That Night:
I still couldn't believe what had happened today. I knew what Lorelei was doing. I knew that she didn't care for me. But that didn't stop me from sleeping with her. Just thinking about it made me sick. I had slept with an alien basically. And I felt disgusting.
I stepped into the shower. I let the hot water calm me. I had hurt May. She would never admit that it had hurt her but I knew her better than she thought. When she said there were no strings, she probably believed it at the time. But it grew into almost a relationship. The problem was that my heart wasn't in it to try to make it into something more than sex. I didn't regret it, but I wasn't exactly proud of it either.
The first night it happened I had turned down Skye's request to talk. While I did have every intention of going back to my room, May's offer was better. She knew what it was like to have that rage going through you. It was merely companionship, but it kept happening and suddenly it was no longer just about companionship. The Skye got shot and my world stopped.
May had tried to help me, she had tried to talk to me but I was beyond reason. I knew it was not Coulson's fault but he seemed like the easiest target. If I was honest all of us were to blame in some way. Fitz had let her go in by herself, Simmons had gotten hit with the Night Night Gun, May should have stayed on the train with them. Coulson should have never put her in that position.
Then there was me. I liked finding someone else to blame, because they could be punished but I could never punish myself. I didn't know how. But it was my fault. I was too hard on her after she betrayed us. I couldn't try to trust her again. Maybe if I had gone easier on her she wouldn't have felt the need to go in there alone and prove herself to me, to all of us. I should have trained her harder, made sure she could defend herself. Then there was the most painful thought, I should have protected her. I had made a promise to her, that I would protect her up until she could protect herself. How stupid I was, to think that I was enough.
I had put so much blame on Coulson, and looking back that wasn't fair. May was right; the only one who should really be blamed was the person who shot her. Ian Quinn. I had wanted to kill him but I knew it wouldn't help, whatever he knew would help us find the clairvoyant and if, god forbid, Skye died at least I could almost make it okay if we caught the clairvoyant. But he wouldn't talk and ay beat the shit out of him anyway. Coulson's mission gave me hope. I had almost fallen apart when I heard she was dying. But Coulson knew there was a way. So I clung to that hope, we threw ourselves into finding where he had been treated. I the end it was Fitzsimmons who found it and I had never been more grateful.
Just seeing Skye in that room made me angry and sad, I could barely look at her. When I did look at her it hurt. It took her lying on her death bed for me to finally realize just how much she meant to me. So I went on the mission with Coulson and I pushed aside everything but Skye. We found the drug and saved her but I have never been so scared in my life. I felt helpless all over again, just like my childhood. Simmons injected her and for a second nothing happened. Then her vitals started going up and we could all breath. When she started convulsing I screamed her name, wanting to stop her pain, but my Skye was a fighter. She fought to live and she did.
Then we found Lorelei. And she put some kind of magic over me. I complied with whatever she wanted. I told her about Skye, about the whole team. I even slept with her. I brought her back to the plane and almost killed May in the process and I had hurt her. Lorelei told her about my feelings for Skye, while she didn't say it outright it was obvious who she meant. I had feelings for Skye. And whatever I had with May would always just be sex. I felt like a ridiculous teenager when I went to talk to her in the cockpit. But I had to end it, because I wanted Skye and she had to know. I had to be unattached though.
I stepped out of the shower with thoughts still circling through my head. I dried myself off, threw on some clothes and walked to my bunk. I closed the door and laid on my back, staring at the ceiling.
Skye was still in the pod downstairs, Simmons hadn't let her return to her bunk, and said she wouldn't be anytime soon. Just thinking about Skye made me smile. I never would have thought I could have feelings for her. She was my polar opposite. She was fun, and happy and crazy and I loved everything about her. I wasn't sure if I actually was in love with her but I knew I was defiantly on my way there. I had never really felt this strongly about someone. Skye taught me so much about life and how to have fun. If I was darkness she was light. She was the heart of the team. I got up suddenly. Simmons was probably still with Skye, I could take over. It was getting late and Simmons had barely slept lately, always watching Skye.
An I walked to what Skye like to call her cell,I Saw Simmons talking to Fitz in the hallway.
"Hey guys." I said as I walked passed them.
"Hey Ward." They said simultaneously, they spent way to much time together.
"I can stay with Skye." I said as I turned around to face them. "Why don't you guys go get some rest you look exhausted?"
They shared a look before they both nodded. "Probably a good idea. Good night Ward. Come on Fitz." Simmons said as she and Fitz walked away.
I saw the light from the room before I could actually see her. I looked through the window first to make sure she was awake. Unsurprisingly she was on her computer. I knocked and she looked up, startled. When she saw it was me she immediately smiled.
"Can I come in?" I asked her. She nodded so I entered.
"How are you?" She asked. I could see the worry in her eyes. Then I remembered that I had not seen her since this morning.
"Okay. It's a little surreal to be honest." I met her eyes and I could see every emotion. Her eyes were like an open book to me. She looked slightly surprised, probably because I never willingly share information.
She put her hand over mine, non-verbally willing me to continue.
I looked down. "I slept with her. And I can't get the dirty feeling to go away. I didn't love her it was more of a hormonal thing. She made me feel high, in a good way. Well at the time it felt good but not I feel gross, and ashamed. I almost killed May. I know it was me but it just felt like a different person." I said. I looked up to meet her eyes.
"You are not dirty Grant." She said, with compassion lacing her tone. I loved when she called me Grant. It felt more personally, like she was seeing through me. "You were under her spell; it's very similar to the berserker staff. For some reason you always attract alien activity."
I smiled at that. "Must be my good looks." I said. She laughed at that, but her laugh turned into a frown. Something dawned on me; she had two bullet holes in her. Laughing probably hurt. I stood up and looked at her face. "Are you okay? What can I do? Do you want me to go get Simmons?"
She shifted back on the bed a little bit and looked at me, smiling slightly. "I'm fine. A little pain is to be expected. I'm not made of glass. Don't get Simmons because she will probably take more blood and I really don't want to deal with that right now."
I sighed. "Fine, but rest I can leave."
"No! Don't go! Grant please, I'm going insane in here I need human contact." She moved over on the bed, gesturing for me to sit next to her.
"Fine, but only for a little while." I said. As I sat next to her. I wrapped my right arm around her shoulder and she cuddled into my side. I smiled at her being so close.
We sat in silence for a few minutes before she spoke.
"Grant?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you ever think about me?" I frowned down at her but she was playing with my shirt.
"What do you mean?" I asked. I always thought about her but I wanted to know what she was asking.
"In like a romantic way?" She asked. She wouldn't look at me.
"Where is this coming from?" I asked.
She huffed and she finally looked at me. "I almost died Grant. And I have feelings for you. I have for a while but you're my S.O and I didn't want to ruin our friendship. But this made me realized that if I didn't at least try then what was the point. So I like you a lot Grant and I need to know what you think about that." She said and I could see that she was being honest. She had feelings for me, and she had made the first move because she was tired of waiting for me.
I did the only thing I could think to do in that moment. I grabbed her chin lightly and lifted it up as I moved my head closer to hers, seeing the desire in her eyes was the only affirmation I needed. I pressed my lips against hers. At first she was slightly shocked then all of a sudden she shifted in my arms so she was facing me, and pressed her lips harder against mine. Her hands roamed through my hair as out tongues fought for dominance. My one hand was still on her chin while the other moved to her hair. It was silky and smooth, even though she probably hadn't ran a brush through it in a few hours. In that moment I knew that I loved her, that I would always love her. I pulled away after a few minutes.
I rested my forehead against hers as our breath mixed together, we were both breathing heavily.
"So that's what it's like to kiss you." She said, smiling.
I pulled away, smiling right back at her. I looked into her eyes and said the three words I never thought I would say. "I love you."
Her eyes widened and tears filled her eyes. "I love you too." She said as she pressed her lips against mine again. She pulled away after a minute and we sat looking into each other's eyes for a few minutes. She was getting tired, I could tell.
"Lay down." I said as I pulled the covers back. She slipped under them and looked at me expectantly.
"Come on." She said as she held them open for me. I smiled at her. I kicked off my shoes and joined her under the sheets. She immediately cuddled into my side. "Best moment." She muttered as she drifted off.
I smiled and kissed her forehead. Best moment. I drifted off to sleep with Skye in my arms.