The Mafia's Resident Hitman

by dododoobird

All is well in the mafia, Jones may be a loose cannon but he can be handled. At least until the Vargas family's grandfather gets kidnapped. (Written from Hitman Jones's perspective. Rated T for safety and it's a mafia au, what did you expect. It's just shit, but it's good shit. I think. Give it a try and please review, tell me what's wrong with it and what you like. Have fun!)

1. Chapter 1

Author's note: I wrote this in school and it's super cringy, there's more and I will post it if you want

A gun? Matches? Gasoline? A bowtie? As well as a cowlick? Unrelated? No, most certainly not. "It was one man!" "You're crazy, one man couldn't do all that!" the voices shouted. Chuckling as the lights went dim and laughing at the screams and flickers. Chuckling while turning the lights back on and walking down. "This should be painless, just stay perfectly still." A sigh as they squirmed and a quick bang until they were squirming no more.

Cleaning up had always been tough but I was lucky, there was an incinerator. No blood had been shed, well almost. A bit of re-wiring and done! Now the control panel looked like it had blown up! The gasoline would be soaked in to the carpet by the time the guards figured it out, I hadn't planned on using a gun but a mop is easily found. Simple: No witnesses, no blood, no body, no clue.

I got into a car and drove back there, back to what I call home. The errand boy met me at the door and asked if they could bring my gun in, little guy was always so excited around guns so I tossed him it and told him "leave it in my room dude!" I turned and saw the boss... shit... "Sir, great to see you!" "Cut the polite talk, you ran an operation without my consent I could kill you right here" he said. He wasn't kidding. The second in command walked over and said "let it go. Jones can just stay in a room with Ivan." The boss looked pissed as hell, as usual and shouted "fine! Go see Ivan, Jones!" I looked at him, horrified "SIR YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! THAT COMMIE DEMON'S EVIL!" I shouted but was waved off by the boss "you don't want to be like Miss Liz now do you?"... "no sir."

I entered Ivan's room. He was waiting on his red chair. Like he had expected me. He might as well have had a cat on his lap and been petting it. I didn't say a word, just sat down on the floor far enough from him. An hour in there felt like a year and he tried to talk "Jones, how are you? It is good to be seeing you Мой маленький орел" I shuffled away and he came closer. Usually I could tolerate the asshole and sometimes we got along but I had a shitty day. He put his hand on my shoulder and just then, thank god, my alarm rang for 1 hour. I bolted out fast as I could and saw Kiku in the hallway.

Kiku was my boyfriend since... I don't remember but it was some time in the past. While I was still a newbie. "Kiku! Something terrible just happened!" I yelled. He turned and smiled... but said "I am not Kiku ~Datze, I got you good huh? ~Datze!" Kiku's younger brother... dang they looked similar. It was a pretty good prank so I laughed it off, he told me Kiku was in his room. I rushed over fast as I could.

I remembered what happened last time I barged in, getting tazed is never fun so I knocked. No answer, I knocked again, No answer... Suddenly I got a text message on the messanger app Kiku and his brother designed. "#45 axis street business park, all can come." I needed to get there fast and I remembered that Gilbert had parked his motorcycle on top of the roof, 1 floor up and the ground floor was 2 floors down... I ran up and Gilbert yelled "AL, DON'T YOU DARE STEAL MY AWESOME MOTORBIKE AGAIN" but by the time he got there I was already on it and speeding off the ramp, how he knew I was stealing it? I dunno? Albino sense maybe? While I was in the air I saw Liz's gang members were driving off. Cool, good to see she's alive.

Liz's gang used to be in with us but she left and all it took was a drunk Gil shouting "Girls can't run a fucking mafia! They can't even kill anyone! The only person worse than a girl is your fucking husband!" Gilbert still refuses to apologise, not that he could get close enough to do so. Elizabeta won't come back, I miss her... She taught me to fire a gun, to dispose of a corpse, to woo a target (male or female) and other skills. She was like a mom to us.

I arrived at number 45 axis street business park and parked up the motorcycle. The first thing I saw was Kiku writing down something, I went up to him and shouted "Kiku, I missed you!" He turned and smiled but he looked sad "Alfred kun, I missed you too" he said, just as polite as usual. "So what the hell's going on" I asked. The boss walked up "Jones, it's the Vargas family. Their grandfather has been kidnapped and you're to tend to the children."