ALL RIGHTS TO CBS, NCIS, USA, AND DONALD- Happy halloween!
*****WITCH HUNT(4.06)*****
Ducky: Ah, there you are. Is [Abby] here yet?
Jimmy: Oh, she's here. And she is in costume.
Tony: Oh, yeah? What's it like?
Jimmy: Trust me, you wouldn't want me to ruin the surprise.
Tony: Last time I did Halloween I was an astronaut. The neighborhood I grew up in, well it wasn't really a neighborhood; there were these estates with mansions smack dab in the middle of them. And really long driveways. Made Halloween very tricky. It's a lot of walking. God my feet were tired that night. Dogs were barking.
McGee: Yeah, I gotta imagine it really sucks growing up rich like that.
Tony: My costume was fantastic though. Wicked awesome. I was a spaceman. No ventilation though. I was sweating like Roger Federer after a five-set tie breaker. And stinky. Stinky like cheese. But man what a haul. I made off with more candy than I could carry.
McGee: God, I imagine this story's coming to an end soon.
Tony: But when I got home, old man made me throw it all away. Even the apples.
McGee: He was concerned about your teeth.
Tony: Oh... no. I made my astronaut suit out of one of this $3000 designer ski suits.
McGee: Ouch.
Tony: I don't think I sat down again 'til Christmas
McGee: Abby is right, I am three cans short of a six pack.
Tony: She was talking about your abs, McFlabby
Abby: Tony, there is nothing scary about a zombie dragging its butt around!
Tony: Well, a zombie isn't a zombie unless it's dragging its butt around.
McGee: You liked 28 Days Later. Those zombies were really quick.
Tony: (angry) Okay, enough with the zombies already
Ziva: Aw, my poor little McGee! There'll be other elf queens online.
Tony: She's right. Of course they won't be Redskins cheerleaders and they'll probably weigh a few thousand pounds.
Ziva: Not to mention there's a good chance some of them are probably men.
Tony: ...Your description of car is... car.
McGee: It's a snow elf... and I'm going to a costume party okay?
Tony: It's far from okay Probie... in fact, I'd say that this is taking geek one step beyond.
Tony: I knew you played a fairy on that online game... but dressing up as one?
McGee: Look, I know what I saw. Someone policed the brass and tried to wipe up the blood.
Tony: Who, Probie-- the crime scene fairies? There's no one here!
Ducky: Release the captives Mr. Palmer!
(Palmer releases the delinquent youths)
Tony: Nice work, Palmer!
Palmer: It wasn't me, Tony. Dr. Mallard chased them for three blocks.
Ducky: Oh please! It's not that impressive. It's not as if they were real ninjas.
Tony: You got a time of death on the great pumpkin here, Charlie Brown?
Tony: McGeek with the save!
Tony: Something just touched my foot. Something's under the couch!
McGee: Maybe it's the, uh, crime scene fairy, Tony.
Tony: I hate Halloween.
Tony: It's Halloween, Ziva. It's an American holiday...
Ziva: I know, the wearing of silly costumes and begging for treats. I imagine it's a DiNozzo National Holiday.
Tony: The only thing I hate worse than Halloween are Klingons.
Klingon: Look, ask 'em, okay? Ask the guy in the cheesehead hat, ask, uh, the vampire, David Lee Roth, Carrot-man, ask him!
Carrot-Man: This has gone far enough. I happen to be a lawyer.
Tony: Good! The only thing I hate worse than Klingons are lawyers!
Tony: Every day is Halloween to Abby.
Tony: You speak Klingon?
McGee: Not fluently, but yes.
Tony: It's not easy being a root vegetable, is it?
Abby: Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have food in my teeth or something?
Tony: I'll just stick with "or something.
*****Murder 2.0 (4.06)*****
Tony: My mother isn't quite herself today. (Ziva stares at him) Psycho.
Ziva: You certainly have your moments.
Tony: Mother, blood, blood!
Ziva: Psycho.
Gibbs: He has his moments
McGee: Where is that?
Tony: Sears Tower, Chicago.
Gibbs: (for next picture) Moscow.
Ziva: (for next picture) Rio.
Tony: Death by jet lag?
Ziva: (to McGee) Today is not your lucky day!
Tony: It is Halloween later this week.
McGee: And I did see a black cat this morning! Well, it was dark brown.
Tony: Wish you had stayed in the car, Boss.
Gibbs: DiNozzo, will you shut up or I'm gonna shoot you!
McGee: My CPU is too small.
Tony: I'm going to let that one slide.
Tony: Nice girl. She wasn't my type.
Ziva: Really? She was breathing.
Tony: Yes, but I have standards, Ziva. Otherwise, I'd be dating you!
McGee: He donated his sperm.
Tony: Ah, the things people do for money.
Ziva: You donated your sperm!
Tony: Yes, but not for money. Just to enrich the world.
Ziva: (referring to McGee's possession of her photos) What do you think he's doing with them?
Tony: I would rather shave my eyeballs than contemplate that.
*****Code of Conduct (7.05)*****
Ziva: Does your gut ever give you stomachache, Tony?
Tony: Keep snickering while I'm over here breaking the case.
(Ziva knocks on door)
Mr. Rogers: There's no candy here.
Ziva: NCIS. We don't want candy.
Tony: Speak for yourself David. Open up, or we'll send the kids in.
Tony: Your porch light's on; means you have candy, it's standard Halloween etiquette.
Tony: Energy drinks, just what this holiday needed. Their parents are going to love you.
Tony: Probies, stop! Talk louder, I can hear you in there. (Enters the mens room.)
Ziva: (Shouting at mens room door) Tony, McGee has been here for six years. I have been here for four. I know you are enjoying this, but we are Agents, so could you please stop calling us...
(Gibbs strolls out of the mens room and addresses Ziva)
Gibbs: Problem, Probie? You've been an agent for all of one week. Your Mossad Liaison days are over.
Tony: I don't trust a guy who doesn't give candy to kids.
Tony: I didn't keep the money, McNopoly. I gave it to charity -- an urban youth group.
Tony: Well, it sounds like you've got a problem in your neighborhood, Mr. Rogers. Nice sweater, by the way.
Ziva: I have been thinking about my place as a new agent, and your place as....
Tony: As your superior in every way.
Ziva: Yes. But for my sanity, can you not call me Probie?
Tony: But I say it with love. (Ziva narrows her eyes at Tony, and he continues) And if I refuse?
Ziva: You are Senior Field Agent, and I am – entirely – at your mercy."
Tony: As you should be.