Disclaimer: The characters of Glee do not belong to me. They are the property of Fox network as well as the creators of the show. The songs used in this chapter are Right through You, Head over Feet, Precious Illusions, So Pure, and Everything. They are the property of Alanis Morissette and Maverick Records. If you want to listen to them as you read, I've made some playlists available on my youtube channel to follow along with every chapter's songs (please check my profile for the link)! Enjoy ;)
Synopsis: It's the first week of senior year and the glee club is back and determined to win nationals! The new year shows promise of change. Santana's tired of the same old song and dance. She wants things to be different this year, to be better. Most importantly, this is her chance to start fresh with Brittany, and she is going to do everything to make it happen. Trouble in paradise for Finn and Rachel, although no-one seems to know why just yet. Meanwhile, Quinn has decided to turn over a new leaf and get her life back on track.
These two first chapters focus almost exclusively on Brittana. There will be some branching out with other characters as the story moves forward, but the main plot will always follow Brittany and Santana. Please review!
A Tough Pill to Swallow Part 1
"Ok guys! Now, last year, we had some success with writing original songs for competitions and I think it really helped to get everyone out of their shells! But, I think we need to kick it up a notch if we're gonna take Nationals this year," Will began enthusiastically, excitement buzzing through the room. "Before we just jump into it though, I want us to take a couple of weeks to study the work that some of our time's best singer songwriters have done. Now, I want you to learn everything you can from these artists and then apply these lessons to your own songwriting. I know we have the talent to win Nationals, guys, we just need to put everything we have into it and prepare early this year! So, to kick things off, we will be doing..."
Mr Schue turned around and headed towards the white board, sharpie in hand. As everyone observed attentively, he wrote two words in bright red. Gasps of excitement suddenly filled the room. Even the boys seemed pleased with the prospect.
"Alanis Morissette! Our songwriting is good, but it's a little too tight right now. We need to loosen up the rules a bit, right?" Everyone laughed and nodded in agreement. Santana's face, in particular, seemed to light up. "Alanis' songs are all about content! They're less concerned with things like rhyming and keeping to a strict format. It's all about taking those raw and deep emotions and putting them into song. You are free to either pair up or come up with a solo number, I'll leave that completely up to you. So, I want you all to go home, give a few of her songs a listen, and we'll start performances tomorrow!" he finished with a smile just as the bell rang.
The students slowly began to shuffle out of the choir room, caught up in discussions about their new assignment. Artie wheeled over to Brittany as she made her way into the hallway, a mixture of nervousness and excitement in his features.
"Hey Britt! Do you want to come over later and listen to some songs together?" Artie asked Brittany in a tone that he had meant to sound seductive but betrayed a lingering hope.
Right at that moment, Santana walked past Artie's chair on her way out of the choir room. His brows furrowed as he followed Brittany's gaze drifting to her best friend's eyes. Santana winked at Brittany in passing. The blonde's cheeks reddened as her eyes shifted back to Artie.
"That's ok Artie," she answered softly, "I'm actually pretty sure I'm over-prepared for this already."
He looked down, visibly a little hurt by the rejection. Nevertheless, he took a deep breath and brought his head back up to smile at her sweetly, unable to hide a hint of sadness in his eyes.
...
"I see right throuuugh you! I know right through youuu! I feel right through youuuuuu! I walk right throuuuuugh you!" Santana sang, her eyes shut and her fists tightening in emotion. "Augh, I love this cd!"
Brittany looked up at her best friend, an amused smile on her face. Santana kept singing, as if unaware of the way Brittany's eyes observed her. This Santana was her favorite. The one, she suspected, she was the only one to know, that only showed herself within the safety of these walls. The blonde looked back down at Santana's toe nails, admiring her handiwork. She blew on the red nail polish a little bit before stretching her neck to try and see how her own nails had turned out. Santana had always been quicker at things than she had. Brittany liked to take her time, relishing in small details. She smiled when she caught a glimpse of glittery pink, purple and blue. Her toe nails almost looked like rainbows.
"You done?' Santana asked curiously. "Can I see?"
"Yea, but it's not as pretty as what you did," Brittany said, still staring at her own nails.
"Let me see," Santana insisted excitedly pulling one of her feet closer to examine it. All of her toe nails were now crimson red and a white heart was drawn onto her big toe's nail. She giggled a little and looked back up at the blonde, smiling widely. "Britt, it's perfect! Thank you!"
"Yeah?" Brittany lit up at the compliment and her cheeks flushed a little. "I really looove what you did with mine!"
"I didn't know which color you'd like best so I figured I should just use all of them," she explained, sounding slightly embarrassed.
"It's perfect," Brittany whispered gently. Santana cleared her throat and suddenly seemed very focused on drying her friend's nails.
They fell into a comfortable silence for a while, blowing onto each others' nails gently. A few minutes later, Santana slowly began humming along to the song that had come on in the background and whispering the lyrics of the chorus.
"You've already won me over in spite of me, and don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet. Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are. I couldn't help it. It's all your fault."
Brittany sighed contently, listening to Santana's voice. "I think I like this album too," she said simply.
...
Santana twisted and turned in her bed, her sheets cast aside in her attempts to find a comfortable position. She let out an irritated sigh as she sat up in her bed, finally abandoning any hope of getting some sleep. She turned on the lamp on her night table and reached for her ipod. A few seconds later, she lay on her back, listening to the song for what seemed like the thousandth time, wording the lyrics silently.
She hadn't seen Brittany all summer. The blonde had gone to Florida to visit family, and she had stayed in Lima. She'd invited her, of course, but Santana had pretended that her parents wouldn't let her. She had spent the summer going around and around in her mind, trying to find ways to be better, braver.
She felt terrifyingly aware that this was it. Brittany wasn't going to wait around forever. This had to be absolutely perfect. She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing, steadying her nerves.
"I can do this," she said to herself, hoping that saying the words would make it so. She exhaled heavily. "I can do this," she repeated with a little more resolve, her mind drifting to heart shapes in nail polish.
...
"Alright! Who is ready to go first?" mr Schue began, grinning widely.
Santana took in a deep breath and was already raising her hand when...
"I'll go mr. Schue!" Rachel exclaimed loudly.
Santana rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Oooooof course!" she muttered under her breath.
Mr Schue moved aside awkwardly as Rachel took his place at the front of the room. She cleared her throat, her smile slightly wavering, giving way to apprehension.
"I'd like to sing a song from Alanis' fourth album, Under Rug Swept. I was really moved by the lyrics when I heard it, it felt like someone had shined a light inside me and it made me want to share that with you. I hope you like it," she said as nervously as anyone had ever heard her. Even Santana was intrigued by this change in attitude. She watched Rachel curiously as she began singing, nervously locking eyes with Finn.
You'll rescue me right?
In the exact same way they never did...
Finn looked back at her, beaming with pride.
I'll be happy right?
When your healing powers kick in
You'll complete me right?
Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right?
Only when you realize the gem I am?
The sadness in her eyes was now apparent. Finn's face fell when he saw it, and for a moment, it seemed as though Rachel's eyes flickered to Quinn.
But this won't work now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not, then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim
As she sang the last line of the chorus, it was unmistakable. Her and Quinn exchanged a knowing look, and she remained focused on Quinn for a moment.
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends
She returned her attention to Finn, tears gathering in her eyes, for the rest of the song. Her traits seemed to perfectly embody every emotion of the song as she explored it.
This ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armor
This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water
Her eyes met Santana.
But this won't work as well as the way it once did
Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend
I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode
At these words, Santana looked over at Brittany only to surprise her watching her back. Brittany didn't look away, but continued to stare into Santana's eyes through the rest of the song.
This won't work now the way it once did
Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
Now I know who I'm not, I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend
When the music finally died down, everyone began to clap enthusiastically, except for Finn, who stared at his feet, eyes wide with confusion.
"Wow, Rachel, that was really, really fantastic! Good job!" mr Schue encouraged as he placed a hand on her shoulder encouragingly. But she didn't smile. She waited for Finn's reaction anxiously.
"Finn...?" she asked quietly after a moment. He didn't answer but got up from his chair abruptly and left the room, shoving past her in the process. She went after him, but not before the other Glee club members could catch a glimpse of some of the tears she'd been holding back during her performance. There was a moment of silence after the door had shut behind them. Mr Schue cleared his throat awkwardly before once again addressing the club.
"Uhh, ok. Does anyone want to go next?" he asked hopefully.
Santana rubbed her hands together. She hesitated, furious that Rachel and Finn had chosen today, of all days, to parade their drama in front of everyone.
"We'll go mr Schue!" Tina volunteered with a smile.
Mr Schue sighed in relief and watched gratefully as Tina and Mike went over to the front of the room. They both exchanged excited smiles.
"I think this number will speak for itself," Tina explained as their only introduction.
She nodded to the band and took her place in Mike's arms as she began to sing.
You from New York, you are so relevant
You reduce me to cosmic tears
As the music really kicked in, they began what looked like a waltz, gracefully gliding around the room together.
Luminous more so than most anyone
Unapologetically alive
Knot in my stomach and lump in my throat
At the start of the chorus, they eased into Latin dance. Their number seemed to significantly ease the tension. Brittany bobbed her head happily, her eyes shining in amazement. Santana looked over at her, smiling lovingly. The rest of the club smiled and laughed, impressed by the way Mike and Tina moved together.
I love you when you dance
When you freestyle in trance
So pure
Such an expression
I love you when you dance
When you freestyle in trance
So pure
Such an expression
At the next verse, Mike moved away from Tina and moved energetically to the music as if it were swing. Tina danced slightly less energetically so as to keep singing the words. They moved as a unit, perfectly complimenting each other.
Supposed former infatuation junkie
I sink three pointers and you ask poetically
For the chorus, they suddenly began tap dancing to everyone's amusement.
I love you when you dance
When you freestyle in trance
So pure
Such an expression
I love you when you dance
When you freestyle in trance
So pure
Such an expression
They took advantage of the short musical bridge to ease into a more casual dance. They span in and out of each others' arms playfully and easily.
Let's grease the wheel over tea
Let's discuss things in confidence
Let's be outspoken
Let's be ridiculous
Let's solve the world's problems
For the last part of the number, they began to pull their fellow Glee club members to the front, dancing ridiculously, and simply having fun together. When Mike reached over to Brittany, the blond linked her pinkie with Santana's, who had been sitting next to her, and dragged her along behind her. With everyone's attention set elsewhere, the girls began dancing with each other. Brittany wrapped her arms loosely around Santana's waist with a grin and shook her shoulders back and forth to the music while the Latina moved her hands in the air, pouting jokingly.
I love you when you dance
When you freestyle in trance
So pure
Such an expression
I love you when you dance
When you freestyle in trance
So pure
Such an expression
As the music came to an end, Santana leaned her forehead against Brittany's and playfully shuffled the blonde's hair with her hands. Brittany scrunched her nose and they both laughed together. They turned to mr Schue as he once again addressed the room but did not make to move out of each others' arms right away.
"Whoooo! Alright! That's what I'm talking about!" he praised while clapping slowly, "Great job you guys! Well, I think that's it for performances, so everybody gather around the piano and we'll work on some scales!"
"No! Wait!"
That caught everyone's attention. Suddenly, all of their eyes were on Santana and watched her, their expressions a mixture of curiosity and surprise. She cleared her throat and looked back up at Brittany, who was still holding her, before adding.
"Wait... I have a number too," she finished in a bit of a whisper.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Everyone take their seats then, Santana's got something to show us," he said as he signaled everyone back to their seats.
Brittany moved away from her then and took a seat on the front row, right in front of her best friend, eying her curiously. Santana took a deep breath and signaled Brad who started playing what would normally have been played by a guitar. She then fixed her eyes on Brittany and began to sing.
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes
Tears quickly began to glisten in her eyes, but she smiled softly as she sang, her eyes never wavering from Brittany's.
I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes
Everyone watched them, breathtaken by her sincerity, and in that one moment, they all saw her. In that moment, she was exposed. And it was all for her.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light, and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
Silent tears began to stream down Brittany's cheeks as she stared deeply into Santana's eyes, understanding the significance of that moment. Time seemed to halt for just an instant before the song continued.
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone
As closed down as I am sometimes
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
Santana walked towards her audience, stopping in front of Brittany, and slowly knelt onto both knees as she moved towards the end of the song. She placed her hands over Brittany's and continued to stare into her eyes.
What I resist persists and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
She smirked in spite of the tears in her eyes as she sang the last part.
I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who's as everything as I am sometimes
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light, and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
And you're still here
And you're still here
And you're still here...
A moment of silence followed the last note of the song. Santana looked desperately into Brittany's eyes, anxiously waiting for a reaction, suddenly relieved that Rachel had stormed out earlier. Brittany looked down at their touching hands and her lips curled into an innocent smile.
"Santana..." she breathed out softly, "I'm so proud of you".
And with that, she slid down onto her knees in front of the shorter girl and wrapped her arms around her, placing her hand in the crook between her shoulders. Santana slid her arms around Brittany's neck and breathed a sigh of relief into her. The room broke out in applause and the other glee clubbers got up to give her a standing ovation (well, all except Lauren, who nevertheless clapped unenthusiastically along with the others).
"Thank you," Santana whispered into Brittany's ear.
At this, the blonde held her tighter, breathing in the smell of her as tears continued to run down her face. Mr Schue then took back his place at the front of the room.
"Let's pick this up again tomorrow guys. Fantastic job everyone," he said softly as if to not disturb the girls.
Before they knew it, everyone had left the choir room except for them. Artie was the last to leave, throwing one last bitter glance at Santana before he did. After a moment, they began to move out of each others' arms. Brittany opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Santana closed the small distance between them and brought their lips together.
"I'm sorry," Santana whispered, "I'm sorry, I just..."
"It's ok," Brittany cut off and Santana couldn't help but hear the smile in her voice. The blonde held out her pinkie between them, and Santana linked it to her own before walking her to class. Brittany embraced her one last time before walking into her home economics class. "I'll come over after school, ok?" she asked in her ear.
Santana's breath hitched as she barely managed to formulate a response, "...o-ok".