"Okay, so we all survived the explosion that destroyed our entire school. except Maurice, god rest his soul." Skipper explained to his group of friends who were currently standing outside of the recently destroyed building. Rico chuckled at the destruction while Private and Marlene seemed to be on the verge of tears. Julian and Mort seemed oblivious to the destruction (As well as the screams of those still inside the building, possibly in intense pain that ca only come from being on the verge of death, and Kowalski was ironically still inside the building doing his algebra homework.
"The important thing to remember now is that I love you all." Skipper said warmly in an obvious attempt to cheer everyone up. Private immediately gave a cute little squeak at Skipper's words and walked up to him and put and a cute little expression on his cute little face.
"Even me?" Private asked with a smile as he proceeded to hug his idol, Skipper growled at Private's display and immediately pushed him away.
"Stay the F**k away from me!" Skipper yelled and held out his flipper like he was about to smack private in the face. He probably would have, but he retracted his flipper as soon as he heard police sirens that appeared to be travelling towards the destroyed building. Skipper turned to his friends to give another proclamation.
"Alright men, we need to split up in different directions and run away from the 'pigs' as I believe the kids like to call them these day. They probably won't catch all of us if we split up. Granted they'll probably catch most of us but not ALL of us." Skipper explained as he turned around and started walking towards the destroyed school.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go hide under some wreckage and pretend I'm a victim." Skipper explained as he bravely walked over to what looked like the remainder of a concrete wall and hid under it like the scared kitten he quite obviously wasn't. The rest of the gang of fools started running in different directions with the exception of Private and Marlene who stayed where they were. Suddenly a car pulled up and Private immediately ran toward it and knocked on the window.
"Can you give us a ride away from those mean police officers?" Private asked the unseen owner of the car. Marlene started walking up to Private just as the window rolled down and the owner of the car was revealed to be, none other than the notorious Captain Planet. Marlene stared at the man strangely before opening her mouth to question him.
"You look very familiar, have I seen you someplace before?" Marlene asked as the Captain started to shake a little nervously as he turned to face the young private.
"Do you watch dateline?" Captain Planet asked the little teen who shook his head, the Captain breathed a sigh of relief as he reached behind him and opened the back door.
"That's good, so do you want a ride?" The Captain asked as private eagerly started moving towards the opened door before being pulled back and dragged away by Marlene.
"Oh no you don't." Marlene said sternly to the younger boy as she dragged him away from the quite pedophile who pouted in his van as his prey was taken away from him.
(Elsewhere)
"Oh no, now Prince Obvious-Gone-with-the-wind reference has said the d-word to Princess self-respectra who responded like a b-word by sending him to the moon for 1000 seconds until he learns his lesson!" Julian announced as he watched the episode of the loonicorns on his friend's television. Kowalski peered over from his desk at the television and sighed.
"I'm gonna to respond to that ridiculous statement with facts. Fact number 1, that did not just happen..."
"Yes it did, I just saw it!" Julian exclaimed, quite rudely interrupting Kowalski in the process. The honor-student sighed as he rubbed his temples together before responded to the spoiled son of two rich parents who was now in his house in an attempt to avoid the police.
"Which brings us to fact number 2, which is that the loonicorns show isn't even on right now. Which brings us to fact number 3, which is that you've been watching C.S.I. for the past twenty minutes and annoying me with various references to the show." Kowalski explained before sighing once again as he turned his head to find that Julian had turned his attention back to the television and had possibly ignored every word he had just said. The teenager sighed before turning his attention back towards the homework his teacher had assigned a few minutes before the school's explosion.
"Oh my lord! Obvious-attempt-to-cash-in-on-a-popular-franchise has just asked Only-freakin-boy-on-the-show to a boy/girl party. And he's not ready for that!" Julian screamed as he pressed his face to the television which was currently showing a rather gruesome autopsy scene.
"That's nice." Kowalski said as he proceeded to answer a complex algebra question.
(Elsewhere)
"What kind of comedy club is this?" Skipper said to no one in particular as he stood inside a concrete room he had walked inside after reading a sign outside claiming it to be a hot new comedy club. As Skipper started to turn around to walk out of the place a man wearing a strange pig-head mask stepped out of the shadows.
"Welcome to our comedy club. In your hand you hold a gun, if you want to enter our club you must shoot this man.' The strange person said as he pointed to a man who was tied to a chair with a gag in his mouth and a blindfold around his eyes.
"You have never met this man and his death will have no effect on your life whatsoever." The strange pigheaded man explained. Skipper looked at the man and then at the gun which had somehow materialized in his hand before making his choice. Skipper then shot the poor-blindfolded man and then walked past the pigheaded man through a door which had strangely appeared less than a second after he had killed the man. He then found himself on a brightly lit stage staring out at an audience which seemed to be staring at him.
"What the heck is going on here?" Skipper asked before turning to the side of the stage where a bright light was shone on a strange man wearing a strange mask who had started walking onto the stage with a smile on his face that nobody saw because, as I previously mentioned, he was wearing a mask.
"Hello Skipper, do you remember that man I made you kill and said that his death would not affect you in any possible way?" The man, who still had his mask on so he couldn't be identified spoke. Skipper nodded his head, which caused the man to smile as he turned his head to face the crowd.
"Well that man he killed was his illegitimate son that he didn't even know he had." The man said to the crowd, who immediately burst into laughter as Skipper started to stare at the man with a confused look in his eyes before speaking.
"That's not funny, that's freakin' psychopathic, and you need some serious mental help if you think that's funny." Skipper said as he walked up to strange man wearing a mask and put his arm around his shoulder.
"Get some help." Skipper said before he turned around and walked out the door, leaving a stunned masked comedian and an audience behind in the comedy club.
(5 Hours later, elsewhere)
"I can't believe we were lucky enough to hitch a ride with five guys in the back of their van, and who better to protect us than masked men with their entire bodies covered with knives and guns." Private said happily as Marlene sat beside him nervously while one of the five masked men held her at knife point.
"I wouldn't be so happy about it Private, the only reason I chose these guys to pick us up was because they were really the best choice." Marlene said with her nervous look still on her face as the images of the other twelve vans which offered to give them a ride away from the police as well.
"Why shouldn't I be happy, they are superheroes after all." Private said with a big smile on his face, causing Marlene to sigh once again. She had tried to explain to Private that just because the men wore masks it didn't make them superheroes, but the little teen wouldn't listen to her so she eventually just gave up and let him indulge in his fantasy.
"Let's just hope we're alive at the end of this story, unlike Maurice and Mort, god rest their souls." Marlene said to herself as Private looked at her with a confused expression.
"What story?" Private asked.
(Elsewhere)
"Where were you when the wall separating the school's dangerous explosives from the room filled with fire for some strange reason was demolished?" The police interrogator asked Skipper, who calmly sat down on the other end of the table with a smile on his face.
"Where were you when I had sex with your wife last night?" Skipper asked, the police interrogator stared at him for a second before opening his mouth to respond.
"I was out drinking with the other police officers and...hey wait a minute, you slept with my wife last night!" The police interrogator screamed at the teen who continued to sit with a smile on his face.
"No I just said that to mess with you, now here's another question." Skipper said with a smile as he noticed the interrogator calming down slightly as he sat down in his chair.
"What gets wetter, as it dries.' Skipper asked, the police interrogator seemed to think about this question for quite awhile as he held up his hand to his chin like he was in a very deep thought. Skipper, sensing an opportunity, walked up the police officer and took his keys from his pocket. Then he walked out of the interrogating room with the police interrogator still attempting to figure out the riddle.
(2 hours later)
"A towel!" The police interrogator announced triumphantly as he figured out the riddle.
(1 hour earlier)
"I swear to god Julian, if you say anything more about those loonicorns then I'm going to rip out your vocal chords and feed them to my dog!" Kowalski screamed at Julian, who was still in front of the television watching C.S.I. and shouting random things about the loonicorns while he watched.
"You don't have a dog." Julian said with an innocent smile that caused Kowalski to scream before he grabbed Julian by his neck and pulled his face towards him so he could see the obvious anger in his eyes.
"I'll adopt a dog and then feed him your torn out vocal chords." Kowalski said with an angry expression on his face with contracted quite harshly with Julian's innocent expression.
"But what if there were four angry looking loonicorns floating right behind you." Julian asked, Kowalski scoffed before turning around and seeing that there were in fact four angry looking loonicorns behind him with what seemed to be fire eminating from their horns. Kowalski closed his eyes and released Julian from his grasp in preparation for what he assumed was to be the end of his life. When it didn't come however Kowalski opened his eyes to find a van filled with five dead terrorists as well as his friends Private and Marlene in the exact spot where the loonicorns were previously floating upon. A quick look to the side revealed a large hole in the wall where the van had presumably crashed through. Kowalski sighed upon inspection of the damage.
"At least they didn't hit the television." Kowalski said with a sigh, and as if on cue a police car crashed through the wall and destroyed the television. This caused Kowalski to sigh once again as he walked over to the police car and opened the door.
"Welcome back Skipper." Kowalski said with a fake smile as he helped his friend out of the crashed car.
"No time for formalities Kowalski." Skipper said with an urgent tone to his voice as he walked past Kowalski and into the center of the room, where Private, Marlene and Julian were all seated on the couch watching the spot where Skipper's newly acquired police car had crashed, they seemed completely oblivious to the fact that the television had been destroyed.
"Everyone, I have a very important announcement to make." Skipper proclaimed, to no effect as the trio who merely continued watching the imaginary television. Skipper sighed and rubbed his forehead in an irritated fashion before continuing.
"Like I said, we are all going to die. I have come to a revelation that our entire universe is controlled by a fanfiction author, and the second he types two words we'll all die." Skipper exclaimed, then he turned his head to face the imaginary author.
"So therefore I pray that the almighty Thelastgreatrocker17 has enough mercy in his small dehydrated heart that has shrunk due to years of misuse does not type those two words that will kill us all..."
THE END