Author's Note:
Ay, sorry if this is really bad, I have basically no experience in writing, but I'm getting kinda bored with just reading, and think writing could be a decent hobby to pick up. That being said, please don't hold back in the critique, tell me what I do wrong, and what I should keep doing. Please, it's a huge help, and will make my future chapters (if I choose to continue writing) much more enjoyable.
Onto the plot of this fic, it's a Eren x Mikasa story, and it takes place in the Attack on Titan world. It takes place in a world where the Survey and Military Corps didn't rescue Eren after Reiner and Bertholdt kidnapped him (and Ymir).
Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.
Dot Pixis was slightly more wasted than usual, lying unconscious atop Wall Maria with a few empty bottles of booze lying nearby. It was midday, somewhere around 2 o'clock, and the sun reflected brightly off of Pixis' glossy bald head. Someone nudged his shoulder, he heard some blurry words, and he awoke.
"Ah, Armin, what a lovely surprise." He said, somewhat sarcastically.
"Morning, General Pixis." Armin stood properly, in a soldier's stance.
"Armin, what have I said about this shit, knock it off with the formality." Pixis spat harshly.
Armin was slightly taken back by his sting, but quickly blamed it on the extra booze. "Sorry, sir, a soldier's habit." Armin replied, dropping his hands to his sides. "Sir…"
"Just Pixis, Armin." Dot cut him off.
Armin sighed. "Sir," Armin stretched the word. "With all due respect, you've become lazy. Even more than before, actually."
"Oh really? Well now that you say it, it does indeed seem like it, doesn't it? I don't know what I'd do without your impeccable perception, Armin." The sarcasm seemed to amplify with the added alcohol.
"Sir, your slacking habits have seemed to have rubbed off on the soldiers, I rarely see any of them actually working." Armin sighed, the disappointment obvious in his voice.
Pixis sat up at this, and took a big breath. "Armin, sit down and talk with me for a bit."
He obeyed.
"Armin, that's how it's always been in the Garrison, even more so lately." He stared into Armin's eyes, and the smile fell from his face; a rare sight. He inhaled deeply, his seriousness somewhat terrifying. "You've noticed it too, Armin, the titans have been practically non-existent since, well, you know." Dot sighed, letting his head drop before looking beyond the wall.
Armin inhaled, bracing himself for what he was to say. "Yes, sir, since Eren was kidnapped, Titan sightings have been a luxury, if you could call it that." Armin paused. "But there's still work to do, like planning a search party." A surge of joy seemed to flow through him, but it disappeared as quickly as it came, with obvious disappointment.
Dot brought his hand to his forehead, exhaling a heavy breath. "Armin… it's been a year and a half. I'm sorry, son, Eren's gone." His gaze didn't leave the ground. It was rare for Pixis to discuss such serious topics, but when he did, he became a completely different person.
Armin's eyes glimmered, and he held back a sniffle. "I know sir, I guess Mikasa's optimism has just been rubbing off." A single tear ran down his cheek.
Pixis went back to staring at beyond the walls. "Ah, that poor girl. Will she ever accept the truth? I don't know what happened with those two in their past that made them as close as they are, and I'm still not sure if I'm prepared to know what. But whatever it was, it's a little terrifying." His eyes returned to Armin. "Have you tried…"
"Talking to her?" Armin cut him off, finishing his question. "You don't know how many times, Dot."
Pixis raised his eyebrow, surprised at Armin's use of his first name, although not offended.
"Every time I try, she breaks down, and tries to say something about a rescue, rarely finishing before the sobs take over." Armin continued. "I think - I think she knows that he's gone, she's just still in denial." He shook his head subtly, and tears began to fall. "The world is so cruel, General." Armin was lightly sobbing at this point.
Dot put his hand on Armin's shoulder, attempting to comfort him. "It is, Armin, it is, but now that we can no longer live with Eren, we must live for him. All of us. Mikasa must accept Eren's death, Armin, even without titan's to slay, we are at a great disadvantage without her. Please, Armin, try again to convince her." With this, Dot Pixis stood up, leaving his hand on Armin's shoulder. "Come on, son, let's go."
Armin glanced at the hand, then up to the General's face. The familiar smile had returned. With a final sniffle, he wiped the tears from his eyes, attempting to appear like his usual self. "Yes sir."
Mikasa's eyes cracked open, and she groaned as the sunlight burned her vision. She sat up, and saw a naked Jean lying next to her, recollecting her memories from the night before. They were blurry and scattered, but she knew what happened, more or less.
These hook ups of hers weren't very rare, she went home with Jean once a week, at least. She didn't mean anything by them, of course, she had been going to desperate measures to keep her mind off Eren in the nights. So she drank, she got high, and she fucked. Nothing more, nothing less. Jean didn't understand that, of course, he wanted a full on relationship, with feelings and everything, and Mikasa knew. But frankly, she didn't give a shit.
She had lost practically all emotion and sympathy since Eren's kidnapping - with the exception of that for Armin - hence her meaningless hookups. All that was left in her now was a burning hatred for Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie, and the burning desire to get Eren back.
She swung her feet out of the bed, wincing at a pain that shot up her left side; the two had gone at it particularly rough the night before. She glanced at herself in the mirror, changing self consciously, and wrapping her scarf around her neck extra snug to hide the hickeys. She sighed. "I'm sorry, Eren, for what I've become." She whispered into the scaf, holding back tears. Simply thinking of Eren got her rather emotional, and she hadn't gotten any better at hiding it.
As Mikasa was buttoning up the last few buttons on her blouse, she heard a groan from Jean.
"Good Morning Mikasa." Jean slurred.
"Fucking lightweight." Mikasa thought, but said nothing. The effects of the previous night's alcohol were still obvious in his voice. She grabbed her coat, and went for the door.
"Wha? Where are you going?" Jean asked, slightly taken back.
"I have things to do, Jean." Mikasa said flatly, staring at the door.
"Like what?" He fired back, clearly bothered by her rush to leave.
"Train." She tried her best to make it obvious that she wanted to leave. She wasn't failing.
"Train? You're always fucking training, Mikasa, why?" Jean spat aggressively, the annoyance clear in his voice.
"To be strong." Mikasa was still staring at the door, and her voice was still flat.
"What for, Mikasa?" Jean began to yell. "What are you training for? We've had nothing to do for months! We have no titans to kill, no scouting missions to see through, and you have no Eren to protect!" Jean realized what he had said a second too late. He saw Mikasa sharply inhale, and go for the door. "Fuck, Mikasa, I'm sor-" He couldn't finish before the door slammed shut.
Mikasa had paused after she left, her mind wondering on what Jean had said. It was true, she had no beloved Eren to protect, but she had to get him back. Neither the Survey or Military Corps had shown any interest in assembling a rescue party, but Mikasa would save Eren, even if it meant all by herself. The boy was always on her mind - even when she was drunk or high - with his rare but contagious smile, his expressive, emerald eyes, his rough, yet attractive hair. She had admitted her attraction towards Eren to herself a while ago, but she wouldn't dare tell him her true feelings even if she had the chance. He'd probably hate her for it.
She was drawn out of her thoughts when she felt a tear run down her cheek. She sniffled, wiping her face with her sleeve, and shook her head in a futile attempt to clear her thoughts. She took a deep breath, and walked down the corridor.
The dorms weren't exactly quiet, but it wasn't loud enough to drown out the sounds of Connie and Sasha. They must've been going at it hard, she hadn't heard Sasha moan that loud in a while. Mikasa didn't understand how people had the energy to fuck in the morning. She could wake up to a titan attack, and would be able to fight without much drag, but sex was a whole different story. Jean had tried getting her to once, but she quickly shot down the possibility.
"Mikasa?" A fragile and shaky voice said, easily recognizable. Mikasa looked up to the familiar boy from her childhood with glassy eyes, the one person she actually enjoyed.
Mikasa didn't feel the need to hide her tears in front of Armin, and she let them fall. "Armin, what do I do?" She said in between violent sobs.
Armin hugged her, already knowing what the girl was crying about. "I don't know, Mikasa." He felt his eyes began to water as well, but quickly blinked them away. Right now, he had to be strong for Mikasa.
"How am I supposed to rescue him Armin? No one will help me. Not Levi, not Erwin, not Jean. Nobody." Her sobs hadn't lessened, and Armin could feel her tears staining his shirt.
Armin sighed, thinking back to what General Pixis had told him. Yes, Mikasa has to accept that Eren's gone, but he couldn't help but think that it'd burn the last bit of string that was keeping her sanity intact. "Mikasa…" Armin sighed, knowing that he had to do this. "Eren… Eren is gone, Mikasa." Armin couldn't help but let a few tears fall, feeling a sense of betrayal.
Mikasa pushed away from his grasp. "Armin! How could you - No! Eren's not-"
Whatever was holding Armin back snapped. "No, Mikasa! He is! Eren is fucking dead! So stop fucking acting like he's not! He's fucking dead! He was my friend too, and I'm just as broken as you are, but you have to accept it!" He cut her off, surprising even himself with his aggression. Tears were streaming down his cheeks at this point, and there was a sense of burning rage in his eyes, one that Mikasa hadn't seen before.
Her eyes widened, and she started shaking hysterically from the sobbing. She tried to say something, but it came out as only wails. She fell into Armin's arms - also shaking - and let herself go. Whatever was holding back her emotions just collapsed, and at that moment, Mikasa realized that she had no one to fight for. No Eren to protect. Jean was right, what was she training for? What was she even living for, anymore? She saw no further purpose in surviving in this eternal hell, not even for Armin. She felt the sense of emptiness fill her up, knowing that no drug, spiked drink, or fuck buddy could help her now. All she could do was wallow, now, in her empty depression and rage.
"I'm sorry, Mikasa. He's gone…"
They stayed like that for a while, just hugging in the middle of the hallway. They were uninterrupted, although a disturbed Connie and Sasha popped their heads out of his room to check on the commotion. Armin had waved them off, not wanting the lovers to disturb Mikasa's grieving.
"I'm going to kill them, Armin." Mikasa whispered after a while, head still buried into his shirt. "Those bastards, fucking traitors. They killed him, Armin. He did nothing wrong, but they tortured him, and they killed him." She took a long and shaky inhale, and it seemed like minutes before Armin heard her again. "And they'll fucking pay for it." Her voice was on a whole new level of terrifying, one that Armin had never heard, not even the first time Eren "died".
"They will, Mikasa, they will." Armin couldn't deny it, he hadn't felt quite like this before; violent, aggressive, angry. He had wished bad among people before, but never like this. He had never wished death upon somebody before, and he wholeheartedly meant it. He knew that if he ever got the chance to have a barrel pressed to Reiner, Bertholdt, or Annie's skull, he'd be able to pull the trigger, without hesitation.
Armin wanted them all to rot in hell.
Well, there it is… Chapter 1. Hope you all enjoyed it, I had some fun writing it, and I think it's gonna kick up and get a little more interesting. Quick heads up, I have pretty heavy commitment issues, so it's not gonna be very constant updates, especially for the next week (because of finals). Let me know on the chapter length, I feel like this was a bit short, but I like the chapters a little longer than most people.
Once again, don't hold back on the critique, I'm fairly new to writing, so it's a major help. However, that being said, I get a little peeved when people just comment "Your writing's stupid" or something. It isn't that I can't take a little bashing, I just can't take a bashing that doesn't help me. Give me something that can improve my writing, or else my writing's going to continue being stupid.
Anywhooooooo, comment/review/all that jazz, and I'll cya'll next time.