One day Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were talking outside the library when suddenly Luna zoomed in…

"Guess what?" She screamed, "I'm pregnant!"

"Wow!" Said Hermione, "Me too!"

Ginny coughed, cleared her throat and blushed, "me three..."

"…meep?" Luna said, scratching her head, blinking cluelessly.

"So…" Hermione stretched, sneaking her arm around Ron.

"I'm supposed to do that!" He cried.

"Well….too slow!" Hermione stuck her tongue out.

"Is that an invitation?" He questioned seductively.

"Hell yeah! " And with that they disappeared.

"...Meet Itachi, peoples!" Luna dragged a guy with long black hair with crimson red eyes into view.

"HI ITACHI!" Everyone cried.

Itachi blinked.

"SAY SOMETHIN' DAMMIT! Or are you a mute?"

"Err…well you see…." Itachi stuttered.

"GUESS WHAT MY LOVE? I'M PREGNANT! And you're the father!" Luna cried joyfully.

"Wha-? WHAT?" Poor Itachi fainted while Luna did her victory dance to the 'Happy Little Vegemite' song. "Um…ok…" she said, poking Itachi's limp form. "Let's get some ice cream! My treat!"

"HELL YEAH!" Everyone but Itachi whooped.

So they all packed their bags and headed to Melbourne Airport.

First they had to get through customs where Hermione and Luna were caught with manchettes and other strange medieval Japanese weapons.

"Flight 444 to England is now boarding in gate 22…"

"S!" They cried breaking into a run….

On the plane

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Hermione ran to the toilet.

"…Me too!" Ginny ran to the other toilet.

All the guys looked at Luna expectantly.

"Let's all have sundaes with fudgie swishy swirls!" She cried triumphantly.

"Um…Ok!"

And so Luna, Ron, Harry and Itachi disappeared into the broom closet.

Hermione, Ginny exchanged 'looks'.

The broom closet suddenly swung open to reveal a secret passage.

"What the ?" Hermione tilted her head to the side, "A secret passage? LUNA!" She yelled, her voice echoed in the passage.

Luna and the guys 'crashed' out of the broom closet…with fudgie swirls .

"Come on! We've got to get to the hotel before it gets late…" Said Ginny.

"You're only saying that cos' you 'want' Harry," Luna said, nudging her.

"You've already 'had' him enough!" Cried Ginny.

"I told you we weren't doing anything!" whined Luna.

"…Right…" Hermione was glaring daggers at her.

"No, seriously! Look!" Luna opened a bag that contained sundaes. "We were just…making sundaes, right Itachi? Just for you guys!" Luna began to sweat nervously. Hermione raised her knife.

"H-hey now, think of the baby!" Cried Luna, hiding behind Itachi.

"What?" He looked at her quizzically.

"Baby my ass! You're having a baby and there you were making sundaes!" Screamed the red-faced blonde.

"I'M INNOCENT!" Screamed Luna as Hermione chased her around Itachi. He spun around and staggered to stand with swirls in his eyes.

At that moment 3 ninjas jumped through the window, grabbed Harry and Ron and jumped back out again.

"My love!" Cried Hermione and Ginny in unison.

"Where are they going?" Asked Luna, puzzled.

"You do realize that those ninjas were GIRLS, right?" Asked Itachi suddenly.

"WHAT!" Cried Hermione and Ginny in unison (again), "They touch them, they die!"

"You're pregnant." Reminded Itachi.

"So? Who cares? Let's kick some butts!" Yelled Luna.

MEANWHILE- at the ninja's lair…AKA Hogwarts!

"Who are you? Where are you taking us?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"I want to call my lawyer!" Cried Ron before pausing and adding sheepishly, "and my girlfriend…she'll kill me if I'm not back by 9…"

"SHUT UP! To answer your first question, I am the NINJA QUEEN!"

"Yeah…but who's that?" Harry asked.

She paused and pulled her mask off and swung her hair around (shampoo ad style!)

"Gasp Cho Chang!" sweat drop

"And these ladies are my loyal minions! Deanne, Sylvie and Jane!"

"I thought you said that there were only 3 ninjas…but by using my superior intelligence I can tell that there are 5!" Cried Ron.

Harry hit his forehead "4…"

"Yeah! There are 4…" Ron laughed nervously.

"AS I WAS SAYING!" Roared Cho, "As I was saying when I was RUDELY interrupted by several loud, ANNOYING sounds…we have taken you to the place where nightmares are made…HOGWARTS!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

DUH DUH DUUUUHHHHHH!

Back in England

"Oh my poor Harry-poos! He's all alone in the big wide world!" Wailed Ginny who was crying in the back seat of the limo Luna had hijacked.

"And my poor Ronnie-poo-kins!" Cried Hermione in dismay.

"Don't worry! We'll save them! And kick some ninja's butt!" Yelled Luna.

"Umm…I'm a ninja," Itachi said, faintly.

"Uh huh…YOU ARE?" Luna turned the wheel, everyone screamed as she turned the limo onto the train tracks and drove head on towards the train.

"I'M GONNA CRASH US INTO THE TRAIN AND KILL YOU!" She shouted cackling, "MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"LUNA! YOU'RE GONNA KILL US!" Yelled Hermione.

"So?"

"You're gonna kill the babies!" Shouted Chris.

"…But they're not born yet…."

"STILL!" They screamed.

"WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT OF LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY TO ME IF YOU HATE NINJAS?" Cried Itachi, definitely losing it.

"Um… I was drunk?" Luna said. Everyone fell with their legs sticking up (anime style)

She turned her evil eyes to a pink pony (yes…pink!) that was merrily skipping with a skipping rope. "Hey look! A pony! Let's run over it!" She turned the limo towards the pony, just as the train missed them. Everyone fainted with relief.

So, the limo followed the pink pony (which was from the Ninja Queen's lair), down the sun began to set beautifully, with Luna's evil laughter echoing.

Meanwhile- Back in the Ninja Queen's Lair!

"What do you want with us?" Cried Harry.

Cho smirked evilly, "I want your souls!"

Ron took off his shoes and held them out, " Take them! Take them and BE GONE!" He cried dramatically.

"Souls NOT soles!" Hissed Harry before stand in front of Ron, "Leave him- spare his soul! Take me instead!"

Cho rolled her eyes and said, "Just give me your shoes…"

"Huh?"

"SOLES! I WANT YOUR SOLES!"
"AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHRRRRRRR!"

Meanwhile- Following the pink pony

"Luna…is it possible NOT to kill the pony?" Asked Ginny in a small voice.

"No. It is not possible." Said Luna drooling in madness, "It needs to die…MUWHAHAHAHA!"

"I'm hungry." Admitted Hermione.

"WE'RE HAVING PONY FOR DINNER!" Yelled the mental driver as they picked up speed.

"I think he realizes," said Itachi, reading a book called, 'How to Keep Yourself Sane', "Because he's skipping faster."

"He's slowing down!" Cried Hermione.

"GOOD!" Luna drooled even more.

"He's stopped! Luna! STOP!" Screamed Ginny but she was too late.

There was a huge bump and the limo stopped. Luna got out chanting "Pony, pony, pony-YUMMY!" She dragged the carcass out and frowned.

"Wait a second…" She unmasked the mare to reveal…

DRACO MALFOY!

"S!" Luna jumped back, "What the hell are you doing in this story!"

"You're the one who put me in it!" The blonde yelled back.

"Let's hurry up and save Ronnie-poos and Harry, DAMMIT!" Yelled Hermione, jumping up and down.

"I know where they are…" said Draco suddenly.

"Then take us there the short way!" Cried Ginny.

"Why the hell should we trust you?" Said Itachi, putting his arm protectively around an oblivious Luna because Draco was eyeing her with interest.

"WHO CARES?" Screamed Luna impatiently, "JUST TAKE US THERE!"

"Will do!" Draco winked, Itachi scowled and the girls cheered.

Meanwhile-Ninja's lair

"We will never give you our soles!" Shouted Harry heroically as Ron fell asleep.

"Ron, WAKE UP!"

YEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" A limo crashed in.

Luna leapt out, looking angry and excited. Ginny and Hermione leapt out concerned and worried. Itachi was…asleep in the limo.

"Sorry we were late, Ronnie-poos!" Cried Hermione.

Luna was busy making faces at Cho, who was too busy filing her nails to notice.
"YOU WANT A SOLE? I'LL GIVE YOU A SOLE!" Yelled Luna, chucking her shoe at Cho's head.

Cho's face burned with rage, "That's it! I've had enough! I will banish you and your friends to a place where nobody ever goes in and nobody ever goes out!"

"Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory! OH YEAH!" Screamed a hysterical Ginny, breaking away from Harry's embrace.

"But that doesn't make sense…" Hermione muttered, "How do we get in if 'nobody ever goes in?'

"Do you think I'm STUPID? Do I LOOK STUPID?" Bellowed Cho.

"Well…" Said Luna smirking evilly, "as a matter of fact…yes."

Do…do…I …do I really?" Cho was shattered. "WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? I BANISH YOU TO WONDERLAND!"

"Wonderland?"

BANG!

"AGRH!"

"Whoa!" Cried Luna " Look at all the PRETTY COLOURS!"