Classified - Command Code Alpha-AA2
Starbase 5
Alemeda Medical Station - OB6
Patient #247
Audio stream: 7.3.4b
Video: None listed
Audio Transcript 1, Mark :105
Interpretive excerpt.
"The beauty is unparalleled in my opinion, but you have to visit in late April. That's when the magnolias bloom and...man. You can't get that fragrance anywhere else. The scent just rolls right off the water in some places and knocks you off your feet. Well, sure, you can try getting a good whiff from a replicated flower, but it's not the--"
"Stop. Just...Don't."
"What's wrong?"
"You've been babbling on for two hours, non-stop. Can't you get it through your head? I don't want to talk. I don't know why they bother with this horseshit."
"Wondered when you'd say hello."
"I'd say anything to get you to shut the hell up."
***END TRANS***
Classified - Command Code Alpha-AA2
Starbase 5
Alemeda Medical Station - OB6
Patient #247
Audio stream: 3.14.2b
Video: None listed
Audio Transcript 3, Mark :01
Interpretive.
Complete transcript.
"Why do you think it didn't succeed?"
"Because I'm a dumb ass."
"Doubtful."
"Whatever. Think what you want."
"Are you going to try it again?"
(Indecipherable)
"I'd really like to know if you're thinking about trying again."
"Why? Doesn't matter."
"It matters to me."
"I'm tired and I really don't feel like playing cat and mouse today."
(Interpretive: Subject rises; doctor escorts subject from observation room 6)
***END TRANS***
Classified - Command Code Alpha-AA2
Starbase 5
Alemeda Medical Station - OB6
Patient #247
Audio stream: 5.2.4a
Video: None listed
Audio Transcript 4, Mark :23
Interpretive excerpt.
"It's funny, y'know."
"Funny? What do you mean?"
"Well, not a, 'ha-ha, it's a hilarious guffaw' funny or a 'can't wait to see that again' funny. It's Pagliacci. It's painfully ironic. It's the gag that falls flat and the gag with just enough bite that if you're still laughing when the house lights come up, you'll burn in hell."
"That bad, huh?"
"...Yeah."
"We can revisit that, later, if you like."
"What if I don't like?"
"Totally up to you."
"I've got an idea, let's continue with the jokes. Feel like a good joke?"
"Only if it's funny."
"Oh, this is hilarious. A real kick in the craw. Y'see, my Captain has a reputation for bein' a screw up. His screw-ups are legendary, like three-vehicle pile-ups exploding in your face. In fact, you can't help but watch when he's headed for a fall because you absolutely assume he's gonna face-plant right into God's green earth. Me? They've always said I'm a lightning rod. Grounded. Grounded, and volatile. I know right from wrong. I do my job with excellence, though I'll speak my mind a time or two and call a flying fig a flying fig."
"So...where's the joke, again? It doesn't seem very funny."
"God. You're useless. I'm the joke, okay? I'm the pause before the punchline."
"Still not funny."
"No? Then how 'bout irony. Irony is, the Captain's a cat. Always lands on his feet, always will. You get him riled enough and he'll claw, hiss, and spit and give as good as he gets. But I'm a hound dog."
"You lost me."
"You know. Roll over. Play dead 'til it's over. Hope to God no one sees the truth. Probably why when my shit hit the fan the joke ended, and no one was laughing..."
"Let's take a break."
"Nah, just...never mind. Hell, I've never landed on my feet."
***END TRANS***