Shigure immediately regretted showing Ayame the Youtube video.
He stared at his best friend now, the usually bright and peppy self-crowned leader of the Mabudachi Trio, in a heap in front of Shigure's now closed laptop, reaching for tissues from the nearby tissue box and making ridiculously loud blowing noises. His shoulders shook violently, so much that Ayame's weeping sounded more like a donkey braying its last words.
Yes, Shigure wondered what had possessed him to bring that up. Why had he thought Ayame liked that band? He'd seen a poster somewhere of one of its members, but apparently it hadn't been in Ayame's living space. This, of course, led Shigure to wonder where it was he had seen it, but with Ayame's current state he couldn't focus on that question now.
Hatori, who had just returned to the room with a glass of scotch, gave him a threatening glare. It was Shigure's fault, he knew, but Hatori could have been a bit nicer about it- how was he to know this would happen? He smiled back brightly, which only made Hatori angrier, and sipped from his glass.
After about ten more exaggerated minutes of the donkey-sobbing, Ayame slowly turned around to face Shigure, his face showing a complete loss of self-worth. "Gure-san," he started slowly, regaining his composure, "Who are they?"
Hatori, whose scotch was almost completely gone, spoke up first. "Shigure, let me handle this, this is a delicate situation and you don't know when to-"
"No, no, Haa-san, it's fine, you don't even know the answer to his question, do you?" Shigure turned to Ayame. "Aaya, it's quite simple: They're a boy band. Boy bands are rather popular these days, you know."
Ayame sniffed, unconvinced. "I know what boy bands are, Gure-san." He reopened the laptop with furious speed. There was a still frame of the entire band at the end of the video, and he pointed at one of the members. "NSYNC had no one like this! No one!"
"Aaya, that's because NSYNC's members were all straight."
"Lance Bass," supplied Hatori, taking the last sip of his scotch.
"Haa-san, how do you know that?" said Shigure, turning his head to the doctor. "Well, never mind it. All boy bands have their divas, Aaya, it's just the way they are."
Ayame turned back to the computer, studying the frame, going back to certain parts but eventually returning to the end. When his face turned back to Shigure, it held a smirk that gave Shigure half the mind to call his friend absolutely batshit. "His name, Gure-san," he said, hugging the tissue box to his chest, "What is his name?"
I'm going to need more scotch, Hatori whispered, and darted out of the room, leaving Shigure alone with an Ayame who was looking madder and madder with every second. He sighed, and opened his mouth to speak. "The one with the ponytail is…Kim Heechul." Ayame licked his lips in satisfaction, tossing the box aside. "Any others you'd like me to identify?"
"No, that will do." He said, a bit too civilly for Shigure's liking.
Hatori came back with his cup refilled. "Did you tell him?" he asked. Shigure nodded.
"Tori-san," boomed Ayame, sitting up straight now, "Do you have any…experimental pills?"
"Well, a few, but-"
"Send them all to Kim Heechul, and market them as…beauty enhancers. Oh, and put them in pink bottles."
Hatori muttered something inaudible. "Ayame, you want to send experimental pills to one of Korea's biggest stars? His entertainment company will probably keep them from him, anyway, if there's any chance for negative side-effects. With all the automobile accidents they get into, do you expect SM to take any chances with the health of Super Junior?"
"Haa-san, you really are impressing me with your knowledge of boy bands." said Shigure. "Is there something you're not telling us?"
He groaned and downed some more alcohol.
"Tori-san, if this Heechul is anywhere near as wonderful as me, which he isn't, but regardless, he will want the beautifully-marketed beauty enhancers, no matter what the executives tell him. And how else am I supposed to kill him if I can't use your pills?"
"You want to kill Kim Heechul?!"
Shigure took his regret back- this video was bringing him some fantastic entertainment.
"Tori-san, no one who pretends to be as wonderful and amazing and fabulous as me should be allowed to exist! I was thinking perhaps we could kidnap him, but he might escape…so the only solution is to kill him, yes. But don't call it murder, he's competition- he must be exterminated!"
Shigure could not hold back his laughter. "Aaya, you could always pay someone to assassinate him at a concert."
Shigure! Hatori hissed under his breath. Don't encourage him! "Ayame, you simply can't kill him, it's wrong. You'll end up in jail, probably for life. Isn't there a more…diplomatic way to ensure that you're…"
"More flamboyant than he can ever hope to be?" Shigure added.
"Yes, that's what I meant. There's got to be a nonviolent way you can assert this…whatever it is you want to assert."
Ayame scratched his chin, deep in thought. Shigure and Hatori had seen this look once before, and that had resulted in the red light district adventure during their high school days. Shigure now grinned in anticipation, and Hatori looked down in his cup, where none of his drink remained, and sighed.
"I've got it!" Ayame shouted, after a few more minutes of thought. "We're going to start a boy band! Tori-san, you're going to be the leader, since you're the most responsible, and I will be the diva, and Gure-san, you'll be in it too, but…how many members does Super Junior have?"
"Super Junior proper, or their subgroups?" blurted Hatori. Shigure wondered, for a minute, if the poster had been in Hatori's office.
"Whoever is in this video," said Ayame.
"There's thirteen of them."
"Well then, everyone in the zodiac will be in our band! The girls will have to cross-dress, though, that's a bit of a problem. And we'll call it…The Sohmas!"
"Ayame, has it crossed your mind that none of us can sing, dance, or rap?"
"And," said Shigure, "Couldn't we have a more seductive name, like the Sex-"
He suddenly felt a shoe come down on his bare foot.
"Come on, you two, there are plenty of people in show business who have no talent at all! And we're all very smart, save Kyonkichi, so I see no reason why we can't just learn all of those things and then debut! And," he ran fingers through his long, silver hair, "People will see that I don't need hair extensions to be beautiful, and all of Kim Heechul's adoring fans will flock to me."
Shigure seriously considered sending Super Junior a thank-you note, but then realized that he couldn't speak a word of Korean.
"Well, Tori-san, what are you doing just standing there? Call the other members and tell them to prepare for our debut! And Gure-san, go fetch Kyonkichi and Yuki, who will be so proud of me now! Oh, don't you two think this is going to be fabulous?"
Shigure was halfway out the door when he realized the other two male inhabitants of his house were currently at school, along with Tohru, whom he was sure would take nicely to Ayame's plan, which hopefully would silence Kyo. For the time being, he went to the kitchen and sat down, writing carefully on some scrap paper. Perhaps Mitsuru would translate it into Korean for him.
Dear Kim Heechul and the rest of Super Junior…
Shigure stared down at his list one last time before he walked into the office.
TOHRU'S ROOM- NO
YUKI'S ROOM- NO
KYO'S ROOM- NO
AAYA'S ROOM- NO
AKITO'S ROOM- NO, BUT DBSK POSTER
He smiled at the last one and opened the door, turning his head to look for Hatori. "Haa-san? Haa-san?" No one answered. He looked around the office, frowning when he saw no posters of Korean boy bands.
"Haa-san, you failed me. I was so convinced," he lamented to the wall, grabbing a left-behind wine glass from Hatori's counter. "Who is it, if not you?"
Suddenly, he heard some turning and creaking, and he watched in horror and amusement as Hatori's bookshelves turned inward, revealing not only a very large poster of one of Super Junior's youngest members (Shigure inwardly scolded Hatori for being such a cradle-snatcher), but smaller posters of all the other members, plus some smaller groupings he could only assume were the "subgroups" Hatori had mentioned. He smirked at his finding, writing "HATORI'S OFFICE- YES" on the end of the list.
One of Super Junior's infectious songs came out of large subwoofers on either side of the posters, and Shigure froze, listening for others. Down the hall he heard Hatori cursing (Shame on him, Shigure thought) and scrambling to get to his office.
Dropping the wine glass, Shigure leaped out the doors and across the yard, only stopping when he was finally past the gates of the main house. Looking back, he panted in relief when he saw that Hatori, who would likely think it was him anyway, at least hadn't followed him out. He reached for his cell phone and dialed a memorized number, grinning when Ayame picked up.
"Aaya, just wait until you hear about Hatori's secret boy fetish!"
Author's note: Does this make up for Potent Brew? I really do apologize for that.
In all seriousness, I don't know how this one happened either. I've gotten into Super Junior lately, and I suddenly had a thought: What if someone else started a band like that? I thought of animes that had enough people for such an endeavor (Yu Yu Hakusho came to mind, but that's been so overused), and I then realized that Fruits Basket was the perfect fit for such a ridiculous thing. And then it just wrote itself. Strange.
If you're wondering why this is so ridiculous, go read some Super Junior fanfiction, which this is in the spirit of, I guess. Also, if you're wondering, the video Shigure showed Ayame is the video for U, and the large poster Hatori had was of Kibum, one of my favorites.