Your name leaves my lips, a soft whisper I know you can't hear. But I have to say it, say it just to give myself the illusion of still being with you, that you'll know I'm watching over you. It's a futile effort, but it's the best I can do.
You stand in front of my grave, your beautiful eyes full of pain as you place a bouquet of lilies next to the roses someone else left for me. The roses are a nice sentiment, but the lilies mean so much more. They're my favorite and you know it, but the most meaning comes from the fact that they're from my one true love, from you.
I turn to God and ask him why you can't hear me. It would be so easy for him to make it happen, but as always, he just shakes his head and says that it would only makes things worse for you.
In a way, this is very true. You're slowly getting to the point where you accept my death, where you can live around it, and hearing my voice now would only destroy the progress you've made over the past years.
I still wish I could tell you just how much I love you. But all I can do is hope you know that you're the only person that ever mattered to me, the only person I would've given my life for and eventually did.
I know you blame yourself for what happened. You think that, if it weren't for you, I would be alive and breathing. But my fate was set. If I wouldn't have met you, I would've met somebody else and eventually given my life for that person. God and I went over this many times. I cried in his arms, asked him why I had to leave earth. He said my fate's been set before I was even born. That I was supposed to be a martyr, that it was my mission in life, so to speak. He even showed me several scenarios of how my life could've turned out and they all ended the same way – me dying to protect the person I love. Of course, I would've died in different ways. Pushing my love out of the way of a speeding car and getting myself run over in the process. Being a soldier and taking a bullet for him.
Or the one that ended up happening. Taking down Demitri to ensure he'd leave you alone and getting killed by Jane.
Edward, there is nothing you could've done to save me. In one way or another, I would've died for you.
It's who I am, or was, and who I will always be.
So don't blame yourself. Blame me, blame fate, blame whoever you want to blame – but forgive yourself.
Even after all the times I've told you, you still don't believe you're the perfect match for me. You still think I should've ended up with Jacob, that I should've married him and led a happy life.
But even that path would've led to the same result. If I'd chosen Jacob over you, Paul would've killed me on accident. He would've gotten mad at Jacob, would've lost control and phased, and while trying to get to Jacob, torn me to pieces.
Edward, you truly were – and still are – the best thing that's ever happened to me. The time I spent with you was the happiest time anyone on this earth ever experienced. You filled every single day with joy, love, and happiness.
Even if I could, I wouldn't change anything that happened – not a single bit of it.
I never believed in fairytales, never thought true love really existed, that those silly stories could come true –until they did.
Meeting you was better than any fairytale anyone could've told, because it was real, because it was you.
Our life together still feels like a dream to me, like I'll wake up any second only to realize that my imagination is better than I ever thought it was, that all of it was just another wish that would never come true.
But it was real. It was real, in the realest sense.
I love you with every fiber of my being, with every cell of my body, and this love fills up the entirety of my heart.
Times change, memories fade, people become someone else. But this love will always stay the same.
Through tears and fights, health and sickness, through thick and thin – and even through death.
This love will never go away and I want you to know that no matter how far away I seem, I will always be right next to you. Maybe not physically, but always in spirit.
So when you close your eyes and listen to the sounds around you…
The birds chirping, the wind whistling happy tunes, or even sad ones, the plants around you growing, the animals running through the woods….
Know it's me saying hello, saying I love you. Know it's me saying I'm okay where I am- here in heaven, with God by my side.
Know it's me and never forget the love we shared – because it's the only thing that ever mattered.
And when those lilies inexplicably bloom in the middle of the winter, when they become fragrant and beautiful once again, know it's me waving at you, know it's me whispering your name.
Know it's me sending a sign to show you that I'll always love you and will never forget the times we shared.
Know it's me watching over you.