Elmo and Tarrasque in: How to be a Good Little Monster

By Diana Moon Glampers

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not even Tarrasque. None of this is mine.

You know about the most horrible thing you can't imagine? That's me. I'm that unnamable thing. I sneak into rich neighborhoods and rape guard dogs for fun. That's what I do. Yeah, I'm a monster, both figuratively and literally. You see, I've got tentacles and slime and I can become one with the shadows, and I've got two extra sets of genitals. That bit usually causes people to make this funny face like they're a panda that wanted some bamboo and took a big bite of fermented squid guts when I tell them about it.

Yeah, I've got the standard hermaphrodite grade penis and vagina, but I also have two others. The first, I call the lasso organ. It's a big corkscrew shaped appendage on the end of each of my tentacles. They have pointy metallic barbs on the end for absorbing electricity, more on that later. I use it for curling around my lovers like a lasso and then I pierce their softest bits. It is, of course, incompatible with natural vaginas. It splits vaginas into a bloody cleft. Still, there's nothing like dominating a bitch pit bull and ripping into her like a bloody pistachio nut. Oh, I'm getting hot just thinking about it!

Now, my other special genitalia is called a genduct. It is a large toothed opening and an electrical node similar to an eel's. It is made to sever lasso organs and instill them with electricity, which causes them to grow. No one is suited to mate with me in this fashion. I just overpower big burly mastiff types and get their throbbing red rockets shredded. Yeah, they're always engorged. They get what the pathetic little men call "fear boners" when I get near. I use my genduct to shred their sad little rockets and lick the blood up as they whimper and die. It's quite a treat when they cry!

The best ones are the dogs that weren't neutered. Nothing beats a bloody severed dog scrotum with 100 volts coursing through your genduct! Nothing, absolutely nothing! It is simply the most satisfying sensation you will never know! It is heaven, and I savor it like a pack of strawberry-cream life savers.

So, there I was, prowling around the shadows at night, looking to get some sexual action, when I see this hot young rottweiler on a porch. It was on an old street somewhere. I don't remember how I got there. How do you get to that particular street? Anyway, I'd been wandering for quite some time, searching for some tail. I said to myself, "Oh, yeah! You'll do nicely!"

As I slithered up to my new lover, I grabbed him by the legs with one of my tentacles. Contrary to their fierce image, rottweilers are gentle lovers. They don't fight much once you actually get a hold on them. Their touch is light, like seeds from a dandelion all covered in sperm. I think they realize their fate and accept it with whatever dignity a violated, mutilated, and humiliated hound can scrounge up. Thinking of all of the things I could do to a dog's fragile psyche makes my penis hard and my geneduct course with electricity.

The rottweiler was struggling and barking like a soul in cocytus. I wrapped my lasso organ around his neck. His red rocket was fully aroused, which made me real excited. I looked down and smiled when I noticed his pendulous testicles hanging like delicious fruit. Normally, I would take my penis and fuck him in the ass first, but I lost all self-control. I tried to jam his whole package, the rocket, the testicles, all of it, into my salivating, energized genduct. Just as I was about to experience unlimited pleasure, I felt a tap on the back of my head. My body went numb from the surprise. My lasso organ went flaccid and limp. The Rottweiler ran far, far away. I heard a voice behind me. "Elmo says that's a bad touch! That's a big no-no!" It spoke with an ear-splitting falsetto tone.

I turned around and saw a red and fuzzy humanoid with an oversized mouth. He was neither a man nor an animal. He was a fellow monster, but he was not like me. "Elmo, I presume?" I said. "Yep, that's me." The fuzzy humanoid said. I briefly entertained the idea of raping Elmo instead of the dog, but I just could not get my blood pumping. My penis was not hard. My vagina was not wet. My lasso organ was not aroused. My genduct was not energized. Elmo was not my type. It was ore than that, actually. His very presence drained my sexual energy. I was like he was a walking, breathing, fuzzy saltpeter supplement. My sex drive wad dead.

"You need a time out." Elmo said. "Time out? I'm not a child." I said. Elmo took one step toward me and I could feel my hormones turning to glucose. I felt pain deep in my gonads, all of them. "Arg! Fine! I'll have a time out! Just don't stand so close!" I said. I felt like all of my sex organs could shrivel up at any minute.

Elmo took me to a corner between two brick buildings. "Wait there. Elmo needs to show you something." Elmo disappeared. I waited, although I know not why. I could have easily left, but I decided not to. When Elmo returned, he brought with him a box full of baby dogs. Normally, I would see these as succulent little toys for my sexual appetite, but I was with Elmo, and Elmo was the most un-sexual being on the planet. It is impossible to get hot when Elmo is around.

"What you were about to do to that god is something that only dog couple who love each other very much should do. They do it to make these!" Elmo said. He had excitement in his voice. Strangely, these babies did not fear me. I extended a tentacle to feel one and it let out its tiny tongue and licked me. I felt warm and fuzzy inside. "Even worse, you were going to kill that dog, and these are his children. You wouldn't want to leave these babies without a papa, would you?" Elmo said. The baby dog licked me again. I realized that this was how dogs kissed. I had fucked dozens of dogs, but I had never been kissed by one before. This little dog, who should by all logic hate me for trying to rape and kill his father, loved me anyway. My eyes watered. "You are right, Elmo! It's a sin. It's a damn sin and I'm an evil monster! I've been so selfish!" I said. I often called dogs my lovers, but this was the first time that I had ever been loved by one.

"What I feel… Is this love?" I asked. "Yep. If you're a good kind of monster, then everyone will love you." Elmo said. I had been such a fool. Love felt so much better than sex ever could. I once was empty, just wandering the world looking for sex. Now I knew love and I felt the need to wander no more.

I used to consider chucking myself into the ocean just to see what dying felt like. I did not feel like there was much to live for, and therefore put a low value on life. Now, such an idea was unthinkable. "Elmo! Help me be a good and kind monster that everyone will love!" I begged. Elmo smiled and giggled. "That's easy. Just stop hurting things and the rest will come naturally." He said. At that moment, I silently took a lifelong oath of chastity and pacifism. I vowed to never harm a living creature again.

Elmo took me under his wing. I would be his apprentice, and he would teach me how to love and be loved. It was like a religious experience, only it was with monsters and puppies instead of God.

One thing was still bothering me, though. I still felt awful about the dozens of dead and violated dogs I left behind before Elmo showed me the path to enlightenment. They all had loving doggy families too. "Elmo, can I ever atone for what I've done?" I asked. Elmo looked up at the pale moon. "Maybe… but it's past Elmo's bedtime. Let's go to sleep." Elmo said. I thought to myself, "So maybe there's still hope for me in the end." That put my mind at rest. I slithered behind some trashcans near Elmo's house and dreamed of love and happiness.

The End