Every night, the tensions rise. All her pent-up fears inundate every other feeling in her body. She desperately doesn't want to return to her old life. What she wants even less (or better phrased, what she most fears) is him leaving her. The mere thought makes her nauseous and shaky. On the worst nights, when the emotions swell inside her chest, twisting and churning and making her insufferably tight, she lets it out in silent, painful tears leaving remnants of salty suspense on her flushed cheeks.
Realistically, there is nothing to worry about. He had never implied anything remotely similar to forcing her return to that bloody village she resents so much. He had never told her he was disappointed in her. In fact, he did just the opposite, with his supportive kisses on the forehead and the unquestionable trust he puts in her. It is certainly not his behavior that frightens her. It's the lack thereof.
She wants desperately to stay in this life - his life - forever so badly, it hurts. He hasn't given her any confirmations, not even a hint, that says he feels the same way. Without these reassurances, she grows increasingly nervous about that impending day in which she leaves. And so, every night when he's not around, she feels it all rise up and burn within her, slowly tearing her apart.
There he is, wandering the corridors of the TARDIS, just as he does every night to organize his jumbled thoughts. Somehow, every night, he ends up near her room, as if his thoughts travel to his feet and bring him where his mind takes him. And every night, he hears sniffing and shaky breaths. He doesn't know the source of her stresses, but he could never find the courage to go in and inquire, let alone comfort her. He just can't shake the feeling her crying has something to do with him. But tonight, he came prepared with a couple cups of hot tea and a strong desire to take her in his arms and kiss away her tears.
Tonight, he raises his arm and softly knocks.
The sounds stop suddenly. He can picture her behind that door, frantically trying to cover up any evidence of her tears. A soft "come in" is heard, and he hesitates only a fraction of a second before gently opening her door.
"Amy?" He asks cautiously, "Are you alright?"
Amy laughs. "Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"
A concerned tilt of the head is the tentative response of the other individual. Amy's smile disappears. Leave it to him to cut right to the chase.
"Alright, you're the Doctor. You tell me," Amy says, her usually strong voice shaking around the edges. The Doctor walks over and sits on her bed, handing her a cup of the steaming tea.
"I don't know," he replies folding his warm hand over her trembling one, "But I want to know so we can fix it."
Amy takes a shuddering breath. "I don't want to leave," she whispers. The Doctor assumes a confused look on his face.
"Well, no one is going to make you leave. Amy, you are fantastic - brilliant, even. I plan to keep you here as long as I can," the Doctor replies with a small smile.
"That's exactly it," Amy cries, "As long as you can, but not forever. I'll have to leave eventually, whether it be from you sending me back to Leadworth because of an even-more-dangerous-than-usual situation or because one of us…" She trails off. The room temperature seems to drop, which is quite possible if the TARDIS is listening to the time travelers' conversation. The Doctor looks at Amy squarely in her blurry eyes.
"Amy, death is inevitable for everyone. There's no point being frightened of it. Blast, there is no life without death's balance. Do you want the best antidote for death? Live before the time comes. Really live. Then you'll know that life is worth dying for."
"But that's the thing," Amy says, tears forming at the brinks of here eyes again. "I can't live right without this life. I can't live without the TARDIS or the time traveling or all the mad dashes for safety or you. Especially you. This way of life you've taught me – I can't live it anywhere else or with anyone else." Amy takes a swift breath, the air catching in her tight throat. The Doctor looks at his usually fiery companion in the dark, her luminous hair hardly visible. He feels as if his hearts were being torn out from his companion's pain. A thought overcomes him, and he smiles at the aching redhead.
"Amy – brilliant, magnificent Amelia…" He takes her into his arms. She shifts subconsciously to fit perfectly to his form. "There's a song from my home planet that my mum used to sing to me when fear kept me up at night. It goes like this."
The Doctor begins to sing. The melody flows out of his mouth like a golden river in a pleasant alto. Amy vaguely recognizes the tune, but she can't place it. When he finishes, Amy only stares, an emotion in her eyes the Doctor can't discern. It feels so good to sing in his native language again. He hasn't used it in a long time.
"That was absolutely beautiful, Doctor," Amy mumbles, trying not to break the silence too sharply. "But what does it mean?"
The Doctor chuckles lightly. "Here's the story," he begins, "When I was visiting some friends in 1993, I happened to come across the infamous Billy Joel. He needed one more track for his album, and so I helped him out a bit. I sang him the lullaby, gave him the translation, and he recorded it and called it his own, just like I told him he should. Could've done without the strings, but the piano was fantastic."
Amy gasps in surprise, her eyes quickly drying as she hears more of the Doctor's crazy tale. "So which song is this?" Amy asks. The Doctor smiled widely and began singing again, his voice a gust of wind over a field of wheat.
"Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes,
And save these questions for another day.
I think I know what you've been asking me.
I think you know what I've been trying to say.
I promised I would never leave you,
And you should always know,
No matter where you go,
No matter where you are,
I never will be far away."
The Doctor tightens his hold on Amy and starts rocking back and forth. Amy rests her head on his chest, enjoying the pleasant vibrations of his voice and the steady metronome of his hearts. The Doctor's smile widens.
"Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep,
And still so many things I want to say.
Remember all the songs you sang for me,
When we went sailing on an emerald bay.
And like a boat out on the ocean,
I'm rocking you to sleep.
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart,
You'll always be a part of me.
"Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream,
And dream how wonderful your life will be.
Someday your child may cry,
And if you sing this lullaby,
Then in your heart, there will always be a part of me."
Amy's eyes begin tearing again, but this time not in sorrow or fear, but in relief and, quite possibly, an emotion neither Amy nor the Doctor would have guessed had developed between them. But here it is.
"Someday we'll all be gone,
But lullabies go on and on.
They never die,
That's how you and I
Will be."
The Doctor finishes his song, and glances down at his favorite companion curled up in his arms. Her steady breathing tells him that she is definitely asleep. He untangles their arms and very gently lays her fiery head on the slightly damp pillow. Carefully rising to his feet, he pulls the covers up to Amy's shoulders and hears her content sigh.
The Doctor doesn't know how long this will help Amy nor what he can do next to take away her pain (though he thoroughly wants to), but for tonight, he will sit next to Amy's bed and relax in the steady waves of her breathing.
Once he begins feeling himself drifting off, the Doctor reluctantly stands and begins to leave the cozy room. Freezing before the door, he turns around and walks silently back to the bed. Leaning over Amy's sleeping form, he places a simple kiss to her forehead. Amy's body seems to relax even more into the bed, and a soft sigh escapes her lips. The Doctor wanders back to the door and turns around one last time.
"Goodnight, Pond," he whispers, and the TARDIS sighs as the door closes.
Hello, readers! First off, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope you enjoyed it! I absolutely adore Billy Joel, and this scene suddenly popped up into my head as I was listening to "Goodnight my Angel." LOVE that song! I wrote all the lyrics from memory, so I hope I didn't mess any of them up...
I'm new to writing for the Doctor Who fandom, though I've been reading and reviewing for a few weeks now. I'm considering continuing this with a more closing ending because I'm a big sucker for complete, happy endings. This will mostly revolve around 11/Amy romance, but to make it slightly less AU, I would add Rory and River in later chapters but avoid 11/River or Amy/Rory, because those pairings get on my nerves. Unfortunately, they are cannon. Let me know if that sounds interesting!
Oh! One more thing... I am currently watching the Doctor Who series (meaning I haven't seen all the episodes). So far, I have watched the first season, half of the second, and the entire fifth, all after the hiatus. I have a general idea of what happens throughout the entire series, but if you can refrain from spoilers in reviews, that would be great.
So, if you can, please review! I love every piece of advice I can get, and I want to know what you thought. Thanks! ~InkWoven