Eight Days a Week

by The Altered Destinies

The story of a boy, a girl, and the martial artists that were usually zooming by.[

1. Chapter 1

R1/2 - Nigel M. & RpM-acct2/5 RPM
========================================================================== A Ranma 1/2 fanfic.
based on characters created by Rumiko Takahashi.
Story Concept: Nigel M.
Writer: Nigel M.
Editor & 'fluff' writer: RPM ==========================================================================

Editor's note.

I have released this before on the mailing list, with positive response (thank youuuu) and since then, the author has decided that there was indeed room for improvement, and hence, here in all its glory *ahem*
is the tuned-up, polished, and revised version of "Housewarming".

NOTICE: The new title of the whole grand epic (possibly 4 to 10 parts long)
shall now be called:

= EIGHT DAYS A WEEK=

And, I _think_ this is the =final= draft of this fine tale.
I hope.

-RPM

Author's note.

All the good parts are mine. Blame the bad ones on RpM. Please, please mail any and all suggestions, complaints, praises, putdowns, etc. Contrary to popular belief, feedback is appreciated.

=EIGHT DAYS A WEEK=

a Ranma 1/2 fanfic (omega version)

PART I: TYPICAL SATURDAY

===================== =YOU NEVER CAN TELL= =====================

It was a beautiful Saturday morning. The sky was awash with sunlight,
the air had a beautiful scent. The scene was serene. But not for long.

Nabiki walked downstairs, put the object she was holding besides her and sat down at the dining table.

"Kasumi?" She called.

"Breakfast will be a little late today Nabiki," Kasumi's voice replied from the kitchen.

"That's ok, Take your time." Nabiki told her sister. She sat at the dining table... and waited... and waited. "I'm bored," she sighed, cupping her face in her hands. "I wish there was something to do... or profit from."

As if on cue, Ranma walked into the room. He wore a tank top and green boxers. "Yo Nabiki."

"Hello Ranma," she said as she looked him up and down. he was a fine specimen of a man, she noted. She could see why so many women wanted him. I like him too, she thought. Not for the usual reasons, like him being nice, which is why Akane likes him (though she denies it like crazy). Nor was it because he beat her up (I'll never understand that Chinese amazon stuff). Nor was it because most of the time he walked around sopping wet, with his clothes plastered to his body (the whole student body; the girls when he's a guy, the guys when he's a girl). She liked him because he was profitable, very profitable.

"Ranma," she said sweetly, instantly making him drop into a defensive posture.

"What, may I ask, are you doing?" She added, referring to his stance.

"You want something."

Nabiki dropped the sweet act. "Fork over a thousand yen Saotome."

"Why?" he said, thinking furiously: What does she got on me?

"Because there's something you need to know."

"Ahh, there ain't nothin' I need to know that's _that_ important," he said as he turned towards the kitchen. What did she think he was, he thought, a moron or something? a thousand yen, feh!

Suddenly, Happousai bounded in wearing his usual panty-thief garb. He had a big sack, overflowing with underwear tied to his back.

"Ranma m'boy!" He said cheerily, "can't keep control of them bowels, eh?"

"Wh-What?" Ranma stammered.

Happousai looked at Nabiki, who stared back, then looked at Ranma, then looked at Nabiki again.

"You mean he doesn't know?" He asked her. Nabiki smiled and shook her head.

Ranma watched this exchange with a growing sense of dread. "Know? Know what?"

Happousai bounded up to Ranma's eye-level and with an expression full of masterly wisdom, a voice that dripped of ancient secrets better left alone, wisely whispered, "look... down." And bounded away happily.

A slow look of horror crept into Ranma's face as he looked down. A wet stain covered most of his lower regions.

"Never mind, too late." Nabiki said smugly.

"But, I.. how?... AAAAARRGHH! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!"

-
Akane sat in front of the mirror, brushing her hair. Suddenly, her door was flung open. Ranma stood there, a slight smile on his boyish face. He swiftly went up to her and kissed her passionately on the lips.

"Ranma," Akane whispered.

"Akane," he replied. "I love yAAAAARGHH! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!"

Akane , shocked awake, stomped angrily towards the door.
-

Nabiki watched as Ranma screamed, grabbing his hair as he ran upstairs. Nabiki cocked her head, as if waiting for something. From upstairs very loud, angry voices could be heard.

"Ranma! What are you doing out here?! Do you know what time it is?"

"Get out of the way stupid!"

"Who are you calling stupid, you jerk? Get back here!"

Nabiki smiled at the chaos she caused. She leaned on the table, blew on her knuckles and polished them on her shirt nonchalantly. A girl's gotta have her fun too, right?

"Did I hear Ranma scream, Nabiki?" Kasumi asked as she emerged from the kitchen, food in hand.

"Yep," she said smugly, "just a slight 'natural accident'."

"Oh, ok."

-
Nabiki looked at her watch. 11:00 am. Well, today's events were certainly amusing. the rest of the family had gotten wind of Ranma's 'accident' and had spent all morning constantly harassing him.

"Ahuh-huh-huh-huh-huh (sniff!) (sob!) (snort!) This is so tragic! the heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts is a bed wetter! Saotome! Why didn't you tell me...?!"

"Growf!" Sign:[My son! How dare you embarrass your father like this?! Oh, the trage](runs out of space on signboard)

"Shut up Pop! Geez, stop flooding the room Mr. Tendo!"

"Bwah-hahahahaha!"

"It's not my fault! Stop laughing Akane!"

"Oh Ranma, don't feel bad. You'll grow out of it."

"Oh man, I'm outta here!"

Nabiki lay back on her bed. It was true, she mused. It wasn't Ranma's fault.

It was, in fact, hers.

She had woken up early to get pictures of Ranma. Pouring the water on his shorts was the only way she could think of to cover her tracks. Though it did seem like he enjoyed it when she was pouring the hot water on him. Teasing him was just an added bonus, he looked kinda cute when he was mad. Still, she should apologize, she thought, if only because she was profiting off of him. She patted the camera she was holding. Besides, she was still bored, and humiliating Ranma was a great way to kill time. With that thought, Nabiki strode out of her room, in search of Ranma.

Ranma was moping. He sat in the exact center of the dojo clutching his knees.

"It's not fair," he fumed. "I got no idea how it happened, but it ain't my fault! When I find out who pulled this stunt on me... they... they shall rue the day They MET RANMA SAOTOME!" He shouted, venting his frustration.

"Careful there, Saotome. You're starting to sound like Kuno, and that's not a good thing."

Ranma turned, ready to snap at Nabiki. She stood there, arms crossed, leg cocked with a smug smile on her face. Ranma just couldn't do it. Not only was he hit by caution that she might retaliate, but also by the fact that she was looking quite cute. she was wearing denim shorts and a tank top, the sun shining through the dojo sort of accentuating her shape.

"What do _you_ want?" He asked, most of his anger gone. It was replaced by a sort of wary caution, with just a slight hint of wonder. Why didn't he notice this before?

"Play nice Ranma. Actually, I was hoping to spar with you."

Ranma stepped back. "What? You?"

Nabiki cocked an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Who're you and what have you done with Nabiki?" Ranma smirked, regaining his composure.

"Just because I don't prance around wrecking stuff doesn't mean I don't know martial arts. I'm a Tendo, y'know," she said, walking towards him.

"Ok, whatever." Ranma went into a half-hearted defensive stance. He got the surprise of his life when Nabiki ran up to him and flung him across the room.

"Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts Secret Technique!" She shouted as Ranma hit the floor. "Financial Martial Arts!"

"Whu-?" Ranma said as he dazedly got off the floor. "Financial Martial Arts?"

Nabiki shrugged. "Daddy invented it especially for me. How do you think I back up my threats?"

"Blackmail."

"Well, that too." She admitted.

"Ok, you caught me off guard. Let's try that again." Ranma went into a more alert defensive stance. "I ain't getting beat by a girl, especially not her," he mumbled to himself. Ranma wasn't having a good day already, and he wasn't about to let Nabiki humiliate him today. He felt he _had_ to do something to get back at her. He'd had enough for one day, and he really owed Nabiki too. Not just money, but she was due payback from all the times she blackmailed him, humiliated him, took advantage of him, rented him out even.

An idea popped in his head. He never hit girls. He just didn't. But... wouldn't it be fun to just scare her? It'd be easy for a martial artist of his skill. Just charge in, swing his fist ever-so-close, and stop it a centimeter from her face. Yeah, that's the ticket...

Ranma charged at Nabiki, a wild grin on his face. What an idiot, she thought, he's forgetting that she _knew_ he never hits girls. Ranma zoomed in, expecting Nabiki to panic. Just when he was right in front of her, Nabiki's eyes give off a glint as she pulled her hands behind her. Suddenly, she flung her hands out and shouted "Paperwork Attack!" Ranma found himself engulfed in a storm of forms; legal, financial, medical, many in triplicate. Try as he might, he could neither avoid nor swat the oncoming barrage. He stumbled backwards from the force of the attack.

"Ah! You're still up," Nabiki said. "Try this."

With that, she slung her hands towards him, her body alight with battle aura, and yelled "Tendo Anything Goes _FINANCIAL_ Martial Arts Final Attack! RED TAPE ASSAULT!" Ranma, who was still reeling from the storm of forms, was wrapped by strands and strands of bright red tape. Thoroughly mummified, Ranma fell to the ground, which was a virtual nest of paper. She let him squirm there for awhile, paper sticking to him and loud, yet muffled noises emanating from underneath the tape..

Nabiki waited for a minute, then walked up casually and started untangling him from the mess. "You ok?"

"Yeah. Ouch! Careful with the eyebrows!" He said, unwrapping himself. "Pretty good Nabiki," he admitted. "For a girl," he added.

Nabiki gave him a Look, instantly making him wither under its power. Seeing Ranma cringe under her gaze, she softened.

"I knew you wouldn't hit back," she admitted.

"Good moves though."

"Thanks. By the way Ranma, about the incident this morning..."
By the time Nabiki had finished her story, Ranma was red as the tape.

"Sorry," she said simply.

"Sorry? You gotta tell them..."

"Tell them what? That I'm the reason your shorts were wet, Ranma?" she said with a mischievous grin.

"No! I mean, not like THAT," he said waving his hands frantically.

"Then what?" She asked, clearly enjoying herself.

"Forget it!" He said, throwing his hands in the air. "I'll tell 'em myself."

Nabiki looked on calmly as Ranma started to walk towards the house.

"Ranma," she began. "Nobody will believe you. I mean, why in the world would I, Nabiki Tendo, tell you at all?"

Ranma stopped in midstride.

"AAArgh! You're right!" He shouted exasparatedly. "That's not fair!"

"Life seldom is Ranma," she said as she collected her bag from where she tucked it. A sly smile formed on her face. "Do you _really_ want me to tell them?"

"Huh?" Ranma said stupidly. He didn't expect this sudden generosity. "Sure."

"Ok." She said simply, the sly look not completely vanishing from her features. "I'm off to Kuno's to sell these hot 'Pigtailed Girl' photos. Bye now!"

"Hey Nabiki!" He called.

"Hmm?" She said, turning around, shoe in hand.

"Good fight," he started, "and, um, you look good... clothes, I mean.'

She smiled at him. "Why, thank you Ranma."

As she walked out of the dojo, Akane walked in, obviously dressed to work out.

"Wow," she said as she surveyed the damage. "Had a fight with Kodachi?"

Ranma nudged some tape with his foot. "Nope. Someone much more devious."

"Ranma?" Nabiki called from the gate.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"It's not nice trying to hit on your fiancee's sister," she said, her voice trailing away.

Nabiki walked away, smelling profit in the air. she listened to the birds, the conversations of the people around her, and of course, Ranma and Akane fighting.

"My SISTER?!"

"No! It's not what you think!"

"Oh, really?!"

"It's like this..."

There was silence, then...

"YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT CRAP?! RANMA YOU JERK!"

Nabiki looked up as Ranma was briefly silhouetted against the sun before he came crashing down again.

"Serves you right for calling me 'devious'," she smirked as she walked off. "I prefer the more politically correct term 'morally uninhibited'."

========================= =PUMPKIN & HONEY BUNNY= =========================

The Tendo kitchen is usually a pleasant room. It may have something to do with the fact that Kasumi Tendo spends much of her time there, and her niceness soaks into the place.

Today was different.

It wasn't the first time that the Tendo kitchen had a intimidating aura. But whenever that aura does appear, there's always a sense of dread, felt only by those who are intimately familiar with this particular form of terror. In all of its forms the horrible thing lurked (an amazing action, considering that it had been killed and processed a long time ago), seemingly waiting to charge down some unfortunate victim's throat and wreck havoc with internal organs. Today the horror was festering on the kitchen counter, in a bowl.

There are many things brutal and harsh in this world.

Akane Tendo's cooking was one of them.

Akane had just finished cooking what she hoped would be egg-fu-yung (she admitted to herself that maybe egg-fu-yung shouldn't be so large and lumpy, but she was sure that she had finally created something good, or maybe just edible enough for Ranma to enjoy.) and had briefly stepped out of the kitchen. Her creation was left in a rather large bowl, covered (she did this to preserve freshness, but Ranma often joked that it was to protect the environment).

Soon after Akane left, Shampoo had crept into the kitchen, a mysterious bag of spice in hand, and a devious plan in mind. "Shampoo put passion spice in food for Ranma, then Ranma take Shampoo to date!" she whispered to herself, suppressing a happy giggle.

The day would have gone better if Shampoo had used her own cooking, but today Mouse and Cologne were scrubbing down all the cookware back at the restaurant.

It would have gone better if she had checked whose cooking she was using. She knew Kasumi usually cooked for the Tendo home. She knew that Akane would rarely cook, and badly at that. She didn't have the ability to sense Akane's cooking as did the rest of the Tendo home, because of much exposure to her work in the past, so she didn't sense that the thing in the bowl was not standard Kasumi Tendo material.

It would have been a better day for Shampoo if she wasn't so impatient. She dumped the passion spice into the bowl without checking the contents carefully, yet another habit which the Tendo family had, due to Akane's unpredictable kitchen skills. Come to think of it, Akane's cooking _was_ predictable. It was always, always, bad.

What followed was a unique accident of science and nature.

Shampoo happily picked up the bowl and was about to go look for Ranma when the lid shot into the ceiling. A hideous yellowish-brown lumpy mass rose from it

"Ai-yah!" she screamed, dropping the bowl on the floor and stumbling away.

The oozing mass seemed to look around, and that was very alarming, when you consider that the thing had no eyes and of course, when you consider that it was allegedly food, sensed Shampoo, and flung itself at her. Fortunately, Shampoo regained her senses and kicked it into the sink. It is said that good food has a certain personality and liveliness to it. If only for today, incredibly bad food shared those qualities as well.

The newly created life form rose from the sink, oozing towards Shampoo once again.

"AIEEE!" She yelled, retreating from the room.

The inedible hulk chased after her.

After all, It wanted its mommy.

Akane walked back into the kitchen, eager to try out her cooking on Ranma. If he didn't wanna try it, she'd beat him to a pulp. She froze in horror when she walked back into the scene of kitchen: the bowl dropped on the floor, bits of egg-fu-yung in the sink.

She was on the verge of tears. She put so much time... so much effort into this... and now...

Her battle aura began to flare.

Only one idiot could be the cause of this. Only one. She always tried so hard to make a good meal and that jerk never shows any appreciation!

With that thought, she whipped out her Super Dimensional-Mallet, (had anyone ever examined the mallet closely, they'd see, in _small_ letters, "SDM-1") stormed out of the kitchen, and sounded off her standard battle cry:

"RANMA! YOU JERK!"

"That goes upstairs. First room on the right," Isamu checked off 'projection TV' on his inventory. He couldn't wait until his stuff was finally moved in. He wanted to see Tokyo. As soon as his plane landed he knew he wasn't in New York anymore. It was just so different! There were more Japanese for one thing. His parents didn't object too much to his decision to move here. He was glad that his folks set up a bank account and bought him this house. Although ten rooms seemed a bit much. Oh well, goes to show what a modest house means to the head of a multinational corporation.

"Excuse me sir," called one of the movers.

"Yes?" He said, snapping out of his reveries.

"Where do you want the waterbed?"

"Oh, um...," he said, checking off the last item. "Main bedroom, third room on the left. Upstairs."

Nabiki was calculating how much money she could bleed off Kuno for the photos as she walked. "Let's see, I have 35 photos... tax, developing, inflation plus Kuno's stupidity..." she smiled. "I think I can get enough to have fun for the week. Better open the OW!"

Isamu dropped his clipboard with a clatter, while Nabiki fell down. He picked up his clipboard as she started to dust herself off.

"Be more careful next time, ok miss?" He said gruffly.

"Me be more careful?" She said indiginantly. "You're the idiot who was standing in the middle of the road."

"Who are you calling idiot? _You_ bumped into _Me_!"

"Because you were standing in the middle of the road, you idiot!"

"None calls me an idiot!" He burst out. "For as birds and bees make babies, I am the quintessential why are you laughing?"

Nabiki was chuckling loudly, unnerving Isamu.

"Look, I'm sorry I knocked you down," he said. His irritation disappeared as he noticed how cute she was. "I mean, I probably _was_ standing in the middle of the will you please stop laughing?"

"(hehheh) That's all right, nothing broken," she said, wiping tears out of her eyes. Sorry to bother you."

"That's ok. Just watching the movers haul my stuff in. Let me to introduce myself. I'm Isamu," he said as he held a hand out. "Isamu ...," he stalled, "Hrmnai"

"I'm sorry what was that?" She asked.

"Isamu Hrnmai," he said, once again muttering his last name.

"Did you say 'Hentai?'" She asked.

"Yeah," he smiled sheepishly. "But with two i's," he added quickly.

"Nabiki Tendo," she said shaking his hand. "Don't worry, I won't make fun of you." Note to self, she thought, last name: hentai.

"Thanks," he said letting out a sigh of relief.

"Moving into the Tanaka's old house?" She asked curiously, peering at the several moving trucks parked in front of the house.

"Yeah," he said as the wind ruffled his hair. He ran his fingers through it. "Waitaminute, did you say 'Tendo'?"

"Mm-hmm," Nabiki nodded.

"As in Tendo Dojo?"

"It's my Dad's," she said matter-of-factly.

"Cool," he said with some awe in his voice. "So Nabiki Tendo of the Tendo Dojo, what are we doing this fine morning?" He said, puffing his chest out comically, making her smile again.

"'We'?" She asked, still smiling.

"Why, yes!" He said with a flourish and a wave. "Since I am done supervising my imminent move into my new residence, I shall escort you to your current destination. Then, you can show me all the beauties that Tokyo has to offer!"

Nabiki stared at him for a while, then burst out laughing again. Isamu had hoped for an amused reaction, but he did not expect this.

"Is there something you want to tell me? Anything I need to know?" He asked. "Is it my breath? What?"

Nabiki finally controlled her laughter enough to talk. "If you want to know the joke, I guess you have to come with me."

"Ai-yaa! Help!" a rather hectic purple-haired Chinese girl yelled, scrambling past Nabiki and Isamu. She ran down the street, pursued by something large and gelatinous.

"What was that?" Isamu asked.

"I'm sure I have no idea," Nabiki replied. "C'mon, Follow me."

As they walked away, she was thinking "That yellow lumpy thing ... I think I've seen it before..."

They walked slowly through the streets of Nerima. the sun shone on them mildly, while the wind brought the smell of cherry blossoms.

"C'mon, you gotta tell me what's so funny," Isamu begged. He went through a list in his head. Breath? Check. Fly? Check. Hands? Clammy. Company?
Very cute.

"You'll find out soon enough," she replied, still chuckling. "Let me ask the questions. Why did you talk like that a few minutes ago?"

"Well, that's the kind of Japanese I first learned to speak." He explained. "'First learned to speak'. That sounded stupid. Anyway, when I finally met some Japanese people other than my parents, I realized how stupid I sounded to everyone else. I normally use it to get laughs, but usually I just get a chuckle, not a full blown laugh riot."

"'Finally met some Japanese other than your parents'?" She asked. "Where are you from?"

"The States," he answered. "New York to be exact. My parents moved from Hiroshima in the seventies."

"So why'd you decide to come back?"

"I wanted to watch more animes."

Nabiki stopped in her tracks. "What?" She said as she turned to look at him curiously.

"I got tired of watching bad dubs and paying big bucks to see anime months old, so I moved here." He said with an absolute straight face. She stared at his face for a moment, then they both smiled widely.

"No, really," she said, moving on.

"Truthfully?" he said as he too started walking. I guess I got tired of the racism, the crime, the infomercials.."

"Infomercials?" She asked.

"Long story," he sighed. "Besides," he added grinning mischievously, "I've always had a thing for girls in uniform."

She smiled at him, then stopped walking. "Well, here we are."

Isamu looked around as they were ushered into the den by the little ninja who introduced himself as Sasuke. "Impressive," he thought to himself. But what's with all the kendo equipment lying around and the rooms turned greenhouses? He asked Nabiki.

"Tatewaki Kuno is the captain of the kendo club at my school," she explained. the greenhouses are his sister's, Kodachi."

"Like sands in the hourglass, these are the days of our lives," Kuno intoned as he dramatically stepped into the lounge, producing a slightly perplexed look on Isamu's face. "Anyway, to what do I, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, owe this dubious honor, Nabiki Tendo?"

"Hello Kuno-chan," Nabiki said, giving Isamu a brief 'Does-he-sound-
familiar?' look then turning back to Kuno. "I've got more photos for you."

"Photos?!" He said, running over to Nabiki. "Hand them over."

Nabiki pulled the pics out of her bag and spread them on the table. Kuno immediately started shuffling through them.

"Whoa... behold ... radiant beauty ... pig-tailed girl... uninhibited... how... she is...," he stammered.

As Nabiki and Kuno haggled over the price, Isamu picked up one of the pics. In it, Ranma was in one of her sexier poses. Wow, he thought, picking through the others. She really knows her stuff. Nice hoo-

"Is it a deal then?" Nabiki finally said, snatching said pictures out of Isamu's somewhat sweaty hands and tossing them into the pile in front of Kuno.

"You bleed me out of house and home, Nabiki Tendo." Kuno said, staring at her.

"Moi?" Nabiki said, giving him an innocent look. Isamu smiled inwardly, he knew a ruthless negotiator when he saw one. He sat back and enjoyed the show.

"I accept!" Kuno finally acceeded after some useless haggling, putting an absurd amount of yen in her hand. "I would give the heavens themselves for images of my true love."

"Speaking of true love," she said as she reached into her bag. "I just _happen_ to have some pictures of Akane handy. How does..."

========================== =Jack Rabbit Slims Twist Contest== =YOU NEVER CAN TELL====== ==========================

After Nabiki bled even more money out of Kuno, they stopped at Ucchan's for lunch. "This is Ucchan's," she said as they walked in. "Best okonomiyaki in the world."

"Well, maybe not in the world," Ukyo beamed as she walked towards the pair. "Just in Japan. So Nabiki, who's your friend?"

"Ukyo Kounji, Isamu Hentaii." Nabiki introduced.

"That's with two i's," he said quickly, noting Ukyo's awkward expression,
"my name, I mean... H-e-n-t-a-i-i... you get the idea..."

"Isamu Hentaii, Ukyo Kounji. She owns Ucchan's." Nabiki continued.

"Hi!" Ukyo greeted, "new here?"

"Yup, just moved in."

"Welcome to the neighborhood! Ready to order?"

They ordered okonomiyaki ,what else?, and settled down at a window seat.

"So what was that all about?" Isamu asked, digging into his okonomiyaki.

"What was what all about?"

"Back there, with that Kuno guy."

Nabiki took a deep breath, then started explaining who the people in the photos were and their relationship to Kuno. When she finished, he looked only less confused.

"Let me get this straight," he started. "So he's chasing this 'Pigtailed Goddess',right?" He said as he scratched his head.

"Yup," she replied, chewing another okonomiyaki piece.

"But he's also chasing your sister Akane?"

"Yup."

"And they constantly beat him up?"

"Yup."

"Persistent, isn't he?" He commented. "I'd like to meet your sister and this Pigtailed Girl, Ranma. Not to be rude, but what's so special about them?"

Nabiki smiled. "Oh, you'll find out soon enough."

"Oh-kay," he said, somewhat at a loss. "But why does he talk like that? Does his whole family...?"

"Nope," Nabiki replied. "His dad is our psychotic principal, he talks with this weird hawaiian accent. His sister kind of talks like that but with less flourish and more emphasis on the obsessive neurotic side."

"Riiight," he said, trying to imagine japanese with a hawaiian accent. "Oh yeah, why do you call him Kuno-chan?"

"Nabiki Tendo! I have matters of grave importance to discuss with you!"

Kuno was standing at the doorway of the restaurant looking very agitated.

"What's wrong, Kuno-chan?" Nabiki said, sipping her tea.

"Do not 'Kuno-chan' me, Nabiki Tendo. It besmirches your honor to cheat the Blue Thunder so."

"What?" She said confused.

"Do not feign innocence Nabiki Tendo, for it further besmirches your besmirchment!" He shouted emphatically, waving photos in the air. "We agreed on 35 photos of the Pigtailed One! I require an additional photograph! You have given me but only 34 photographs of my beloved Goddess!"

"Excuse me?" Isamu interjected. "What is that?" He pointed at a picture stuck to Kuno's forehead.

"Hark!" Kuno harked. "My keen vision has located the missing photograph!" Kuno plucked the photo and slipped it in his pocket. Nabiki held her head in her hand, shaking it slowly from side to side. Murmurs of "moron!" and "Why is it stuck on his forehead?" filtered across the room.

"What an idiot," Isamu observed quietly to Nabiki.

"What was that I heard!?" Kuno burst out. "Who dares insult Tatewaki Kuno so?" He said as he pointed his bokken.

"Kuno..." Nabiki interjected, trying to head off a confrontation.

"Hey! Watch where you point that thing!" Isamu said as he stood up.

"Isamu.." Nabiki tried again.

"The great and mighty Tatewaki Kuno shall point his thing wherever he may wish it to point!" Kuno boasted, much to Isamu's absolute discomfort. "Now answer my question! What is your name, insolent wretch?"

"Kuno.." Nabiki tried yet again. Getting the same result.

"It's Isamu," he said testily. "Now put your toy away."

"Isamu...," Nabiki tried, and failed, again.
"What!" Kuno shouted. "Not only do you dare to slander the Blue Thunder, but his trusty and renowned bokken as well?! Your rudeness only serves to emphasize your callouseness, your boorishness, and your curness!"

"My 'curness'?" Isamu said confusedly. Then realizing that he was insulted, boasted, "Isamu Hentaii does not slander! He only speaks truth!"

The patronage at Ucchan's, used to confrontations occuring in the general area, sat back and enjoyed the war of words. They particularly enjoyed listening to Kuno babble.

"You dare call Tatewaki Kuno names when your own name is 'Hentai'?" Kuno replied.

"I give up," Nabiki said, washing her hands of the whole affair and digging into her okonomiyaki again.

"That's Hentaii! With TWO i's!" Isamu shouted, his temper rising. "A rose by any other name! Furthermore, mine perversion be in name only." This last sentence he said with emphasis, giving Kuno a meaningful look.

"Art thou accusing the Blue Thunder of perversive quintessence?" Kuno said with fury, flecks of spittle flying.

"What dost thou doeth with all yon pictures, hmmmmm?" Isamu countered. Everyone in the shop leaned in closer.

Kuno finally lost it with that last remark. "Vile scoundrel!" He shouted as he raised his bokken, "PREPARETODIE!"

"Take it outside Kuno!" Ukyo shouted from behind the counter.

"Very well," he said, as he strutted towards the door. "Meet me outside, _then_ prepare to die!"

The customers were disapointed. They were hoping to watch the whole affair from the comfort of their seats, but it looked like it wasn't meant to be. Kuno was usually very amusing to listen to, especially when he got mad. Now there were TWO people babbling Kuno-speak. It was Kuno in stereo, with surround sound too. And they hadn't watched anybody get a proper thrashing since that pig-tailed girl stomped Kuno through the floor last week...

Nabiki tapped Isamu's arm as he started to follow Kuno. "First of all, what's with the formal japanese?"

"I slip back when I get agitated," he confessed.
"Second, you're gonna get hurt. He _is_ captain of the kendo club. That counts for something, y'know."

"Maybe." He mused. Then, after a moments thought he said "Ah, you're right, he ain't worth-"

"Truly a coward you must be," Kuno shouted. "Hoping to extend your life mere moments longer by hiding within that..."

"Watch it, Kuno!" Ukyo shouted.

"... fine eating establishment," he finished. "Come out and fight...hentai."

"Zounds! What vile creature incurs my wrath? _No one_ calls me hentai!" Isamu strode purposely out the door.

"But your name _is_ hentai," Nabiki called.

"Yeah, but with two i's." he called back.

Nabiki sighed. Isamu _was_ fun to hang around with. Hopefully, Kuno wouldn't cripple him severely. Nabiki looked around, everyone was still looking at her. "Any bets?"

The sun beat down upon the two combatants. A crowd gathered around them, the patrons at Ucchan's swarmed to the windows to watch. Nabiki took bets.

"Ah, so the slandering pervert possesses backbone after all," Kuno said mockingly. "Have you made peace with your gods?"

"Tis you what needs make peace," Isamu countered. "You two timin' rat."

"Three to one for Kuno! Place your bets! Place your bets!" Nabiki called out.

"Hey!" Isamu protested, turning away from Kuno. "I thought you didn't want me fighting this guy!"

Nabiki shrugged. "Isamu-chan," she said, not noticing his slight double take to his new name. "If you're going to do something stupid, I might as well make some yen out of it."

"Yeah, but three to one?" He complained. "I thought we were friends."

"Exactly," she said. "I'm treating you like I treat all my friends.'

People in the audience who were very familiar with Nabiki Tendo voiced their agreements, such as,"yeah, she's right", "does this sorta thing all the time", "3 to 1 is generous", and "she put the odds at 10 to 1 against me when I was fighting last week."

"Oh." Isamu was surprised. Gosh, she really was being friendly, in her own bizzare way.

"Foul defiler of the Kuno honor!" Kuno shouted, "Turn and face-"

"Cease thy incessant babbling!" Isamu interrupted, spinning to face Kuno.

"The legendary Tatewaki Kuno _soliloquizes_," Kuno retorted. "He does _not_ babble!"

"Does too!" Isamu countered.

"Does not!" Kuno snapped, charging his opponent.

"Too!" Isamu said, sidestepping and just barely avoiding getting skewered.

Kuno skidded to a halt and swung his bokken viciously in Isamu's direction, shouting "NOT!" Isamu's shirt was ripped open, to the delight of the females in the crowd. Isamu, slightly staggered, grabbed the pole Ukyo uses to hang up her sign and, using it like a bo staff, began to attack Kuno.

"Too, too, TOO!" Isamu said, swinging the makeshift bo in precise arcs. Kuno blocked all of his shots, but it took a considerable amount of effort. Isamu swung again, the blow missing Kuno completely. Kuno took advantage and began to rapidly thrust at his opponent with his bokken.

"NotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotNotNOT!" Kuno shouted, relentlessly driving his bokken at Isamu. Isamu on his part, was desperately blocking Kuno's attacks with his staff. Unfortunately, he _severely_ underestimated the speed of Kuno's strikes. Suddenly, he was besieged by a hailstorm of powerful slashes. Isamu managed to compensate for Kuno's speed, but not before his whole upper body was covered in a multitude of cuts and bruises. Bleeding and battered, Isamu was forced to play defense, as Kuno set upon him once again.

"OhnonononononohelphelphelpAIY-YAA!"

Shampoo was blazing across town, running along walls and across rooftops. Following her was the energetic egg-foo-yung. To her great alarm, the thing seemed to be pulsating. If she had looked constantly, she'd have seen this: The egg-foo-yung-thing zooming down the street, shrinking... shrinking... shrinking, then suddenly gaining an alarming amount of mass when it glomped onto a roadside food stand. In its pursuit of Shampoo, the thing had consumed a plethora of fruits and vegetables, dozens of roast ducks, and a whole roast pig.

But it didn't really start moving fast until it glomped the liquor stand.

It's a good thing Shampoo didn't see any of this, or else she'd be beyond being scared and into full-scale hysteria. She was already panicking because there was a crowd in the street, blocking her way. What were they standing around for?

"GET OUT OF SHAMPOO'S WAY!"

From inside her shop, Ukyo Kuonji saw something strange. Through the storefront windows she could see Kuno fighting with Isamu, large crowd watching all to one side.

Well, the crowd _was_ to one side. She blinked for a moment, and they were gone. Kuno and Isamu seemed uninterrupted, but ...

She blinked again. While the combatants were swinging wildly, people were falling from the _sky_, all around them, landing with yells of "ugh" and "ouch" and "what the hell was that thing!?". Kuno and Isamu didn't seem to notice.

Ukyo stuck her head out the storefront door.

All around the two adversaries there were strewn bodies, scattered debris, and various overturned fruit and vegetable carts. In additon to the mess on the ground, miscellaneous foodstuffs were in the air and falling fast

Down the street, she saw through a cloud of dust what she thought was a wild untamed okonomiyaki in pursuit of Shampoo.

Kuno's last strike was so powerful that it snapped the staff in two. Kuno lunged in, intent on ending the fight. Isamu used the two halves to block Kuno's attack. To Kuno's absolute surprise, Isamu surged back, attacking with a flurry of crossover hits, overheads and body checks. Kuno managed to get a few more hits in as they exchanged blows, but Isamu pressed the attack, surging forward with the strength of desperation. He attacked with a flurry of blows, ending it with a spin kick,-double stick head strike, headbutt combination that knocked Kuno on his legendary derrier. His combo garnered scattered applause from the audience, though they all seem to have been recently knocked off their own feet.

Isamu, on his knees from the effort of his sudden comeback, stood shakily and wheezed, "Do... TOO."

Nabiki got on her feet groggily, absolutely clueless as to what happened. All she remembered was watching with concern as Kuno made mincemeat out of Isamu, and then she was knocked off her feet and watching Isamu take the upper hand. She was pleasantly surprised to find out that Isamu was a martial artist, and a competent one at that. Though not as talented as Ranma and some of the others, he looked like he could hold his own. "Anyone else want to bet?" She called out to the crowd, who were busily dusting themselves off while at the same time trying to avoid falling foodstuff and watching the fight. The introspection could wait, she thought, but yen, like time, waits for no woman.

"You... have maltreated... the great... Tate... Tatewaki Kuno...greatly," Kuno gasped. "And... I... do... NOT!"

The two faced each other, weapons at the ready. Although in pain from the last exchange Kuno was clearly in much better shape than his opponent. They circled each other warily, aware of each others capabilities. Then, as if hearing a bell signifying the start of the next round, They raced towards each other. Time seemed to slow down as they rapidly ate up the distance between them. Mere moments before they collided, Kuno suddenly veered off to the side, making Isamu miss his swing. Isamu skidded to a halt as he watched Kuno attack something he could not see.

"DADADADADADADADA!" Kuno shouted, slashing at the unseen thing with incredible speed.

The identity of the objects was not as important as the fact that a) Kuno was not attacking him and b) He had his back turned away from Isamu. Isamu quickly ran up to Kuno and slammed both sticks on the base of his skull, instantly knocking Kuno out. Isamu stared at the remnants of the objects Kuno was assaulting. "W-Watermelons?" Isamu said, baffled, as he collapsed onto the pavement.

====================================== =IF LOVE WAS A RED DRESS(hang me in rags)== ======================================

"So, you've met Tatewaki Kuno, eh?" Dr. Tofu asked, as he applied alcohol to Isamu's wounds.

"Well, *ouch* yeah. I guess you could say we really hit it off," joked Isamu. ""*ouch*" Hey, Nabiki, what was with that back there?"

"With what?" She asked quizically. "Back where?"

"Y'know... Kuno, the watermelons, all that stuff."

"Oh. Side-effect of some weird training he did a while back. Long story. Bottom line is that he'll attack any watermelon on sight. Lucky for you, eh?"

"Bah, that insolent cur!" He burst out. "I, Isamu Hentaii, could defeat that fool any day! Let him strike me 100 times! Nay! 200 times! It matters not to Isamu Hentaiiuh... er... I'm rambling again, aren't I?"

Nabiki vainly tried to surpress a laugh while the doctor looked at him with a worried expression.

"Isamu," Dr. Tofu said, concern in his voice, "maybe you've been struck in the head too often. You're starting to-"

"Don't worry, Dr. Tofu, he always gets like this when he's upset," Nabiki explained.

"Well, Mr. um..." Dr. Tofu started.

"Just call me Isamu"

"Well, Isamu," the doctor said as he escorted them out. "Just try to avoid any fights anytime soon. Okay? You've got a couple of cuts and bruises, but nothing too serious."

"Thanks, Doc." He said ,as he and Nabiki waved their goodbyes and proceeded to walk off. "Well, Nabiki, it's been an interesting day so far, I hope you show me more. I'm not too keen on coming home to an empty house."

"Hmm? What do you mean?" she asked.

"Didn't I tell you?" He replied. "I'm living alone."

"Alone?" Nabiki repeated. "In that house?"

"Well, yeah," he said. "My parents bought it for me."

Nabiki thought about the implications of his statement.

"Well, so far I've had the best Okonomiyaki in Japan and got into a fight with a girl crazy, watermelon smashing kendo captain." he said, ticking the items off his fingers. "Not bad for my first day here, eh?" He continued. "Anyway, where shall we go next? Maybe I'll fight some evil little troll under a bridge or something."

"You have your choice of withered pervert troll and withered Chinese amazon troll." She replied.

Noticing his rather perplexed look, she added, "I'll explain later. C'mon, lemme introduce you to the rest of my family."

"Oh, indeed! So, does this mean I get to meet the 'robust' Akane Tendo? ...
Just kidding! Just kidding!"

Meanwhile, at the Kuno residence...

"Ah, truly a vicious headache this is that pains the Blue Thunder!" Kuno soliloquized, pacing rapidly. "Tis as if mine own head throbs with its intensity! This is the fault of that wretch who calls himself Isamu Hentaii! Curseyoupervert!" He spat, wincing as his sudden outburst brought on another spasm of legendary proportions.

"This agony I am subject to today shall be repayed to that despicable scoundrel a hundred, no, a _thousand_-fold! Sweet victory was within mine own formidable grasp when that vile cur somehow summoned an enchanted watermelon to distract me!" He turned dramatically towards one of the many towering windows, "Gods!" he exclaimed. "Is it not punishment enough, having to deal with that nefarious practitioner of the Black Arts, Ranma Saotome? Wither the justice? Now must the great Tatewaki Kuno take on the burden of bringing low TWO evil sorcerers!"

He turned and paced aimlessly across the room. "Bah! Send in two sorcerers or two hundred! It matters not to the rising star of Furinkan Hieeyeowch!*" Kuno yelled, momentarily overwhelmed with pain, abruptly cutting off his dramatic monologue. He was bandaged in several places and had an ice pack on his head.. He had pressed the ice pack too hard while ranting, raving, and gesturing wildly.

"Ohohohohoho! It must be a serious injury indeed if it interferes with your attenuated tirades, Brother dear." Kodachi remarked, amused. She was amused any time anybody was injured, except for herself.

"Silence, sibling." Kuno moaned. "Sasuke!"

The mini-ninja appeared from nowhere and bowed before his master. "Yes Master Kuno?"

"Find the whereabouts of the one named Isamu Hentaii! I shall have my revenge!" Kuno yelled, thunder and lightining punctuating his proclamation.

"One of these days, my brother," Kodachi said, glancing outside at the sunny weather, "You _must_ show me how you do that."

"Do what?"

Outside Tomobiki high, a figure lurks in the bushes.

"No sign of Lum anywhere," the figure snickered. "Now I'm freeeEEEEEEEYAAAHHRGH!" He screamed as thunder and lightning punctuated Kuno's proclamation.

They walked slowly, in no real hurry. It was as if time existed for everyone else, but not for them. They took some detours on the way home. Nabiki showed Isamu all the little shops around the area. Isamu was fascinated by some of the quaint shops and insisted on buying Nabiki a trinket or two in every shop they went to.

Nabiki smiled. He was sweet, she thought, as they walked down the street. She caressed the cute 'chibi nuku' doll he bought her in the doll shop. He was handsome, she admitted. Even in the slightly torn shirt he was wearing, she could see that the salesladies where envious of her company. After they had stopped at a nearby men's store to pick up a new shirt for him, they proceeded to head towards home. By this time, Nabiki was holding a shopping bag full of trinkets, while he held eight. Everything from dolls, to clothes, to CDs to mangas, it seemed like he knew what she liked and automatically bought it for her.

"Let's go into this one," he said, stopping in front of a mysterious building.

Nabiki looked at him for a moment. "Ha ha, very funny. Let's go," she replied, tugging on his sleeve.

"No, really." He persisted, not moving.

"Why didn't you tell me that was a 'leather-&-lace'?"

Isamu walked down the streets of Nerima, headed for home. Nabiki walked slightly in front, while Isamu lagged behind, weighed down by the many shopping bags he was carrying.

"Hey, I asked you if you _really_ wanted to go inside," she responded. "How was I suppose to know you can't read kanji?

"I resent that!" He grumbled. "I can too read kanji... just not very well."

"Well?" She asked, smirking. "Did you enjoy yourself in there?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," he muttered, turning red.

They stopped at the gates of the Tendo Dojo. It was quiet, too quiet...

"IT WASN'T ME AKANE! I SWEAR! AAAAAHHH!"

They walked in, Nabiki leading the way. They were both bowled over by the sonic boom left in Ranma's wake as Akane chased him around the compound. Ranma actually seemed like he was going to escape injury this time. Although Akane was only a few steps behind, Ranma thought he was a safe distance ahead of Akane, so he couldn't resist but turn his head back and taunt her. "So what if your cooking was trashed? The world's a better place now!"

Unfortunately, Ranma didn't know about the new features on Akane's SDM-1 mallet. She swung back, the handle suddenly extended four feet longer, and the mallet slammed down on his skull. "Oww..." Ranma groaned. "Kawaiikune-fu."
Somehow he felt relieved. Usually, these chases by Akane end at this point. That relief washed away quickly when he heard a strange whirring noise eminating from the mallet. At this point one of the other features of the SDM-1 mallet kicked in: The built-in L.U.M. electro-shocker switched on with a whir and Ranma was pumped with thousands upon thousands of megajoules of electricity. "RANMA YOU JERK!" She shouted. Then, Akane switched off the mallet and proceeded to bludgeon Ranma with her bare hands.

"JERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERK...!" She shouted as she continued to stomp Ranma to the ground.

"So that's Akane, huh?" Isamu asked uncertainly.

"Yup," Nabiki replied.

"But who's the guy she's beating up on?"

"That's Ranma," Nabiki explained. "Her fiance."

"...JERKJERKJERKJERKJERK! He is NOT my fiance!" Akane snapped. Then continued her abuse. "JERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERK...!"

"Ranma?" Isamu said, scratching his head. "Hey, what a coincidence! Same name as the pigtailed girl in the the photos!"

Akane stopped in midstomp. Both her and Ranma, who had lifted his somewhat damaged cranium from crater, were staring at Isamu. Beads of sweat formed on their foreheads. Nabiki smiled.

"Well,.. um.. er, w-what a.." Ranma stuttered.

"You see.. um, er... that is..." Akane tried.

"Where are my manners?" Nabiki interrupted, smiling. "Ranma Saotome, Akane, meet Isamu. He'll be moving into the old Tanaka house."

Isamu helped Ranma to his feet, then shook his hand. "Hey, did you know there's this really hot girl with the same name?"

"Err...yeah," Ranma replied rather uncomfortably. Nabiki and Akane looked at each other and smirked.

Isamu turned and shook Akane's hand. "Hello," she said.

"Hi," he responded. "Nice to finally meet you."

"'Finally'?" She asked.

"Oh, yeah," he replied. "I've heard a lot about you. From Kuno."

"None of it is true," Ranma said, getting a quizzical look from the others. "She ain't delicate, or graceful, or exquisite, or even cuuUURGKH!"

Akane had planted Ranma into the ground. Again.

"Please don't mind him," she said pleasantly. "he's just a stupid pervert, that's all."

"the Tanaka's?" Ranama said, unearthing himself again. "Big place. You got lots of brothers and sisters or something?'

"Actually," Isamu said. "I'll be living there alone."

"Alone? Cool." Ranma said. "Are you rich or something?"

"Or something," Isamu replied, smiling.

"Was Nabiki helping you shop for stuff for your house?" Akane asked, noting the many shopping bags he was carrying.

"No. These are mostly Nabiki's," he smiled.

"Nabiki's?" They both wondered aloud.

"Isamu-chan. Put those away over here, then I can introduce you to the rest of the family," Nabiki said walking into the house.

"Isamu...chan?" Ranma and Akane wondered again as Isamu followed Nabiki into the house.

"How are you? I am Kasumi Tendo," she said. "It's very nice to see a new face here."

"Isamu Hentaii," he said, bowing. "With two i's."

"Is the master here?" Soun and Genma said in unison, popping their heads into the living room. "We heard someone say 'hentai'," Genma added.

"Daddy, Uncle Saotome," Nabiki said. "Our new neighbor, Isamu Hentaii."

"Two i's, just my name, sirs." isamu added, in a hurry.

"Oh, ok." Genma said.

"As long as there's two i's," Soun nodded.

"Why don't we all sit down and have tea?" Kasumi said, reentering the room, tray in hand.

They all sat down, even Ranma and Akane, who had come in just in time.

Isamu, who owned the book 'Put Your Best Foot Forward in Asia', knew the importance of giving small gifts to his he bought them all something when Nabiki's back was turned. He handed Soun and Genma a fine bottle of wine each. The Tendo sisters and Ranma received their gifts, wrapped in light, pastel colors, graciously.

"This is just a small token of my esteem," he said modestly.

He also knew the significance of being invited to a japanese home.

[author's note: {From PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD IN ASIA: ' The Japanese rarely entertain at home. Consider it a great honor if you are invited to a Japanese home.'}]

"Yo Isamu," Ranma called. "What's it like living alone?"

"I really don't know yet," Isamu replied, sipping his tea. "Tonight would be the first time."

"Are you going to school, son?" Soun asked next.

"Yes. I'll be a senior at... at," he muttered, searching his pockets. He produced a piece of paper. "Fu-rin-kan?"

"Yeah, Furinkan." Ranma said. "Me, Nabiki and Akane go there too."

"Where did you move from?" Akane asked.

"Hey, stop grilling the guest," Nabiki complained, to the surprise of everyone. Nabiki? Not wanting to pry?

Isamu smiled at her. "That's ok," he replied. "New York."

"why _are_ you living alone?" Akane asked.

"Well, mostly because I wanted to see Japan. My parents need to be in New York because our business is based there."

"Isamu, if you didn't have anything planned," Kasumi said. "You could join us for dinner."

"Oh no! I wouldn't want to impose." He said quickly.

"No, no," Nabiki said. "It won't be any kind of trouble at all."

"That's right!" Akane said enthusiastically. "I'll even cook up a special dish for you."

Everyone in the room stopped. Flashbacks of what Akane's cooking had done to them previously zoomed through their heads. Kasumi sipped her tea. Isamu looked confused.

"Oh, thank you very much." Isamu bowed. "I'm sure it will be delightful."

Nabiki looked concerned. Ranma had a look of pity in his eyes. after a few more moments, the group dispersed. Genma and Soun went out to play shogi. Kasumi cleaned up and went to the kitchen. Leaving Ranma, Akane, Nabiki and Isamu.

"Yo Isamu," Ranma said. "Nasty bruise on your arm. What happened?"

Isamu told him his experience, from Kuno's house until after the fight.

"So you beat Kuno, huh?" Akane said, turning the tv on. "You must be pretty good at martial arts."

"Just enough to get by," Isamu said modestly.

"Martial arts? Really?" Ranma said. "What kind?"

"Filipino Martial Arts," Isamu responded. "Arnis."

Ranma nodded. "You'll fit right in around here."

They spent some time just talking. Ranma talked about training, sparring and engagements. Isamu talked about David Letterman, Friends and american tv in general.

"So this, Seinfeld, it's a show about nothing?" Akane said, puzzled.

"Yup."

"This is a weekly show?" Nabiki asked.

"Uh-huh."

"And people watch this? Week after week?" Akane asked.

"I dunno," Ranma said, scratching his head. "I think I'd like this show."

"You would," Akane teased.

"You know what I like best about Japan?" Isamu quipped.

"What?" Nabiki asked.

"Unlike New York, nothing ever happens he-"

"AIYAAHH! RANMA HELP SHAMPOOOOO!" She screamed, as she crashed through the living room and out the other side.

"What the-?" Ranma said, looking around, as he got up. Was that Shampoo? he thought, All he saw was a purple blur. He decided it couldn't be. Nothing could make her run away, except maybe Happosai.

Isamu was helping Nabiki and Akane up. Unfortunately, Akane mistook him for Ranma and immediately uppercutted him across the room.

"Get your hands off me, you PERVERT!" She shouted.

"It's just my naaaaaaamURGKH!" Isamu cried, crashing headfirst into the wall.

"Oh, Isamu!" Akane exclaimed, finally realizing who she had hit. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's ok, " he said trying to pull his head out. "But could someone give me a hand?"

"Did anyone see what happened?" Ranma asked.

Before anyone could answer, another wall came down and knocked everyone off their feet again. This time they all saw what had emerged. The man-sized glob resembled something that Dr. Frankenstein would have created if he didn't use human body parts and used japanese cuisine instead.

"AAHH!" Ranma screamed. "What the hell is that?"

The monstrosity moved towards them. Where is mommy? These _things_ on two drumsticks must have taken her! They all scrambled back. It seemed to change its mind it, shuffled indecisively, as if a dog losing a scent. Then it lurched speedily in their general direction.

"Get out of its way!" Isamu shouted, shoving Akane roughly, while Ranma grabbed Nabiki and jumped away. Soun and Genma scampered into the room, saw the monstrosity, and tried to beat a hasty retreat. Unfortunately, the Kunos chose this moment to jump into the room. The door blew in and knocked them on their butts. Kodachi saw the okonomi-yucky charging towards Ranma and immediately threw her impressive array of weapons at it. Kuno saw the monster attacking Ranma and joined in, charging Ranma head-on.

"Saotome!" Kuno shouted. "My eyes reveal that one of your vile experiments have finally gone awry! Still, it's cause is noble, therefore the great Tatewaki Kuno shall join it in expunging the earth of your evil sorceriness!"

"Ohohohohohoho!" Kodachi laughed. "Ranma darling! I shall save you!"

Kodachi's weapons were very effective. Her clubs bounced off the monster's hide and hit Kuno in the head. Her ribbon missed and tangled Kuno's ankles, knocking him over. The razor hoop went right through the creature, missed Kuno's head by inches and cut his bokken.

"Where is my Shampoo!?" Mousse shouted bursting in. "ShampoooooowhatisTHAT?"

Ranma was busy fending off both the creature and Kuno's crippled attacks. "Forget about what it is!" He shouted. "Just help us!"

Mousse thought about it.

Then thought about it some more.

"Oh, alright." He sighed. Mousse put his hands in his voluminous sleeves and threw a dazzling array of objects in chains. The weapons stuck to the monster, but it started sucking the chains in. Unfortunately, Mousse was on the other end of the chains and was pulled screaming into the monster's mass. Meanwhile, Nabiki crawled over to where Isamu and Akane were. Both were also attacking the monster by throwing the furniture at it.

"How do you like Japan so far?" Nabiki asked as she watched him throw a lamp at it.

"Great," he said, tossing another lamp at it. "If you like fighting monsters before dinner."

Meanwhile, Soun and Genma were busily watching the mayhem from a safe distance. They watched as the monster shook for a second, then regurgitated a very slimy Mousse

"What do you think, Saotome?" Soun said, nodding in the direction of the rumble, sitting in the center of an ever-widening puddle of tears.

"I think your going to have to go and buy new furniture, Tendo." Genma replied, floating paper boats in the makeshift pond.

"Hello? Is anybody home? Ranchan? AAhhh!" Ukyo jumped back in surprise to see the gang fighting a giant amalgam of food. "Wild okonomiyaki!" She pointed.

"Ucchan!" Ranma said pleasantly. "A little help, please?"

"Saotome! I see you have allied yourself with the other sorcerer, Hentaii." Kuno said, crawling. "No matter! I shall defeat you boOUWAUGH!"

Ryoga landed on Kuno's back as he crashed through the roof. "Ranma! Today is the day you taste defeat at my hands!"

"Nabiki?" Isamu asked, putting down the vase he was about throw.

"Mm-hmm?" She replied, busily calculating the damage being caused by the fight.

"Who are these people?"

"Do you want profiles or.."

"Just names will do for now," he said, resuming to throw various Tendo household furniture at the monster.

"ok," Nabiki replied, cracking her knuckles. "The one in glasses wearing slime is Mousse, you already know Ukyo and Kuno, the guy who landed on Kuno is Ryoga, that one who threw gymnastic stuff is Kodachi Kuno, the purple blur that knocked us over was Shampoo, I think, and I don't know the monster's name."

"Yo, Ryoga!" Ranma called. "Look out ! Behind you!"

"Hmph!" Ryoga said. "What kind of idiot do you think I am? Like I'd fall for a stupid trick like that!"

Ryoga was hit by a flailing tentacle and was sent sprawling into the wall. The okonomonster was tired. It used up too much of its energy beating up on these flesh things. It needed to replenish itself. It sensed its mommy near but felt too tired to go to her now. Maybe tomorrow.

the monstrosity oozed away, leaving the Tendo home in utter disarray. Shampoo entered the room uncertainly. Fighting humans was one thing, fighting living food was a whole other story. "It gone?" She asked.

Everybody started babbling all at once. Everybody had a theory. Most blamed Ranma.

"Ranma darling, are you alright?" Kodachi asked, sidling up to Ranma.

"Ranchan, why were you fighting an okonomiyaki?" Ukyo asked.

"Okonomiyaki?" Isamu joined in. "Looked more like it was made out of fruit, and it smelled like booze."

"By the way, what about my sign?" Ukyo demanded, turning on Isamu.

"Sorry. Don't worry, I'll replace it."

"Ranma!" Ryoga shouted. "This is all your fault!"

"Look what you did to the house!" Akane pointed at Ranma accusingly. "Ranma, this is your fault!"

"Hey! My fault?" Ranma objected while trying to pry Kodachi off him. "How come it's my fault?"

"Oh, Ranma!" Shampoo exclaimed as she glomped onto his other arm. "Shampoo was so scared!"

"Saotome, you fiend!" Kuno said, shaking with righteous indignation. "Not only do you set upon us that vile monstrosity, but you enchant this simple chinese girl as well! What foul hell spawned thee?"

"Who are you calling a simple chinese girl?" Mousse shouted. "That's my wife you're talking about!"

"Towel?" Kasumi offered.

"Thanks." Mousse said, wiping himself. "Ranma, you will pay for this!

"Shampoo no Mousse's wife! Shampoo Ranma's bride!"

"Me pay for what?! Kuno's the one who called Shampoo simple! Could you both please let go of my arms? Kodachi? Shampoo? Hello?"

"This is no time to flirt, Ranma! You're always such a JERK!"

"Who's flirting?"

"Saotome!" Shouted Kuno, advancing on Ranma.

"Ranma!" Shouted Ukyo, Ryoga, Mousse and Akane, also advancing on him.

"No! Get away! It's not my fault!" Ranma said, frantically trying to back away while still trying to pull himself away from Kodachi and Shampoo

Isamu was sitting in a corner with Nabiki, munching on some cookies that Kasumi had brought in.

"You think we should help him out?" He asked, watching the whole thing unfold.

"Nah, he's used to this kind of thing. You still coming over for dinner?"

"Yeah, sure."

At the same instant Ranma was about to be swarmed, the already damaged roof gained another skylight. Happousai sailed into the room, spraying everybody with his newly purchased Supersoaker 500000000.

"Ranma! Akane! Ukyo! Shampoo! Happy wants to play too!" He shouted as he soaked everybody with a continous stream of water.

Isamu was looking at the angry mob when the water hit. Where he expected an angry mob however, he saw the pigtailed girl, who was running around with a cat on her back. All the while dragging a soggy Kodachi, who was shouting something like "You wicked girl! Where's my Ranma darling?". There was a pig munching on her shoulder with a familiar looking bandanna tied around its neck, while a duck with coke-bottle glasses chased them around and Kuno shouted "Pigtailed-Girl! My Love!" Akane was chasing the girl with a mean looking mallet shouting, "Ranma, you JERK!" Ukyo stalked over to where they were sitting and started munching at a soggy cookie.

"What the-? Who are-? Where did-? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" Isamu demanded, turning to Nabiki and Ukyo.

"C'mon, we'll walk you home," Nabiki said, grabbing an arm as Ukyo grabbed the other.

"We'll explain on the way," Ukyo said.

"Dinner is at seven," Nabiki added.

================ =JUNGLE BOOGIE= ================

Nabiki peaked into the kitchen. As promised, Akane was torturing the kitchen with an assorted array of utensils whose purpose she knew very little about. She attacked cooking with the zeal of a hun on speed. Nabiki looked at her watch, she had ten minutes. Ten minutes to stop a catastrophe from happening to the first guy in years whom she found interesting. She sneaked up to her room and unearthed a book. It was marked 'SPECIAL EMERGENCY'. She flipped through the pages quickly; then, dialed a number.

"So! The one known as Hentaii is a cohort of Saotome, eh?" Kuno raved as he sliced practice dummies to shreds. "It stands to reason; since the fool Saotome cannot alone defeat Tatewaki Kuno, the martial artist formerly known as Shooting Star! Sasuke! Tylenol!"

Ranma took off her shirt and squeezed it from soaking wet, to slightly damp. She took the hot water from the stove and poured it over her as she, now he, thought about recent events. Happousai had tried to grab her, but she managed to swing the arm with Kodachi attached to it. So instead of Ranma's chest, Happy had grabbed Kodachi's posterior. Kodachi immediately produced a razor hoop and cut off Happousai's hands. Happousai looked with horror at the bloody stumps at the end of his arms. Kodachi then proceeded to club him with her spiked club, beating him into a bloody pulp.

Yeah, right, Ranma sighed. He wished that's what happened. Actually, all Kodachi had managed to do was boot him back up through the roof. Ranma didn't remember much after this because apparently, Kasumi and his dad told him about this part, he went into cat-fu mode. They said he, she, threw Kodachi and Shampoo off, tore through Kuno, plucked Mu-mu bald and was about to bite P-chan's stupid head off before Akane hit him with the mallet. "She should've let me chew his head off," he mumbled. "Would've served him right."

-
A world away, in Keystone USA, a phone rang. A redheaded man picked it up on the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Moshi moshi, West san."

The man recognized the voice instantly, a cold sweat formed on his brow.

"What do you want?" He asked, switching to perfect japanese.

"It's time to pay the piper, West-san. Do you remember where I live?"

"Yes."

"Then come quickly. I expect you here in two minutes." *klik*

Wally West put the phone down. He put on his uniform on his way to Nerima, Japan.

Nabiki put down the receiver, there was nothing else to do but wait. One instant she was alone, the next instant there was a man in a scarlet costume in front of her.

"What took you so long?" She asked.

The man in red said nothing.

"Ok, here's the deal," she started. "You do this, and your off the hook."

"You won't tell Linda?"

"No. It stays between us."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to get water from the spring of life."

Akane busily cooked. The kitchen was awash with aroma. She was following the cookbook that her mother had kept; although, since she didn't have some of the ingredients, she was substituting some materials.

"This will be the best meal I've cooked yet!" she thought, smiling. She liked Isamu; he was nice and sweet and kind. Not at all like that jerk Ranma. She could see that Isamu harbored feelings for Nabiki. But how did Nabiki feel for him? All Akane knew was that Nabiki was doing some un-Nabiki things lately. As she was thinking all of this, she added what she thought was the right amount of spices; in fact, not only did she add the wrong amount of spices, they weren't even the right ones.
===== =6:52= ===== Isamu locked his front door and started walking towards the Tendo home. It was so nice of Akane to volunteer to cook for him; although he didn't understand the looks everyone else had when she mentioned it. Maybe it was another one of those japanese things he didn't understand yet. He reminded himself to ask her what Ranma did earlier that prompted her to chase him with a mallet. Speaking of Ranma, that was a weird crew that hung around him. With most of them being great martial artists and/or cursed, he didn't know wether to feel envy or pity. The wind picked up, a red blur seemed to pass his line of vision. Isamu looked around, but he didn't see anything. He continued to walk towards the dojo, whistling.

-
My name is Wally West. I'm the Flash, the fastest man alive. I may also be the fastest waterboy at the moment. I'm in a 'magic' forest, looking for the 'Spring of Life' so I can get some 'magic' water. Why? A certain Nabiki Tendo. She knows something that I don't want my girlfriend, Linda, to know. In return for her silence, I agreed to be at her beck and call, as she puts it, "when the time comes".

-
Nabiki fidgeted in her room. It was all in West's ballcourt now. No use in worrying about stuff she couldn't do anything about. Better to focus on more immediate things.

"The red dress or the green?"

-
"Kasumi dear, please reconsider."

Soun Tendo worriedly peaked into the kitchen, where his youngest daughter was cooking their dinner.

"No, Father. I won't ask Akane if she needs any help," Kasumi replied, sitting calmly in the living room. "She needs to do this herself, to build confidence."

"Kasumi, if not for us, then for the boy's sake." Genma pleaded.

"Yes! That's right!" Soun agreed emphatically. "It is our sacred duty as good hosts to insure that our guest does not get sick!"

"Or worse," Genma added gravely.

-
On the street, walking towards the Tendo home, Isamu sneezed. "What is that saying," he sniffed, "about people talking about you?"

====== =6:55== ====== Stupid forest. Wasted five minutes. It's no use being the fastest man alive if you're looking for something as vague as 'The Spring of Life'. Magic? I don't think so. Why she would waste the services of the fastest man alive on a wild goose chase of an errand is beyond me. Maybe I should just get some water from some pond or...

She's got a weird way of testing it though. "Here's a satchel of food," she said when she handed me the bag. "When you think you've found the Spring, sprinkle the food with some water then taste it. In fact, I want you to taste it right now." God! that was the most disGUSting crud I've ever had the misfortune of eating. What did she think the water was gonna do to it anyway, make it taste better? "You have ten minutes," she said. "Or the deal's off." Feh! As if I'd need _ten_ minutes!

Whoa! Did I see that right? A giant iguana? Being chased by a giant owl? What's going on here? Hmm, set off some traps back there. Oh well, going too fast to get caught anyway.

Aha! Maybe _that's_ the Spring.

Blech! Maybe not.

-
"Where the hell am I now?"

Ryoga was walking in a forest holding a map. If he looked more carefully, he would have noticed that it was of Euro-Disney. After that fiasco at the Tendo's, he went off to get his gear and get his revenge on Ranma. How dare he! Hitting him in the back with... with... a slimy tentacle.

"Ok, if I head straight this way, I'll get to.. to.. Chez Mickey?" He scratched his head. "Funny way to describe a house." A strong gust of wind tore the map from his hands. he didn't notice the red blur that caused it, nor the traps it had sprung . "Get back here you stupid map!" Ryoga's chase was cut short as a dozen traps sprung on him and buried him under a ton of rocks.

-
Nabiki walked towards him sexily. Shrugging off a shoulder of her nightie, then the other. She slowly pulled her nightie off... *KLONG!*

Everything was silent. Then..

"OWWWW!" Isamu groaned holding his head. I've gotta stop daydreaming, he thought, and contined walking.

-
"Done!" Akane said proudly. She had prepared recipes' #40 to 48; although they didn't turn out the colors they were supposed to, she was sure that it would taste just fine.

Meanwhile, in the living room...

"Remember the time Kurumi and Natsume were here? _They_ thought her cooking was delicious."

"But Kasumi," Soun said worriedly. "I think that's more because of their hardened stomachs than Akane's cooking."

"You're worrying over nothing father. Nothing at all."

"Is he here yet?" Nabiki asked, coming downstairs, green dress flowing gracefully.

"You look beautiful, Nabiki!" Soun said proudly. "Are you and Isamu going to... you know." He nudged his daughter.

"Daddy!" Nabiki fumed. Kasumi gasped.

"Just kidding!"

-
Yuck! This isn't it. Strike twenty one.

-
Kyoko walked towards him sexily. She shrugged off the shoulder of her nightie. She smiled beguilingly as she s-l-o-w-l-y pulled down the translucent-

*KLONG!*

"OWWWW!"

Godai looked around, snapped out of his daydreaming by the noise. He saw a well dressed Isamu rub his head, then continued walking, er, staggering, off into the distance.

"Huh, I guess I'm not the only one who does that." He looked down at the piece of paper he was holding, the teriyaki cooling on his bike. "Where the hell is the Kuno Residence?"

-
"How _do_ you feel about this guy?" Ranma said, coming into the room with his dad following behind him.

"I feel..." Nabiki began. Everyone leaned in eagerly. "That it's none of your business."

Akane popped her head out of the kitchen. "Is he here yet? Can someone set the table for me? I have to get ready myself."

"I'll do it Akane," Kasumi said as she stood up.

"Hey Pop," Ranma poked his dad. "Do you have the number?"

"Yes, my son." Genma nodded, producing a piece of paper.

"Number for what?" Nabiki asked.

"The hospital," Ranma said matter-of-factly. "We _are_ going to eat Akane's cooking."

"JERK!" Akane shouted, flinging a plate discus style. Ranma dodged easily.

"Losing your touch tombYOWCH!" Ranma 's taunt was cut abruptly as the plate whirled back and hit Ranma behind the head, driving him into Akane's waiting fist. The room was filled with applause as the Tendo's and Genma cheered Akane's attack.

"What style, what grace!" Soun sobbed. "Did you see that, Saotome?"

"Indeed Tendo! Akane's truly becoming a great martial artist."

"Akane! That was so clever. So clever," Kasumi clapped.

"I give it a ten for style points," added Nabiki.

===== =6:59= =====

Isamu finally got to the Tendo gate. He arranged his shirt, checked his breath, then knocked. He used the time it took them to get to the gate to check his fly. Inside, Kasumi was directing Ranma on arranging the table. Meanwhile, Akane had just come down from her room, wearing a nice, casual dress. The Tendo sisters were wearing the gifts that Isamu had given them earlier. Kasumi and Akane admired the craftsmanship of their bracelets. Nabiki looked at the necklace she had on in the mirror. Ranma brushed some dust off his new chinese shirt. Nabiki went to open the door while Genma and Soun tried to make the living room as presentable as possible; a considerable task considering the melee that broke out in it earlier in the day.

-
Nope. Nope. Ugh. Yuck. I think my tongue is numb. Eww.

-
Mousse arranged the wig as best he could. It would have to do until he can cook up some herbal hairgrower.

"Ranma!" He seethed. "For this, you shall pay!"

-
Where the hell is he? Nabiki fretted. Isamu's here already! If West didn't come pretty soon... Wait, I think Isamu's talking to me.

"Huh?" Nabiki said distractedly.

"I said," Isamu repeated. "You look lovely tonight."

"Thanks," she smiled. They were now all sitting in the living room while Akane and Kasumi made last minute arrangements to the table.

"Hey, Nabiki," Ranma whispered. "You don't like this guy, do you?"

"Why would you say that?" She asked. Isamu was talking to the Dads about something or the other.

"You're letting him eat Akane's food."

"Normally, I'd have to agree. But I'm sure Akane's dinner will be delicious." She said with an enthusiasm she didn't feel.

-
Ugh. Yuck. PTUI!

This is hopeless! Eep! A minute left!

Nopenopeyuckewwgrossnopeblechptuinopenope...

-
"Dinner's ready!" Akane called.

As everybody filed towards the kitchen, Nabiki was worrying while making light conversation with Isamu. Where is he? she thought as Isamu was saying something about basketball. Getting into a fight with Kuno is one thing, Akane's cooking is very much the other. She didn't think he'd survive it.

"Basketball's ok, I guess," Ranma admitted. "I just don't play it that much."

"You play hoops?" Isamu asked.

"Yeah, at the youth center."

"Up for a game tomorrow?"

"Sure."

Akane came in, followed by Kasumi carrying trays of food. Whereas her mother wrote it was suppose to be "light, fluffy, and of a golden brown color", Akane's was as light and fluffy as the Dojo Yaburi and as far away to golden brown as vinegar could get you. Even Kasumi, who had internalized all the recipes contained within the book, could not recognize any of the dishes. Isamu's mouth watered.

"Wow! That looks great!" He said sincerely. Everyone else stared at him incredulously.

"He's dead," Ranma mumbled, receiving a jab in the rib from Nabiki.

Akane for her part was quite pleased with the compliment. Isamu looked genuinely hungry for her food. Once all the dishes were brought out, everyone started putting food on their respective plates apprehensively. Except for Isamu, who was piling it on. This looks great! He thought. Akane's cooking reminded him of gumbo. He loved gumbo.

"Well," Akane said cheerily. "Dig in!"

======= =7:03= ======

NopeyuckughblechIdon'tbelieveI'mlateyuckechAHA! Found it!

-
Isamu was lifting the spoon to his mouth.

-
Gotta dump it in their dinner, thought the Flash as he ran on. This water _is_ magic! That gunk in the bag tasted delicious! Tokyo!

-
Ranma was poised to run to the phone, Genma readied the number.

-
The Flash streaked into Tokyo in a blur of red. I hope she doesn't mind me being a few minutes late. Where is her blasted house?

-
Nabiki looked resigned to spend the evening watching paramedics pump Isamu's stomach. Akane looked at him eagerly. The spoon continued it's inexorable journey.

-
I'm lost! No, wait, there!

-
The spoon entered his mouth. Nabiki gasped.

-
The Flash ran into the room, carrying the flask of magic water. He saw cousins of the 'food' he test tasted on the dining table. So that's why she wanted me to get this water, he thought as he poured a little into every dish, plate and even in the spoon in Isamu's mouth. He ran straight back to Keystone, as per instructions not to be seen. He was suppose to tell her when he put the water in, but since she said he wasn't supposed to be seen, she'd just have to call him up. He shivered at the thought.

-
"DELICIOUS!" Isamu exclaimed, digging into his meal.

Everyone else looked puzzled. Nabiki tasted her food. It was great! There was no need to worry afterall. West must've put the water in and forgot to tell her. I'll deal with him later, she thought.

The evening went smoothly afterwards.
-

Isamu and Nabiki stood outside of the gateway to the Tendo house.

"So," Isamu said, "what was the big fuss with Akane's cooking? The gumbo tasted great to me!"

"It wasn't gumbo." answered Nabiki.

"It wasn't?"

Suddenly, Shampoo whizzed by them running into the house, chased by the monstrous Foodenstein screaming "Ranma help!"

Before they could turn around Mousse whizzed by, chasing a cop, yelling "I'll save you Shampoo!" Ryoga ran straight towards the dojo, then ran straight into the neighboring house shouting "THIS TIME YOU SHALL PAY SAOTOME!" A large crowd ran down a street, in front was a small figure with a big sack yelling "What a haul!"

Massive destruction ensued.

Nabiki sighed. Isamu looked shocked.

"Remind me..." he said, "to not invite those people to any parties at my house."

Nabiki smiled. "G'night Isamu," she said. She kissed him on the cheek and went back to the house to estimate the damages for the insurance company.

Isamu walked off into the night, smiling. "Nice girl," he muttered. "Too bad she's surrounded by lunatics."

A loud explosion erupted .

"What a neighborhood," he said, as he smiled and shook his head.

"Wait, I think that came from _MY_ house!"

========================================================================== =========NEXT: SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY(or shooting hoops)================== ==========================================================================

Thanks goes out to: RpM for the use of his account, his computer, his paper, his tapes, his cd's, um, I think that's it.

All Characters (except for Mr. Hentaii) are the property of their owners.

So there.

-
Unfocused Ramblings- please ignore -
Although this is not coming out the way I expected it (I thought I could wrap this up in about a month. Boy was I wrong!), I'm enjoying writing this immensely. The original plan had Nabiki as a focal point, but I find that it's really oscillating between her and her new friend. That's ok, it'll work out. Why did I do this, you might ask? Well, there's an axiom which goes something like 'the path least tread' or 'off the beaten path' or something like that. I thought, "Well, ok. I wanna write a fic. who should I do?" Ranma, Ryoga, Akane, Shampoo, Mousse, Ukyo, Kuno, they're all the beaten path. The fact is that they've been done much better than I could have by a hell of a lot of writers from all angles imaginable. Nabiki on the other hand, is uncharted (maybe mildly explored) territory. Besides, it's my first fic (hopefully not the last). If I fuck this up, it'll be because it just sucked, not because John Biles did so-and-so better or somebody wrote something like this much better.

Addendum =)
==========

Nabiki Tendo Age: 17 Occupation: You have to pay to find out.

What you hold in your hand (read on your screen, whatever) right now came from an almost fanatical, and certainly unhealthy, obsession with Nabiki. That and I hated how most fanfics portrayed her as a shallow, manipulative bitch with no love interests. Or those that portray her as overly emotional under that icy cool sufrace. Hopefully, by the time I'm done, I would have shown you a deep, manipulative _person_ with a love interest _and_ who's emotions (which she does possess) don't run away with her.

Isamu Hentaii Age: 18 Occupation: obscenely rich(shhhhh!)

The idea for an underpowered new character came from a desire to be different. His name came to me after watching Macross Plus (shameless plug). Essentially, taking the extra 'i' out of his family name, it translates to 'brave pervert' (I think). Note that I _hated_ the idea of adding the extra 'i' in his name, but my editor (no, editor is too strong a word, guy-that-bugs-you-a-lot-while -your-trying-to-write) finally sold me on the idea.

ungrateful bastard, ain't he ;)
-the "editor"

I checked in a dictionary, hentaii doesn't mean anything, so I went with it. At first, he was going to be Dr. Tofu's nephew or something, but then I would have had to fill in the Tofu family tree, and I have no bloody idea how. I thought about giving him something unique, like having animals strangely attracted to him, or giving him a really bad accent. But I decided that moderation is the way to go so I gave him a mild Kunoesque quality and let it go at that. Besides, the character is essentially me. And the one thing I am not is overpowering... and handsome. Ok, the _two_ things I am not are overpowering and handsome... and rich. Hmm.. among the several things that I am not are overpowering, handsome and rich. HA!

-
Anyway, I wanted to include the original plot, word for word, from which I scripted this part of the story :

PLOT Weekend Nabiki plays a prank on Ranma (Ranma loves Nabiki?). We are 1st introduced to Isamu. He moves in near the Tendos. Nabiki meets him going to Kuno's. He is swooned over by lots of women on the way. At Kuno's, he beats up on Kuno. Stops at local cafe. Nabiki brings him home (insert wackiness). Explore Nabiki's feelings.

Obviously, a lot of ideas sprung to mind in the many months it took me to flesh it out. And some parts were changed and/or deleted, but that's why I like working with a bare bones type of plot. It gives me a general direction while giving me room to expand on ideas.

The Flash is one of my favorite comic books, thanks to the writing of Mark Waid. I thought it would be cool to include him. In the original idea, Ranma was suppose to be the one who ran frantically around the place looking for the water, but that would have taken too long.

Cameos! The most wonderful part of fanfics! The Flash probably would have been pretty low on the list of characters you thought you'd see here, huh? Well, y'know, me too. Again, UY, A-ko, SF, Guyver, etc. crossovers have been done by other people, with much better success. So if I do use some characters, I'll try to use them in unexpected, and hopefully interesting ways.

I noticed that I barely had any water/curse jokes/situations. That's because I thought that it's been done far better before by other fanfic writers and I honestly don't think I can write those kind of jokes anyway.

Cameos that I'm considering are:
Nuku Nuku The Simpsons Pinky & the Brain The X-Files Li Jun Fan (Bruce Lee)
Project A-ko characters Street Fighter II Maris the Chojo

I've gotten some mail asking about the Okonomiyaki monster. At the present time his team of lawyers are discussing whether to have a press release or not and his PR firm isn't returning my calls.

we want the merchandising rights to the "Okonomiyaki Monster" dolls,
toys, cooking kits, pajamas, etc. or at least 40% of the profits.
Else we go on strike.

-the editor, and agent.
-

In case you missed it, Ataru Moroboshi of Uresei Yatsura fame was here, so was Yusaku Godai of Maison Ikkoku.

The whole story is already plotted out and I'm working on the next part right now. As of right now, Part II is about 92% complete.

"FASTER! FASTER! *WHIP* THE READERSHIP IS GETTING IMPATIENT!"
- the mighty editor -

It's just gonna take me a while.

- end part 1