DISCLAIMER: I will post this here in the first chapter only. but it extends to every chapter that is posted from here on out. (hint: not as long as the others… just saying.) I do not own any of the characters of NCIS LA! I am merely borrowing them for just a little while. There is mention of characters that I have created and that do belong to me. Any characters or names of characters that sound familiar to someone living, dead or otherwise… is completely coincidental and unintentional. Thank you.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi there! Well, here we are… this is basically the Christmas story I wrote back in the late fall, right before I began posting "Phoenix Rising". I just couldn't post it until that one was finished. So, as it turns out… this one is a little late. However, better late than never… I hope. HA

For those just finding this one. Once again, this can be read as a stand alone but does feed off of the last four stories. I hope if you like this one and have not, as yet, read my others… that you will take the time to do so now. All of my stories, since the beginning, have interconnected in one way or another… yet all could be read independently. The last four stories are the only ones really needing to be read in the proper order. OK… moving on…. Please do me the honor of taking a moment at the end of each chapter and leave a review. They are so very much appreciated. Should you feel the need, please make any criticisms constructively. Thank you!

The months following Callen's return to the team were fraught with complications. Callen was having to start from the beginning in order to find the rhythm of the team, re-create their friendships from the ground up. The hardest for them all was Callen's having to reign in his temper. Locking his Renegade persona, "The Ghost" away, was proving far more difficult than anyone cared to admit and because of that, connecting with his team proved problematic at best.

"Callen!" Sam yelled as Callen stormed past the bullpen and headed straight for the gym.

"Well, that's never a good sign," Deeks stated to no one in particular as he and Kensi reached the bottom of the steps from the Ops Center.

"Not now, Sam!" Callen yelled back over his shoulder, followed by the sound of the gym door slamming against the wall.

What's going on Sam?" Kensi asked.

Sam let out a heavy sigh as he ran a hand over his face.

"We found Miller."

"That's a good thing, so why would that make Callen so mad?" Deeks asked confused.

"He's dead."

"No! Does his wife know?" Kensi asked.

"Yes…"

"Oh… you and…" Kensi answered her own question.

"Yeah and he believes if we'd just pushed Grayson harder, he would have given us what we needed in order to save Miller in time."

"Translation, beat it out of him…" Deeks offered.

"Something like that…"

"He seemed to be doing better with that." Kensi stated worriedly.

"I don't know. It's two steps forward and three steps back. He just feels like his hands are being tied and he's letting people down… like Miller's wife and kids." Sam explained.

"It really hasn't been that long, Sam… maybe cut him some slack," Deeks encouraged.

"It's been nearly six months, Deeks." Sam replied in frustration.

"Yeah, and he was a Renegade agent for nearly four years. Trying to tuck away those darker aliases was never easy for him…. I get that… Max Gentry is always right beneath the skin's surface, ready to take charge, if and when I'm willing to loosen the reigns… That is just one alias. How many aliases like that does Callen have? Now add this "Ghost" persona and I can't begin to imagine…" Deeks offered.

"I guess." Sam finally agreed, "I had just hoped we would have been farther down this path by now."

"I just wish we could have the old Callen back." Kensi said, walking back to her desk.

Deeks pat Sam's shoulder before turning back towards his own desk.

"Rubbing his neck, he leaned his head back catching Hetty's concerned gaze as she looked down from the balcony at the top of the stairs.

He shook his head as he made his way up to join her.

"I take it things did not end well."

"Nope, didn't make it in time to save the guy… we just got back from informing his wife. G's mad as hell because he feels we could have saved him had we pushed Grayson harder than we did."

"Ah… and is that the case, Mr. Hanna? Could you have saved him?" Hetty asked, looking over at the man next to her leaning over the railing.

"What? Maybe… I don't know. We were already pushing the boundaries as it was. I'd hate to think what G would have done had I not stopped it."

"Was he out of control?" Hetty looked out across the building.

"No, actually he was very calm and methodical." Sam replied, "I'm kinda surprised the guy didn't confess more. G is damn intimidating. I can't imagine how scary he must have been when he did this for the Renegades."

"You don't want to know." Hetty stated, her tone indicating she knew more than she wanted to in regards to Callen's time away, "How has he been in the field?"

"Fine. He's intense sometimes but he stays in check. Like I said, calm and methodical."

"It's a slow process… coming back from where he's been… living in the shadows, dealing with the worst of the worst." Hetty explained.

"He never talks about it. There are times when I look at him and I know he's caught up in that head of his but… Does he ever talk to you?" Sam asked, glancing in Hetty's direction.

"No," Hetty answered, shaking her head, "we're still working through things. Like everything else, he will eventually lock it away in the back of his mind… which, while infuriating as it may be for us, it is that very thing that no doubt kept him sane over the past five years."

"I know… it's just… I worry about him."

"We all do, Mr. Hanna. I will see you tomorrow… I will speak with our Mr. Callen."

"Night Hetty," Sam pushed away from the railing to head back down to the bullpen.

NCIS LA === NCIS LA === NCIS LA === NCIS LA === NCIS LA === NCIS LA === NCIS LA === NCIS LA

"Rough day, Mr. Callen," Hetty stated more than asked.

"Didn't have to be," he growled, continuing his attack on the latest in a long line of punching bags.

"No, I don't suppose so… However, you did do everything within your ability to save Mr. Miller, did you not?" Hetty asked, ready for the battle ahead.

"No, Hetty, I didn't! I could have gotten the information we needed from Grayson had I…" Callen started.

"beaten him to a pulp?" Hetty looked over her glasses, brows raised.

"not been restricted in my efforts," Callen stated.

"I needn't remind you, yet again, that you work for NCIS now and right or wrong, there are rules and protocols we must follow."

"Rules that in cases like this make no sense." Callen stated.

"Maybe not, but never the less, we are required to follow them. Within those parameters, did you do all that you could to save him?" Hetty asked.

"Yes, but…" Callen answered.

Hetty held a finger up in the air to silence him.

"Then you did your job." Hetty stated, "We can't save them all."

"That's little comfort to his wife and kids, Hetty. Every Christmas, from this day forward will be nothing more than a sick reminder of their father's murder." Callen growled, "It didn't have to be that way!"

Hetty watched as he continued his exhausting assault. There it was… Christmas… the time of year when his demons came out to play and today's loss only added to that long list of reasons he avoided the holidays.

"Perhaps not, but you don't know that for sure and you do no one, especially yourself, any favors by dwelling on it. "Go home… wherever that is these days and rest. Tomorrow is another day." Hetty responded. As she moved to leave, she stopped and turned back, "Oh, and might I just add that at the rate you and Mr. Hanna are going through punching bags, we will likely go bankrupt by years end!"

Callen paused only briefly in order to catch his breath and answer, "I'll pay for the next one."

"I'll remember you said that, Mr. Callen… now clean yourself up while I pour us some scotch!" she called back over her shoulder.

Callen slowed to a halt as he grabbed the towel, she'd brought him and wiped the sweat from his eyes. He shook his head as the door clanged shut behind the invite.

That was one of the few things to go back to normal upon his return. He wasn't unhappy to be back exactly but the struggle to revert back to the roll of an NCIS agent was proving far more tedious than he cared to admit.

The thing that surprised him the most was that Hetty was the only reason he was staying even remotely sane at this point. She had unwittingly pulled him back from the edge of jumping ship several times. He still didn't trust her fully. She continued to hold tightly to her secrets regarding his past… but she proved more than once that she cared for him. If nothing else, she fought for him and that meant something, considering his father wasn't willing to do the same.