Dlbn: Hey there, everyone! Time for another story from yours truly, Dlbn!
Nbld: Before we begin, my sister and I would like to say that this chapter contains some spoilers for "Loveless" volumes 9, 10, and 11.
Dlbn: How do we know it will be spoiler filled? Well, we read the scanlations online. So read ahead at YOUR OWN RISK.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Aoyagi Ritsuka, Agatsuma Soubi, Aoyagi Seimei, or anyone and anything else from the Loveless universe. They all belong to Yun Kouga. I make NO money off of writing this work of fiction/non-canon.
Dsiclaimer: "Mirai No Omoide" is Japanese for "Memories of the Future".
000
He couldn't believe it. He really couldn't believe any of it. What he was hearing, what he was seeing, what he was doing…none of it was real. It had to be a dream, didn't it? No matter what he told himself, Ritsuka knew that this was his reality. This was not some made up fantasy world like that of Wisdom Resurrection. This was real life.
And real life was kicking his backside six ways to Sunday.
He'd spent the past few days after the incident sulking and crying over his situation, but that would not help him. Nothing could. Nothing would change the fact that his fighter, Soubi Agatsuma, who had claimed he'd loved him and would never hurt him, did just that. He hurt him. He ripped his little still-beating heart right out of his scarred chest. It wasn't entirely Soubi's fault. It was also Seimei's. His big brother's. The one person he was supposed to be able to trust more then anyone and anything else in his life was the one who betrayed him the worst. Sure, it was bad enough that Seimei faked his death, killed people…even ordered his own fighter to rape and cut the hair off of who was probably his best friend. But now he'd waltzed back into Ritsuka's life, uninvited, and took away the person who meant the most to him. He took Ritsuka's fighter, Soubi.
Ritsuka knew that Soubi was Seimei's fighter originally, and that nothing could break that bond. Soubi even called Seimei his 'God', whatever he meant by that. He knew that the day would come where Soubi went back to Seimei at his beck and call, but he didn't think it would be so soon. They'd only been together-both as a unit and as what Ritsuka considered a couple-for about a year, if that. How could Seimei just come and take him? Especially when he told Soubi, before he died, to find Ritsuka and protect him if he were to be killed. He'd left a message for Ritsuka on the computer, for him to find once Soubi told him that his true name was Loveless; the computer's password. The will had specifically said it; I leave you my fighter. Seimei had left him, and Soubi still had the lack of a brain to go back to him? Baka!
Lying curled into a ball on his bed and looking up at pictures of him and Soubi attached to his corkboard, Ritsuka felt every bit of sorrow and anger towards the man that someone his age was able to feel. Soubi betrayed him in the worst way. Kissed him and made out with him in the graveyard, only to leave said graveyard at Seimei's side; with his back to Ritsuka. Seimei telling him that it 'wasn't his business' didn't hurt as much as seeing Soubi walk away did. There was something…final about it. Something that said that Soubi was never coming back, no matter how much Ritsuka wished for it. Wished for it, and cursed Soubi's name, and begged the universe to give him back; he'd given up on God a long time ago. No matter what, he knew in his heart that Soubi wasn't coming back.
000
School was becoming unbearable. Yuiko has noticed Soubi's absence by the front gates after school was out. Soubi would always pick Ritsuka up, greet Yuiko, and then the two of them would leave her behind. She'd asked about him not being there every day since he left. Ritsuka felt his anger boiling over, but he only calmly told her that Soubi was doing something for college and couldn't be disturbed. It had been two weeks since Soubi left, and the pink haired girl was still asking questions. 'What is he doing for college that's so important?' 'Is he out of town or something?' 'Why is it taking him so long to be done?' Exactly two weeks after the fighter's betrayal, Ritsuka couldn't handle it anymore.
"He's gone, Yuiko, alright? Stop asking!" Ritsuka snapped, once she'd asked about Soubi for the fourth time in ten minutes.
Sensei looked up from the papers she was beginning the grade, since school was over for the day.
"A-Aoyagi-kun?" She wondered softly.
"Gone?" Yuiko wondered. "What do you mean he's gone? He's coming back…right?"
"No, he's not!" Ritsuka snarled. "In fact, I don't give a damn whether or not he does come back, so I hope he stays away!"
"B-But, Ritsuka-k-kun…" Her lower lip was quivering. "He's your friend…"
Ritsuka rolled his eyes. "I thought so too." He said. "But he's nothing more then a lying traitor! He's not coming back, I don't care if he is or not, and I don't want to see him! In fact, I don't want to hear his name ever again, alright?" He slammed a fist on his desk.
"Aoyagi-kun, that's enough!" Shinonome-sensei scolded. "I understand that you're mad, but don't take it out on Hawatari-chan!"
"Ritsuka…what happened?" Yuiko asked. "You can't mean…"
"I do mean it!" Ritsuka snapped. "I mean everything I said."
"No you don't." Yoji said, shaking his head as he put a hand on Ritsuka's shoulder. "You're just upset. Maybe you should clam down before you say something you regret…"
"I do, Yoji!" Ritsuka exclaimed. "And I'm not upset, I'm…pissed." He couldn't think of a stronger word. "You know what he did and where he went, so you know what I'm talking about!"
"Ritsuka, he'll come back." Natsuo assured him. "He has to…he wouldn't just leave you all alone like that…"
"He did leave me alone." Ritsuka was fighting the hot tears pressing at his eyes. "He turned around and betrayed me, and then he left with him!"
Natsuo sighed. "I know…but it can't be for forever…he's got to come back…"
"It doesn't matter." Ritsuka said, sitting down in his seat. "I'm never going to forgive him for this."
Yayoi Shioiri, another of Ritsuka's school friends, came running into the room. "I heard yelling. Is everyone alright?" He asked, joining his friends.
"It's Ritsuka's time of the month." Yoji informed, rolling his eyes.
"Excuse me?" Ritsuka wondered, looking at him with soft eyes.
His anger was going down a bit, but that probably wouldn't last. An outburst like this was so out of character for him, and he knew it, but he couldn't stop.
"Well…it explains things…" Yoji snickered.
Ritsuka wanted to snarl at him, but he didn't have the energy. "I'm sorry, Yuiko." He told the only girl in their group, not looking at her. "I'm just upset is all…"
"I believe you preferred the term 'pissed'." Yoji informed, tapping a finger on his chin.
"You're not making it any better, Zero." Ritsuka glared.
Yoji cocked an eyebrow. "Well now. No need for true name calling." He scolded.
Natsuo rolled his eye. "Yoji, stop it now." He ordered.
Yoji glared.
"So…what's wrong, Ritsuka…?" Yayoi asked. "Worried about Soubi?"
Ritsuka dragged his nails across the desk, picking up pieces of wood under his nails. They bit into his skin, but he didn't do anything about it. "I'm not worried about that asshole at all." He huffed. "I want nothing to do with him. I don't want to hear his name again, okay?"
"Sorry." Yayoi said. "I didn't know."
"We all do." Yoji said. "Welcome to the club."
Yayoi glared. He didn't like Yoji for harassing Yuiko on the zeroes' first day at school. It probably didn't help that Yoji called him 'four eyes' too.
"Do you just have a life goal of pissing off everyone you come into contact with, Yoji?" Natsuo sighed. Even he knew better then to annoy anyone and everyone around him.
"So what happened with him?" Yayoi wondered. "I know you don't want to hear his name, but why…?"
"It's nothing." Ritsuka muttered. He stood. "I'm leaving. You guys can tell them if you want." Ritsuka told the Zeroes. "Sorry for all the trouble. Bye."
He fled before anyone could stop him.
000
Later that night in his room, Ritsuka stood in front of the floor length mirror Soubi had bought him a while back when he complained about having a poor mirror. He sighed as he took notice of the thick, black letters curling around his hip. L-O-V-E-L-E-S-S. Loveless, one without love. It was his true name. He'd deny it as long as he could, but there was no denying it now. Maybe that was why he was on edge and bitchy all of a sudden. Maybe the side of him that was Loveless was taking over him. The old Ritsuka? Or a new, third Ritsuka? Whatever it was, he sure as hell didn't want to know. A knock on his window made him grab his towel and fling it around his body to cover himself before turning to see who it was. Spotting Natsuo and Yoji on his balcony, he let the towel droop a bit.
"Oh…you guys…" He greeted. "Come on in…"
"What are you staring at so intently?" Natsuo wondered, as he and Yoji entered the room.
"Just a scar." Ritsuka lied. He doubted that they'd seen it.
"What's up with you lately?" Yoji asked, flopping down o Ritsuka's bed. He lay down and folded his arms behind his head. "You've been acting so weird."
"You know what's wrong, Yoji." Natsuo scolded. "Stop bothering him about it. Do you want him to explode and his mom to hear?"
"She's probably asleep with her pills by now." Ritsuka muttered softly. "But thank you, Natsuo."
"She does pills? That explains things." Yoji nodded once.
Ritsuka glared. "Shut up, Yoji."
"You're really mad at him, huh?" Natsuo asked an obvious question. "I can't say I blame you, but you can't mean it."
"Mean what?" Ritsuka wondered.
"That you don't care where he goes and that you don't want to see him ever again."
"I do mean it." Ritsuka said. "What's the point of seeing him again, when all he's going to do is betray me?"
Yoji sat up and glared at the youngest of the Aoyagi brothers. "He does care about you." He informed. "You can't deny that."
"If he cared, he wouldn't have gone with Seimei, of all people." Ritsuka huffed.
"You care about him."
"I hate him…" Ritsuka muttered.
"Hate?" A voice asked from the balcony. "Such a horrible word coming from your mouth, Ritsuka."
Ritsuka tensed at the voice, refusing to look up at its owner.
"It's you." Yoji greeted.
"We should go." Natsuo said. "I'm sure you guys have a lot to talk about. Come on, Yoji." He grabbed his Sacrifice by the arm.
"Wait a minute, I want to hear his excuse!" Yoji protested.
"Goodbye, Ritsuka." Natsuo said, prying Yoji's fingers from the door frame as he grabbed onto it. "Goodbye, Soubi." He yanked Yoji hard before dragging him to the ladder they'd used to get up onto the balcony.
Ritsuka pulled the towel up to cover himself completely, keeping his name well hidden from view. He didn't look up, but he knew the blonde was already standing partly in his room.
"May I come in?" Soubi asked.
Ritsuka shrugged a shoulder. "I don't care."
Don't look at him. Don't look at him. Don't look at him. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't look at him. Don't cry. Ritsuka scolded himself repeatedly.
"Thank you." Soubi walked in and stopped a few inches from Ritsuka.
Ritsuka could see his shoes and the bottoms of his pants, but he refused to look up. He was afraid that if he did, he'd fall apart and beg Soubi to come back.
"Can I talk to you?"
"Go ahead." Ritsuka said, folding his arms.
"How are you?"
"It doesn't matter." Ritsuka said.
"It matters to me."
"Bullshit." Ritsuka snarled. He still didn't look up, even though he wanted to give Soubi the look of death and hopefully just give him a hint.
"You don't mean it…do you?"
"What?"
"That you hate me…?"
Ritsuka didn't answer for a moment. Then, "I do."
He didn't want to see the look on Soubi's face at his words. He wouldn't look up. He couldn't look up. "Why are you here?" He asked, once Soubi didn't speak for a few minutes.
"I wanted to see you."
Ritsuka could hear the pain dripping from Soubi's voice.
"You left me."
"Hm?"
"You left just because Seimei snapped his fingers and said 'come'." Ritsuka scowled. "Now everyone's asking me why you're not picking me up from school anymore, and I have to lie. I have to tell them that you're working on a school project, because I sure as hell can't tell them that you ran off with my supposedly dead brother." He scowled. "I have to lay here at night and not be able to sleep because I can't get the image of you walking away from me out of my head."
They stood there in silence for a few minutes.
"I'm sorry." Soubi told him.
"I don't believe you."
"I had to go with him."
"No you didn't." Ritsuka finally looked up.
Soubi looked like he hadn't slept in a few weeks. His hair was a little messy, but it still fell I controlled waves over his shoulders. His cobalt blue eyes were reflecting pain and sorrow all at once, and it looked like it had been a while since he'd eaten last. Ritsuka felt sorry for him, but it was short lived. Whatever pain Soubi felt, Ritsuka felt it ten times worse.
"If I didn't…"
"If you didn't, what?" Ritsuka glared.
Soubi took a step back from the look. "If I disobeyed Seimei's order…if I stayed with you…Seimei doesn't like to lose. And he especially doesn't like to lose his toys." He said. "He would have gone after both of us. We'd have made a powerful enemy out of both Beloved."
"We could take them."
"We're not on their level."
"We defeated Akame."
"He was alone."
Ritsuka glared. "You're just looking for a reason to justify what you did."
"Ritsuka…"
"But you can't justify it." Ritsuka turned back to the mirror, his back to Soubi. His plum colored eyes were full of anger, he could see that. But there was something underneath. Pain. Love. "You ripped my heart out and broke it into pieces. You left me. You hurt me. You lied to me. Four times."
"Four…?" Soubi wondered, softly.
Ritsuka held up one finger for Soubi to see. "You told me you'd never leave me. You left me." He picked up another finger. "You told me you loved me. You broke my heart." A third finger. "You told me you'd never hurt me. Look at me." He held up a fourth finger. "You said you'd never lie to me." He turned to snarl at his former fighter. "Saying you'd never lie to me was a lie, because you lied to me that you'd never hurt me, that you'd never leave me, and that you love me."
"I do love you, Ritsuka."
Ritsuka growled. "No, you don't." He insisted. "I know you don't."
"How do you know?"
"Because no one does! I'm Loveless, damn it!" He threw his towel to the ground and stood up straight, breathing heavily. He saw Soubi's eyes fall to the word on his hip. "You get it now?" Ritsuka panted heavily. "This damn word appeared on my side the day you left." He said. "And now I know. I'm Loveless. And it's true. It's my name, and it's me." He felt tears gather in his eyes. "Seimei doesn't love me, my mother doesn't love me, my father doesn't love me, and you don't love me either!"
Soubi took three quick steps to Ritsuka's side and pulled him into a hug, something that Ritsuka tried to pull away from.
"Let me go, Soubi!" He ordered. "Now, baka!"
Soubi released him a little bit and titled his chin up. "I love you, Ritsuka." He leaned down and pressed his lips to the boy's.
Ritsuka's tail went rigid, his neko ears flat against his head. When their lips contacted, and Soubi's began to move, a shock that could only be described as 'electric' coursed through Ritsuka's body; from his head to his toes. Ritsuka tried to fight it.
I hate him. He lies. I hate him. He doesn't love me. I hate him. He left me. I hate him. He hurt me. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him! He left me for Seimei! I'm Loveless! No one loves me! I hate him!
Even as he said the words to himself, tried to convince himself that it was true, he knew it wasn't. He did still love Soubi. And that's why it hurt so much. He loved Soubi, and his leaving hurt him. He wanted him back…but…Soubi wasn't his…
Soubi released him and kissed his temple. "I love you, Ritsuka Aoyagi." Soubi informed. "I would never hurt you."
"You did…" Ritsuka's voice was soft as he collapsed against Soubi. "You left me standing in the graveyard alone! You left with Seimei. The worst thing I've ever seen in my life was your back…leaving with his…"
"I did it for you." Soubi tried to point out again. "You want to know the truth about Seimei? I'll find it. And in the meantime, I'll keep you safe. If he thinks I'm completely loyal to him, he won't go after you for taking what was his."
"You're not his." Ritsuka grabbed Soubi's shirt collar. "You're mine." He pulled him close and crashed their lips together.
Soubi was shocked, but, nonetheless, he wrapped his arms around Ritsuka and pulled him as close as he could.
I'm his… Soubi thought to himself. He liked the sound of that. I'm Ritsuka's…Ritsuka's what…?
Ritsuka pressed himself closer, seemingly unaware of what it was doing to the elder man. Soubi snaked an arm down under Ritsuka's clothed knees-the boy had been wearing pajama bottoms-and picked him up. He carried him a few inches to the bed before laying him down. He crawled over the boy, never breaking their kiss. Fingers danced across little nipples on his young sacrifice's chest, making the other moan. Soubi traced the name on his hip before raking his nails through them. How dare that word mark his beautiful Ritsuka? How dare it torment Ritsuka and make him think that no one loved him? It had no right!
Ritsuka pulled back at the harsh treatment. "Watch it, baka!" He scolded. And then he was kissing Soubi again. His fingers pulled at the man's collar as Soubi moved from his lips to his cheek.
"I love you, Ritsuka." Soubi kissed a trail down the side of his neck.
"Sukidayo, Soubi…" Ritsuka moaned, running his hands through the golden locks of his former fighter…no…his lover…
Soubi's fingers danced patterns up and down Ritsuka's eyes. He sucked lightly on the boy's neck before letting go and leaning up. He smiled down at Ritsuka. "You do?"
Ritsuka nodded, feeling his face flush as he looked away. Being this close to Soubi, doing this with him…being shirtless around him, and feeling those long, oh-so-fabulous nails digging into his flesh. It was…he liked it. "Yes…"
"I love you, too." Soubi pecked him on the lips once more before backing off of him to sit Indian-style on the bed.
Ritsuka gathered his senses and sat as well, running a hand through his ebony locks as he looked at the elder male. He sat sideways, his legs folding up on the side of him. He twirled a strand of hair around his fingers before moving to Soubi. He sat on his lap, facing him. His tail swished back and forth lazily on the bed. Soubi wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, even though the boy protested. Ritsuka lay with his head sideways on Soubi's chest. Was Soubi's chest always this muscled? Ritsuka nuzzled into him as Soubi kissed the top of his head.
"Sukidayo, Soubi." Ritsuka muttered.
"Sukidayo, Ritsuka."
000
They stayed like that for most of the night. When the clock struck 3 am, Soubi gently moved the sleeping Ritsuka to lay on the sheets. He slipped the boy's night shirt onto him and buttoned it up. He covered Ritsuka and kissed his head. Ritsuka pulled the blankets tighter around him in his sleep and nuzzled the pillows. "Soubi…" He muttered through a slightly open mouth.
"Sukidayo, Ritsuka." Soubi whispered, kissing his forehead and leaning close to his ear. "I'll be back in the morning. If I don't go back, Seimei will get suspicious." He smiled softly. "Sukidayo. Don't you ever forget that."
000
When Ritsuka awoke the next day, Soubi was gone. The neko rubbed his eyes and looked around for him. Not seeing the male anywhere, he flopped back onto the pillows and curled over. When he did, he spotted a piece of paper.
Ritsuka,
I love you. You mean the world to me. But if I don't go back, Seimei will get suspicious. I don't want him to track me here and hurt you. Him or Akame. You'll understand some day. I'll be back tonight.
Sukidayo,
Soubi Agatsuma.
Ritsuka smiled softly and folded the paper up. He had to get ready for school. He knew one thing for sure now. His name may be Loveless, be he was far from unloved.