"It's all a bunch of junk!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Only idiots believe that stuff!"

"Better safe than sorry!"

A small, green-eyed service drone paused, wiping up a soda spill off the tiled floor. "What are they arguing about now?" she asked a taller, pale Irken who was arranging files in a manila folder.

"Whether or not voodoo really works."

"Oh. Who's winning?"

"Judging from the noises Purple's making, I'd say Red." The drone nodded briefly and continued wiping up the floor. The file sorter looked up at them, not the slightest hint of amusement in her ruby colored eyes.

Red was sitting on Purple's back, holding Purple's antennae like reigns, yanking back on them to make Purple shriek. Purple, for his part, was tearing the hell out of Red's exposed legs with his sharply clawed fingers. "Say uncle, say uncle!" Red kept chanting.

"Never, never, never!" Purple cried back, bucking like a horse in an attempt to throw Red off. He finally succeeded, causing Red to land on his back with a dull thud. Purple skittered away from him, crouching across the room. His eyes were bright and wild, shining with excitement. He was having fun.

"I'll prove that it's all nonsense!" Red cried, gripping told of a small blue glass bottle designed in a series of loops. "I'll drink all of this!"

"Red, no!" Purple cried, reaching out with his long olive-green fingers. Too late, Red downed the entire flask of liquid, pausing to lick the flavor off his face with his long tongue.

"Mmm… cherry!" Red smiled.

"You were supposed to dilute it first…" Purple muttered, sitting back and narrowing his eyes. "I paid a decent amount of monies for that."

"A stupid love potion? Come on, Purple, you threw your money away before I drank the vial… I… say, Purple?"

Purple sighed, sitting upright. "What, Red?"

"Have your eyes always been so… shiny?" Red asked, titling his head sideways in confusion.

"Yes, Red," Purple commented, standing up and brushing the dirt off his robe. "You're probably going blind from putting so much of a strong chemical in yourself at once." He looked down at the dark stains. "Crud, now I'm going to have to change."

Suddenly, he felt thin fingers on his back. "Let me help you," Red purred, grasping the zipper on the back of Purple's robe and pulling down with a loud zipping noise.

Purple jumped back, grabbing the front of his outfit under crossed arms to keep it from dropping down to his waist. "RED!" he shrieked. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm helping you change into something more… comfortable," Red smiled, advancing slowly towards Purple. Purple hovered backwards, eyes wide, as Red continued to come forward. Purple did not like the glint in Red's scarlet eyes one bit.

"That's very nice of you Red, but I can change myself, in my own room." Purple hovered to the doorway, then paused. "What are you doing?" he asked, his voice dripping acid. Red was standing directly behind him, close enough that Purple could feel Red's breaths tickling the nape of his neck.

"Watching you?" Red asked, his voice innocent. Purple slammed the door in Red's face, stalking angrily down the hallway. What the hell had gotten into Red? He normally didn't act like such a big moron.... a moron, yes, but not such a big one.

Unless… Purple froze. The love potion? Red said it was all phooey, and Purple had gotten it as a gag gift for an ambassador friend of his, not really even believing it would work himself. That couldn't be it, could it?

No, he shook his head. Red was pretending the love potion was working to spook him out. Stupid Red, Purple thought as he slipped into his own chambers. Still, joke or no, he found himself locking the door behind him and checking under anything large enough to conceal an Irken body.

Purple slipped out of his robes, listening to the ruffling sound they made as they fell to the floor. He sighed unhappily. There was black dirt and grease all over his legs and arms. He couldn't believe he'd gotten in a wrestling match with Red right on the floor of the communications room. That had to be the dirtiest place in the entire Massive.

Draping himself in nothing more than a white fuzzy towel he padded into the cleansing chambers, peering back and forth cautiously. Good, no one in sight. True, he didn't honestly believe the love potion had worked, but Red was known to take a joke too far now and again.

Purple leaned back, most of his body covered in a warmed layer of cleansing gel. It felt so comfortable, smelling lightly of lilac. He shut his eyes, reaching up and twisting the dial to begin a shower-stream of gel down on his back. It pounded lightly against him, swirling down his limbs and across the shallow bumps where his spine jutted out of his green skin. His ribs pushed against the sides of his body; being naturally thin was a blessing and a curse.

He laid a hand in the hollow swell where his ribs ended and the curve of his midsection began. He sighed deeply, breathing in the gel. The massaging shower heads were so nice. He didn't know how he'd ever get by without them.

He laid a hand upon the cold porcelain. It was nothing less than sheer bliss, until he realized that the massaging shower head had broken two days ago…

Whipping around, Purple stared straight into a brilliant pair of red eyes. He opened his mouth to shriek, but Red clamped a clawed hand over Purple's mouth and threw the other arm around his back, pulling Purple's thrashing body against his own.

"What are you doing?" Purple screamed as he managed to pull his head free of Red's hand.

"Showing the most lovely creature in the Irken empire how much I love him," Red purred in response. Purple's eyes widened as Red pressed his mouth against his, pulling Purple closer. Purple's hands went up against Red's chestplate in frightened defense as Red's hand reached around, grasping tightly onto Purple right above the place where his legs met his hips. Red's gel soaked robe felt rough against Purple's tender, exposed skin. He was frozen, unable to move. It wasn't until Purple felt Red's hand begin to close on an area he'd rather not have touched that he realized he really had to do something.

Purple managed to push hard enough to throw Red backwards onto the tile, leaping out of the bath and throwing his towel around his waist. "Don't you dare come near me!" Purple cried. "This joke has gone far enough!"

"Joke? What joke?" Red asked. "To be standing here in the presence of the most beautiful Irken in the entire empire is no joke, it's poetry in motion. Come closer to me, I want to feel your antennae trembling under my hands." Red leaped at Purple, his hands curled like cat claws, but Purple managed to leap sideways just in the nick of time. Red collided with the trap of the sink, a loud "ping" sound ringing out across the wash room.

Clutching the towel tightly around his waist Purple rushed from the room back into his own chamber, slamming the door in barely enough time to smack Red in the face and knock him backwards. With shaking hands Purple turned the latch, securing himself from Red.

Pounding came from the side, along with faint cries of "Playing hard to get is very sexy, rar rar!" Purple fell backwards on the floor, grasping his chest as if to keep his heart from leaping out of his mouth. He was breathing very heavily, probably on the brink of hyperventilating. The pounding continued on the other side of the door.

Shaking, Purple pulled his robes back on. He was in the process of clasping his chest plate when he heard a raspy sound, like metal grating against metal. His antennae perked up, homing in on the sound.

A very light gray flake of metal landed on his shoulder. He looked up. There, draped through a hole cut in the ceiling, was Red. He had an enormous grin on his face. "Hello, my pretty."

Purple screamed, tearing out of his chambers with the chest plate still unfastened. Less than six feet out of the door he collided straight into a service drone carrying a load of drinks, sending green liquid, drone, and tallest sprawling across the floor. Purple landed hard on his elbow, sending a shock of pain up through his arm and into the very bones themselves.

Purple whimpered as he sat up, cradling his limb. His head was spinning. He'd hit it pretty hard upon landing. As he shut his eyes and rubbed the ache, a spindly hand reached beneath his chin and drew his face upwards. "Did the poor baby fall down? Let me kiss it and make it better," Red grinned, leaning in on Purple.

Without thinking, Purple kicked his leg upwards and landed the pointy end of his shoe right in Red's crotch. The standing tallest whimpered and jerked backwards, giving Purple enough time to leap to his feet and hover-run down the hallway. "Feisty, isn't he?" Red asked the confused and slightly injured drone before he bounced off down the hallway, leaping lightly after the retreating form of Purple.

Purple rushed around the corner, feeling like his lungs might explode from the way his chest was heaving. He wasn't built for this kind of physical activity; Red was. He knew he couldn't run forever.

He placed his burning face against the cool sides of the Massive. If it were a joke, Red was certainly taking it further than Purple ever would have expected. That damned love potion…

The love potion! That was it! Purple rushed down the halls, praying the service drones hadn't thrown the empty container out yet. If he could get the video screen address of the gypsy who had manufactured the stuff, he could surely get the cure. He didn't care how much it cost. He simply wanted Red to stop chasing him.

He rounded a corner and found himself swept from vertical to horizontal. "Red!" he cried, thrashing around like a worm on a hook in Red's tight grip.

"Come with me, we will make beautiful music together," Red whispered, his hot breath striking the side of Purple's face as he took his antennae in his mouth and chewed, sending pleasurable and painful waves through Purple's body all at once. Purple let out a little gasp of surprise as Red continued to hold him, nibbling up and down his antennae with gentle bites.

"I don't know how to play any instruments," Purple whimpered, fighting against the clamp of Red's strong grip.

"You can play mine," Red laughed, licking his corkscrew tongue against the side of Purple's neck as he began to pull the thin fabric away.

That snapped Purple back to reality. He pulled back a fist and let Red have it squarely in the face, pushing him back against the wall. An upper cut with his left arm and a quick slam with his right leg sent Red down for the count.

Red looked up from his position on the floor, gripping his injured midsection. "Did you know that you're beautiful when you're angry?" Red asked.

With a cry of frustration Purple took off down the hallways, leaving Red behind. Red grinned to himself. "He can not control himself in the presence of a stud like myself. He runs from his own emotions. I must rescue him!"

Purple threw himself into the communications room and slammed the door behind him, rushing over to the chairs where several confused looking officers sat. He grabbed two of them, throwing them out of their chairs, and rushed to the door. He shoved the chairs against the door as a brace to keep Red out, then rushed back towards the twin thrones.

The bottle was still there. He grasped it in his hands like an object of salvation, tears nearly dripping from his violet eyes as he beheld it.

Turning it over, he spotted the name and number. Mistress Ayasha, it said. "Quickly, contact this Mistress Ayasha. I must speak with her immediately."

The communications officers nodded; the two who had lost their chairs merely stared from their positions on the floor. Within moments a screen was brought up. A youngish girl with dark green skin and several tentacles hanging off of her head filled up the image. "Can I help you?" she asked quietly. She was dressed all in black.

"I need to speak with Mistress Ayasha immediately, it's a matter of life and death!"

The girl sighed, her ample chest heaving. "If only you could have called yesterday. Mistress Ayasha passed away last night."

Purple sank to the ground, his hover belt sinking as his hopes crumbled. "I… I… Oh Gods," he whispered, putting his hands over his eyes.

"Is there anything I can help you with? I was her apprentice."

Purple's head snapped up. "Can you…"

Before he could speak another word, Red had his arms around Purple, pulling him to the ground and lying on top of him. Purple tried to push him off and found his arms trapped in Red's iron grip, twisted in such a way that he'd probably fracture something if he tried to escape. "Don't be afraid, my angel. I will be as gentle as I can when we make sweet love in the night."

"Reverse the effects of the love potion?" the female on the screen asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Purple cried. Red, taking this as shouted to him, grinned and continued to kiss the rather uncomfortable Purple down his chest. The whole while, the communications officers could only stare.

"You want me so badly," Red purred.

"Please help," Purple whimpered, staring at the screen.

"I would, but the flower necessary only grows in the farthest regions of the Narpat galaxy. You'd have to be suicidal or just plain stupid to go there."

"Great," Purple muttered as Red continued to stroke his antennae. "Just great. Hey, watch where you're putting that other hand!" His eyes happened to fall on a small, round red light. Below it, the light read "Invader Zim Warning". Purple's eyes widened. He couldn't trust such an important mission to Zim… but… perhaps he could trust the mission to Zim and someone a bit more reliable but equally as undesirable.

"You want me to go on a mission with Tak and Skoodge?!?!" Zim cried, waving his arms wildly. "Me, the great and powerful ZIM? Share the glory with those two…mistakes?"

"I'm not asking, Zim, I'm ordering," Purple said, his arms crossed. Red was in the background of the picture, fighting with the metal collar chaining him to the wall.

"I like bondage!" Red shouted.

Purple sighed and slapped his face. Why did Red have to do that in front of Zim, of all Irkens? "Zim, this is a matter of grave importance for the Irken Empire. I don't want any more discussion on this!" he shouted, slamming his fists down on the control panel. GIR fell backwards from the noise, landing on his back.

"Hi ceiling!" GIR shouted happily, waving his legs like a turtle rolled onto its shell.

The screen went to fuzz. Purple sighed, leaning on the control panel to steady himself. His arms were shaking. He couldn't believe his crap-a-licious luck.

"Poor child, are you cold?" a suave voice asked as slender hands slipped down Purple's arms, tracing figure eights on Purple's pale green flesh. His eyes increasing three times their normal size, Purple whirled around and smacked Red in the face, knocking him over. He skidded across the floor, half the metal chain still around his neck.

"My fate is in Zim's hands," Purple sighed as Red shook the stars out of his head and righted himself. "I better take up jogging." Then he took off, Red hot on his heels, still bouncing up and down the hallways in pursuit of the desirable Purple.

"Come back, my love, let me take you away to a land of magic!" Red cried. He paused next to a confused looking guard. "He is overwhelmed by his feelings for me, no? He is so sexy-cute when he fights his feelings. I will be a real man and show him the strength of passion!" Red cried, posing dramatically before he bounded off again after Purple.

The guard walked slowly over to the communications center and typed in a number. "Hello, supervisor? I think I need to take a mental health leave."

To Be Continued…