold city that only the most daring, or the retarded of adventurers explore. In fact as we speak everyone's favorite union bro has been thoroughly pwned by the cities deadly Silver Knights. But the lazy and slow fellow wasn't the only person entering the city for a taste of adventure and challenge, this realms Chosen Undead has made her way to the city, and as we speak was already moving across the rafters of the great hall, engaging in a hilarious and swift battle with the Painting Guardians, and while she engaged in this battle of pure skill, she was no longer alone.
From the elevators entrance, a white fog appears and after a calm moment, a high pitch heralds the arrival of an invader from another world. The red figure slowly rose from a bowing position, to a grand and demanding stance, one which screamed of unrelenting power. This being was all to familiar to the city, his bronze armor was that of the local sentinels of the forgotten city, his back was home to the great grass crest shield, and in his hands was a weapon of unmatched power and destruction, a +5 Chaoshander. What made this figure more unique than many others however was his mask, a once popular and culturally significant mask of the father, now carried by only the privileged giants of the land. On the faces of many others, this was but a trinket, a mask which simply eased the burden of heavy equipment. To this giant, this Legend, it was his identity. And the worlds host felt an eery chill down her spine as she knew, that the Legend has arrived.
The Legend, and Father of Giants himself looked around the central walkway, spotting the tailless carcass of a Gargoyle, a clear casual from the looks of it. Behind the mask the Legend squinted as he peered into the far distance before him. Nostrils flaring, he smelled the sweet aroma of a scared person, the realms host. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, feel the energies flowing through the world, breathing in every soft and delicate taste. And he opening his eyes faster than a flash of light, his mind swinging to action, knowledge firing through his brain like bullets.
The host has soiled herself, confirming that she was afraid, afraid of the Legend, and she smelled like a woman, you know, because of the gracious amounts of perfumes and shit! On any other occasion the Legend would invite her (Assuming she wasn't fucking ugly of course) to some hardcore love making in what he presumed to be one of the beds of Gwyn's children. But not today, no...this was a day for a hunt, and he already got the smell of his pray flooding his mind. Like a pissed off menstruating giant wolf, who hasn't eaten since last week and is backed up into a corner, he gathered all his rage, and roared a mighty battle cry that shattered the ears of even the hollows in the undead asylum. The glass broke from the sheer power of the roar as the ground crumbled from the world shattering release. If one was to have a scouter, it would have broken, unable to calculate the sheer power he has manifested.
In a swift subversion of his recent actions, he calmly walks at a snails pace towards his prey, who recently just made it to the same level as he was. The woman has just finished off another Gargoyle when she spotted him, and nearly fell through the stairwells opening. What was she going to do? She can't fight him, she had to cheese a victory and indirectly defeat him to even hope to survive. The two made eye contact; to the Legend, her eyes were blue were of a soft light shade and showed both her pure soul, and naivety of the world, despite enduring all the horror. For the woman, she could make up nothing but pure chaotic rage within the Legends pupils, not even the kiln of the first flame, in its prime could ever hope to match the intensity of his eyes fire. At this moment the woman realized what he was doing and what she had to do, he was giving her a chance to run and by Gwyn's beard she'll take it. As she stood up and turned, Giantdad took one last look at his prey.
She was wearing a set similar to that of the lords blade, an assassin's organization. How she attained a set was beyond him, but it made no difference. Using his powerful eyes, those which even the hawk ring couldn't match he spotted her left hand. And he suspected his much, a dirty casual. A dark wood grain ring, and a wolf ring, not the rings of a pro like the Legend. Havels rig and the ring of Favor and protection are what he wore; Stamina, Endurance and Health, everything he would ever need, all wrapped up into his hands. She also was wielding some Eastern blade, he couldn't tell which, nor did he care to know.
As she ran he jumped into the air and made his first strike, one meant to simply scare her, make her mind flutter and make her an easier target. When he arrived over the other side of the elevator, he made a cutting motion, stopping the blade at his feet and landing a few feet away from his prey, causing a massive dent into the walkway, with minimal fire leakage. It was time to let nature take its course; his target had a daunting task ahead of her. She needed to survive two deadly giants, fucking murder sentinels. Run through and take care of several asshole demons, before finally crossing a path and having to traverse the rape knights, commonly named so due to the fact their bows forcefully penetrate many casuals rears, causing a great amount of pain, anguish and trauma to the mind and body. The Girl was cute, so he was going to do her a solid, and cleave her in half.
Of course when the time to do so came, he was all but hyped for the fresh spray of blood to quell his thirst, not even if it was her time of the month he would stop until he thrusted his sword into her stomach, and ejecting his swords fire through her veins until she screamed and melted. Of course that was too edgy for him, so a simple half cut would do. He stalked her as she ran up towards the pillar, and he began walking up the "bridge" He calmly stomped towards he as the archers stopped firing their bows. Suddenly she ran and made a run for it. By the time he turned that same corner, he was shocked to see her running towards him of all things. Perhaps she wasn't so casual after all, that or she was retarded, either is fine. He made a massive and hefty slash towards her, however was surprised when she flipped over his sword and continued. Like out of "One of my Japanese animes!" the pillar was cleave in half, possibly by the sheer wind power or whatever, the legend didn't question this logic, it was just awesome and made his intended one hit kill more dramatic, pacing and all that shit you know?
However before he could turn to face his prey he spotted something different, something...unique? Whatever it was it must have been the reason she was willing to run towards him of all things...that or she was retarded. The figure before him was wearing the fattest armor imaginable with weird sissy pants boots and thick leggings. He had a sinister mask and top hat and kept a giants shield on the back, and was holding the fabled Havels shield. Much like the Legend this was too an invader, a rather sinister one at that. If these two beings were any other invader, they would gang up on the poor lass, they had a numerical advantage and could work together. But the Legend wasn't interested in sharing his prey, and the stranger clearly was sharing the same thoughts.
And like a perverted clown he laughed a hearty and demonic laugh before throwing his arms apart in an open challenge to the Legend. The Father of Giants gave this being a heated glare and the two gave a seemingly distant hug, as they shared the same gesture.
Without words they said the same words. "Well, What is it?"
The strange fat being then pointed towards the Legend and then to the sides of the bridge, declaring his intent. With a snicker he proclaimed himself towards the aging Giant.
"You can cheese the archers, you can cheese the gods, but you can never hope to cheese me, THE WALL! Who is it that has decided to through their life away in a vein hope to challenge me?" He said, calmly waiting.
The legend frowned and furrowed his eyebrows, although this cannot be seen, the legend did not take such confidence and dismissal lightly. Lifting his mighty Chaoshander against his shoulders he said only three words.
"I, am, Giantdad."
With this a calm breeze swept through the air between them, the knights and host stared at them with shock at the titanic battle that was about to happen. For both knew who this newcomer was, he was the Wall.
Legend tells of the powerful presence who would call the broken and abandoned Anor Londo home. Some believe that the Wall was Smough's younger brother, others, a test against the Undead who was meant to travel through the city to attain the lordvessal. Many undead speak of their experiences with the Wall, with only a few able to have survived or even win. The Wall was, in some words, the laziest form any douche bag could possibly attain...or something like that. Others laughed it off as a very grim reminder of their missions danger, and others committed preemptive suicide, even going as far as to indict the Wall... the Darkmoon servants that would attack him never returned... And now, four people (A Peeking Solaire being one watcher) had the privilege of watching two Legends face off, two heralds of the Afro God (or Goddess, no one really knew)
It was a looming battle as an irresistible force met an unmovable object. And as any true scholar knew, this was the beginning of a chaotic battle that threatening the whole city to its core. The calm maintained for several more minutes as the two powers eyed each other down, looking for any signs of weakness, and as quickly as the calm arrived, it was ended by the calling of the Legends own proclamation.
"Initiate Phase One!"
The Legend shifted his feet into a combat pose, the Wall braced himself for combat.
"Powering up the bass cannon!"
The Legend flexed his muscles, took a strong authoritative breath, and once more repeated the "hugging" gesture from earlier. The Wall squinted, teeth grinding and flesh contracting. The air heated up massively as if under fire, and the silver knight archer thrusted his sword into his own bridge, hoping to hang on from any possible wind break. The host could only watch, mouth agape at the impending battle of titans.
"Fire"
And just like that chaos broke loose, stepping back, the Legend lunged forward and swung his sword in a wide overhead arc, a wide and powerful gust of wind hailing from this powerful first attack as the once braced silver knight was flung from his safe haven, the other forced against the wall. The host was lucky enough to have cover from what remained of the stone pillar and let out a small terrified meep as the air violently sped past her.
With a flash if light, the Legends Chaoshander made contact with the Walls shield and then... nothing.
"What!" The Legend exclaimed in shock.
How was this possible, his first attack always quelled his foes, and yet the Wall stood tall, barely having moved from his spot.
The legend quickly back stepped and thrusted his heavy sword forward, expecting some piercing or cracking but all that happened was him recoiling from pure deflection of the Walls defense. The Legends eyes wided, his mouth agape in shock. This was impossible, something was wrong, there was no way this being had the soul power to resist his attack, The Legend! He was the Father of Giants, and was unstoppable... but how, how could he be treated no better than a filthy casual from this man! Even if he was of the same blood as him, hailing and owing his creation to the Afro God, not all creations are equal!
"Fucking Faggot!" The Legend roared in anger as he sent several wide and powerful strikes against the wall, only with deflections, no marks, and a laugh at his expense.
"I will destroy you! I am the Legend! I am-!" The Legend was cut off mid rant but a sudden shield bash from the Wall, which knocked him back and cracked his mask. The legend was left standing of course, but he didn't know what to think. All this time he presumed him and his disciples were the best, above any casual, they were the ones to destroy the fifthly flipping Havel Moms! But yet this man kept pushing him back again and again! For the first time in centuries, the Legend understood fear. But even then, he knew he had to make himself stronger from it, to empower his will and match it against the Wall!
The Legend went back on the offense, swinging his sword in several directions, hoping for any results that benefit him, maybe a crack in the shield, a chink in his opponents defense, a chance to stunlock even assuming the Wall. To those who could not comprehend the sheer power being spent in the battle, imagine being an ant in the middle of a two clashing hurricanes.
The Legend tried a more unique move and tried an uppercut with the sword, only to have it slide up the Walls shield and into the air, leaving him open for the shield to back up, and then charge forward with a heavy bash from his shield. The very act itself pushed the legend into the air as he clashed against the small broken down left overs of the pillar. The small crater crumbled apart as he stood up and faced his adversary once more. This titanic battle continued on four what seemed to be hours, with mixed results, and common occurrences of the Wall pushing the Legend to his limits.
It was with a stroke of pure luck however that the Legend got a real hit in. During his duel with the Wall, he went desperate and swung himself into a circle, his Chaoshander nicking the Walls arm, before he made a thrust, which hit the Walls waist. The Wall reared back in main, curling his lip and using his shield to block the Legends attack. It was at this point that the Legend was loosing hope, his minor inflictions reminded him, his foe was mortal and could die. The two reset their stances, and took a small breather, and then they reengaged.
The legend was now trying to put in all his power to brute force his way through the wall, with one hefty strike to the left, he managed to push the Wall back a decent length. This was it, this was the moment he would win with a stun lock. As the Legend moved forward, swinging his sword from left to right, he was surprised once more was the Wall quickly bashed against him. The legend was on one leg, nearing the pit below and was more than aware of the fate that was his. But much like anything else he is too stubborn, using what left of his energy, the Legend swung his sword again, holding back and refining some of it for a clean but strong stab into the bridge, and then he held on for dear life.
As expected the Wall slammed against him again, forcing the Legend to his knees. Know holding onto the blade, with some cuts to his gloves, the Legend prepared to try and get under the Walls defense to win, but he was too slow, that or the Wall was surprisingly too fast. The Wall sneered and sent his shield down onto the Legend, and with a thunderous boom, a clank of metal, and the sound of broken bones, he slammed the Legend into the ground. All the people watching were like a fish out of water, and they stayed like that, the calm breeze returned as the Legend was seemingly defeated. And the host gulped as the Wall turned his attention to her. Much like earlier, he pointed at her, and then the abyss below. This was the end for the host, it was all over, she didn't know if she could take this anymore.
Suddenly, the Walls right leg was held onto by the Legend, who started to pull himself up. The Wall forced his leg back and stepped away a bit, looking at the Legend with contempt. His foe now stood proudly and defiantly against him, holding his Chaoshander in one hand, the Wall growled and before he could make his move, the change in the air caught him first. Clouds began to form on the city, and not even Gwyndolins illusions could be maintained. Thunder and lightning was spreading throughout the now darkened Anor Londo and like an angry Saiyan, the legend roared once more as debris floated, pillars were crushed, and rising soul power flooded his veins and very being. The Wall made a mistake that day, he made the legend angry, and he wouldn't like the Legend when he is angry.
The Legend was down, but he couldn't accept defeat, not to some cheap casual faggot, no! He was the Legend, Father of Giants! Gwyn Dammit he was major league incarnate, and he won't be down. When he grabbed the Walls leg, it was he who knew that the fight came to his advantage. He got back up, and with a single declaration, he spilled his foes fate.
"Its time to pwn a bitch."
Phase two commenced; like a flash of light, the Legend swept his Chaoshander at the Wall, cutting a small gorge into it, and pushing him back greatly, this very act shook the Wall to his core. The Legend followed this up with a quick thrust, which not only pierced the walls impenetrable defense, but made contact with his own armor! The Legend did not stop here, oh no he did not. Charging forward the Legend made contact against the wall and broke through, the force shaking the remaining archer into his death and forcing the peeping Knight Solaire to hide in cover. Breaking through the Wall managed to push the Legend off and he looked at the new terrain. He was now out of his element and had to retreat.
The Wall ran from the room and towards the stares, making it up half way before turning to see the enraged Giantdad. His teeth clenched he decided to gain a distraction as he escaped.
"I'll give up ten thousand souls to whoever slays this heathen!"
With that a door was broken down and three Knights charged at the Legend, jumping in the air, weapons primed to kill their target. The Legend braced himself against their attack, and swung his sword horizontally. Faster than the eye could see all three knights were cleaved in half from just above their waist, the armor folding and breaking as if it was paper. Their wet corpses faded, leaving behind items for anyone to gather. The Legend smirked and made his way towards the stairs, but he was interrupted by the shattering of bricks as the stone walls and ceiling broke down revealing another challenger, a titanite demon. The Legend snorted and with a feinted breath, lunged towards the demon, cleaving the annoying bastard in two, and leaving a sharp cavern into the floor.
In all the excitement of pwning noobs, the Legend didn't realize he was about to be stabbed in the back by a silver knight. however the knight was swiftly given a test of its own medicine as it was back stabbed by the host, gaining the Legends attention momentarily. the Legend swiftly turned around to see the host and her dirty work. The two looked at each other, questioning each other. She nodded and started to take this time to loot the bodies of the Legends victims. And the Legend himself started running through the open door at the far side of the room, climbing up the stairs, and towards the destination of the cathedrals roof.
Thunder and Lightning continued to sing a chorus, as the battle was reaching its crescendo. Downpour collided with the bricks of the roof as the Wall stood against one of three doorways, now no longer with just one shield, no, he had two Havel shields. The Legend appeared from one of the other paths and stalked towards his enemy, the two sizing each other up once more. It would take a lightsaber to cut through the tension between these two, and that would take awhile. The two sides put all their weight into the ground they stood on, shifting in a battle stance, as lighting hit between them, it singled the duel to continue. Like an angry army, they roared and charged at each other, the host taking this time to slip past to help a friend nearby (Onion bro duh).
Two any mere mortal, the fight would be impossible to track, as the Wall and Legend traded blows and blocked each others attack with pure ruthless aggression and skill. The Wall jumped above the Legend, spinning around before bringing his two shields down, this attack was blocked by the legend, who held his sword at length, and blocked it through pure strength, no dexterity required. Lightning and thunder continued to drown out the combatants and their thoughts, the wet rain bounding and pouring off their bodies as the two warriors clashed again and again, each blow causing an explosion larger than any pink haired mage could hope to muster, why even the Stray demon (And his stupid fucking face) would have felt inadequate with this power and sheer amount of explosive spam, each blow was seemingly more powerful yet more refined than an atom bomb; This was a battle between two Gods, not men.
The two collided with incomprehensible strength, as they pushed against each other, each engagement increasing in the amount of ridiculousness and terror. The two departed to the farthest ends of the roof, and as the rain picked up, the legend and Wall ran towards each other, their intents on finishing the battle. As their stride continued, they both pushed themselves off the ground towards each other. And then, as if on purpose, they clashed just as the flash of lightning blurred the winner, and then fell back to the ground on opposite sides; They stood there, calm, collected, waiting for the other to give in. Who was the one to go down?
It was the Wall who was opened up, blood spat out from his body, despite the fact it should have been cauterized. Much like the pillar, it must have been a universal rule of cool. The Wall breathed heavily after this attack, and took his time to stay focused. He was bleeding and burnt badly, he assumed the Legend was bruised heavily too, as an invader they couldn't heal and so they were on borrowed time from all their injuries, this fight couldn't go on for much longer. The Wall gained his strength and looked back towards the approaching Legend, he snarled as they collided in battle once more.
Shield bashes we dodged, sword swings were blocked; cratering, clipping, and even shattering broke through both sides. It has reached the point where even their lows drowned out the thunder, their sheer momentum and strikes, brighter than the lightning. Someone had to give, only one of these two titans could stand tall in the end! As they separated the Wall kept one shield up and swung his other at the Legend, like glorious Nippon wank, the Legend cleaved the shield in half, but instead of a bitch ass Katana, he was using a weapon worthy of praise, the Chaoshander! The shield was cut in half and the legend sent a thunderous kick to the Wall, pushing back, before the Wall could recover the legend already collided once more, cutting of the now free arm of the wall, and kicking him in the nuts...if the wall has any.
The Wall fell to the ground, pain stinging his body as his flesh burnt from the cut. How could he have been defeated, everything was going to plan, he could have won! Where the legends true! Can you never truly defeat the Father of Giants in combat? The Wall was confuse,d and even horrified at how swiftly he was pushed back against the Legend, this was a battle that would go down in history, he just couldn't understand why, why did it have to escalate this far? It dawned on him; He was already defeated the moment this fight left the bridge, he was being toyed with.
As the rain began to calm down and the weather becoming mellow, the Wall laughed in a defeated but still clouded way. The Legend walked up to the Wall and looked down at him, judging the Wall with contempt, and peering into his soul. The wall bowed in defeat, laughing towards his better, knowing he failed. He didn't bother looking up, but as the rain halted, he sighed, and brought himself to bear the question.
"Why did you go after me? I was already defeated, you did it, you cheesed the wall and proved to be my better. So why did you continue, why persist?" The Legend continued to looked down at him harshly, and he then lifted his sword, swinging it around to where the blade pointed down, its destination; The Walls neck.
"Because, you put me down, and I had to get up and pwn you, that is who I am, and you? You're just a fucking casual, I'm unstoppable, no matter what you do, what you try, you can never win, because the Legend Never Dies."
With this, the Legend brought his sword down and killed the Wall, leaving nothing but a red bloodstain in the bodies wake. The Legend brought the sword back, and put it at rest upon his shoulders, he turned around to see the host, now armed with a fully upgraded Silver Knight Sword looking at him, nervously looking between him and back to where she came.
"You can take it, the fight was enough to last me a while here, at least for invasions." The Legend said as the woman walked up and quickly snatched away the souls and humanity. She looked up at him and this time saw nothing but a calm serene blood red ocean in his soul, they looked at each other for several minutes before she nodded and turned away back where she came. The Legend then took it upon himself to leave her realm, and return home.
It was an hour in her own realm after these events, the female undead tried defeating the bosses several times with no help before forcing herself to accept help from anybody, as she waited patiently near the bonfire of the once broken room, her summon appeared and answered her calls of help. And she raised an eyebrow in shock.
It was the Legend... and he had green moss?
"I came here to fuck bitches and smoke some weed, wanna calm your nerves?"
She nodded, and was promptly carried off to a bedroom upstairs, where she was greeted with a beautiful bed, and somehow strange equipment brought in from who knows where possibly the stuff was for that weed shit he was talking about. The female undead shrugged and grabbed some Mary Jane as she and the legend partied like it was the day after the cities founding, it was to say the least, the best experience she ever had her entire life. And she would never forget what the currently very jolly if foul mouthed giant said to her.
"Smoke Weed everyday!"
After the sex and drugs...and gracious amounts of food, she with the added help of Solaire, and with the power of weed, defeated Ornstein and Smough. The Legend left hoping he'd father yet another child, one who would carry the mantle of being a Legend like himself. And she attained the Lord vessel, and was no longer plagued by the horrid Wall.
You lay down all the laws, that you strive to uphold
There is life, there is death, there is suffering
Hope is the key and it travels alone
Yeah, the youth of today, have no honor or valor or soul
Cannons fire
You'll conspire to take over me
Longer strides, cutting ties, you can try
The legend never dies
((FIRE THE BASS CANNON))
Shiva of the east?
More like Shiva of the deceased
Get good, scrub
What rings you got, bitch?
~ The Legend Never Dies - Ken Ashcorp
Note: So, I hope you enjoyed the story, if you do, please leave a review, hell you don't have to like it, so long as I can get some constructive opinions, I'm all for that. Interesting fact btw, I thought up have of this in the bathroom, whether that hurt the story or not, I dunno. Anyways I am sorry if the grammar or descriptions are not as good as they could be or if things are overly described. I am still getting rust off and I don't expect myself to be considered anything beyond a simple novice. As well the story isn't meant to be serious btw, which is why it is a bit silly, with rather OOC (For the setting) actions and behaviors, and a small amount of references to other media. Also I included lyrics to music associated with them because why not?
Also I apologize to any Harley riders I may have offended with the liberal use of the word faggot, just fitting in with the character of Giantdad and all :)
Also if you noticed, the word count might not match, I only count the actual story segments :P