Promises.

Such a fragile word; so fragile that it can easily break. Promises can break everything: your environment, your view on how you see life, the people around you, your personality...your heart.

Sometimes, I wonder why I never stop agreeing to promises, yet none of them have been fulfilled.

Ever since he disappeared, it has made me think that life was a lie. A complete fucking lie that will ruin your life. I hated that view. With all my heart. I've never liked that reality. Not even a single bit. During that time, I thought, So all this time...he had been lying to me? To make feel better? Then, I broke down and thought again, Did he know how much that fucking hurt? At that time, I was on the verge of insanity. The person who promised to return...just vanished into thin air and never came back. He was just...gone with the wind, never to whisper to his lover, "I love you." ever again. And at that time...I was forced to smile. Smile like there's no tomorrow, like he told me on that day.

"I don't want you to be strong. Just smile."

Wearing a smile is hard. Everyday, I'm forced to carry a thousand masks in order to make the people around me happy. I didn't have a choice. Though, the words stung into my ears.

"Weak."

"Stupid."

"Grow up."

"Imperfect."

"Brat."

"Undisciplined."

I didn't know what to do. So, I had no choice but to smile. Smile. And smile. Like's there's no tomorrow. I always ran away from everything, and I always ended up being the vulnerable one. But I still smiled so no one would know that I'm broken. And always will be. I've wanted someone to protect me, to at least be a true friend, but it looks like that dream was broken. Just like those promises.

I was lost. I was cold. It was hopeless.

But to keep myself sane, I convinced myself that one day, we would see each other and spend the rest of our days in peace.

So I waited.

And waited.

...and waited.

But everything changed when I met you.

Though you looked scary to most and you were cold to many, I had a different perspective when it came to you. In my eyes, I see someone who is actually caring at heart. Who would do anything to protect the ones you love. We both shared the same burden and we carry it every single day. And we used to do it without any help. We did it because we had to. It was just how life worked for us. But you were not like me. We both had the same problem, but you were on a different path. And you had two things I never had: faith and hope. And because I looked up to you so much, I decided to do the same thing.

But I waited for someone who would at least accept me for what I am today.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Nothing.

But even in those events, I always smiled.

You must have known my problem during that time. Not all, but you knew the concept.

I remember when you came to me one day after you found the letter I left for you. At that time, you must have thought that I thought that you teaming up with Russia meant leaving me and abandoning me. It must have meant that with you leaving me, I would go back to my painful and lonely life, having nothing but the burden I had to carry. A life where no one would comfort you when you feel sad. A life where it's all dull to your eyes. No color. No nothing. Just pain and bitterness that were used to paint this dull, boring view of life.

But, you proved me wrong.

"It wasn't like that..."You whispered with the same tone that that person said to me when he was about to leave. That tone brought me back so much memories in a blink of an eye. It hurt so much.

But then...you made another promise.

At that time, I was beginning to feel doubtful about this. If I agree on this, then that would mean that the cycle of losing him would go all over again. And I would be sad, depressed, doing nothing but carry a thousand burdens.

But I didn't want to hurt you.

All those times, ever since we first saw each other in the forest, you were by my side, sunny or rainy. Even if I got on your nerves, you would still care for me and protect me. It's subtle, but the affection is there.

So I was like, Why not? This man seems very honest with himself and with me after all.

And, so I agreed.

Then, World War II came.

I didn't want to do those things. At that time, I thought of switching sides with the Allies because I knew what you and Japan did were wrong. You just killed thousands of innocent people to death. You wanted power to yourselves and you didn't want to share it with anyone. You wanted to be the greatest in the world. I was afraid that that would happen. I slowly went to insanity once again, but I fought back with all my strength. Even fratello, who always did bad things, started to have that same doubt in his heart.

So one day, we made a plan.

And in the end, it worked.

We surrendered in North Africa to the Allies.

It was scary, but at least we were free from making the same mistakes all over again. We were able to repent, and we became happy in the end, even if it meant Germany invading our country.

You told me that we betrayed you. That I don't deserve to be called your friend. But I knew how to stand up for myself. And so I did. I screamed that what you guys were doing was wrong and selfish. Just killing the lives of innocent people is being a selfish bastard.

"IF YOU WERE MY FRIEND, YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!"You screamed. But this time, I didn't run away.

"IF YOU WERE MY FRIEND, YOU WOULD HEAR ME OUT, REFLECT ON WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, AND CHANGE! BECAUSE THOSE PEOPLE WHO WANT YOU TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER CARE ABOUT YOU. AND THOSE PEOPLE ARE YOUR REAL FRIENDS. AND I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM ONE. AND EVEN IF THE WORLD WILL END, I WILL NOT STOP, GERMANY. I WON'T GIVE UP UNTIL YOU AND JAPAN REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE DOING!"

And I was proud. Really proud. And so was fratello. Even this guy named Canada, who taught me about standing up for myself one night when he sneaked out to see how I was doing. There are times when I would forget him, but I will never forget what he taught me:

"Stand up. Be brave. And say what you want to say. It's okay if you make mistakes. We all make mistakes from time to time. But that's what makes humanity alive, and that is the main purpose of our living: to make mistakes, learn and repent. Trust me: that is how the world works. And that will be the same thing in the future generations to come."

But of course, everything has a price to pay.

At that time, I prayed. I prayed every night, wishing to see you guys once again. That someday, we would smile again and play like we used to. And not just us. Even our enemies during that time. I just wanted us to be together again, with all promises fulfilled. Of course, the world will never work like that, but at least being happy is what you can call a happy world. And not a fake one. A real, genuine one. And that won't work if there aren't people to make that. But it will never be complete if you also contribute to your happiness. Because you know yourself better than anyone. And you can make your smile better than anyone else.

Years passed, and the day came.

Though you were still recovering, that didn't stop you from running, even if your leg hurt. After all those years, I realized that you did fulfill that promise. It wasn't like before, when those promises broke and vanished. We have stepped into a new world. A new world where we can fly to tomorrow. To the sun, where everything is fulfilled. To a world where we can paint our own tomorrows...and just be happy.

We hugged.

You murmured those apologies into my ears.

"Gomen nasai, Itaria. It looked like you were right. Gomen...for hurting you. But we're here for you now. And we can change. It's a promise."

"Es tut mir leid, Italy. I'm so sorry. For hurting you. For not calling you my friend. For thinking that you betrayed us...all this time. But we're here for you now. And it will be like that forever. It's a promise."

And for the time in years, I cried.

"Grazie, tutti. I'm so glad that I can call you...my friends."

And ever since then, life became colorful and our ordinary lives went back.

Things should have stayed like this.

If only...I didn't hear about the rumor about that mansion.

Now I wonder how long we've been here? Have decades passed since we experienced the taste of freedom? I wonder how long it will take until we can go back to those days once again?

I didn't want to tell you, because I thought you would be mad at me, and hate me, and leave me all alone in this place.

But then, everything changed when all of you told me that I was never alone. That even if I'm hated by the world, they would still be by my side. Hearing those words reminded me of my choices during World War II. I thought, Even when I was on opposite side and we didn't agree with each other...this whole time...was I by your side?

And then, I realized the right answer.

And this time, we're going to make it out.

And it's all because of you guys: my friend.

And you: my very first friend, who was always there for me, even in darkest times.

And all I wanted to say is:

Grazie.

Danke...Germany.

"I know everyone has their stories of pain and sadness, or things that they don't want to bring up. But if you can't be a good friend without telling that, then I don't need any friends at all!"
-Mion Sonozaki (Higurashi no naku Koro ni)

Translations:

gomen (Japanese)- ((i think we all know what that means))

es tut mir leid (German)- I'm sorry

Grazie (Italian)- thank you

tutti (Italian)-everyone

danke (German)- Thank you

Sources of Inspiration:
-The "Hetaoni- Hajimete no Tomodachi: The Answer (My First Friend: The Answer)" video found on Niconico Douga and on Youtube (for the subbed)
-HetaOni Douga and Hetalia Douga also found on Niconico Douga and on Youtube
-HetaOni, for that matter (which included that scene before they fought Two Steves, the letter Italy got, the HetaOni OSTs and the fanmade HetaOni songs made by the amazing Sapph [I recommend "Friendship"])
-The first three Higurashi no naku Koro ni seasons (main, Kai and Rei)
-Some segments from Cardfight! Vanguard (main, Asia Circuit, Link Joker and Legion Mate...I'm not including G just yet)
-Little Busters!
-Other fanfics I read (In the TMNT universe, POM universe, Higurashi Universe and Hetalia, of course)

Okay first...this was supposed to be a Christmas gift to you guys. But because of stuff that happened, I'm giving it to you guys pretty late (on the bright side, I got a World History book [so many Hetalia inspiration] and a Cardfight! Vanguard Manga Vol. 4 [which was another source of inspiration for this fic]). And I've been thinking about this and have decided to make it a mini-series. There will be some parts where it's related to my in-progress story (Anamnesis [meaning "reminiscence". It's also a song sung by Annabel. It's sad but beautiful. Oh, and that song was a another source of inspiration for this fic and the multi-chapter story of the same name]) and seeing who the main characters are, it'd probably be America, Japan, England and China (but mostly focused on England and China).

So, I wish you an early Happy New Year and a belated Merry Christmas.

And remember...

Italy: Vancouver does not own Hetalia and will never own it.

Me: *cries*

~Italy and Vancouver~