Note: I got inspired to do this by looking through the Potter Sue live journal.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl named Samantha Alice Rachel Amelia Irving Way. She had long silky smooth raven black hair that reached her mid back.
Her hair was always beautifully flowing in the wind even on the calmest of days. As the sun hit the lustrous strands, glimmering highlights of amber brown reflected against the light. Sadly though, all who looked upon her hair where instantly blinded by the super shiny-ness and where never able to get a good look or any other part of her body, which seemed to be a real shame.
Her eyes where almond shaped and the most dazzling shade of emerald green ever to grace the planet, that sparkled with the radiance of a diamond. How a emerald is able to sparkle like a diamond, no one really understands, but Samantha Alice Rachel Amelia Irving Way is just so beautiful that it makes it happen!
She also had the most soothing voice that sounded like the sound of ocean waves. Exactly like ocean waves. When she opened her mouth to talk only the sound of the ocean came out. It was quite annoying to her friends an family.
Samantha is also an orphan, with an abusive childhood. Her parents where killed by Voldemort because he knew that she would grow up to be the most beautiful witch in the world so he wanted her all for himself. But she somehow managed to escape when she was only one year old, and went to like with Dumbledore at Hogwarts!
But when the Potters got killed, Dumbledore decided to giver her up to go live with her mean step-dad, who somehow ended up in the story even though her mother and father seemed to be having a perfectly working marriage.
But the step-dad was mean to poor Samantha Alice Rachel Amelia Irving Way! He hit her, and raped her, and wouldn't even let her watch House with him! But on his side, he didn't know that she wanted to watch House with him since all he heard from her was the awfully annoying ocean waves sound.
But then one day, the most amazing thing happened! She got a letter telling her that she was a witch! Not only was she a witch, but an angel too! And a demon! And a Veela! She was so happy that she stabbed her step-dad in the face with a letter opener while he was watching House and ran away on a broomstick that she found in the cupboard.
On the train to Hogwarts she met Harry, Ron and Hermione. Harry thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world and could understand every word she said.
"That must mean that we're soul mates!" she exclaimed sexily, as she proceeded to borderline rape him with his two best friends watching.
But then suddenly, Draco came in!
"I can understand her too!" he exclaimed sadly, crying tears of blood.
Samantha Alice Rachel Amelia Irving Way gasped and turned away from Harry.
"That must mean that all three of us are meant to be together!" she cried excitedly as she pounced Draco and forced Harry to have a threesome, Ron and Hermione still staring at all of them like they where going to blow chunks.
Finally, professor Trelawny came rushing into the compartment for no reason at all and started to have a prediction!
"Happy Potter and Draco Malfoy must destroy the great evil that only they can understand!" She yelled, before running out of the compartment again.
"Oh no! That means Samantha is evil!!" Yelled Harry.
"Who the bloody hell is Samantha?" whispered Ron to Hermione who simply just shrugged, still mortified by the sights she had just seen.
Draco suddenly stood up, pulling out a gun. "Die in hell you bitch!" he screamed, shooting the girl as Harry stabbed her in the back.
As the gun went off, Harry woke with a start, panting in his bed. He sat up and looked around. Ginny was next to him, sleeping peacefully. He took a deep breath, relieved that it was only a dream. He hadn't been at Hogwarts for nearly five years, and was now enjoying the rest of his life peacefully.
Harry laid back down, closing his eyes. As he fell back asleep, one thought was crossing his mind.
I am never going to go on any website that George sends me to again. Honestly, I'd rather duel Riddle again than have to read one of those bloody "fan fictions".
Hahaha. Ok, It's 11:30 at night. I'm going to bed.