I DONT OWN SON.
My name is Spencer Carlin I'm 22 years old and this is my story. Its not a happy life and it might not end the way anyone, especially me, would like but it is how it is. Let me start off by saying I'm gay like I'm a girl with a guys mind gay. This were I'm starting my story. Ever since I was little I have always liked girls, in my mind it was normal. I don't mean that I think being gay isn't normal I just mean at that young age I thought liking girls was like the norm, if that makes any sense? As I grew older I knew that liking girls isn't societies definition of normal, oh well I don't care. Even though I'm not 100% on who I am as a person that fact I am 100% on. I like girl, no correction I LOVE GIRLS! I've only kissed three girls in my life and even though I have kissed more guys I still know I am gay.
I didn't come out till I was 16 years old it. It wasn't a bad experience but it could have gone better. At school I was out and it really didn't bother me there. My home life bothered me my dad was a dick and always will be. My mom was super judgmental and I didn't want to be disowned because of it. I grew up thinking I had to be the perfect model child and it was nerve wracking being the first born with all these expectations put on me before I was born and being gay was not one off them. I was suppose to get married to a man and have 2.5 kids while juggling a booming career; my dad wanted it to be in a sport of some kind. In the end I guess it didn't matter because most of everything that was expected of me I failed at but I'm proud to say I glad I let everyone down. In the end I need to make me happy it has taken me 22 years but I've realized it.
Now this story is about love but you have to understand me or at least understand a little before you can judge the decision I have made. Most aren't smart but at the time it seemed right. I'm the kind of person that doesn't think and just does it and if there are consequence then so be it. My family thinks I am pretty stupid for the things I do but, its how I do it and if I were to live on my own thats how I would do it. I am very independent and if I want something I don't ask I just get it.
I tend to flirt a lot with boys and girls. Guys are easy to flirt with you just stand there and pretend to be interested in them even if you really aren't. They would do almost anything just at the hope that they will get in your pants. Also just throw in a sexual comment here and there and BAM! they are hooked simple, right? Its not that enjoyable actually.
Girls are so much more fun. I'm kinda weird though because, once I see a girl and get to know them a bit I can anticipate what they are attracted to just like a "game." Every girl has a "game" with there own rules. I have my own rules too most of the time I can fallow them but there has been one time I have broken them. I never had any rules until I was two years into a relationship them I started coming up with them.
Its kinda funny how I came up with them. I was 18 years old almost 19 and I worked as a receptionist at a car dealer ship back in the fleet department. I was on the computer in a chat room with all these girls all were different age and personality like buffet. It got me thinking could I perdict a girls personality enough to play any girls "game." I call it a game because that is what it was to me a "game" every girl like I said has there own "game" and I am good at playing games. I know that that sounds cocky but its true Ill prove it later on in my story, back to the "game" and my rules I fallow to keep from falling and being heart broken...again
I have ten rules I always fallow.
(Rule 10) Know The Girls Rules.
(Rule 9) Test The Water.
(Rule 8) Watch Your Moods.
(Rule 7) Never Cross The Line.
(Rule 6) Watch your step.
(Rule 5) Make Them Cry.
(Rule 4) Avoid Arguments.
(Rule 3) Be A Gentle Woman.
(Rule 2) Keep Your Distance.
(Rule 1) NEVER SAY YOUR TRUE FEELINGS!
If all else fail and I started falling for a girl I cant fall for. I bail.
Like I was saying I was 18 almost 19 when I started this experiment if you will call it. Now for the experiment I impersonated a guy it made it simple for the most part. I picked three girls Sarah, Michelle, and Becky they were all different. Becky was the first and the youngest. She was innocent, sweet, happy, hyper, and just a preppy girl from Kentucky, she was kinda annoying to tell you the truth. Our conversations consisted of her saying I love you all the fucking time. Like I said every girl has there game she was into dicks like big dicks and bad boys but I was always a gentleman in her eyes.
Michelle came second she was the oldest. She is a party-er but in a stupid way. She is the kinda girl you go shit kayla is here I think I should go before she gets wasted and annoys me. She is nice dont get me wrong but the things she think and does is like really do you think I'm that stupid or are you really that stupid. She was is into the prince coming and sweeping you off your feet to go off and love each other forever. Yet she is determined that I was the ONE and that she will never be happy now beacuse she doesnt have me. She was extremely jealous that was the fun part of knowing her was pissing her off.
Sarah was the last... I liked her a lot she was really down to earth. She could sing and she was a fun party girl. If I were a guy or she was gay I would have fallen harder for her. Everything I like in a girl she is. Bitchy when needed let me do what I want to an extent. I really could have seen a future with her the only down side besides she was straight was that she has a lot of health issues. Either than that I dug the whole girly tomboy thing she had going for her. Her "game" was liking me for being me with her I didn't really have to be 100% fake. Thanks to those three girls I am able to flirt with anyone I felt comfortable flirting with.
This chapeter is kinda lame but, you have to know this its impotant. This story is a 100% true except the names I changed for privacy purposes give me your ideas on my love life or opinions or whatever I dont care. SA