Disclaimer: There might be some dialogues and phrases that are the same as the movie or the book, just so you know, they're not mine, they belong to E.L. James. I don't own shit, well, perhaps the plot?
Christian Grey, the young, successful, dark CEO had made up his mind to try what Flynn suggested: try it her way, the vanilla way.
Ever since the abrupt departure of Anastasia Steele, he inside was more void than ever. Dark thoughts had been invading him every single night in his sleep. With the help of Flynn, he was able to get some sleep, but the sleep deprivation still accompanied him in the past five days of work. Ros, his second in-command, had pointed out several times to Grey that he looked like shit. "Was it that obvious?" He'd constantly question to Ros.
The night of José's show came, he decided that this night would be the last chance to get her back. He was determined.
"It was you, who bought all the photos of me, wasn't it?" This was not the greetings he had planned to hear after his miserable five days, however, he felt good enough that she'd talk to him. Normally, he wouldn't consider that polite, because she didn't even address him by the name, but he couldn't care less in the mean time.
"Yes." He whispered a respond, still gazing at her face. She looked skinnier, and paler. Just staring at her face was enough to turn him on. He swallowed hard and finished his sentence. "I don't like strangers gawking at you."
Ana narrowed her eyes at him, knowing that he would be vexed by the gesture, but she didn't care, she was not attached to him in any kind of ways, so he had absolutely no power or control over her. He scowled, just like what Ana had thought he would do.
Satisfying with the reaction she got, she turned her back to him and started to walk away. Christian couldn't afford to let her slip out of his fingers again, the billionaire was determined that he would at least get an answer out of her mouth. He reached out and grabbed her forearm, stopping her from walking away.
"Ana please." He begged, and it was the first time that he had begged a woman, in fact, it was the first time that he had begged for something. "Have dinner with me." He asked hopefully.
Ana opened her mouth and was about to say no to the request, but on second thought, she changed her mind. "Okay, I'll have dinner with you." She said after a while of contemplation. Seeing the small smile creeping to his face, she felt relieved for some reason. "Only because I'm… Hungry." She said, hesitant to say the word, because it reminded her of their constant flirtatious conversation over hunger. "Hold on." She shook her hand out of his grasp and went to look for José, telling her that she would be leaving.
When she reached José, whose back was to her, a thought struck her. Turning back slightly, she saw Christian's eyes were still on her. She pretended to not notice his stare and did what would be considered intimate between two friends, but since they were close, she thought it was appropriate for the show. Ana brushed her palms on José's back, then stopped rested on his upper arm.
"José, I have to go now. Great exhibition though." She smiled, finally taking her hand off him. She could feel Christian's jealous glare shooting through her back.
"So soon?" He asked, genuinely surprised, but then caught sight of Christian, he bit back the next comment he was about to make. His expression then turned sad, so Ana pulled him in for a goodbye.
"I'm sorry. I'll be back for drinks if you're still on for it." She said, trying to cheer him up, but with the look on Christian, he was not sure if she'd actually be back. He gave her a smile and she returned with her own apologetic one and went back to Christian.
Ana was waiting for Christian to make some snarky remarks about her friendship with José, but apparently, he only kept it on his face and said nothing with his mouth. Immediately, his hand was on the small of her back when they walked out of the art gallery gate. She couldn't say that she didn't miss his touch, but she was also sure that she wouldn't jump back into his world so soon, even though she missed it too much.
They turned and walked down the empty street. He gestured her to make a turn into a dark alleyway, although she was puzzled, she didn't question about his decision — she still trusted him, perhaps not with her body but with her safety.
When she was still thinking why they took the turn, she was been pressed up against the concrete wall and before she could register what was happening, Christian's lips were on her. She instantly reacted to it, kissing him back. She sensed that he had missed her, reluctantly, she gave in and let him take control.
Soon she became aware of the fact that if she allowed him to keep going, she would be once again, back into his complicated world, and she didn't want that, just yet. Summoning up all her will, she pushed him away.
"Yes, sorry." He muttered when he pulled away, feeling her push on his shoulder. She didn't reply, not feeling the need to speak. He quickly started to lead her down the alley as if nothing had happened; she did the same.
Ana wasn't unfamiliar with the looks given by other females on the street or in the restaurant when Christian walked by or enter, and like what Christian used to say to her, it's just a pretty face sweetheart. It was exactly what she wanted to tell the others that were staring. She hadn't felt this burning sensation of possessiveness in her for a long time.
Allowing his hand to rest on her waist as they walked through the door of an expensive restaurant. She wasn't sure why she felt the way she did when he was been checked out by other women, but she sure didn't want to find out.
They ordered and waited for their meal. No one spoke. Ana begun to feel uncomfortable under Christian's intense gaze, she shifted slightly and looked down to fiddle with her glass of wine. When the waiter walked towards them in their direction, she was suddenly thankful for the interruption, however, he didn't seemed to like it. Dismissing the waiter impatiently, he turned back to her, his eyebrows knitted.
She looked at him, thought maybe he would start talking, but he didn't. So she did. "I thought you wanted to talk." Her voice was quieter than she had expected, but that would still work, apart from the fact that he now knew that she was still effected by him. She cleared her throat and tried her voice again. "So, talk." It sounded a little more demanding than reminding.
"Anastasia, I want you back." He spoke. His face still remained impassive, but his voice contained another level of emotion that she had learned to detect after being with him for the past weeks or so.
That wasn't the sentence she expected to be coming out of his mouth, she wasn't prepared to answer, so she just stared, hoping that he'd continue. Her wish had come true, he kept going. "I want to start over."
It was Christian's style to speak in short phrases, he wasn't the kind for long sentences or talks. Ana, on the other hand, liked talking with people that she knew or familiar with.
Ana was caught off guard by the two short phrases thrown to her by this angelic face in front of her. At this point, she wasn't sure how to interpret his words, he had given very little away. She wasn't sure whether he wanted to use another way to persuade her into a BDSM lifestyle with him or to do his vanilla thing.
He had denied that he wasn't a sadist when they first met, when she was first introduced to his playroom. However, to her, it was pretty clear that, even if he didn't notice himself, he was, in fact, a sadist. The moment she chose to walk out on him, she understood why he'd say that if she knew the real him, she would never look at him the same way.
"How?" Ana settled on this to force him to elaborate.
"No rules, no punishments." That was his elaboration, and it was more informative than she thought it would be.
"But you need all those things Christian." For the first time in this night, and in five days, he had heard his name being called by her.
"I need you more." He whispered. Her eyes darted between his two gray orbs, she saw the broken tortured little boy, she also saw the genuine and plea; she was so surprised to see him this vulnerable in front of her. Closing her eyes, she tried to shut out her thoughts about jumping back into his arms. She had promised herself to never let this man punish her, but the other part of her also wanted to do all she could to give what this man wanted.
Taking her bottom lip between her teeth, a sign to show her nervousness, she opened her eyes again. His eyes darkened, and it landed on her lips. Remembering the effect on him of her small gesture, she let go of her bottom lip quietly.
"I wanted to believe you Christian, I really do." She croaked. Knowing that she'd have to turn him down, because she wasn't ready to go back to him, but at the same time, she knew her heart couldn't bear to see him in pain and his depressed expression.
"But?" He asked, wanting to know more. One look of his face, she knew that she was mad and was doing his best to suppress his anger.
She sighed, pending on her phrasing and her choice of words. "I can't." When the words left her mouth, she could see the glass in his eyes broke, everything shattered.
Moments later, none of the spoke. He stood up and offered his hand. She took it, wanting to make him feel better about her refusal. Unable to meet his eyes, she stood up and followed him out of the place. Taylor was already at the car, standing by the door waiting for them.
Taylor opened the door for them. "Miss Steele." She didn't get in.
"Where are we going?" Ana asked. Christian nodded to Taylor, and he disappeared into the other side of the car, and soundlessly climbed into the driver's seat. She was still standing by the opened door of his SUV, he held the door for her, and his eyes sent her the signal of threatening her to get in.
"You can't just kidnap me because I'm not what you want." Sensing and understanding the signal he was radiating off through his eyes, she protested.
"I've told you, you're everything I want." His voice soft, but also told her that he wanted no more protest. "Just get in." He commanded exasperatedly. Giving him a final look of disapproval, she climbed in, and he shut the door behind her, seconds later, he appeared on the other side of her.
"Now that I'm cooperating, will you tell me where are we going?" She made sure to sound indifferent and give nothing away.
"Escala." He replied shortly.
"Why?"
"Spend the night with me Ana?" His tone suddenly changed. All the demanding and anger gone out of his body, grabbing her hand in his, he pulled it to his lips and kissed each of her knuckles. "Please?" He pleaded, after getting no response from her whatsoever.
"I'm going to work tomorrow, it's my first day." She declined his proposal politely, not wanting to hurt him more.
"You will be at your office in time for your first day of work." He whispered softly, still asking her.
She sighed, looking out of the window, the buildings and lights flashed passed them as their car moved through. Weighing her choices, she decided not to give him an answer and see how things go with what he had in mind.
"Why do you want me there?"
"I want to talk to you."
"I thought that's the reason you brought me to dinner."
"I want to talk to you in a more private space."
"I'm not sleeping with you tonight. If I stay." She added.
"Do you want a speech of how much I need you?" His voice wavered when he heard her reply. She didn't say anything, instead, she just looked away from him, unable to think straight when her eyes were focused on him. "I slept the best when you're next to me. I never have dreams, I only have nightmares, and it will only get worse every time my day gone bad. You're my lifeline."
Her head whirled back when he started. She didn't really want a speech from him, she knew that she would melt if he actually made one. "I thought you don't do romance, or what you call, a vanilla relationship." She whispered, stopping him from his speech.
"I don't, but if that's what it takes to get you back, then that's what I'll give." He sounded confident and determined, the petition earlier decreased from his voice. "How much do I have to do prove to you that you're everything to me." He ruffled his hands in his hair.
Kate would accuse her of playing hard to get right now, she would practically yell in her face trying to tell her that a hot billionaire was begging on his knees in front of her for forgiveness. Ana had more resilience than Kate, and also more resistance than her best friend.
"I've never wanted more with anyone." Christian's voice brought her thoughts back into the car. Ana glance at him and noticed that his eyes had never left her since they gotten into the car. "You make me see the world differently and you changed me." He confessed.
"And I don't think I've changed you because you're still scared of what you're scared of." She finally had the courage to push him further to his limits, now that he had nothing on her. "You told me that all that I fear are the doings of my mind, and yes, I do agree with that to some extent like you've shown me." She said, referring to the events before the whipping. "So far, from what you've told me about yourself and about your previous life, I believe that your fear of touch is also the doing of your own mind."
"You don't-" He became defensive, and she knew that she had gotten under his skin again, but she didn't care this time, she needed to let him know, and more so, she needed to get it out of her.
"Again, that's my opinion, my thoughts and my perspective. I'm not your doctor, I'm nowhere near Flynn's capability of dealing with psychology, because I'm only a literature graduate. So, if you really do think that I'm worth giving up your protection for, I will stay for tonight." She said, getting out of the car just as Taylor opened the door for her. He was too shocked by her small speech that he didn't even know that they had arrived. "Miss Steele." She heard Taylor murmur when she got off.
"What are my protections?" Christian asked, catching up and falling into step with her as they reached for the elevator.
Ana looked up at him, surprised to find that he wasn't a bit infuriated. "Your domineering and controlling features that shield you from any potential attacks."
"And if I try to be less dominating and less controlling over you, will you stay with me?"
"I'm not your submissive, and you know that I'll never be one."
"I don't want you as my sub." He explained quickly, not wanting her to misunderstood.
"So you want to do vanilla?"
"With you, yes." He sounded sure and looked very certain.
"Okay, fine, I'll stay. But," she warned quickly before she gave into his sincere happy smile, "I'm not having sex with you, but I can sleep with you in your bed if that's what you want."
He nodded quickly, agreeing. "That can be arranged."
They walked into the house to see Taylor already at the elevator door, welcoming them home. Ana sometimes wondered if this guy could split or fly, because she saw him everywhere.
"Evening Gail." He greeted his housekeeper. She in return, nodded back at him, and gave him an analytic look. He shrugged, noting the look given by his housekeeper, because he actually didn't sound depressed.
"Do you need anything to eat?" Mrs Jones asked him as he reached for the cupboard choosing a bottle of wine.
"No thanks. You can rest now, I can manage the rest." He dismissed her and opened the bottle.
"Goodnight Mr Grey." She said and walked out of the kitchen, jumped when she saw the figure of Ana. Ana turned around, startled by the gasp. "Ms Steele." She greeted, regaining her composure.
"Mrs Jones." Ana said back, with a smile. "Call me Ana, please. Miss Steele sounds old."
"Will do." Mrs Jones bowed ever so slightly. "Goodnight Ana." She said and turned towards her room, eyeing Christian on the way to see his reaction.
"A drink Ana?" He asked. The living room was now empty with just the two of them. Taylor had disappeared in his study and Mrs Jones had just gone back into her room.
"Yes, please." She said, strolling towards the table with two glasses of wine. "Thank you." She said as he handed her the glass, she took a sip and was suddenly reminded of the luxurious life she had with him.
"Come with me." He offered his hand. Taking it she followed him to his studies. On his table, she saw the glider model that she had bought for him.
"You built it?" She asked softly, her eyes never leaving the small model.
"Yes. Took me long enough." He smiled, and so did she.
"Sit." He pointed at his chair behind the desk. Ana obliged and sat down. Setting her glass of wind on his neatly tidied table. "I want to show you something." She waited for him to open his many drawers and take out a file.
"What's this?" She picked it up from the table, looked at him before opening it. He didn't reply, but just sat on the table, scrutinizing her actions.
"You have this for all your subs?" She asked, flipping through the file of a victim of a stalker. It was her own file, and it included all her personal information, some of her pictures when she was on the street on her own. She was also under surveillance when and after she signed the NDA with him. Her voice sounded a little more serious than she intended to, she appeared to be more angry than she thought she would be.
Christian said nothing and did nothing apart from standing up and going to through the files from the same drawer that he had retrieved hers. "These are some of them." He took a whole stack out on the table.
"Why are you showing this to me?"
"You wanted me to be more open to you, so I will tell you. I've told you that I will do whatever it takes to get you back."
"And those are only some of them." Ana huffed, pointing at the stack on the table. Christian nodded grimly, not sure what to say to her. "Jesus Christ." She whispered to herself, looking out the window next to the desk.
"These are the fifteen."
"Why do want me so desperately?"
"Don't everyone want you this desperately?"
"No." She cocked her head to one side, indicating that she was confused.
"Want a list?" He raised a challenging eyebrow.
"No." She refused, not in the mood for a challenge.
"Look," he changed his tone and switched to another approach, "I know it's wrong."
"All of this is wrong."
"I just didn't know you'd be different." He continued, despite the comment made by her.
"Different? Different how?" She challenged, her arms crossed in front of her chest. She was definitely not feeling like being described as different by him was a good thing.
"You called me a 'fucked up son of a bitch' and I admit that I am one of that kind; you called me a 'committed stalker' and I do agree with you. However, I stalk you because I want you to be safe and I need you to be safe-"
"So you can fuck me?" She snapped, interrupting him, not even bothered to take him out of his dark thoughts and put his misery to an end.
"That was part of the reason, but it isn't now." He reasoned, controlling his temper, she detected that one more move from her might blow him up. "Being with you allowed me to experience a different kind of feeling, something that I have never encountered before. I want you to be safe, and I want you..." His voice faltered.
"You use sex as weapon Christian." She took his faltered sound as the chance to speak, not caring whether he liked it or not, she was going to speak freely. "And that is not right, even in a BDSM lifestyle that you lived to like. There are tons and millions of women out there who would die for your dick, for your lifestyle, for your pleasure and pain, and to fulfill your needs in control and dominating. I am just not one of them." She stood up, walked past him and out of his studies, taking her now emptied glass with her.
"I know that there are more than enough women out there who enjoys this lifestyle, but I don't want that, I want you." He was on the verge of breaking down. "Please don't give up on me, don't walk out on me again." He appealed, and then did something she would never have dreamt of. He approached her and kneeled down, sitting back on his heels, looking down at the floor and his palms facing the ceiling.
"You have my submission Anastasia." He said, eyes still looking at the ground.
"Christian." Ana got down to the same level as him, putting her hands on his. She didn't want his submission, she only wanted him to compromise. "Christian," she called, but he didn't look up. "Look at me, Christian." She asked quietly. When he finally looked up, she raised a hand and stroke his cheek.
Before meeting him, she dreamed of her future, and her happily ever after. After meeting him, she learned that life ain't a fairytale, even if she found her man, she might not end up with him happily. The classic romance stories were not exactly the most wonderful examples, but they do all suggest a happy ending.
Resting her hand on his shoulder, she looked at her other hand that was on his forearm. "Christian, how do you think our relationship will work if you don't open up to me. I know you are trying and I know you've told me more than you've told anyone, but I still know very very little about you. How do you think this can work if you won't even let me touch you."
"Ana," he shushed her softly, gently grasping the hand on his shoulder, "you don't need to know about my past, because if you did"
"I'll never see you the same again." She finished his sentence. "I know, but you've shown me the worst already."
"Ana, I am a sadist." She was about to tell him that she figured by far, but he kept going, so she bit back her words. He pulled her hand down to where his heart is and pressed against his flesh. It was a part in his boundaries that he gave her. "But I am doing my best to not show it. Please believe me, I'm all yours." His confession shocked her the second time tonight. She was too overwhelmed that all she could do was nod and let her tears flow down her cheeks.
"Oh Christian." She choked. "I…" She couldn't form words, she was knotted up by emotions and still couldn't decide on what she was feeling currently. Right now, she just felt like pulling him, and kiss him like there was no tomorrow; but on the other hand, she felt like she needed to leave him, because she didn't know what would he do if she disobeyed him again, she wasn't sure whether to take his words or not. She wanted to say that it was too late for him to come to her on his white horse, because he would never get away with the pain he'd inflicted, even if she asked for it, she knew she couldn't live with that.
"I will understand if you leave me. You won't want to be with a monster." He didn't let go of her hand, nor did he budge when she put both her hands on his chest, the forbidden area. His fifty shades side came back, and he started to think of the worse.
"Give me some time, and space to let me think." Her whisper was barely audible when she finally calmed down from the tears. She looked up and saw his face, it looked as if she had slapped him across the face. Or at that point, he'd rather let her slap him.
"Are you rejecting me?" Christian asked tentatively. Ana stayed quiet, she kept her head facing the floor.
"Are you leaving again?" He asked nearly having a panic attack, and despite not getting an answer for the previous question. She shook her head, and looked up at him.
She stared at his face, searching for something. Then she inched forwards, straddled him on his lap, she cupped his cheeks in her hands and kissed him firmly. "No, I'm not leaving." She muttered against his lips.
When she pulled away, her eyes were less serious.
"Then what do you want, Anastasia?" He asked, a little bit of humor laced in the question. His eyes looked softer and less intimidating, less intense.
"I want space and time." Upon hearing those request, he tended up again, staring at her intently and grasping her tighter. He gaped at her, but she shushed him quickly and continued. "While I am also certain that you're mine." She smiled a wicked smile.
"Oh how much I've missed your smart mouth Ana." He too, grinned.
The lyrics of the song White Horse, by Talyor Swift.
Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
'Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known
That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around
Maybe I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around
And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry
'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rear view mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now
A/N: And just to celebrate the fact that I am back, I will post this too.