Author's Notes:

So there's this thing called White Day in Japan (and other Asian countries) where receivers of gifts on Valentine's Day get to return the favor on March 14th. So as thanks for Portia's wonderful Mayakuro Valentine's oneshot, I wrote this Hannakko one in return! Also included a little rarepair on the side of my own liking :]

Happy White Day!

Making cookies shouldn't be hard. There are even step by step instructions that the faeries graciously lent to her when she asked to borrow the kitchen with a promise that nothing would be destroyed.

Even though the faeries had grumbled a prayer as they slammed the book at Akko's face that Akko's promise would hold true with the aid of proper instructions.

And yet, even with the directions clearly written in a language Akko swears she can read, she still can't make a batch of stupid dark chocolate chip cookies.

"Arg!" Akko grabs her head and screams. "What am I doing wrong?!"

"For starters, using the incorrect measuring cups," a voice suggests from behind her.

Akko whirls around. "Diana?! What are you doing here? I thought you already finished baking your White Day cookies. Did you give them to Lotte yet?"

"Just a moment ago. She asked me to check on you after receiving the gift." Diana eyes the setup strewn all over the kitchen counter. "I see her worries were well placed."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"First, I assume you are aware that the magic community uses a different measurement system that the average human?"

"Well duh. I'm doing bad in potions, not failing it."

Diana crosses her arms over her chest. "Then why are you using the faeries' measuring cups for a recipe that uses the international system of units used by normal humans?"

"Well what else was I supposed to do? This is all they have in the kitchen." Akko slaps the open book on the counter. "Besides, this isn't even my book. The faeries gave it to me when I asked to borrow the kitchen."

Diana sighs. "Perhaps they thought giving you instructions in a familiar format to your upbringing would be easier for you. But that won't do. I'll help you bake a batch."

"No!" Akko puts herself between the recipe book and Diana. "I need to make this myself! It has to be from me! If even Hannah can make handmade chocolates and shove it in my face, I can too!"

(Literally shoving it in my face. I didn't even know she liked me like that! And then she avoided me for the entire past month! Well I'm not letting her keep ignoring me when it's White Day! I will give her back some stupid chocolates!)

"And it will. I will only be directing you, not doing any actual baking. Consider my role as an instructor, not an assistant." Diana chuckles. "And what makes you believe Hannah had no assistance baking your Valentine's chocolates? It was quite an experience."

"Oh. I just assumed cuz, you know, she seems like she can do it. I mean you can."

"It involved a great deal of trial and error. Though it did prepare me when I had to make my own chocolate. I had never considered returning chocolates received during Valentine's Day." Diana smiles. "Though in hindsight I never would have expected to receive a Valentine that I would care for. I wonder why the act of returning a gift is only a custom in the east?"

"Actually, it's the most popular in Japan. I didn't think it wouldn't be a thing at all here. No wonder everyone looked at me like I was crazy." Akko grumbles, "I swear I'm not making up a holiday just for fun."

"In any case, we should begin. Barbara can only delay Hannah for so long."

"Okay fine. I'll accept your help. So what's first?"

Diana walks over to the counter so she can read the recipe book. "Well first, have you preheated the oven?"

"No. I didn't know how to get the one in here to work."

Diana nods. "Understandable. It is quite different from one you would use at home. To start it, you need to ignite it with a small burst of magic from your wand. Open the oven door and shoot a small burst at the bottom where the coals are. They are a special kind that works with this kind of oven."

"Oh, so like a lighter? I can do that." Akko pulls out her wand and aims it at the oven after opening the door. "A small burst right? Alright… I got this."

Akko gathers a small amount of magic at the tip of her wand. Except what she thinks is a little is actually not.

"Akko, wait! That is too mu-!"

The kitchen explodes.

"Thanks for hanging out with me all day. I know this was pretty last minute."

Hannah shrugs. "We always hang out. I just wonder where Diana went off to."

"Probably with Lotte," Barbara replies.

Hannah giggles. "Yeah, who am I kidding. Ever since Lotte confessed during Valentine's, Diana's been spending most of her time with her. Helps that Lotte actually likes studying."

"Or more like even if Diana is pouring over her schoolbooks, Lotte can entertain herself with other things."

"Like that trash series you two like so much?" Hannah smirks.

"Night Fall isn't trash!" Barbara huffs. "Speaking of Valentine's…"

Hannah groans. "Barbara, seriously drop it."

"Nuh uh. Not after my best friend actually hand made some cookies for someone, for the last person I would think of - besides Amanda I guess-"

"Amanda's at least hot," Hannah grumbles.

"Okay your bisexuality is showing. Anyway, you made chocolates for Akko. Not Amanda, not me, not Diana- Akko. And then what? You throw it in her face and avoid her since. What's up with that?"

"I was stupid."

"No, you're being stupid. Present tense, not past. You know Akko's been asking for an explanation."

"And did you say anything?"

"Of course not. How can I say anything when I don't even know what's going on?" Barbara places her hand on Hannah's arm. "Come on, you can tell me. I promise I won't make fun of you like you did when you found out I liked Night Fall."

"I didn't make fun of you!"

"You snickered; that's enough. Anyway, I promise I won't even do that. I'm just ears."

Hannah sighs. "What's there to know? I have a crush on the dumbest witch at Luma Nova; that's all there is to it. Of everyone, I have to start liking the most hopeless one!"

Barbara grimaces. "Yeah, yeah I get it. Man we haven't dissed on Akko in so long that it feel weird to again."

They stop in front of their room. Instead of going inside, Hannah slams her back against the door and slides to the ground. She pulls her knees up to her chest and screams.

"I HAVE A CRUSH ON THE DUNCE OF LUNA NOVAAAAAAAAAAA! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! WHYYYYYYYY?!"

"Because that's just how it is," Barbara states once Hannah is done yelling and she can unplug her ears. "Is what I'd say, but I really don't get why you got a crush on Akko of all people. Where'd this come from?"

"How should I know?! One moment I'm laughing at her failing at broom practice as usual, the next I'm talking to Jasminka about sandwiches and gasping with everyone when Akko starts floating! And then I just keep noticing how nice Akko is once the new semester started. She's still a hopeless idiot but now I'm attracted to that idiot!" Hannah knocks the back of her head against the door. "I don't know! ! !"

"W-Wow. You've got it baaaaaad."

"I know! And I don't know what to do about it!"

"Well obviously avoiding Akko isn't the answer. I can't believe you managed that for this entire past month."

Hannah rolls her eyes. "It's not like we were friends before that. Just because you and Diana talk to Akko and her friends doesn't mean I've found any shared interest with them."

"What? Don't you want to?"

"Well duh. I've got a crush don't I?"

"Yeah. And you can start by, I don't know, talking to your crush."

Hannah's shoulders slump. "I'd rather clean the faeries' bathroom.

A rapid thumping echoes throughout the hall. Barbara looks to the side where the source of the sound comes from… and as it grows closer.

"Oh, well, too bad. I guess Akko isn't giving you a choice. She's coming right now."

"WHAT?!" Hannah leaps to her feet. "Cover for me!"

But instead of doing that, Barbara grabs Hannah's wrist and doesn't let go. "Nope. No more running for you. If I can convince Lotte to confess to Diana, I sure as heck can get you to stay put for once and talk to the idiot!"

"Barbara no! Seriously! I can't! I don't-!"

"HAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! ! ! ! ! ! !"

"NononononononononoNOOOOOOOOOO! ! !"

"Seriously stop being such a baby!"

Akko skids around the corner. Her eyes light up when she finds her target in one place.

"FOUND YOU! !"

"Barbara I'm going to kill you!" Hannah screams as Akko books it down the hall.

"You can thank me later!"

Five meters. Akko is close enough that Hannah definitely won't be able to outrun Akko eve. If she can get out of Barbara's grip. This is her fate. No more running.

"Hannah!" Akko pulls her arm back, holding something in her hands. "Get your face ready!"

"Wait-" Barbara instinctively steps out of the way, leaving the air open to Hannah.

"Huh?!"

Akko throws the item in her hands. It flies through the air unobstructed and smacks Hannah dead center in the face.

Barbara lets go of Hannah. She can only stare dumbfounded at the bag of cookies succumbing to the force of gravity. "Uh…"

Hannah opens her hands and lets the bag drop into her waiting palms, the same exact movement Akko made when Hannah threw her bag of chocolates for Valentine's Day. Except today most certainly is not Valentine's.

"Wh-WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" Hannah screeches.

Akko finally skids to a stop in front of them. She takes a deep breath and replies, "Happy White Day!"

"You better have a good reason for- Wait, White Day? There's no such holiday!"

"In Japan there is! Man, I can't believe you guys celebrate Valentine's but you don't ever exchange gifts back?! That's so lame."

"What are you talking about?"

"White Day is the day exactly a month after Valentine's where people who got gifts can give something in return. Either as a thank you or a way to tell the person 'Hey I like you back!'"

"So where do you fall in those two categories?" Barbara asks.

"Well duh I need to know why Hannah gave me something last month in the first place! I thought you hated me!"

"I do! I mean I did! Not anymore! Not after… not after…"

Hannah turns away, a futile attempt to hide the red tinting her cheeks.

Barbara and Akko's jaws drop to the floor.

(She's… blushing?!)

Barbara cackles. "Oh you've got it bad."

"You know this!" Hannah shouts.

Akko looks back and forth between angry, embarrassed Hannah and Barbara who's barely holding herself together. "Wait, I don't! What's going on?! Since when?! Huh?!"

"AAAAHHHHHH!"

And thus begins a strange slowburn for an odd pair.

Will Hannah stop being a tsundere? Will Akko stop being a dunce? Will Barbara stop laughing? Find out next time on-

Nope. Tomato needs to sleep.

BONUS

As it turns out, fixing the destroyed kitchen is not hard at all thanks to magic. Akko is forever banned from the kitchen, but at least she successfully completed her cookies for Hannah on time.

The same cannot be said for Diana's long blonde (cabbage) hair.

So besides paying for the destroyed kitchen with detention, Akko also has to pay for Diana's haircut after most of her hair was singed from the explosion.

The next day, 95% of the class, including Lotte, passes out upon first glance at the new short-haired Diana Cavendish.

So no, Barbara does not stop laughing.

Author's Notes:

I'm… really sorry. I spent 15 hours at lab and wanted to finish this on time buuuuuut I ended up writing more than I thought I would (as usual). I also wrote this on my phone for once and gosh do my hands hurt. The S8+ is too big for fic writing.

This oneshot is not proofread I am terribly sorry I woke up at noon LOL

Anyway that bonus is a little shoutout to Portia's hilarious butch!Diana fic (but that one's Diakko and completely unrelated to this oneshot). She's a great writer; go check out her fics if you haven't already. But who doesn't know Portia? Cus if not shame on your cow.

Yes I ship Dialotte.

Fun Fact:

White chocolate is not actually chocolate! It doesn't have the cocoa solids found in other chocolates that gives them their distinct flavor and aroma.