Disclaimer: I do not own Ed, Edd, n' Eddy

Nat belongs to c2ndy2c1d

Rave belongs to Kirakurry

Also, this is my first fan fiction so I hope I do all right. Please leave comment, reviews, predictions, anything for me. I also apologize if I do not update frequently.

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Prologue:

Edd is in his final year of middle school when he learns the truth. He stares blankly out his window with his homework on his desk. He sighs, slightly allowing himself to be mesmerized by his childhood bully.

Perfect red hair, emerald green eyes and overbearing confidence flowed through the boy as he fixed the tire on his beloved bicycle. He glanced up noticing his friend and childhood crush walking towards him, "What's up, Nazz?" he yelled over to her.

"Hey dude, haven't seen you in awhile Kev," she said enthusiastically. Nazz. She was everything Edd could never be. Beautiful, cheerful, a social angel. She brought a smile to everybody's face. She had been the crush off all the boys in the cull-da-sac. Except Edd that is. He thought she was at first, but he slowly noticed his gaze shifting.

Edd's eyes followed another popular person. A certain,

redheaded bully. Edd knew this was strange, especially since he had been bullied his entire childhood since moving to the cull-da-sac, of course, by said ginger.

He thought he must be a masochist to even have the thoughts of liking this jock but, Edd knew how sweet he could be. Although his hatred for one of his closest friends, Eddy, was absolute, Edd found it hard to believe that Kevin treated them the same. In fact he was certain that Kevin had treated him closer to an equal than just another one of the Ed's.

While Kevin still bullied Edd, he would still help him out of a sticky situation. Kevin also wouldn't go out of his way to pester Edd the way he would with the other Eds.

Edd glanced down again watching as Nazz excitedly skipped away from Kevin, probably to tell the neighborhood of her new high heels and cute floral dress for the final school dance in just two weeks. Edd gazed at Kevin as he gazed at Nazz and he could feel the squeezing in his chest and the aching of his heart.

That's what triggered Edd into realizing his feelings for Kevin. Watching him watching Nazz felt the same as the protagonist in the occasional romance movie that Edd would watch. Gazing at something he could never have. And what hurt worse was that Edd knew he would never be cute enough to grab the jocks attention. He would never grow soft like a girl and would never be as gentle.

Thinking like this made Edd feel as though he was not good enough. Hell, he was never good enough. He wasn't good enough in building traps and scams for Eddy, he wasn't good enough to have grabbed Nazz's attention, he wasn't good enough to play sports, he wasn't good enough for his parents love and he most certainly not good enough for the popular, charismatic jock.

Deciding that it was better to stop torturing himself, Edd decided to finish his algebra homework and study for the finals. When he finished, he walked down the stairs into the kitchen. He spotted a note on the table reading:

Eddward,

Your father and I will be back tomorrow to talk upon your request. I am glad you wish to speak because we have something to talk to you about as well. We look forward to seeing you.

We love you,

Mother and Father

They were as cold as ever. And I bet when I break the news tomorrow they will not be happy. They might even disown me. Eddward was raised to be a well mannered, intelligent gentleman that of course, liked women. The utter mention of anything homosexual in the house would cause an angry uproar from his father and silence accompanied by skeptical, disapproving glances from his mother. Edd first got curious in the third grade, when he caught Eddy's brother kissing one of his male classmates. Edd asked his parents if it was weird to be a boy and like boys.

They started leaving the house for weeks on end. They would leave money on the counter and food in the refrigerator. They would confirm their familial love only in post it notes. On the occasional day that Edd's parents did not manage to leave before the boy returned, he could feel the tension in the air. He could practically feel his father's disapproving gaze and his mother's awkwardness had become practically intolerable.

This is how it felt, even before he was to come out to them. They were only skeptical of his sexuality and they already avoided him. They treated him as if he were nothing but a tenant whom paid no rent. He was a stranger living within his own home.

He wished he could return to the days before he asked the foolish question. Before he even asked it, Edd knew he was expected to marry a woman. Eddward's parents would not stand such a disgrace as a gay son. They were the most prominent surgeons around. They could easily get rid of Edd. They obviously felt no need to care for him or his well being. As long as he was alive and healthy he could live with them. He could remain their son only if he kept it a secret and was still the most intelligent student at Peach Creek Middle School. His parents could over look the small things for a while but not forever. As soon as his education was through, Edd was sure he would have to find his own way through life.

Edd thinks about all of these things causing his appetite to fail. He forces himself to eat his favorite blueberries, knowing he needed to eat. Edd couldn't stand the wait for the next day. He knew it would be a bad one. This caused Edd to do something he never would have done on a normal day.

Edd went into the bathroom preparing for a shower. He was going to do one of the filthiest things he could think of but, even though he thought it was filthy it was something he could not live without. Edd was caught in that awkward stage of puberty, after all.

Stripping his clothes, Edd awkwardly stepped into the cascading shower. Water was the most comforting place to him. As Edd started to relax he traced his hands across his sensitive skin. His dick twitched as he roamed across his nipples imagining a redheaded jock standing behind him. His hands pushed down his body and back up as he carefully pinched his nipple. He allowed a soft moan to escape his lips as the fingertips of his right hand gently and tantalizingly, slowly grazed his navel making its way to his now hard dick while his left continued to play with his nipple. The water now irritatingly hitting his face caused Edd to lean himself against the wall. He stroked his hard dick slowly at first, moaning and gasping, as he pushed his face into the tiled wall while his hand sped up. He slowed once again to rub the head, scraping a finger over the small hole at the tip of the head. It was covered in his precum but he knew it would not be enough to only stroke himself. Edd gently lowered his left hand grabbing at his ass moaning his beloved jock's name. His fingers brushed slowly over his entrance causing the ring of muscles to clench, pushing one finger in. He could feel his tightness, though this was not his first time playing with his ass, he hadn't done it often until recently. Pulling the finger out and pushing it back in, slowly at first then quicker as he became accustomed to the feeling, adding in more fingers as time passes by, slowly moaning. Before Edd knew it he had four fingers inside. He pumped his dick faster, precum oozing everywhere as his hips pushed against his fingers trying to create the sweet friction like when he used his mother's toys. It didn't take long for the boy to cum, splattering it all over his thighs and the wall in front of him. He had drool running down his face as he called Kevin's name once more.

Edd felt ashamed, cleaning his hair and body before exiting the shower, looking in the mirror only to glimpse at his horrid scar. He figured that if he were a bully, something like this scar would leave him unaffected and might even make others scared. But what Edd wanted most was to be loved by a man, and no man in his right mind would want something as scarred as he. Both emotionally and physically. It was not only the scar that ran from the middle of his forehead to the back of his scalp that bothered him but also on his back, a scar that ran down the whole thing from the top of his spine to the small of his back. It was similar to an upside down dead tree with small branches coming out every few inches.

Edd was ashamed at himself for being so selfish as to want to fall in love with a man. Especially since he had an ugly gap in his front teeth, disgusting and disgraceful scars on his body but most of all he was ashamed that he believed he had the right to fall in love with a man at all. He was disgusted by his improper attitude and by his ugly self. Edd believed he was less than the rest of the world. He did not deserve to fall into this love or any other, so he will confess to Kevin. He will offer his virginity, he will beg the boy to take it before the inevitable happens and Edd is sent away. His parents probably won't ever let him come back and the people around probably won't want to see him after they find out he has been a fag all along. He wished to have one happy, untarnished memory and dirty it all at the same time. If he gives his virginity to Kevin now, he will promise to God that he will straighten himself out. He will fall in love with a woman like he was supposed to.

He promises with all his heart that he will no longer betray others but at the same time he knows he will be betraying himself. He is okay with that as long as he can have one good memory to keep himself sane.

Edd goes to sleep, anxious for the next day. He is anxious to give his confession to his parents and to Kevin. Edd is smart so he will buy time with his parents until after the finals and on the last day, he will ask Kevin to take his virginity. He won't tell him that it's his last day and he will come up with an excuse to coax Kevin into it easily.

Edd will get this one good memory and disappear from sight as the "Dorky Double D". If he ever returns he will be a changed person. But right now all he can do is sleep and beg God to allow him this much all the while promising to try his best for the future.

In two weeks, he will face Kevin but, more importantly tomorrow.

Tomorrow he will face his parents.

Tomorrow.

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Thank you for reading all the way through

Hopefully chapter one will be finished soon so things can really start moving. I apologize but I really do love slutty, smutty, angsty characters.

Please leave comments, questions, predictions and/or ideas in a review for me. You could also PM me or write me on tumblr at sisalynn99. See you next time.