All I want:
Mercedes sat at the piano in what use to be the Trouble Tones practice room. She rested her elbow at the keys edge as her hand supported her head. As her other hand lightly played with the keys as she sighed. They were a strong cohesive group. They were fierce, femme, and most of all phenomenal. But most of all they all had the chance to be stars. Santana got a chance to prove her vocal prowess, and Brittney had learned to sing in perfect harmony while showing her killer dance moves. They even managed to get Sugar to sing in tune, which was a large accomplishment in itself for the tone deaf teen. But to do it while show casing her ability to dance, a talent they would have never found out about had they never joined.
With Shelby's help, they had all grown as performers. Mercedes understood why she was a multi-award winning show choir director. She easily brought out the best in her students. And she gave them all a real shot at leads, solos, and a real voice in practice. For once, all ideals were taken into consideration. She was like a miracle worker.
And she, Mercedes Jones, was their leader. She made sure her group stayed focused, allowing petty things to just slip away. She encouraged them to be fierce on stage, but kind to their opponents when they stepped off of it. But most importantly, as leader, she ensured they all shined to the best of their abilities. That no matter what their roles were they were all stars. She made sure they ran like a machine, a cohesive group of girls, with the ability to entertain, but most importantly the ability to win.
Or so she thought. But after what was a strong Sectionals showing, they still lost. And with her personal life going in a direction that she was unwilling to discuss with Mercedes, Shelby thought it best to take Beth and return to New York. The Trouble Tones were officially disbanded. Finally, she and Shane broke up. He realized that he was going off to Ohio State to play, and with her lack of focus, and failure to win, she needed to be alone to figure out her life. Everything she had built blew away in the matter of a week.
Tomorrow would be the first practice back for them as members of the New Directions. Mercedes, being honest with herself, could admit she missed her friends. She missed giggling with Tina, and bumping shoulders with Artie when they jammed to a song together. She even slightly missed Rachel, which shocked even her. But, there were two things she would have to do, that she didn't want to deal with. First, was going back to never feeling appreciated, heard, or featured in her old group. She loved Mr. Schue and his optimism, but she didn't like at all how he ran the glee club, or how he would allow his judgment to be substituted by someone else's. Shelby was consistent and concise. She knew what she wanted and what she didn't. She would either agree with you, then put it to a vote to see if the group did too, or she would shut the ideal down but encourage you to present another. Schue, on the other hand, would have an ideal but as soon as certain members made a fuss, would change it to fit another vision. She couldn't go back to that kind of leadership and be completely happy about it.
Then there was a more personal issue. Sam was back. Mercedes didn't know how they did it, but Finn and Rachel managed to find him and bring him back. She slightly suspected they did it to throw her off of her game. And she will admit, seeing him did frazzle her a bit, but with the support of her Team they still presented what she maintains was a kick ass performance. But tomorrow, she would have to sit in a classroom, knowing that he was there. She didn't even know what she was supposed to do. Did she look at him and act like they where old friends who weren't together only a few months ago? Did she ignore him, and give him her best diva attitude, showing him he didn't affect her? She was so confused that she decided to sneak back into her old rehearsal room to not only relive for a moment when she was considered a leader, but to think about what her plan of action would be.
"Mercedes?"
Mercedes lifted her head and gulped. Standing in the door way was Sam. His hair shorter, and his skin a bit paler from the lack of sun, but still the Sam Evans she called hers only a few months prior, before he moved. He leaned, with his bag tossed carelessly over his shoulder, like he was posing for an editorial fashion shoot. So much for having time to find a plan of action.
"Hey Sam" she sighed.
"You miss it huh?" he questioned as his lips pulled into a kind smile. "Damn" Mercedes thought, "He still charming as ever"
"What? You mean being heard and looked at as a leader?" Mercedes shot back sarcastically "Of course" she sighed.
Sam furrowed his eye brows as he shifted his weight and stepped into the classroom towards Mercedes. "You'll have that back with us" he soothed.
Mercedes gave him a look that suggested she didn't believe him.
"What you will" he laughed at her expression. "Look, Schue has realized that you guys are important to our group. And that even after two years of leading us he still has a lot to learn but he is willing to make changes as long as we give him a chance."
Mercedes sighed as she rolled her eyes. She heard that same speech from Shelby when the Trouble Tones voiced their concern to her about leaving and them going back to the New Directions. She didn't fully believe it then and even from Sam's lips it was still hard to swallow. "We'll see" was all she replied.
She then looked up and noticed that he had plopped down on the piano bench next to her. At that moment the room felt ten times smaller, like it had shrunk instantaneously. Mercedes sat up straight and faced the piano keys. Sam being that close to her, only made her more confused. Her heart began to pound in her ears.
"So what about us?" Sam sighed looking at her profile.
One thing about Sam, he never seemed to have the ability to beat around the bush. When he wanted something he went for it, full steam a head.
Mercedes shrugged softly. "What about us?" she said looking at the piano keys alternating patter of ivory and ebony. The irony of her view wasn't wasted on her, but now wasn't the time to bring it up.
"Well what do you want?" Sam asked scooting closer to her on the already tiny bench. He leaned forward in an attempt to get her to look into his eyes.
Mercedes abruptly stood up. His proximity made her heart beat drown out everything. She shook her head attempting to clear it. Having him back sent her into an internal civil war between her head and her heart. Her head told her to move on, it was over, and she had to focus on herself. But her heart, her heart wanted to pour out to him how she had in fact missed him, how she wanted him back, how she knew Shane was only a substitute for him. She honestly hadn't figured out what side she wanted to win, and being that close to him didn't help her decision any more.
"Mercedes!" Sam called to her.
"What Sam!" she questioned fighting the knot that had grown in her chest.
"Look, I know I left. And I know you have a boyfriend-"
"Had" she corrected him
"Okay HAD a boyfriend. I get it okay. And I know it was hard for you when I left. But it was hard for me too. You have to believe that I thought of you every day I was gone. And I knew that when I came back, one of the first things I was going to do was get you back"
Mercedes took a deep breath. She didn't know what to say, so her head took over for her "Good to know I wasn't a summer fling" she shot.
Sam looked slightly hurt from her comment. "You know you were more to me than that" he said looking up at her from the bench. "I really care about you. I thought you felt the same about me. But when you say things like that, and "So June" it makes me wonder if that's all I was to you. Some charity summer project" he said in a bitter tone.
Mercedes closed her eyes wishing at that moment she had a time machine. She would go back and never say that stupid line or the one about "coco babies". It was all a front her head put on when her heart couldn't take the pain of him leaving. Her heart stepped forward, and spoke for her. "You were my first real boyfriend Sam" she said to him finally looking into his eyes. "You meant way more to me than some summer fling. You were…" She trailed off unable to compose herself and finish her thought
Sam stood and walked in front of her. She backed up slightly still not wanting to get too close to him. "So what do you want?" he asked her again.
"What do you mean Sam?" she asked angrily. "What kind of question is that?"
"I know what I want Mercedes. I want you" he said slowly stepping closer to her "I want us to be together. I want what we had this summer, and more. What do you want?"
Mercedes backed away again. It was almost like he was chasing her and she couldn't understand why he wouldn't give her the space she required. She felt like an animal backed into a corner, so she attacked to fight her way out. "What do I want?" she repeated as her head pushed her heart out of the way, taking back over her. "I want your parents to never have lost their jobs. I want you to have never agreed to go to prom with Rachel and me. I want you not to have been the one to give me my Cinderella moment. I want you to have never held my hand. I want you to have never given me my first kiss. I want you to have never left me here, alone and confused, when you parents did find work. Because I know if none of that happened, you wouldn't be standing here now asking what I want, and we could have gone on as before, strangers, you with whatever Cheerio you dated next, and me living my life not know what it was like to be with you" she shot at him as she choked back tears.
Feeling herself about to break down, she brushed by him to grab her bag. "I have to go" she huffed as she flung it on her shoulder. She quickly walked towards the door when she felt Sam's strong hand grab her forearm, preventing her from going any farther. Sam then whipped her around to face him, pulling her close to him. He then kissed her, deeply, passionately, and forcefully. He held her arm in at her sides, to prevent her from fighting him any longer. She struggled, only for a second. Then she relaxed into his kiss. Scenes of him, her and summer raced in her mind. She heard their laughter and his goofy impressions. She saw their picnics, and beautiful red orange sunsets they shared. She smelled fresh cut grass, sweet summer rains, and his soap as she cuddled in his arms. She tasted vanilla ice cream and his lips as they kissed under the stars. Finally she felt her tears, and pain when he left.
Sam pulled away from her lips, but still held her close, in his arms. "I know you don't mean any of that" he whispered to her, his breath on her face. "I know because you kissed me back. I need to hear it from your lips 'Cedes. You have to say it so we can make it happen. So I'm asking you again Mercedes, what do you want?"
Her heart felt like it had just burst open like a dam, and every emotion she felt for him came flooding out. She felt her hot tears stream down her face. She was confused. She didn't know what to do or say. Although her head was clouded with thoughts of him, she still found the words "I don't know"
With that she broke free of his hold. She backed up slowly, holding back a sob. "I'm sorry Sam"
She turned and walked briskly out of the room into the empty hallway. She went straight to the girl's bathroom, into the last stall and began to sob. She didn't even know she was holding all of these feeling for Sam. She just wanted them to go away, and for her to be okay again.
As she cried, she heard the door open. "Oh god" she thought "I know he didn't follow me in here"
She peered under the bathroom stalls to find a pair of Cheerios tennis shoes. "Good" she thought as she attempted to muffle sobbing. She figured the person would hurry up, do whatever they came in the bathroom to do and leave her to finish crying in peace.
"Mercedes"
She paused. The hopes of a good private cry were not going to happen now.
"He-Hey Santana" she hiccupped as she attempted to stop crying, and sound normal.
"I saw you come in here crying" the cheerleader stated in a matter of fact manner. "Come out here"
"Oh n-no" Mercedes attempted to cover her voice "It's just allergies. I'm okay"
"Look you talk to everyone else about their problems. Let someone do the same for you. Now come out here or I'm going to pick the lock and come in there after you" Santana demanded.
Mercedes sighed. She didn't want to talk about it, but she knew Santana wouldn't leave until she came out of the stall. So she grabbed a hand full of tissue, unlocked the door, and stepped out. She looked at the Latina who was leaning on the stall next to hers. Mercedes then headed over to the back wall of the bathroom and leaned her back against it.
"So you want to tell me why you're crying, or do I need a magic eight ball?" Santana questioned.
Mercedes shrugged looking at her feet. "Sam wants me back"
"And you're scared he is going to entrap you in that large quarry he calls a mouth?" Santana questioned.
Mercedes peered up at Santana. "What?" Santana shrugged when she saw the look on her face.
"No" Mercedes huffed. "It's just that, when we were together, it was summer. We were out of school, and he didn't have any money so we did go out on official dates you know. We would just hang out. You know?"
"And now you're scared now that he has some income he's going to be cheap?" Santana blurted out still trying to guess the problem.
"No!" Mercedes pressed her lips together. "It's that we will be, you know public. For the whole school to see and analyze."
"Well are you embarrassed by him?" Santana asked, serious for the first time.
"No. I think he's" She paused to find the correct word "Amazing. But he may end up embarrassed by me" Mercedes said, mumbling the last part.
"Look I've dated Sam. How could you possibly embarrass him?"
"Because Santana, his first two girlfriends at this school where Quinn and you" Mercedes sighed.
"Yeah, a candid for the show Teen Mom, and a closeted lesbian" Santana sighed "to be honest things are looking up for fish face" she admitted, mostly to herself.
"No Cheerios. And not just any Cheerios, HEAD Cheerios. Now he will be seen with me." Mercedes looked away, as the tears began to flow again.
"A beautiful girl, with a great smile, and amazing talent" Santana soothed as she stood up and walked over to Mercedes, leaning next to her on the wall.
"Yeah right" Mercedes scoffed. "People are going to think he's downgrading"
"Look, if I've learned anything in the past few weeks, it's that as long as you have friends, good friends, who have your back, you can face anything in this world. I thought the world would look at me differently and expect me to be different when I admitted who I was. But then you guys showed me, I was fine, and had nothing to hide from the world. I am an amazing person, and who I love doesn't change that. And the same is for you Mercedes. Your beautiful and talented, and deserve real, supportive love"
Mercedes sighed. She had gotten a speech close to that two years ago, but that time from Quinn. "I know" Mercedes admitted. "It's just that no one is going to understand what he is doing with me. I mean we're complete opposites"
"Well look at me and Brit" Santana sighed. "I am a bitch. I tell it like I mean it, and will say the first thing that comes to mind, consequences be damned. While she still believes in the Stork, Santa, and Leprechauns. But if anyone were to question what we see in each other we would easily answer that we both just fit. We can't fully explain it, but we do. And to hell with them if they don't get it, because it's not for anyone else to "figure" out. It's your life and you have to live it for you and not for what society says you should do or be with."
Mercedes sat back quietly. "Yeah I get that" she finally sighed. "I feel bad for coming to you with this. You have enough to deal with. You know your coming out, and everything. While I'm sitting here crying because a boy likes me" she said with a huff and an eye roll.
"Look, yeah your crying over a boy who can possibly suck you through a straw liking you, while I'm dealing with being pushed out of the closet, but both of our fears come from the same place. And that is not feeling worthy of love. You it's because you're a fuller figured black girl who has it for a totally cut white boy who you assume is out of your league. Me, it's because I'm a cynical smart ass who is head over heals for a girl who still believes in magic and fairytales. But if you ask her, she can see all of what's great about me, and I'm sure Sam could do the same about you. You're the one holding yourself back with him, like I did with Brit" Santana sighed as she slightly bumped Mercedes shoulder with her own. "It may be different situations, but it's the same kind of insecurity."
"Wow" Mercedes sighed "coming out has made you much smarter" she teased.
"Yeah" Santana laughed lightly "I guess Finn the Jolly Pasty Giant booting me out of the closet has its good side."
"Well I see all of the amazing qualities in you San" Mercedes smiled.
"And I you, Captain." She smiled back.
She turned and hugged Mercedes tightly, and Mercedes embraced her back thankful for her friend.
"And Mercedes?"
"Yeah San?"
"This never gets out okay?" Santana asked as she let go of her friend. "I got a reputation to up hold"
"You got it Satan" Mercedes smiled back.
The next day at Glee club, the group was singing holiday songs that expressed how they felt about the up coming holiday season, and what they hoped for in the up coming New Year. Mercedes smiled because in that instant she knew what she wanted to sing. She leaped up when Mr. Schue asked for volunteers. "I've got one" she called out as she made her way to the front of the class.
"Well that's great" Mr. Schue smiled. "Mercedes will be first" he called out as she took her place next to him. He then placed his arm around her shoulder and gave her a quick tight squeeze while whispering "good to have you back". She smiled at him kindly and nodded in agreement.
"Well guys" Mercedes smiled "Everyone is always asking you what you want for Christmas. And normally when someone asks me this, I ramble off a long list of items, the stores they can be purchased, and the section they can be found in. But this Christmas, I have as surprisingly short list." She briskly walked over the musicians who are always hanging out. She whispered her song selection with a smile and began signing.
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
[Mercedes sings as she walks slowly in front of her group members, singing to each of them]
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas
Is you [ She stops at Sam, and sings to him with a small smile]
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
And I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas Day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby
[Santana pulls Brittney up to dance. Mike and Tina follow behind them as he twirls her around]
Oh I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
And I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do?
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You
Oh all the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need?
Won't you please bring my baby to me?
[Mercedes takes Sam by both hands pulling him to a standing position. She pulls him to the front and sings to him. He blushes at the gesture]
Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is
You baby
All I want for Christmas is you baby
All I want for Christmas is you baby
All I want for Christmas is you baby
Mercedes looked up into to Sam's eyes and smiled. "Does that answer your question?" she giggled.
Sam smiled sweetly at his girl. He hugged her tightly and leaned in and placed a sweet and light kiss on her full lips.
Everyone in the room (Well ALMOST everyone) cheered, and whooted at their kiss. Mercedes pulled away and blushed into his chest. Mercedes was truly happy that Santa had delivered her Christmas gift early.
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