Konban wa!! Standard disclaimer....I'm Tasuki_no_Baka and I seriously have no idea how I came up with all these ideas demo I was told they were really funny so I had to write 'em. ^^ Read and review onigai-there's some swears in it but that's to be expected cause Tasuki is in it. ^^; Nothing really serious yet though I hope you enjoy it.
*enthusiastic wave to Tsuki-Moon and Bamboo-chan!* Jaa ne!!
Once upon a time there was a beautiful (*cough* BULLSHIT) girl who was the princess. Or at least people certainly treated her ugly ass as if she was special. And one day she decided to skip through the forest, tripping most of the way, as she wasn't too good at skipping.
"Lalalalalalala...." And it went on like that for hours. For no other reason than that...well let's just say her elevator never quite reached the top floor.
Except that day a hunter named Kouji was trailing her and now quite keen on killing her after having to endure hearing her shrill la's for hours on end. He stepped out and exclaimed loudly: "Princess Ugly Ass-I mean Miaka White, I shall kill you!"
And her witty reply: "No you can't kill me! I haven't eaten everything in the country and-and if you kill me that'd stop my beautiful singing!! See?! Lalalalalalala-''
Kouji fed up: "No!! I SHALL kill you BECAUSE you go lalala and so forth!!"
And again Miaka's profound thought: "But I don't understand...then will YOU continue my beautiful lalalalala-''
Kouji very close to a coronary: "NO!! I JUST WANT TO STOP THE DAMNED SINGING!!!"
"But-but my beautiful lalalalalala...."
And it went on like this for a few hours until Kouji finally fell to the ground while some blood spilled from his ears. He twitched on the ground and murmured quietly, "Just go...let me die in peace please...." Miaka White just smiled idiotically at him and pronounced loudly "OKAY," and went skipping/tripping away. And while the handsome hunter (Did somebody just make an alliteration? Oh I think I did-damn English class!) watched her amble her way through the forest, he struggled for consciousness and dimly hoped that Queen Yui and King Nakago killed that damned ugly princess.
**Impressive Movie Cut to the Seven Seishi (Hey what can I say? I'm on a low budget)**
"Hi whore! Hi whore! It's off to-" Tasuki and Tamahome were bursting into song.
"You bakas!! It's not 'hi whore!!' It's 'hi ho!!' " Nuriko bellowed. Tasuki and Tamahome just glanced at each other.
"What's the fuckin' difference?" Tasuki interjected before a huge rock landed on his head.
Chiriko happened to be still pondering if this child labor was legal and then cursed quietly as he remembered he lived in Ancient China and they didn't have any child labor laws. Mitsukake was also working quietly until he has a great deal of hentai thoughts and had to rest up a bit (Hey then you tell me why he's so quiet!).
Hotohori had refused to work whatsoever and was currently making love to a mirror (Man what I would give to see that! ^.~). "Oh yes darling you do look absolutely perfect today! Oh Eskimo kisses!!" And he proceeded to do just that to his mirror.
While Chichiri, on the other hand, seemingly began to wonder exactly how many masks it took to get to the center of his face, (Damn Tootsie Pops (tm)!!) and was pulling each one off rapidly. "Dear kami there's just no end to them, no da!! Make it stop, no da!!"
Nuriko sighed and remembered why their boss Suzaku; a giant red bird but hey don't bite the hands...err wings that feed you, had committed suicide in the first place.
"HI WHORE, HI WHORE-'' Tasuki and Tamahome shouted until suddenly a young woman appeared from nowhere.
"Did somebody call me?"
"Huh? Who are you?" Tamahome asked, quite stunned.
"Are you a fuckin' whore?!" Tasuki asked rudely until, yet again, Nuriko threw a boulder onto his head.
"Well...I kinda am, but my heart belongs to my love!" The young woman shouted, clutching her heart with a glazed over look in her eyes at the thought of her love.
"Who's your love, no da?"
"My King-Nakkie-poo-sama!!"
"What an ugly name. Ugly names make me sick...isn't that right mirror-koi? Yes it is, yes yes!!" Hotohori purred contently to his golden mirror.
Chiriko cleared his throat, "Anyway why are you here Soi-san?" He inquired ever so politely.
"Well...I don't know really. I mean I suppose it's important to the plot somehow...demo I just don't see it."
"Oh," became Chiriko's reply, "I really don't see it either...." That was until the authoress handed Soi a revised version of "Miaka White and the Seven Seishi" script.
And Soi began to read her lines in a monotonous tone: "I am here to kill you all and protect my Queen Yui-hey wait a damned minute!! Yui is that 'ho that took my man!! No way I'm killin' for her-my Nakkie-poo-sama on the other hand...but definitely not her!!"
The authoress scratches her head and replies above them all: "But then...what am I supposed to do with you?"
"Oh!! Oh!! I know-call on me please!!" Tasuki jumped and waved his hand frantically.
The authoress beamed at her favorite: "Yes Tasuki-what is your idea?"
"Fuckin' feed her to a dragon!! Oh!! A blue one-make it Seiryuu!! The fuckin' irony!!" Soi cast a pissy look in Tasuki's direction and had a small bolt of electricity emerge from her hand until Tasuki was rendered comatose and twitching on the ground. Nuriko raised his hand timidly, not really wanting to get shocked however.
The authoress beamed again at her other favorite character (yes they are my favorites ^^) and asked, "Yes Nuri-chan? Your idea?"
Nuriko shuffled his feet on the ground and shyly said, "Well considering how her love doesn't really want to be with her now...maybe you can have her die later for him so then he can regret his mistake and join her so they're together forever!" All the fangirls gave little dreamy sighs with glazed over eyes at the thought.
Soi also liked the idea: "Hai-I shall perish for my Nakkie-poo-sama!!" And with a great flourish Soi disappeared to wherever she came from taking the authoress with her to plan her great death scene.
Tamahome blinked, "Well that was weird...you don't think any weird freak of a girl happened to wander into our palace and intends to disrupt our everyday lives do you?"
Hotohori laughed and looked up from his mirror, "Oh Tamahome! Now who on earth could do that?! Oh!! We need to get back now-my complexion is going straight away with all this work being made around me-let's go!"
**Meanwhile back at the palace a certain princess was making herself comfortable**
"Oh this is so nice-oh hello there kitty!!"
Tama-neko, on the other hand could spot evil straight away and started growling at the young girl, who was currently munching on his master's ointments for the sick.
"Oh kitty you know you love me!! I'm Miaka White-the fair princess!!"
~Yea right. And I'm Albert Einstein. Man I must be the smartest person on this damn show but does anybody listen to the cat?! No!!~ Tama-neko simply hissed at the bewildering temptress and decided to continue on his merry way to hell with the rest of the cast.
A few hours later the girl had eaten everything in the palace and was currently sporting a potbelly that would make even the most respectable pig in the land jealous. And at that particular moment the seven seishi happened to meander up to their palace.
"Hey-who the fuck are you?!" Tasuki shouted, suddenly ill at the sight of the princess.
"Oh please save me!! I need help!!" Miaka implored at the feet of the seishi after she had waddled over to them with painstaking care to her stomach.
"That's for damn fuckin' sure...." Tasuki muttered before he received another blow from Nuriko.
Hotohori put on his charming smile, you know: the one that the sparkles seem to like because they appear whenever he does that particular smile, and he inquired to the girl politely: "Miss what is it that you need our help with?"
Miaka paused for a few minutes trying to remember her line before she simply decided to read from her script in a dreary tone: "You must save me from the evil Queen Yui and King Naka...Nakago? That right? Yeah...please save me I implore you." She concluded before flashing the seishi a dazzling smile that left them blind for a few minutes.
Tamahome cleared his throat: "Well I'll help you because I think I'm in love with you and all so...it's probably the right thing to do." Hotohori also nodded and agreed to help the princess.
"Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?!? No way I'm gonna put my fuckin' ass on the line for a stupid ugly ass-" Tasuki was interrupted as Nuriko had finally hit him hard enough to drive him to unconscious. Nuriko smiled at the girl and agreed that both Tasuki and himself would protect her.
Chichiri and Chiriko both nodded while Mitsukake simply replied, "Whatever," and he wandered off the make some 'medicinal marijuana'. (That is so sad because I actually think Mitsukake is probably one of the sweetest characters on the show but I just had to write that-gomen. ^-^; )
TBC (dadadummmmm!!!) Will the seishi save the ugly princess? Will Tama-neko become a rich stock broker? Will Nuriko stop hitting Tasuki? ^.~ Will Mitsukake get high and will Hotohori ever be pried from the mirror? And where the hell are the Seiryuu characters?! Read and review onigai and get another chapter!!