1001 Relena Deathfics

1-10: Death by Horror Movie Villain

Number 1: Death by Phantasmagorical Demon.

Relena 1 had a lot of problems, but her biggest problem was a tendancy to fall asleep at the dropof a hat. on one such occasion, when she fell asleep in church, she found heself in a strangenew dream world: A huge boiler room. Looking around her, The stupid girl was shocked by the complete lack of pinkness, and abruptly decided to do something about it. Painting the furnacewith her vile pink nail varnish, she didn't notice the comely man in the red and black sweater and matching clawed glove until he angrily smashed a champagne bottle over her head.
"What the hell are you doin' to my furnace?" Relena turned, grinning stupidly as she launchedinto her unnescaserily long welcome speech.
"Hi! I'm Relena Peacecraft, and I'm an ambassador for peace, don't you think peace is cool, IMean it's so peacefull and cool and, like, wow, isn't my voice totally annoying, and who areyou and do you believe in god or peace and when will the author make you kill me so he can get to the next bit and why am I so obsessed with pink and is Lady Une really a member of the KGBand are Dorothy's eyebrows really catterpillars and...urgh" Relena's sentance was cut short asthe talented Mr. Krueger finally got sick of the silly little cow and jammed his clawed hand downher throat.

Number 2: Death by Crazy Psycho Killer Doll.

Relena 2 loved dolls. She collected them. So it was no surprise that when she saw a horribledoll with thick red hair, a toy bunny in one hand and a knife in the other, she bought it.Never mind the fact that the doll tried to slit her throat when she picked it up. A doll is a doll, she thought. Never mind the fact that he'd easily overpowered her, tied her up and was lowly disembowling her. Relena 2 smiled to herself as she thought of the hours of fun she'd have with her new doll. sadly, her hopes of joy were dashed as Chucky ripped her intestines out and began to force them into the dizzy young woman's mouth.

Number 3: Death by Djinn.

One day, Relena 3 was walking along the busy high street when a suave man stopped her.
"Is there anything you want?" he asked her. "Anything at all?"
"Yes!" the mentally challenged girl shouted. "I want to get screwed by Heero!" The man grinned.
"As you wish..." Relena 3 grinned, then exploded as Heero's gundam stepped on her. The starnge man smiled.
"There. Now you're really screwed."

Number 4: Death by Blob.

One day, Relena 4 met The Blob. Having never been a fan of old, badly made B-Movies, the stupid, thick-headded old buzzard didn't know what kind of creature the blob was. In fact, she didn't even know it WAS a blob. She simply mistook it for Strawberry jelly (jello if you're American) and tried to eat it. Needless to say, the Blob wasn't happy. In fact it was downright peeved! It promptly ate the pink ditz.

Number 5: Death by Aliens.

Far, far, away, in a land where short fics did not begin with the words "one day" there was a war. This war was between humans and Aliens. The war had been going on for years, ever since the aliens discovered that the humans had cable TV and didn't tell them. During all this, a plucky young girl named Relena 5 decided to take matters into her own hands. Armed only with her wits, and precious few of those, she went up against a million-strong army of bloodthirsty, vicious, violent, mind-bogglingly evil aliens. Did she succeed? Did she buggery.

Number 6: Death by Crazy Psycho Killer Doll's Wife.

Back in part 2, Relena 2 was brutally murdered by a crazy psycho killer doll called Chucky. What Chucky didn't know was Relena 2 had a sister called Relena 6. As a result, the diminuitive doll was destroyed by said sister. However, Relena 6 didn't know Chucky had a wife called Tiffany. At least she didn't know until Tiffany beat her to death with a frying pan, screaming
"You bitch! You shameless slut! You killed my man!"

Number 7: Death by Giant Alligator.

While out for a walk, Relena 7 was unlucky enough to get her head bitten off by a giant alligator.

Number 8: Death by Psycho.

Relena 8 had gotten lost, as was her wont. rather than use her perfectly good mobile phone to call for help, the stupid wobbling great mass of sadness and cellulite decided to go and see if the scary spooky hotel in the middle of nowhere had any vacancies. It did, of course. She was shown to her room by a charming man named Norman Bates. Later while Relena showered, (for the love of Ritz, don't try to visualise it) the sweet, harmless-looking Mr. Bates crept into the shower and violently murdered the young wench, and he did it with such skill and finesse, that although the water ran red with blood, we never once saw the knife penetrate.

Number 9: Death by Candyman.

Having recently seen the film "Candyman", Relena 9 immediately decded to summon the candyman so she could give him a piece of her mind. Standing before her mirror and exclaiming "candyman" five times, she glared as the big hook-handed killer materialised behind her. She instantly launched into a tirade often practiced in front of the bedroom mirror, berating the Candyman for killing, maiming, scaring kidsies, and using the wrong fork at dinner. Not realising she was shouting at a reflection, Relena 9 was gutted like a fish.

Number 10: Death by Wierd Flying Monkey Things.

once upon a time, relena 10 found herself whisked away magicaly to a strange colourful place where, before she could even move, she was arrested for dropping a car on Miss Margaret Thatcher, the Wicked Witch of the West. She was tried, found guilty and locked up after being sentanced to, be beaten about the thighs with a red-hot poker. But! During the night some magical flying monkeys came and rescued Relena 10. they carried her away from the castle, away from the evil King Bush and his loyal servant Mr. Blair. Higher and higher, faster and faster, until they suddenly dropped her because they found out she was supporting the Tories and she liked Michael Portillo.

Coming soon, Chapter 2: Death by video Game.