A Bad Start

by Girl-Apart5

Written in the Harmoniashipping universe, which means there is mention of Ghetsis having raped N as a child, but this is an Isshushipping, or Black/N PWP. Full summary inside.

Alright, I finally got this one finished. I think it's the best porn I've ever written, but maybe I just enjoyed it especially much.

Title: A Bad Start

Pairing: Black/N

Rating: M

Kinks: A lot. I don't feel like writing them all down.

Summary: N gives Black a bad scare, which causes some upset. In N's attempt to apologize the best way he knows how, dark secrets come to light.

Also, as I was writing the last, juicy part of this fic, I had this song on repeat: .com/watch?v=ZyzFUq8JaPo It sets the mood perfectly.

Today was not a good day.

I never should have split up with him.

N and I had stopped for a couple days in Castelia to bask in the vast availability of everything in the city after studying the Desert Ruins. After putting our things in our hotel rooms (a double for him and I, and one for our Pokemon so they could get out of their pokeballs as N had insisted, because I could not stand their snoring) we had gone out to shop. He wanted to look in the toy stores, but I had a whole list of things to get, so we decided to split up and then meet back at the hotel in an hour or so.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Now, two hours after our agreed schedule, I was held back from calling the police only because N was not exactly someone they would go out of their way to find, even though I had used my influence as Champion to have his criminal record wiped. After waiting an extra half-hour in the hotel and unable to reach him through his xtransceiver, I was racing through the streets looking for the tall boy I could normally spot from a mile off.

My Pokemon and his own were also searching, and every couple minutes I tried calling him again, but it seemed like his watch was either turned off, or... broken.

I was trying very hard not to panic, to tell myself that he was fine, but with every dark alley I scoured, more and more horrible possibilities invaded my mind. This was a big city, and though I would rather not admit it considering my mission to convince N that humans were generally good, there were always exceptions. And N had proved that he was especially vulnerable to those exceptions.

A familiar sound made me look up to see my Archeops swoop down to land on a lamp post nearby. From the way he was flapping his wings excitedly, I could tell he had found N. At once relieved and even more panicked, I followed him as he took off again.

It was back to the hotel he led me, and when I burst into the room N and I shared, there he was, like a breath of fresh air.

He was sitting on the floor, busily putting together a train set with not a hair out of place. Innocent eyes looked up, and he greeted me with a bright smile.

"You're late too, then? I took longer because I was carrying this big box, and then I remembered my xtransceiver was off, so..." N trailed off with a concerned expression, and I realized what I wreck I must look like, hunched over, panting, sweating, and probably white as a sheet. "Are you ok?"

And then suddenly I was furious.

Taking in a deep breath, I took off my hat so I could smooth back my hair. Then I shut the door and told myself firmly that I was not going to shout.

"N." I began when I felt a bit more in control of myself. "Do you have any idea what I've been through these past two hours?"

"Um.. Well, no. But isn't that ob—"

"I've been searching the whole damn city for you, N!" So much for not shouting... "I had no idea where you were! I couldn't reach you, couldn't find you! I was worried out of my mind!"

I paused long enough in my ranting to take in his reaction. He honestly seemed surprised, and with a twinge deep down I saw the gleam of tears beginning to form in his wide eyes.

"I.. I'm sorry.." He said softly.

"No. 'Sorry' is not enough! N, what if something had happened to you! The city is dangerous, and you didn't even have any pokemon with you, and, and what if someone.." I couldn't think straight. All the mental images of what could have happened now seemed even bolder in my mind than when they were an actual possibility. Because N was so beautiful, so fragile, any low-life could have dragged him behind a dumpster and—

Feeling very close to tears myself, I sat down heavily in a chair and covered my face with my hands, wishing I could rub out those painful thoughts. Perhaps I was too overprotective of him, but I couldn't help it. Even though he was older than me, even though he still didn't trust humans, he was such a child so easily taken advantage of.

I felt a touch on my knee and looked down to where N had come to kneel in front of me. He was genuinely crying now, and it made me feel even worse, but I couldn't say anything.

"I'm sorry.." He repeated, his eyes fixed on the floor. "I'm sorry. Please don't hate me, Black..."

I shut my eyes again. "N..." I groaned. "I don't hate you. I'm just.." I sighed. "I'm upset, is all. You scared me half to death."

"I'm sorry..! I'll give you the best apology, I really will! So please don't be mad! I'll make you happy!"

I opened my mouth to say something, but the words and absolutely everything else vanished from my mind when the sudden feeling of insistent fingers undoing my jeans made me freeze. By the time I could remember how to even open my eyes, N was reaching inside my boxers, and then—

"N!" I gasped, trying to sit up, but his warm, soft skin touching me there seemed to have completely destroyed my motor functions.

He looked up at me with a teary smile, and I did not fail to notice that the wall –the one I thought I was making progress in taking down– between his true feelings and the front he showed the world was back up in his eyes. So many things I wanted to tell him, but the fact remained that he was kneeling between my knees, stroking my manhood to life, and I couldn't speak.

"I'll show you." He whispered and leaned forward to place a chaste kiss on tip of my cock, wrenching a gasp from my throat in the process. "I'll show you I'm a good boy.. And then Black will love me again..." He took me in his mouth, which was so warm and wet, and on it's own my body pitched forward to curl around his head as I desperately grabbed fistfuls of his hair.

Strangled sounds were all I could make when what I wanted was to tell him to stop, to explain this to me. Was this really N? My N? (When had I started thinking of him as mine?) The N I knew was a child of pure innocence mixed with a broken dreamer's cynicism. My N couldn't possibly know about this sort of thing, right?

These thoughts were mere whispers in the back of my mind, however, because the rest of me was unable to think past the gentle sucking, and the way I could already feel myself touching the back of his throat. I was sobbing, trying and failing to hold onto reality, but reality happened to be N's mouth, and then stars were bursting in front of my eyes, and I couldn't even hear my own cries over the rushing in my ears...

I might have actually passed out for a moment, because when I could think again, I was slumped in the chair, completely boneless as every molecule in my body hummed. When my eyes uncrossed, I looked around for N, still unable to say anything coherent.

It didn't help that when I found him, he was still on his knees and delicately wiping my cum back into his mouth where some had escaped.

Without a word he stood up and pulled off his shirt, then slid out of his pants and underwear. I almost couldn't believe it, but the sight of his perfect, slender body and his own arousal was making me hard again very fast.

"..N.." Was all I managed to get out before he crawled onto my lap and began grinding against me. My head snapped back at the heated touch of his skin on mine and the sound of his soft keening. I think I repeated his name a few more times, my shaking fingers brushing across his thin sides, unsure of what I ought to be doing.

Then without warning, he took hold of my fully-revived cock and impaled himself without hesitation.

My mind would have gone blank again, –my body was insisting that it should– but I could hear his soft whimpers, and see his pained expression and the tears that spilled down his flushed cheeks. As much as I longed to give myself over to the unbelievable pleasure of his almost painfully tight body around me, moving up and down with a heated caress, I could not do it. Something was very wrong with this situation, and I had to know what exactly was going on before I let my secret desires free.

With much difficulty, I took hold of his hips in an attempt to still him, but my strength failed me.

"N..!" I grunted past my own moans. "Stop..! You're in pain!"

His knuckles were completely white as they gripped the arms of the chair, but he kept thrusting. "It's supposed to hurt me..." He whimpered. "This is.. my punishment..."

WHAT?

Something in me snapped, and suddenly I was in control of my own body again. In an instant I had pulled him against me, stilling our movements.

"Stop." I whispered against his shoulder. "Please, N. Stop this."

"What's wrong?" N asked me breathlessly. "Doesn't it feel good?"

You have no idea. "That's not the point.. Just.. Just stay still and let me.. calm down..." Taking deep breaths, I lifted him up enough to pull out of him, trying to repress a shudder as he whimpered. Keeping his tense body in my arms, I waited until my breathing and heart rate slowed and I could think clearly again. Or at least as clearly as this situation allowed.

Leaning back so I could look at his flushed face and eyes bright with tears and confusion, I took the time to wipe away the wetness from his cheeks before speaking.

"N.." I began, not really knowing how to approach this, and uncertain if I even wanted to know. "Where did you... Where did you get that idea?"

"What idea?"

"That.. That this sort of thing.. ought to be a punishment? An apology?"

I noticed how quickly his eyes darted away, and he would not look at me again.

"Is that not so?" He mumbled.

"No, N! No it isn't! Now tell me why you've done this!"

"I'm sorry!" He nearly yelped, wincing as though expecting me to strike him. Feeling instantly guilty for raising my voice again, I gently took his face in my hands.

"Don't apologize, I'm not angry with you." I assured him softly. "It's because I care about you so much, N. Please, help me to understand."

He shook his head in my grasp, eyes shut tightly. "You'll be mad..."

"I'm already mad, but not at you. You've done nothing wrong, ok?" It was so easy to forget sometimes that speaking to him like he was a child worked best.

N placed his hands over mine, but still said nothing. It was going to take a lot of coaxing to get him to open up, it seemed. Heaving a sigh, I shifted us onto our feet and put my clothing back in order. Glancing at N, who stood where I had placed him looking lost and dejected, I saw a small trail of blood smeared down his inner thigh.

"Oh, N..." I wrapped my arms around him again. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'll run a bath, ok? Then we can talk." He nodded, so I reluctantly left him there to head into the bathroom and start filling the tub.

"Will you get in with me?" I looked up from where I was making sure the water would be the right temperature to see him hovering in the doorway, still nude. Somehow, in light of this ordeal, it wasn't as distracting as I would have thought.

"If you want me to."

"Yes.." He held out a bottle of spray-on Potion he must have taken from my bag. "Would you put it in? It's hard, doing it myself.."

For a moment I could only stare at him, my mind racing in circles around the implications in his words. In the end I just nodded and took the bottle from him, but then realized I wasn't sure how to proceed. This feeling of helplessness is killing me.

N must have noticed, because he stepped closer and sprayed some of the liquid onto my fingers before guiding my hand behind him.

I tried not to think about what I was doing, and especially why as I slowly slid a finger inside him while he leaned on my shoulders for support. "Like this?" I asked, worried by his slightly pinched expression.

"Deeper." He instructed. "Two fingers."

I complied, but went still when he hissed softly. "Am I hurting you?"

"No.. Potions just.. tingle a little..."

Come to think of it.. "Are Potions even ok to use on humans?"

N shrugged. "I've always used them, and there's nothing that says you shouldn't." Before I even had time to wonder just how often he had to use Potions on himself, he suddenly gasped and jerked in my arms.

"What's wrong?" I asked, about to pulled my fingers out, but he grabbed my wrist to prevent me. A deep blush was returning to his cheeks now.

"It feels good.. right there."

"Oh." So I had accidentally found that place. By some miracle I still had the presence of mine to reach over with my free hand and shut off the bath water before it overflowed.

I wasn't exactly sure we should be getting so distracted from my healing him, but I was admittedly hypnotized by the expression drifting over his face as I stroked that same spot inside him.

"Black..!" He mewled, his legs beginning to shake.

Fighting back the effects his voice had on me, I removed my fingers slowly before things went any further. "Is.." I had to clear my throat. "Is that good enough?"

N actually seemed a little disappointed that I had stopped. "Yes.. That's fine. Thank you."

"Alright. Let's get in then, before the water gets cold.." I undressed as N stepped into the tub, then I joined him. It wasn't quite big enough for us both, so after some awkward shifting about, N somehow ended up straddling my lap again, our chests pressed together as he rested his head on my shoulder. I could feel his breath on my collarbone, and one of his fingers had taken to drawing mindless swirls on my other shoulder. I myself could no longer find any reason to keep my hands from nesting in his wild hair, now heavy with water.

After a moment of peace between us, I knew the subject could not longer be avoided.

"Will you tell me, now?" Even though I murmured, my voice seemed so loud and intrusive in the silence of the steamy air.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But I.. I need to know, N. Someone has hurt you before, and if I don't..." My voice trailed off without my helping it, and I had to try again to speak my mind. "N, I... I'm really.. I'm so in love with you, and the thought of.. of someone hurting you is killing me."

It was not the first time I had confessed my feelings to N. I had the moment I found him again, and he had said that he felt the same way for me, but I always got the distinct impression that he was not fully aware of what being in love meant. I had wanted to show him, to teach him the depth of that emotion. I had wanted to be his first. But now I feared that maybe it wasn't that he was uneducated in love and intimacy, it was that any preconception he had of those things had already been broken beyond repair.

N said nothing for a while, but then at last he began to speak.

"It was Ghetsis."

Somehow I had known that, deep down, but desperately had not wanted to admit it, even to myself. His own father..? The worst of it was, I wasn't honestly surprised.

N continued in a nearly inaudible voice, the words coming slowly at first, then almost blurring together as they seemed to spill from his mouth. "When I was seven he came into my room... He was angry... I don't know what I did wrong, but he was so angry... He hit me, but I was used to that. But then he pulled down my pants and he hurt me... I thought he was going to kill me... But then it was over and he left. The next time he returned he brought me more toys and friends and he stroked my hair and told me I was beautiful and that he loved me. He had hurt me because he loved me. I didn't understand, but he told me he wanted me to become stronger. To make me perfect. I wanted to be perfect for him, because then he would be happy, but it was always so painful, but if he was angry then I learned that if I apologized without him forcing me to, it would hurt a bit less, and— Black?"

My hands had clenched into painful fists at my sides, and I felt my whole body shaking with the combined emotions of sorrow and hatred. I should have killed Ghetsis when I had the chance. No, I should have kept him alive in that room he locked N up in and torture him slowly for years until his mind is completely gone and he begs for death, but I won't—

"Black, you're scaring me..." I looked up from where my vision had been filled with a red haze to see N's concerned face. His hands were on my cheeks, and I realized the that I had been crying. "I'm sorry I told you..."

I shook my head, because I did not trust my voice to work, and unclenched my fists so I could pull N into another embrace.

"I'm sorry." I whispered brokenly. "I'm so sorry."

"Black..? Why are you apologizing?"

"Because you don't deserve any of this. I would do anything to erase your past."

"Do you think I'm wretched? I know that I'm.. damaged. Distorted, even."

I held him tighter and shook my head firmly. "No, N. You're none of those things. You're perfect."

I felt his breath catch. Perfection was something extremely important to N, I knew, something he had been driven to strive for and constantly told he was not. Even though I knew that telling him he was perfect almost meant more to him than telling him I loved him, I still honestly thought that he was.

"I'm not..." He breathed. "I'm not perfect.."

"You are to me. That should be all that matters."

We sat there for what could have been a short or long time, wrapped so tightly in each other's arms we almost did not notice the water growing cold. When we did, we got out and dried ourselves off, everything feeling just slightly unreal.

Wrapped in a towel because I had not gotten fresh clothes beforehand, I stepped out to grab some from the drawers, but stilled when N put his arms around me from behind.

"Black, I want to continue where we left off.."

I tilted my head back to look at him in surprise. "But.."

"You.." He paused to consider his words. "I'm feeling something I can't explain, but I want more. I want you to keep touching me, and holding me. I want to hear more of your voice. You told me that you would teach me about the real world, so.. Show me love."

Turning in his embrace, I pressed my forehead up against his. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I want to feel you inside me again."

I kissed him briefly. "Alright."

As we moved over to the closest bed, N pulled the towel from around my waist and let it drop to the floor. Laying down, I covered his body with mine and brought our lips back together. Slowly, sensually. I had never done this before, so I was relying solely on instinct, but I was determined to keep my hormones in check and take my time. I would give N the best night of his life, and then make sure that it was the first of many.

His skin was so soft and smooth, as was the inside of his mouth. He tasted sweet, and it felt like my every atom hungered for him. Our tongues tangled in some primal form of communication, his hesitance and innocent desire, my reassurance and insistence to please.

When we surfaced at last for air, I spread nibbling kisses down along his jaw, then to the crook of his neck. N tilted his head to the side to give me better access, and in reward I sucked on his pulse point until the skin there bloomed with red.

I would never get enough of him. He was like a drug, an oasis to a man dying of thirst. I could easily spend hours exploring every last inch of his body, worshiping it. Running my teeth along his collarbone, I carefully analyzed his sighs and moans, finding all the places and things he liked best. Then moving down to his chest, I took one nipple in my mouth and tended to the other with my hand, coaxing them into hard buds.

N was squirming now, and whimpering. His hands came up to hold onto my shoulders, but they seemed as thirsty as my own, because soon after, they began moving in circles, fingertips tracing patterns across my skin. I couldn't help but moan, my entire body feeling hypersensitive. As those fingers, growing ever more confident, trailed down my spine, I switched places on his chest, making sure to give each rosy nub equal attention.

Continuing my journey downward, I let my hands run across his waist and hips, feeling every curve and dip and committing them to memory. I paused again, now to dip my tongue into his navel as the muscles in his stomach rippled and shuddered. Sliding my hands down to feel the exceptionally soft skin of his inner thighs, I parted his legs so I could lay between them and make room for my next destination.

Feeling the occasional brush of his growing erection on my throat, I knew I was probably teasing him, but I wanted this to last as long as possible, and nibbling on those sharp hipbones was just too delicious to hurry along. But at last I reached the place I knew he wanted me most, if his nearly incoherent murmurs were any indication.

Nestled amongst green curls, his cock pulsed with his racing heartbeat, weeping precum at the tip. Glancing up for a moment to make sure his glazed eyes were watching me, I ran feather-light touches up and down the soft, heated skin and instantly bringing it to full hardness as he gasped. Continuing to stroke gently, I let my breath waft over him, one hand circling around the head, the other moving down to cup his balls. The smell of his arousal was so intoxicating and wonderful my head was beginning to spin. My tongue slipped out to experimentally slide across the tip and taste the liquid gathering there. Liking what I found, I wrapped my lips around him and began sucking.

N's back arched up off the bed, and I indulgently let my hands slide along the curve of his spine before returning to hold his hips still as he writhed. Taking as much of him into my mouth as I could, I bobbed my head up and down, running my tongue back and forth at the same time. His fingers curled in my hair, holding the locks almost too tightly, but I let him. The sounds he was making were causing my own hardness to pulse painfully, but I ignored it. N was more important.

When I felt he was close, I pulled away much to his distress, but I kissed his thighs soothingly. "Don't worry." I told him breathlessly, the musky taste of him still in my mouth. "I won't leave you wanting. Just trust me."

Getting onto my knees, I wrapped an arm around his waist to bring his hips up with me. My eyes stayed on his, watching the way they began to grow wide with surprise as I continued my kisses down between his legs until I flicked my tongue out against his entrance.

"Black..!" N gasped, trying unsuccessfully to move away from my mouth. "What are you..?"

"Loving you." I replied simply before adding just enough pressure to slip my tongue inside. I felt a curl of pleasure in the pit of my stomach as N's eyes rolled back in his head and a strangled groan escaped his throat. Pumping my tongue in and out, slowly, then speeding up, and then slowing back down. My mind felt like a broken record as it could only think about the promise that another part of me would be returning to this tight, hot haven.

Refocusing on N, I saw he had covered his face with his hands, either in embarrassment or overwhelming pleasure, or perhaps even both. Reaching down with my free hand, I pulled his back down.

"Don't look away." I stopped what I was doing long enough to order gently. "Watch me. See everything that I'm doing to you."

Once I was sure he would do as I asked, I slid two fingers inside him, searching once more for that place I had inadvertently found earlier. It was unbelievably heady, watching him struggle to keep his eyes open and focused on what I was doing. His hands gripped the pillow beneath his head, twisting the fabric until it creaked. Then his whole body jerked and he let out a choked gasp. Found it.

Continuing to rub the spot inside him, I let his hips slide down to rest in my lap so I could press our chests back together. I knew he was very close now, but this time I would let him fall over the proverbial edge.

"Hold onto me, N." I whispered, and his arms instantly went around my back, clinging desperately. "Just a little bit more; you're doing great."

"I– I can't—!" He sobbed, his body beginning to writhe with the beginnings of orgasm.

"Yes you can. It's alright. I've got you." I reached down with my free hand and wrapped it around his pulsating cock, stroking up and down in time with my fingers inside him. He cried out and shut his eyes tightly.

"Keep your eyes open, N." I reminded him, placing a kiss on each eyelid until he was looking at me again, teardrops gathered on long lashes. "That's it. I want to see you. Just like this, I want to see as I bring you to completion. Are you ready? Now. Come for me, N."

His back arched, arms and legs clinging to me desperately as a cry was wrenched from his throat. But he kept his eyes open, though I could tell they had stopped being able to see anything. I bit my lip hard to keep from following him into bliss and continued the motions of my hands as warm wetness splashed my chest.

When at last it was over, N went completely limp beneath me. I smiled and kissed him, loving his almost drunk expression. "You're perfect." I said, even though I wasn't entirely sure he would be able to hear me. "So perfect." I kept kissing him, his face and his hair, tasting sweat and tears. Although it sounded strange even to think it, I loved his tears, and these were the best of all. Not tears of sadness or pain, not even tears of happiness. These were tears of pleasure.

Finally he came back to himself, though his body still shuddered occasionally with aftershocks. Turning his head to meet my lips, N pulled me closer.

"What about you?" He asked, voice slightly hoarse.

"Don't worry about me." I smirked. "The night's still young."

N smiled back and shifted beneath me, tilting his hips until he rubbed against my sorely neglected erection.

Lights burst behind my eyes, and my head snapped back as I gasped. "N! Gh.. D-don't.. Not yet..."

But he continued rocking against me, and my body was refusing to do anything but move with him.

"I want you inside me, now.." N murmured. "I want to feel all of you."

"Are you sure?" I whispered, because my voice had failed me.

He took my hand and guided it to where he was already growing hard again. "Positive."

Swallowing, because suddenly I felt a little nervous, I sat up and took hold of myself, guiding the tip to his entrance. Locking my eyes on his, I braced my arms on either side of his head as I slowly pressed inside. Ohgodohgodohgod...

As horribly wonderful as it had felt the first time, it was now infinitely better. So hot and tight and perfect, and he was panting, but he did not look away as pleasure once more clouded his vision. Then I was settled up to the hilt inside him, sweat running down my skin. I stayed still a moment, letting him adjust and trying to keep myself from cumming right then and there.

Then N rolled his hips, and I moaned, my body automatically following the motion. Wrapping his legs around my waist and clutching my shoulders, N moved again, and I followed, and the rhythm repeated until we both lost any semblance of control and fell into a frenzied dance.

As if from a distance I could hear something banging over our own gasping voices, what was it.. Oh, the bed was rocking into the wall. Come to think of it, we could probably be heard all the way down the hall, but I couldn't care less. The entire world had narrowed to just our two bodies, and even that blurred and melted away, until it became impossible to tell what was myself and what was himself. No thought, just sensation. I was unable to even control my own body.

We were kissing, although it was almost hilariously sloppy as we moaned and panted at the same time, but we hadn't the presence of mind to notice. My arms had given out, and now our bodies were practically stuck together, chests heaving and soaked with sweat and other bodily fluids. My hands had taken to holding onto his hips, feeling the muscles move as he thrust against me, each time taking me back into his body that was so hot it was almost maddening. Another source of incredible heat was his cock rubbing against my stomach as he arched up. I reached between us to take hold of it and pumped a few times before feeling it spasm and release.

I felt more than heard N screaming, because as he came his body tightened around me, and it was just too much... Then I was screaming, and everything faded away.

When I woke up, the room was bright, so I took it to be morning. N was curled up next to me, his head resting on my chest as one of my arms held him close.

My back hurt.

But other than that, I felt better than I could ever remember feeling.

Idly I twisted a lock of his hair around my finger, thinking back on everything that had happened yesterday. It was certainly nothing how I had envisioned the start of our intimate relationship to be, and the revelations proved that things would not be easy, but we would take it slowly, and maybe everything will work out in the end.

N shifted and mumbled something as he woke, gradually realizing where he was and who he was with. When sleepy eyes met mine, I smiled and brushed back his tangled hair.

"Good morning, N."

For a moment he blinked at me, then a beaming smile lit his face.

"Good morning, Black!"