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Insecurities: Jez's story

Jez wondered if it had ever occurred to anyone sitting in this room that they would be gathered with such a diverse group. It was hardly possible, yet, here they were gathered around just like the weird group they were. Jez dully noted that they were actually discussing her or more specifically the Wild Powers and what to do with them to keep them safe. Some were convinced that the hideout was not secret anymore and therefore no longer safe.

Jez briefly glanced at Iliana, one of the other Wild Powers. Of all of them she was voted most likely to have a panic attack. But right now Iliana seemed fine, perhaps even better than fine. For a moment she found herself staring wistfully at Iliana's long silvery blonde hair that always seemed to be in place before Iliana glanced over at her and smiled, a sad little smile, like she was afraid the world might end at the next moment without any warning. They shared a brief moment of understanding, an understanding for their responsibility.

"So we're all in agreement then?" Thierry broke through.

Jez was startled to realize she had no idea what was being agreed upon. But since everyone was nodding she went along with it.

"Good, we'll send the Wild Powers out tonight, with guards, of course."

Jez blinked and looked over at Iliana, who looked just as confused as she did. Clearly she hadn't been the only one not paying attention to her own fate. Delos, she noticed, appeared more in the loop than Thierry did. Apparently he hadn't daydreamed while they were planning his future.

Iliana, ever the ditz, raised her hand. "Um, where was it you're sending us again?"

Jez mentally thanked her. She hadn't wanted to be the one to ask.

"We didn't say. It's a secret, only the Wild Powers, their soul mates and a few guards will ever know. Not even the people in this room will be allowed to know," Hannah explained.

Iliana nodded. Jez sighed in relief. They weren't going to separate her from Morgead and as an added bonus, she wouldn't be locked away with Delos minus Maggie. It had happened once and had only lasted five minutes before they realized Delos's temper wouldn't allow for a long term separation from his soul mate. Just the thought had made him super irritable and he had blown a wall out and left, demanding that Maggie be returned to him immediately. He truly was a spoiled prince who always got his way, after all.

She felt kind of bad for poor Iliana. She had no one yet and was constantly surrounded by people who were completely devoted to one another. It couldn't be easy for a hopeless romantic like her. In fact, even if Iliana hadn't been a hopeless romantic, someone more like Keller or Jez herself it would stink to be stuck in the middle of the soul mate circle with no soul mate. Like showing up to a never ending prom without a date, to watch all the happy couples spin around in circles and make kissy faces at each other.

It would be impossible to say that Jez didn't feel sorry for Iliana, even if most of the time she was jealous of her.

"So everyone who's leaving needs to get packed. You know who you are," Thierry stated. With that the room went into motion and everyone was suddenly leaving.

Jez sighed and stood. Morgead hadn't been in the meeting for whatever reason so now she would have to go and make sure he knew to pack. She started out the door but bumped into Maggie as she was walking out.

"Oh! Hey Jez! I bet you're glad I'm going with you after last time." It was now an ongoing, inside joke between Jez, Iliana, and Maggie that Delos had nearly killed a few people just to get back to Maggie.

"You have no idea. They said, 'move Wild Powers' and I thought, 'Oh goddess, here we go again'."

Maggie laughed her sorrel eyes gleaming happily. Jez smiled, suddenly feeling a bit bitter. Why was it that she was supposedly one of the most unique girls in the group but she felt like she was the plainest one?

"Well we better go get packed," she said. Maggie nodded and ran off after Delos. Jez watched as Maggie half tackled his good arm and latched on. Maggie was confident in her relationship with Delos, something Jez had never managed to be when it came to her relationship with Morgead. Sure they were soul mates, but sometimes she felt like that was kind of like saying, 'You have to love each other, deal with it.' And when she felt like that she always remembered how much Morgead hated being told what to do. This type of thinking always made her nervous and worried.

Jez walked off toward her room, planning to go see Morgead first. She rounded a corner and smashed into the very subject of her worries and insecurities.

She almost fell. Almost. But he caught her around the waist too quickly for that to occur.

"Hey, Jez, what's the hurry?" he asked loosening his grip but not releasing her.

"They're moving us," she stated. "We have to pack. And 'we' means you, too, so get on it." She danced out of his arms, gave him a quick wave before rushing off to get packed.

She glanced back before entering her room just long enough to see Morgead standing in the hallway looking rigid. The next instant he was following her into her room.

"Where are they taking us, Jez?" he questioned. Jez shrugged, making no movement to answer otherwise. Morgead sighed, "Okay then. I'll go and get packed." And then he left.

"You probably could've handled that better," came a voice from her doorway a few moments later.

"I know that. I just don't know how," Jez responded without looking up. She didn't have to look up to know it was Keller standing in her doorway.

"Just put forth the effort."

"It's hard. I mean you understand. Soul mates aren't all rainbows and kisses. And Morgead and I have a lot of history. And most of it doesn't really help. It makes it super awkward."

"I guess I can't really understand that. I didn't know Galen for long before we discovered we were soul mates. But you and I have an understanding of what it means to be uncertain and wary of relationships. And all I'm saying is that Morgead is obviously putting himself out there, it's hard on him when you push him away," Keller stated. "I know it isn't any of my business but…"

"But you're right. He's always the one to put forth an effort, but I'm so caught up in my insecurities and the past that when he does I freak out. And last time I tried to put forth an effort it made everything worse. I just can't do it! I don't know how!"

Keller stood silent for a moment. "Try starting small… like hold his hand or something… Jez, I don't know! He's your soul mate!"

"I know." Keller sighed. "I'm going to try, really I am. So… don't laugh when I fail horribly."

"I won't. Good luck." And then Keller was gone too. Jez felt like beating her head against a wall. Nothing could be more torturous than going to a guy you've know your entire life and holding his hand. Especially if he's been doing all of the work in the relationship up to that point.

"Well, no time like the present," she muttered to herself, throwing the rest of her belongings in a suitcase before running out of the room. She had meant to go straight into Morgead's room without stopping to think. Unfortunately, it did not work this way. She managed to get to his door before she second guessed herself. So there she stood, hand positioned to open the door and feet moving into a position to flee before she was noticed.

Her initial plan ruined she prepared to retreat and make a new plan, but her mouth didn't appear to be working with her brain because the next thing she knew she was saying, "Morgead?" in the smallest, most pathetic voice she had ever had the displeasure of making.

This did not seem to make it any harder to hear as the door opened revealing Morgead. Behind him Jez could see that most of his things were packed.

"Hey, Jez," Morgead said. He looked slightly confused. "What's up?"

"I…" in her mind she was thinking 'I can't do this, it isn't possible, I'm going to fail, and he's going to get angry. This is really bad!' "I, um, came to see if you needed any help." It was a statement but it sounded an awful lot like a question.

"Oh," she couldn't be sure, but he sounded disappointed. "I'm almost done, actually."

"Oh, then I, um, I'll go see if I can find anything out." And she ran off entirely humiliated and feeling more like a failure than ever.

She practically slammed into Rashel as she rounded the corner, obviously it was not her day for going around corners, and both girls landed on their backs.

"Oh, ouch, sorry, Rashel," Jez apologized. She got to her feet and helped the vampire hunter/lover/helper to her feet.

"It's fine. But what's the rush? You look like if you had a tail it'd be between your legs right now and you'd be hiding in a corner."

"That's what I feel like, too. I'm regrouping from a failed attempt at something. Are you coming with us?" she asked to get the subject off of her. Keller knew the situation so she felt okay talking to her about it, but Rashel didn't and Jez didn't want her pathetic love life all over Circle Daybreak.

"Oh, yeah, I'm going with all of you. I don't know who else is going, I suspect they invited Keller, but I don't know for certain."

"I see, so does anyone know where we're going?"

"You've got me, I tried to get some information and I was shot down so fast I couldn't even regroup fast enough to ask another question," Rashel stated.

"Oh, well, then I guess I would be wasting my time trying to find out anything." Rashel nodded. Jez mentally groaned. "Well then I'll see you around," and she walked back toward her room.

She careful began plotting her fail proof plan about Morgead.

It wouldn't be easy, but she had to do something.