A/N: Lex and Mark survived the crash but everything that had been discussed while Lexie was trapped doesn't seem like it's going to happen. The stress of rehabilitation and her PTSD is taking its toll, causing Lexie to lash out and push everyone away, especially Mark. This is a fic about Lexie acting on what she realizes she wants after a rough week with Mark, who has since broken up with her, thinking that she needs her space to get back to her old self.
A/N: This fic is actually something I wrote on my spare time as a way of putting my own feelings out there without actually talking to someone so… prepare and enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.
"Maybe this was a bad idea," Mark sighed.
"No!" Lexie immediately answered as she grabbed Mark's hand, releasing it as if it were hot coals. She had asked Mark to meet her at Joe's after his shift was over because she wanted to talk to him but words were escaping her.
Mark eyed Lexie before taking a sip of his drink. He was elated that Lexie wanted to talk to him because that was better than the silent treatment or the sharp comments and a great improvement from the yelling but Lexie hasn't said anything yet.
"Look, Lex, maybe we should forgot about what I said that day in the woods…" Mark started.
Lexie's world stopped for a second. "You don't mean that, Mark."
"I just don't know, Lex."
"But you said…"
Mark scoffed as a smirked tugged on his tired features. "I tend to say a lot of things I probably shouldn't."
"You can't do that. You can't just remind me of all the reasons I love you and think I can just erase the last year,"
"Lex…"
"No! I love you. You can't expect me to walk away from everything like it never happened. You can't throw away what we have,"
"I can't throw away my family either, Lex. I have kids. I have Callie and Derek and I know how you feel about being a mother and grandmother."
"For a double board certified surgeon you can be a complete idiot,"
"Excuse me?"
"Did I say anything about that, Mark? I know how much they mean to you and what kind of person would I be if I told you to choose between us? I'm asking for more than that. I'm asking you to come back to me. I'm begging you to not walk out that door and throw away everything,"
"After everything that's been going on, Lexie, why should we do this to ourselves again?"
"Because I'm not done loving you. Every second of every passing day my heart beats for you with more love and adoration that it can possibly hold. I've fallen in love with your family, I've fallen in love with how you are with your family and more importantly, I've fallen head-over-heels, flat on my ass, completely, undeniably, and irresponsibly in love with you all over again,"
"Lex…"
"Shut up, I made you come here so we can talk so it's my turn," Lexie all but shouted, causing Mark to shift in his seat.
"I want to be there for birthdays and on Christmas morning when we're woken up at the ass-crack of dawn by bad breath and bed head. I want to read the same bed time story for a month straight because Sof has a new favorite. I want to decorate my locker with paintings of unproportional stick families and I want to have picnics on beautiful spring afternoons. I want to yell at the obnoxious mothers at the baseball field. I want to be there for proms and heartbreaks and graduations. I want to cuddle in bed after we all drop Sofia off on her first day of school because I can't stop crying. I want the tantrums and the toxic baby diapers. I want the broken arms and stitches and even that vile cartoon she loves so much with the weird creatures in costumes. Dammit, Mark! Can't you see that I'm in? I'm not trying to be her mom because I mean, she has two already and it's not my place but I want to be a part of her life because she's your daughter and she's such a large part of your life. She has me smitten,"
"You want a lot. When did you become so high maintence?" Mark smiled brightly, trying to lighten how grave Lexie's facial expression was. He knew she was serious and he was too but he also knew that she needed to get better before she committed to something so exhausting and time consuming. He loved her with all his heart but he didn't want his selfish need to have her end up killing her. He almost lost her once and that was one time too many.
"I want forever and if you can't promise me that then I'll go. I'll… I'll go and you'll never have to worry about me or my complaining or how sometimes I really act my age or my rambling anymore. Just don't lead me on. Don't love me for a little while then change your mind because being denied your love is like being denied access to Heaven. It's like getting a tour and then the angels kicking you out. You've already seen paradise but you can't have it. Do you have any idea how devastating that is? It's crippling. It's nauseating. It feels like being hit in the stomach really hard,"
"Lexie…" Mark tried again.
"No. Let me talk. I realize asking for forever is a big demand because let's face it, I'm not easy to love and you have the emotional capacity of a grapefruit but I think we can make this work if…"
"Alexandra Caroline Grey! Shut up. You're right. You're haven't been easy to love lately. You're sarcastic and stubborn and a know it all and spoiled and dramatic and compulsive and I'm pretty convinced that you're a bit bipolar with a touch of weird and topped with a splash of neurotic but that must make me a masochist because I know you're faults and weaknesses and yet I want nothing more than to kiss you. I want nothing more than to give you, you frustrating, difficult, baffling woman, my everything, starting with my last name. I want you to be mine and I want everyone to know it. I want you to burn batches of cookies trying to impress Callie on Thanksgiving and I want to see your happy dance when Sof loses her baby teeth. I'm dying to see you sleepless, covered in baby droll and baby powder without a speck of make up on when we have kids because that'll be when I find you the most beautiful. My kisses are the only makeup you need and the arms' of our kids around your neck is the most priceless jewels you could ever wear. I want to see you fight with Christmas lights and Easter baskets. I want to be the one you text to come kill a bug for you in the bathroom because you're too scared to wake the kids. I want you and I to cook for the kids every Sunday when they get older and I want to be there to wipe your tears when our grandkids are born."
Lexie laughed through the tears that were now freely flowing down her face and Mark smiled warmly.
"We have more things to talk about and I'm not saying this will be easy but the good things never are. I'm willing to fight for it though."
"Lexie stared into the grey eyes of the man she loved. "Our forever."
Mark leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead as he had done so many times before. "I'm not sure forever is a long enough time for me to show you just how much I love you, Lex."
"Better get started now then, huh?" Lexie smiled, leaning up to claim his lips.
A/N: Bit out of character, I know. Like I said, I just wrote this as a way to clear my head. Review!