We used to be friends, so I'm going to let you go. Now get your naive little butt out of here!
—Shinon to Mist, Path of Radiance chapter 18 (pre–re-recruitment)
Daein was a lot colder than she had imagined. As they steadily marched north, Mist wished she could wear armor like the boys to keep the chill out. She was grateful when Titania offered she ride her horse with her. Mist held tight around her waist, pressing against her surrogate mother's back in attempt to block the wind. It was mostly unsuccessful, but she was glad for Titania's body warmth.
It was nice having the whole family together again. Well . . . most of the family. Nothing would bring Father back, but having everyone around was comforting, even if they were in a foreign country.
The truth was—and she didn't want to admit it to anyone—she was avoiding Shinon. At least Gatrie was back, too, following him around and bugging him as usual. But when Mist saw Shinon at Tor Garen, he wasn't nice at all. She didn't expect him to be, being an enemy, but his words still echoed in her head. He called her stupid. Naive. He made fun of her brother.
But he had also said they used to be friends. She smiled fondly as she held Titania around the waist, thinking of the old days. She was naive then, begging Shinon to play with her or crawling onto his lap during meals. He never said no, unless he was really busy.
But they were equals now, weren't they? She was a mercenary, too, and she had fought enough battles to understand they had to stick together. Family. Father had drilled the word into their heads so many times.
Brother finally found a place to make camp, and Mist was eager to help. There were a lot of soldiers now, and surely Oscar would like an extra set of hands for the meal. And there was so much food! It would be easy to let everyone take their fill, but even with the piles and piles of meat and fruit they had to ration everything. Mist smiled at each soldier as she doled out supper, and no one complained about the smaller portions.
But when Shinon stepped up to her, she couldn't look him in the eye. She deliberately dropped a serving spoon, then crouched behind the table and took a really long time to retrieve it. Oscar chatted happily, dishing out supper, and Mist didn't poke her head up until Shinon's feet receded. Oscar peered down at her curiously, but was nice enough not to ask any questions.
This is silly! she thought later, as she helped clean up the meal. Father, what would you want me to do? But she couldn't think of anything. Lately it was becoming more and more difficult to picture his face; she could only see him as she did as a child, a younger version of himself, not the man he had been before . . . before . . .
"Mist?" She jerked her head up, startled to see Oscar standing across the table she was wiping down. How long had he been standing there? "Get some sleep," he said, taking the rag from her hand. "Looks like you need it."
But she wasn't ready to sleep, not yet. She wandered camp aimlessly for a while, thinking, before heading toward her shared tent with Titania.
What she hadn't expected, though, was to bump into Shinon on the way. As she turned the corner he nearly stepped on her toes, and she quickly backed up as if he were on fire. She even felt her skin burn with embarrassment. He was alone, which was unusual; she vaguely wondered where Gatrie was. They stood on the narrow path between tents, staring at each other in mutual surprise. She had to crane her neck up to meet his indifferent eyes.
He eventually spoke. "Hey, kid."
"Hi, Shinon. I was just—"
"I was on my way—"
They spoke over each other, both stopping short when the other started to speak. A heavy silence fell between them. "Guess it's time for some shut-eye," he finally said.
"Yeah. Good night, Shinon." She slid around him, rushing down the path toward her tent before he could say anything else. Her hand instinctively reached for the medallion around her neck, even though she no longer wore it. She grasped her collar instead.
The others seemed to avoid Shinon a lot, even before his desertion, but she didn't want to be like that. They had been friends! She was just a kid back then, but Shinon had been okay around her. Was it possible to have that again?
It took several days to muster up the courage to approach him, even if she wasn't sure what to say. She hovered close to a nearby tent, watching him talk with Gatrie on the outskirts of camp. He didn't seem angry or anything, but she still hesitated.
He saw her, though, and held her stare. Gatrie didn't notice Shinon's distraction; he just kept on talking. Mist wouldn't break eye contact. She couldn't figure him out at all—his bored indifference was obvious, but he wouldn't look away. After what seemed like forever, Shinon cut Gatrie off and strode toward her.
"I think a walk would do me good," he said in passing, casually, and she took the hint. Mist trotted behind.
Camp was set up in a clearing with no coverage at all, and she felt weird and exposed walking beside him. Far beyond was a dense forest she would have liked to explore, but they couldn't wander off without Brother knowing her whereabouts. It probably wasn't safe, either, for a long-range sniper and a cleric to be out there alone. Despite everything, she knew she was safe with Shinon. He could see someone approach from miles away, and he always had a weapon at the ready.
"What's on your mind?" Shinon asked. He had been silent for so long that she didn't think he would say anything at all, never mind speak first.
"Shinon, I..." She clenched her fists at her sides. "I'm not a kid anymore, you know."
He stopped walking. "I know that."
"But you called me stupid."
"Hey." He sighed, swiping the fringe off his forehead. "I call everyone stupid." She tried to keep a straight face, but couldn't suppress a giggle. "Don't take it personally. You're all right, you know that? Your father..." He stopped.
"I know you loved him, Shinon."
He stared at the ground, grinding a toe into the hard-packed snow. "Your father was the only reason I stuck around. Without him, there's no point."
"Of course there's a point!" she huffed, pointing an accusing finger at his face. He retracted in surprise. "You think just because he's gone we're not family anymore? It wasn't the same when you and Gatrie left. We were torn apart when Father died, and you made it worse! Did you think about us at all? Did you think of Rolf?" His gaze dropped, and he gritting his teeth. "You're so selfish!"
Mist turned to storm away but Shinon grabbed her wrist, pulling her back. She stumbled to the ground, cheeks burning as she hid her face in her hands.
"Cut it out, Mist. Hey."
She sensed him crouching beside her, then felt a big hand squeeze her arm. She wiped the snot from her upper lip and stared at the long, calloused fingers draped over her shoulder.
"You're right," he said. "I'm a selfish man. But it comes with being a mercenary. We gotta fight to stay alive, right?"
She sniffled. "Father wasn't like that."
"Good thing, too. I wouldn't have a job if he was. We all deal with grief different, right?" He smirked. "I bet you did nothing but snivel about it for days."
"Shut up," she mumbled, jerking away from his hand.
"But I got angry instead. Damn the goddess for taking him from us."
Mist couldn't deny that she felt the same, too, that it was the goddess's fault they were left alone. But they weren't really alone, were they? She still had Brother, and Shinon wasn't so bad, and Rolf, and the rest...
She turned toward him, not even caring about the tears streaking her cheeks. "But he's still with us, isn't he? We were a family, and family sticks together. I'm... I'm not really mad at you, Shinon. I know you were angry and that's okay. And"—she smiled—"I did snivel a lot. But I'm better."
"This is better? Glad I left, then."
"You're such a jerk!" But she laughed as she smacked his shoulder, and it was nice to see him grinning for once.
No, things wouldn't be the same; she knew that. But Shinon stood, offering a hand to pull her up, and she was feeling all right as they walked back to camp together. Shinon veered off, probably to find Gatrie again, and she skipped toward the mess tent to help with yet another meal. Oscar was already busy at work but she dove right in, chopping vegetables and tending to the fire. We used to be friends, Shinon had said when they met in battle, but he was lying. They still were, and she knew he would do anything to protect the family—even if he wouldn't admit to it.
Shinon didn't acknowledge her when he and Gatrie came into the mess tent for supper, being preoccupied with whatever story Gatrie was sharing. She waited for them to approach, then maneuvered around Oscar when Shinon held out his bowl. She silently ladled the hot stew, filling it to the brim. She was already spooning Gatrie's serving as Shinon walked away, but she definitely saw a hint of a smile.