Hi, my name is Santana Lopez. And I have half a brain.
January 14, 2001
Dear Diary,
Mommy bought you for my birthday. She said you would help me get through the seizures. I can't write very well and my hand is already hurting so I'm going to stop now.
Love,
Santy
February 8, 2001
Dear Diary,
Mommy said that I should tell you about my epilepsy. The doctors call it Rasmussen's Syndrome. I don't know who Rasmussen is, but I wish that he would stop the seizures. I have seizures at least once in an hour, if not more, and it really, really hurts.
Love,
Dependent Baby
April 23, 2001
Dear Diary,
I want to tell you about my seizures. I always know when they're going to come about two seconds before they do. My chest gets all tight and I can't breathe. And when they come, it feels like someone is hitting me on the head over and over again, and my whole body falls to the floor and spreads out, and I can't control my muscles. Mommy and Daddy make me wear a helmet because my head always gets hit on the ground.
Love,
Helpless
May 15, 2001
Dear Diary,
Some doctors came to my house today and talked to my parents. They're going to do surgery on me. They'll take out the right half of my brain. I'm scared and Brittany's scared. Brittany is my bestest friend in the entire world, and when I told her, she started crying. She thinks that I'm going to die. And I do, too.
Love,
Soon to be a Half-Brainer
May 29, 2001
Dear Diary,
The surgery's tomorrow.
Love,
I Don't Want to Die
June 20, 2001
Dear Diary,
I'm alive and I have half a brain. My parents say it's a miracle, but I think it's a curse. My writing looks messy because I have to learn to write with my right hand now. The whole left side of my body is completely dead. The doctor told me that the right half of the brain controls the left side of the body. I talk funny because I can't move the left side of my lip and my left eye is constantly watering because it won't blink.
Love,
But the Seizures Stopped
September 5, 2001
Dear Diary,
I don't want to live like this anymore.
Love,
I Wish I Died in Surgery
February 3, 2002
Hi Diary!
I hope San doesn't find out that I read you. I'm really worried about her. She's started physical therapy, but it's not going very well and she's really upset. I wish I could give her my right half of the brain so that she could be happy again.
Love,
Britt-Britt, San's Missing Half
February 3, 2002
Dear Diary,
Britt asked her mom today if she could go into surgery so that they could take out her right half of the brain and give it to me. I know that it will never happen, and I wouldn't let her do it anyway, but I still really appreciated it. She's so important to me. I have the best friend in the universe, who would take out half her brain so that I could be normal again.
Love,
The Luckiest Girl in the World
March 5, 2002
Dear Diary,
My left eye blinked today, and I was able to wiggle the big toe of my left foot. Britt was so happy that she almost cried. The doctor said that my remaining half of the brain is taking over the jobs of the missing half, and that I'll be able to even stand soon.
Love,
Making a Recovery
July 27, 2002
Dear Diary,
I walked from one side of the room to the other today. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I can almost write with my left hand again, even though it's not really necessary for me to since I've gotten used to writing with my right hand. The doctor said that if I keep this up, I will even be able to attend school in the fall.
Love,
Hopeful
September 20, 2002
Dear Diary,
Today was the first day of school. I'm still a little shaky on my feet so Brittany helped me walk to class. Everyone keeps looking at me funny.
Love,
A New Third-Grader
November 11, 2002
Dear Diary,
I don't like school. People there keep calling me "No-Brainer" or "Brainless Santana." Brittany protects me, but it still hurts. It's not my fault that I had epilepsy, so why do I get punished for it?
Love,
Low Self-Esteem
March 10, 2003
Dear Diary,
People haven't been cruel to me since I told Dave Karofsky that I have razorblades hidden in my hair. Now they're scared of me, which is fine by me. I tell people mean things all the time. It's payback for what they did to me. Britt's the only one I'm still nice to.
Love,
Bitch in Making
January 19, 2004
Dear Diary,
Brittany kissed me today. On the lips. It was scary and confusing and awkward and wonderful and amazing all at the same time. My abuela says that it's wrong to love another girl, but I can't help it.
Love,
Hell-Bound
December 2, 2004
Dear Diary,
I learned about the brain today in class. So many things make sense now. The right hemisphere allows a person to see the big picture and put things into context, two things that I'm not able to do. It's hard for me to analyze books for class, so I always ask Brittany to help me. She told me that the reason behind Ponyboy's name was that he was born a unicorn but an evil witch transformed him into a boy, so they called him Ponyboy. It doesn't seem rational, but she's got a peculiar and wonderful way of thinking. People in school call her stupid, but, to me, she's the brightest genius in the whole world.
Love,
Forever Thankful
June 30, 2006
Dear Diary,
Brittany and I still take showers together. Is that weird? But her body is changing and my body is changing. We're growing hair in weird places and our chests aren't as flat anymore. I'm starting to feel different when I look at her naked body. I can't describe it, just this little flutter in my stomach and a strong desire to touch, and even kiss, every inch of her skin. But we're only twelve and it's too early for that kind of thinking, right?
Love,
Young and Perverted
May 26, 2008
Dear Diary,
Brittany slipped her hand into my underwear while kissing me today and it felt like magic. I had sex with a girl, a girl that I love. I'm confused and scared of the future, but also looking forward to more of her. What does that mean?
Love,
My Half-Brain is Puzzled
October 1, 2009
Dear Diary,
We joined Glee Club today, which is totally not cool for Cheerios. That hobbit, Rachel Berry, is the star of the Glee Club. To be honest, though, I don't know why I'm mean to Rachel. She's always responded to my snarky comments respectfully, never tried to hurt me the way I hurt her. I guess I'm just scared to be the outcast again. At McKinley, you have to throw slushies in Rachel Berry's face to be cool, so I throw slushies in Rachel Berry's face. And I wish I had the courage to tell her how sorry I am.
Love,
Prone to Peer Pressure
March 17, 2010
Dear Diary,
No one dances like Brittany. When I watch her dance, it's like I'm lifted off of the ground and carried to heaven by a joyous angel. Her limbs move so easily, react so quickly to every tiny demand of her wonderfully working brain. I always envied her for it; but it wasn't cruel envy, it was glorious envy. To me, she is the epitome of perfection. I don't know what it was, but I must've done something right to win her love. She always tries to teach me her moves, but it's no use. I will never have the full control that she has over the left side of her body. But it's okay, because as long as she continues to dance, I will be completely and utterly content.
Love,
She's the Right to My Left
May 21, 2010
Dear Diary,
Can I tell you a secret? I actually like Glee Club.
Love,
Born to Sing
November 2, 2010
Dear Diary,
Brittany asked me to sing a duet with her and I said no. I feel horrible, and I know that I broke her heart, but I'm so scared that people will find out about us. I don't know what to do.
Love,
Slave to Others' Judgments
March 12, 2011
Dear Diary,
I sang "Landslide" with Brittany today in Glee Club. It made me do a lot of thinking, and what I've realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time. I'm a bitch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all of these feelings, feelings for her, that I'm afraid of dealing with, because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences. I want to be with her. But I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean, just look at what happened to Kurt at this school. I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. And, still, I have to accept that I love her. I love her and I don't want to be with Sam, or Finn, or any of those other guys, I just want her.
Love,
Please Say She Loves Me Back, Please
April 30, 2011
Hi Diary,
San left you in the choir room today, so I picked you up so that I could give you back to her. I hate myself for breaking her heart, but I love Artie and I can't just break up with him. It wouldn't be right. But I love her, I really, really do. Sometimes I still wish that my mom would've let me go through with the surgery so that San would have my right half of the brain, and it would tell her just how amazing and magnificent she really is. My right half would constantly whisper little encouraging things into her mind, and she wouldn't be as miserable as she is now. Because she really is the most perfect unicorn in the world and in the universe.
Love,
Santana's Girl
November 2, 2011
Dear Diary,
Brittany and I held hands today at Breadstix. Okay, so maybe it was under a napkin, but it was still in public. She also told me that we're girlfriends, and I'm so happy that I think I just might take flight. She wants us to be public about it, but I don't know if I can do that. All I know is that she's mine and I'm hers and we're ours and it will always be that way. And together, we have a whole brain and a half.
Love,
Absolute Ecstasy
November 16, 2011
Dear Diary,
Finn outed me in the middle of the hallway today. Just like that. I would've turned right around and kicked his sorry ass, but I was so petrified that I couldn't move. People around the hall gawked at me with their raised eyebrows and surprised expressions. Finn also told me that I'm afraid that Brittany doesn't love me, which is totally not true. If I'm sure of one thing, it's that Brittany loves me just as much as I love her.
Love,
Naked and Vulnerable
November 19, 2011
Dear Diary,
One of Coach Sue's competitors made a video against her campaign. Some girl overheard what Finn said to me a few days ago in the hallway, and now the whole state will know that I'm a lesbian. I'm terrified out of my mind. I haven't told my parents or my abuela. Brittany held me so close to her today after I found out. Like she wanted to swallow up all of my fear and hold it inside her so that I wouldn't suffer anymore. She said that she would be there when I told my parents. I love her so much.
Love,
Completely Broken and Waiting to Be Fixed
November 29, 2011
Dear Diary,
Some idiotic jock came up to me today and claimed that he could make me straight. The Glee girls just appeared out of nowhere, like fairy godmothers, to defend me. He said that he was trying to make me normal, and Brittany replied, "She is normal." I don't know if she knew what it meant to me to hear that. Normal is all I ever wanted and was not able to be. I'm a lesbian with half a brain. I'm anything but the norm. But, honestly, as time goes by, it's not so important to me to be in the norm anymore. I've learned now that my true friends, the ones in Glee Club, will accept me exactly the way I am for who I am. I've learned that Brittany will love me unconditionally no matter what. And, really, that's all that's truly important.
Love,
Walking with My Head High
May 28, 2012
Dear Diary,
This is your last page, and you've gone through such a rough journey with me. Tomorrow's graduation, and then I'll be out of the William McKinley High School for good. I'm both sad and happy. I'll miss Glee Club. A lot. But, on the other hand, Britt and I are going to attend Ohio State together. A whole new page of opportunities. I'm ready to start my life with Brittany. I've been ready for a while now. So, dear Diary, I want to thank you for being such a good friend and listener all of these years. I don't know what I would've done without you. And don't worry about me; Britt's the best listener anyone could ever ask for, and she always likes to listen to me. She even said today that she would like to marry me.
Yours Truly and Love Always,
Santana Lopez, The Girl with Half a Brain