Chaos

I have always believed that life is sacred, that it should be protected and preserved. People that murder and harm others are scum. They do not deserve to go on the Great Journey. I even believed that about my own people. As I watched the others send their men into battle I cursed them, I cursed the Covenant, and I cursed this forsaken war. So many lives wasted. So many lives lost. So much sadness. So much corruption. To them I am a laughing stock. A coward. A push over. I only got my position because of that reason. I was nothing but a puppet to them, a pawn.

Then it was my turn to be puppet master.

I watched, and I waited until I found the right person. And then I found him. He was perfect. I used what power and influence I had to see him rise and reach a place that rivaled my own. I could use him. I could manipulate him and work him to support my ideals. I would be the puppet master.

But then my plans, as plans so often do, went awry. I met him. He was kind and caring. I could have betrayed and used the traitors, and the gluttons, and the corrupt, and the wicked. But he was different. Hate was different. He treated me with respect and kindness and slowly but surely I crept out of my shell. I began to learn about the world around me. And Hate was there, by my side guiding me. Teaching me.

I envied him.

I wished I was as confident as him. I wished I commanded respect in his subtle way. I wished I was as knowledgeable has him. I wished I was strong. I watched him. Learned from him. Tried to be more like him, and with him I become stronger. I became more confident, speaking out more. I even had a conversation with a Jiralhanae, who I used to fear. We were never on good terms; several times the Jiralhanae had attempted to kill me. It was my own fault really, I shouldn't have snapped at them. But in my eyes I was right. They shouldn't kill. They shouldn't murder. I always thought they were bloodthirsty barbarians. I was mostly right. But deeper down there was something I could respect inside their furry shells. Hate was always there, watching over me. Ready to swoop in and save me if things went wrong. Nothing ever did.

What good were my plans? Could I overthrow Truth? Even with Hate by my side? No. It was a fool's quest. And so I surrendered that hope, and just smiled, happy to be with Hate, happy with who I am. The world isn't as bad as I originally thought.

Then something happened that changed my life forever.

Hate killed. He killed three innocent Kig-Yar. Right in front of my eyes; he ended their lives, with a swift swing of a blade, hidden inside the sleeve of his robes. A bright glow of blue, from the blades I had so often seen the Sangheili use. Where did Hate even get one? Odd things to think when three decapitated bodies stand before you. The Kig-Yar were only doing what was ordered of them. They didn't deserve to die. Hate turned to me and asked me to go with him. What should I do? If I went with him I was abandoning everything. My beliefs. My hopes. My dreams. But if I stayed I would be alone again. I would have to face the world alone.

I'd made up my mind.

I went with Hate.

Do I regret it?

Never.

We searched for Hate's comrade. We flew down to the planet of snow. To the others we are now traitors. It is a lie. We left for our own good. To stay was to die. I trust Hate. I will follow him anywhere.

Looking at Hate so many emotions ran through my mind. I knew he had a weapon, a blade safely nestled in that hidden sheathe in his sleeve. I knew he wasn't afraid to use it. I was afraid of that. I was afraid of the coldness of oblivion, that didn't know guilty from innocent. But looking into Hate's eyes I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I knew he would only use it if he needed to. He would never kill for fun. Give into the murder high that the Jiralhanae, and the Sangheili, and the Unggoy and the Kig-Yar and all the other's so craved.

And those Kig-Yar were still dead.

I could never call him scum. I could never call him a murderer. I was so confused, my beliefs and my feelings were fighting, having their own private little war inside me. I don't know who was winning.

Or maybe I did.

I'd followed him even though he killed. I would continue to follow him even if he killed again. My beliefs were losing. Being forced to the back of my mind and my feelings, these new feelings inside me, were taking over. What feelings I did not know. But they were taking over my body and filling my mind.

Fear?

Admiration?

Envy?

Love?

Love…I haven't thought of that word in a long time. Did I love Hate? Did I even know what love was? I glanced at him. I would follow him to the ends of the universe. I would give up everything for him. In a way I already had. Just being near him filled my heart with joy. Hearing his voice was music to my ears. If this was love, then I loved Hate.

Perhaps I am cursed…Everyone I love is hurt and taken from me. My parents, slaughtered when I was a child by another San 'Shyuum. I was powerless to stop him. And now I am powerless as I watch Hate fall. Blood staining his robes. I scream his name and catch him, the blood now staining my own hands. Tears pour down my face and mix with the blood around us. I look round for the murderer that shot Hate.

A single enemy.

He stares down at us. A human, just like any other. That grey armor. That shining mask. One smoking gun. Such a small piece of metal, such simple mechanics, and it can do so much. Take so much away. How I see that gun and another emotion. A burning hatred like I had never known. I have never felt this. Not a burning, oh I have felt the burning. But this is cold inside me. A coldness, seeing this human.

Is this the end? Am I going to die with Hate? I look round for something to defend myself with. Hate looks up at me weakly with his usual smile. His hand reaches into his sleeve. He offers his sword. I stare at it, and then turned to the marine.

Could I do it?

Could I take a life?

Kill an innocent?

I glace back down at Hate. I stare at the blood pooling around us and I reach for his blade.

I could never kill an innocent.

This is not an innocent.

I stand up I can feel myself shaking with fear. In my hands is a weapon. I have never touched one in my life. And here I stand with a sword in my hand, about to kill this marine. I take a step forward, then another forcing myself to keep walking. He stops and stares at me. His eyes transfixed on the blade in my hand. He paused, like an Unggoy seeing a Demon. I raise the blade and bring it down. It…I… cut through the marine so easily. Is it that easy to end a life? The blade slips from my hand and clatters to the floor loudly.

I did it…

I killed…No I murdered that marine.

My hands are stained with his blood.

I knew…From this point on this moment shall haunt me for the rest of my life.

My beliefs…my dreams…are meaningless. All that I have been fighting for… means nothing. I have taken a life. I look down to the fallen marine and offer a silent prayer on his behalf. His cold lifeless eyes staring back at me. I burned this image into my mind. I cannot forgive myself for what I have done. I run back over to Hate to see if he is alive. Thank the ancestors. He is weak…But he is alive.

What has come to pass this day has changed me…For better or worse I do not know. All I know is Hate is alive and I am alive. There will be many fights in the future, but I will not be involved I hope. The killing will never stop. The blood will always be flowing.

But I understand now. People do not choose to fight. People do not choose to kill. People are forced. People like me, people like Hate, we do not choose to kill. The humans, I understand them now. And perhaps, somehow, even the Jiralhanae and the Sangheili, with the blood hate and the murder high, perhaps they've their reasons.

I will make my new beliefs upon this statement. I will make a better world. With Hate by my side I can do anything. I am not afraid anymore. I can stand up for myself.

I am the Prophetess of Chaos and I will make a difference in this world of death.

This fic was inspired by the Halo RP I am a part of. Chaos is my character. Hate belongs to my good friend Exilo and i take no credit for him.

I just wanted to thank Exilo again for Beta-ing this story.