Two Halves of the Whole

by SniperCT

What if Sam and Lara's first meeting was after Yamatai when Lara agreed to an interview? Sam is a recovering but lonely alcoholic who's turned her life around, and Lara wishes she'd never made it off the island. When they meet each other they realize that something has been missing from their lives. Two halves of the same soul. Based on an anon prompt! One-shot. Probably.

Two halves of the same soul will always find ways to join together as one.

Meeting

Persistence pays off. It took like eighty calls just to get Lara Croft to agree to an interview, and then her lawyer and our guys hammered out a deal. The list of questions is pretty sparse and shorter than the list of topics I can't ask about but I'm still pretty excited. The best part is being in England. Okay maybe the best part will be meeting Lara. I've had a crush on her since I first saw her picture.

I was at home when the first reports about the Endurance expedition started hitting the news. How the ship went down in a storm, and the survivors had been pulled out of an ancient PT boat a few days later. There was a quick shot of Lara as she was hauled onto the deck. Bloody and dirty, a wild look in her eyes. She was probably...okay no she was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. I admit I kind of got a little obsessed with her, digging into her background and her history while trying to get her to do an interview.

What I got from all that was a woman who was a hard worker, but quiet and shy and generally kept to herself. Her parents went missing years and years ago and it's kind of ironic that the same thing nearly happened to her. Apparently she worked her way through college even though she had this massive fortune. I want to know more. I could definitely have seen myself going for her - the crazy thing is I was nearly sent to her boarding school before my dad changed his mind. God how weird was that? Maybe I wouldn't have ended up in rehab. Maybe we'd have been friends. I don't know.

The boarding school might be a safe topic to break the ice, actually, and I muse on that while waiting for Lara to come in. We've set up the studio to be some what comfortable, like an old study with a fireplace and everything. I want her to feel relaxed. Maybe not like she's at home but definitely like she's in a safe place.

I get up when Lara walks into the studio. She's wearing this suit shirt and a pair of black pants and I really haven't been expecting that. Her hair is pulled back into a french braid. When I shake her hand, her grip is firm and her fingers have this texture to them that lingers on my skin the rest of the interview. It's her eyes that get me. Green and intense and the way she studies me makes me feel like she's stripped me bare. I have to fight to remember my lines as the cameras start rolling, that's how distracting she is. Keep it together, Sam!

"We're here for a world exclusive interview with archaeologist Lara Croft! As is well known by now, she survived a shipwreck and harrowing adventure on a mysterious island and after months of silence has finally agreed to speak up about her experience!"

I turn towards her, giving her my brightest smile. She's tense, I can tell by the set of her shoulders and the way she's focusing entirely on me. My joke about being related to the Sun Queen dies before it leaves my throat. Somehow I think that would go way, way bad right now.

Instead, I say, "You know, when I was doing my reading before this interview, I discovered that I almost went to your boarding school. Is that pretty cool or what? In another universe we could have been roommates."

Her lips twitch, and I think she's going to smile, but it doesn't come. I get possessed with this mad idea that I need to make her smile. Somehow. I'm going to make this woman smile, because she's hurting and for some reason I can see it.

I get distracted when she opens her mouth. The combination of her voice and how full her lips are hits every single one of my buttons. Why have I never met this woman before now?

"That might have been interesting, Ms. Nishimura. We'd have probably driven each other up the wall."

"Call me Sam. And I don't know, I've been told I get along with just about anyone. I think you need to get to know me better first." I wink at her and tell myself to dial back before I start flirting. Last time I tried dating a girl everything had ended in tears, and Amanda still won't speak to me.

Lara opens her mouth, then wets her lips and I swear the tips of her ears turn red. It's adorable and I try to ignore it as I move on in the interview. "I know you're reluctant to talk about what happened with the Endurance and on Yamatai, but details have been scarce. The only thing we know for sure is most of your crew didn't make it. I'm truly sorry. Just remember, we can cut the cameras at any time if you need a few minutes. Okay?"

That does the trick. She's still wary but if I can get her trust she'll open up to me. It's kind of like she's a wounded or cornered animal and I have to lure her out of her shell. That's kind of my job anyway, right?

"Can you tell me what it was like? In the aftermath of the wreck and when you realized that the people there wanted to hurt you?"

She literally flashes back. Her eyes get a little distant and her voice is strained. "Terrifying. I was exhausted and in a great deal of pain. I didn't know where anyone else was. There were wolves, and then the Solarii. They were...cultists is really the best way to describe them. They'd spent so much time on that island that they'd turned to worshipping Himiko as a literal goddess. I watched…" Lara's voice shook. "I watched a poor girl burned alive and I couldn't do anything to save her."

She needs a moment to compose herself and sip some water. I shuffle my cards around and lean forward. Catching her eye I give her a smile. "Take your time, sweetie. That must have been horrible."

Lara ducks her head a little. "It was...it was just...I'm sorry. Can we move on?"

"Of course." I reach over and put my hand on her arm. Lara flinches and pulls away. I'm left there leaning forward a little awkwardly. I sit back and cleared my throat. "How did you convince yourself to keep going, after all of that? You were in the hospital for three weeks before they let you out, but you still somehow managed to get yourself and two others off of that island."

Of course I hadn't been able to get her records but after sweet-talking a cute nurse I'd learned that she'd had severe wounds and a massive infection. He was completely baffled as to how she was even still alive.

Lara stares at me for a few moments, before she says. "At first I just...didn't want to die. I reacted on instinct. But after the first day or so, my injuries caught up to me and it became harder to push myself. When you're in a situation where your life is at stake, letting yourself think negatively is as deadly as any infection. And there were a few times I almost sat down and gave up. But if I did that, then my friends would have died. I only got two of them out of that hell, and I wish I..."

She trails off into an awkward, pained silence. Before I can say anything, she speaks again. "I don't know why but I've told you more today than I've told anyone. You're...really easy to talk to."

"I...thank you, Miss Croft." I'm taken aback by her admission.

"Lara."

"I guess that's fair, isn't it?" I laugh and shift in my seat. The haunted look in her eyes gets replaced by one that's almost wolfish and I feel heat rising to my face. I try to shift the subject back to the point of the interview. "So you uncovered a lot of interesting artifacts, some of which are so rare the Japanese government has them under lock and key. Do you think that they might help in understanding that island and it's history, and how do you feel about the discoveries?"

"They were...exactly what I'd hoped I'd find before we set out on the expedition." She doesn't need to say it, but the regret is written on her face. Regret and anger and anguish. "And before the island I would happily talk to you for hours about those finds, but whenever I look at them, or try to study them, I just see the faces of the dead."

"I'm sorry. That's understandable. Horrible things happened to you it's probably really easy to associate those memories with those items."

"Yes, it is."

I want to ask her about the men she's killed. Hear her side of the story. The tabloids like to paint her as either an innocent victim or a crazed murdering machine and the truth could be anywhere in between. But she's a ball of tension and I'm afraid of accidentally setting her off. This interview is tough enough without triggering her.

"Ask it."

I jump a little and look at her.

"You're hesitating. You want to ask something hard. Just ask it."

"It might be better if we move on to another topic."

"Sam, I can handle it. I want the world to understand what that place is." I can't stare back at her for long, her gaze once again making me feel exposed.

I look away for a moment to compose myself, then return my eyes to her face. I find the most tactful way to say it, too. "The tabloids are a little at odds with how to portray you. What was it like, having to hurt people in order to survive?"

"Do you mean what was it like to kill?"

I keep my expression neutral. "That too."

I watch her throat bob as she tries to decide how to answer that. I've interviewed a killer before. He had this deadness to his eyes but he … got excited when he talked about what he did. Lara is reluctant. It's hard for her and while her eyes are hard there's something there. Not remorse. Regret.

"I...I'm sorry. It's not...I can't tell you how many times I've thought about it. Laid awake at night, or tossed and turned from nightmares. I remember their faces, I remember how they died. They would have killed me or worse if I hadn't but that doesn't make it easier to sleep." She start to clench and unclench her hands and the tendons in her neck grow tight. "I wish I'd…" She trails off and I motion for someone to cut the camera.

"That's enough for now." I get up and hold my hand out to her. "Lets get some chow and when you're ready again we'll continue."

The taller woman hesitates before taking my hand. I tug her up but she doesn't move. Instead, I crash into her lap. It takes me like five seconds to get my bearings and then I realize Lara's holding me against her protectively.

"Do you want to come over to my flat after the interview?"

My heart about beats out of my chest. "I ah what?" I sound as tongue tied as I feel.

"I mean… I want to talk more, but off the record. No cameras."

I look up at her. She actually looks embarrassed, but also stubborn. Like she's opened her mouth and she's going to go through with whatever possessed her to ask me that. Disentangling myself from her I stand and smooth out my skirt. "Okay, sure." Maybe she just needs someone to talk to. Maybe she's as interested in me as I am in her, but I doubt it. Lara Croft could have anyone she wanted.

The interview goes more smoothly after we've got some food in us. I steer it away from Yamatai and towards her plans for the future. Once she starts talking about something she's genuinely passionate about she lights up like the sun, and I might have basked a little in it. I want to know more about her. I start to wish dad had sent me to England.

I get her address after solemnly swearing never to tell anyone about it, and then head home. I'd planned to cut together the footage but that can wait for tomorrow. I'm doing it myself because I don't trust anyone else to show Lara in the best light.

My biggest problem when I get home is showering and figuring out what to wear. It's not a date or anything obviously but I still want to… I don't know what I want her to think but I can't forget how her hands felt on my arms. I eventually dig out my tightest pants and a shirt that's more risque than necessary. You can make a girl look respectable but you can't take the partier out of her.

Lara's eyes widen when she opens her door. I bounce on my heels. She's changed into jeans but she still had her dress shirt on. It looks so good I can barely contain myself. I'm a touchy person in general but I get the impression she's not. If she hadn't had that experience on the island I'd be hugging all over her.

"Hey! I know I'm a little early but traffic wasn't that bad."

"Come in." She steps aside and I walk in.

Her apartment is pretty spartan except for books. There are a few relics and maps but the walls are mostly bare and there's nothing special about any of her furniture. A far cry from the family manor that she apparently refused to live in. I spy ten things I could do to liven the place up without really trying.

Taking my jacket, Lara hangs it up and then closes the door. There are three bolts and two locks and she seals us inside. Okay then, I'm not going to question something that makes her feel safer.

"Want a drink, Sam?"

"Just some water. I'm uhm. I'm on the wagon." I wince as I admit that, and I wince again as she studies me with those intense green eyes. I start to look away but she averts her eyes first. I don't know what that means, but she gets me some water and we sit on her couch. She has water too. "You can still drink, I have some self control."

"I don't want to be rude, and I want… I want you to feel welcome. You went through a lot of effort to…" She trails off and rubs her finger along a scar on her hand. She'd let her hair down and it cascaded over her shoulders as she looked down at her hands. Scooting closer, I place my hand on hers.

"Thanks." I'm relieved, actually. It's really hard since I used to be mostly a social drinker. I still have that impulse and some days when I'm my most lonely it would be really easy to give in, go out and screw my life up again.

Our eyes lock. I can't tell you who leaned in first, or which of us kissed the other first. I don't even know how we managed to make it to the bedroom, but Lara takes charge, and I let her. Maybe she meant this by wanting to talk or maybe not, but by the time my toes have uncurled I don't care. I'm scared to say anything. I really, really like her. I want to be her friend, I want to do this a whole lot more with her and there hasn't been someone who'd ever made me feel that way. Ever.

I trail my fingers along the scars on her arms, and the ones on her stomach. She tenses, and I lift my head to look at her. She swallows, then nods her head, so I keep on touching her until we both fall asleep.

Falling

Lara's thrashing wakes me up. She's moaning, fighting off some invisible attacker. I grab her shoulders and shake her. Big, big mistake. She has me on my back with a knife at my throat faster than I can even blink. The blade stings as it breaks my skin and for a moment I think she's really going to kill me.

Slowly and carefully I put my hand onto Lara's. I stroke her skin. "Hey..hey. It's okay. No one's going to hurt you." It sounds a little absurd, but … well she's like a wounded or abused animal and if you stop to think about it that's exactly what she is. She hears me, because her eyes clear and then widen. She pulls the knife away and I start to breath again. I've never been more terrified in my life but my fear disappears as I watch her pull her knees up to the chest, clearly fighting back tears.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. This was…"

"Fantastic, Lara!" I pull her fingers from their death grip on the knife and take it from her. I throw it onto a chair. "I know you've been through some kind of hell. You said you have nightmares. I should have expected something…"

She just shakes her head and I fidget nervously. "Do you want me to leave?"

Lara looks at me. "Do you want to?"

I should say yes. Common sense tells me that I need to walk away from this damaged woman. Find her someone with the training and patience to fix the wounds and help her through this trauma that I can't even comprehend.

"No." I'm not one for common sense and really, it's the truth. She smiles. It's the first smile I've ever seen on her and it's just so beautiful. I straddle her, pushing her gently down. "Because I wanted to cook up the Nishimura Ommalete. It's been a family recipe for one whole generation!"

It's the first time I hear her laugh, too. Oh my god. I'm screwed.

After I leave the next afternoon, I don't get to see her for about two months. She has some kind of dig and I convince her to let me get first crack at her when she gets back. It takes some sweet talking and a little bit of my bedroom eyes but she eventually agrees to the idea. I hope that she just wants to see me again but that's probably just wishful thinking.

I spend a lot of that time editing her first interview. I don't want to air it until she's seen it and I have it on a dvd with me when I surprise her with a ride from the airport. Because that's a thing you do when you have a huge crush on your interview subject. And I know how to relax her because all I have to do is ask her about her dig and she just starts talking. She's still wary but when she's talking about this stuff it's like this inner Lara comes out. I make her stop talking long enough to put a camcorder in her hand so I can record it. Her dirty look is adorable but she accepts it and talks into the camera while I steal looks at her every stoplight.

The dig must have really been good for her. She only has one complaint about the video and that is the fact that I cut out the part where she talked about killing people. But after it's done, and we're sitting on the couch looking at a blank tv, I'm suddenly nervous. I want to touch her, I want to… "How long will you be in town?"

"A few months. I've got a lot of research to do and there's a job lined up for me at the British Museum that I've been considering."

"Oh! That's great!" I excited for her. The British Museum is a big deal. Maybe she can even do digs for them. It brings out a side of her I want to see more of. And I want to see more of her in general.

A few months is both a long time and a short one. I make a habit out of randomly dropping by. Usually with a snack, or takeout. The time we don't spend in bed together we spend planning our interviews, and I drop hints about her taking me with her to film her next dig. Then I start to bring her gifts. A bomber jacket. A whole set of climbing gear. She likes practical things, mostly, but I spend a lot of time and money trying to find the gift. And when I do, I close my eyes and bid.

It's not until I'm standing at the front door of her flat, in the rain and with a package wrapped in plastic under my arm that I realize what this must look like to Lara. But she never says anything bad about it. She doesn't make fun of me. She does complain when she thinks I spend too much but she just kind of accepts that as part of who I am anyway. And sometimes she whispers my name in her sleep. She makes me feel like life is worth it. I really don't party or dance or anything any more. That part of me still exists, but she gets overruled by how afraid I am of falling off the wagon. I nearly died because of it.

I knock again, and then peer in the window. She's not home, but I don't want to just leave. I went through such a huge effort to get this thing for her. I hug it to my chest. Why won't I leave? I should leave, maybe come back later. I know the answer. I'm infatuated. But it's just how amazing she is in bed. Right? Whatever this is, it definitely can't be just me wanting to heal her. If that's all these feelings are then it's just going to end in tears for both of us.

"Sam?"

"Oh hey! I totally haven't been standing here very long." Just ten minutes. Not long at all.

She gives me a wary smile, then slips past me to unlock the door and let us in. "You're lucky I was only out for a bit. It's really pouring out there." She puts her bag on the table while I shed my coat and kick off my shoes in the entrance way. When I join her in the kitchen she kisses me. Usually I'm the one to start things, but this is not a 'I want to shag you Sam' kiss. It's a tender kiss. And her eyes are softer than they were when we first met.

When the hell did that happen?

They're not any less intense, or strong, but she's looking at me and it's like I'm the only thing in the world.

When the hell did that happen?

"I uhm. I got you something."

She looks at the package as I pull the wet plastic off. I'm careful not to get the box itself wet.

"You don't have to buy me things." Lara looks around her apartment. It's homier than it used to be. There's a lot of things I didn't even get her and I've never noticed until today just how much like a home it's become. I'm conceited enough to think it's my influence.

"I know. I want to." I start to talk before I can make myself stop. "Because you never get anything nice for yourself and it gives me an excuse to come visit you. You know, besides work stuff."

"You could just drop by whenever you want, Sam. You don't have to bring me anything." Lara looks a little wary and I'm scared I'm pushing her back into her shell.

But I shove the box into her hands anyway. "Just..I think you'll really like it. I've tried so hard to find this for you. I mean...god I probably sound like a stalker but I've done a lot of research because of the interviews and just from talking to you I get the idea that this is perfect and wow I sound nothing like I do when I'm interviewing you do I?" Breathing. I should try that.

She stares at me, then puts a finger over my lips. I shut up and let her open the box. Inside is a leather-bound book. It's from the sixteen hundreds and is a copy of an even older book. Taketori Monogatan. It tells the story of a princess from the moon.

"I thought… I thought you'd like that, since your field of study was Japanese Archaeology, and it's a really interesting legend…I won it at an auction." I'm terrified she'll hate anything from Japan because of Yamatai. Including me. So maybe this isn't the best idea.

Tears start to roll down her face as she reverently strokes the cover of the book. "It's perfect, Sam. It's perfect."

She wraps an arm around me, and we kiss again. Lately, I've been trying so hard to hold back my emotions. I don't want to scare her off. She's in such a fragile state that strong emotions might be bad for her. All of that gets blown to ashes in my head as her kiss sears me. The walls I'd built to contain my feelings for her crumble like old ruins. The kiss ends and she doesn't pull away. Lara burrows her face against my neck and I feel those warm tears. The floodgates open and we stand there a long time while she cries. I hold her until she's spent.

I'm under the impression she hasn't cried since the island. Not once. But in my arms she pours out more tears than the sky is dropping water. It breaks my heart, over and over with every quiet sob and every shake of her shoulders. When it seems like she's mostly done, I guide her into the other room and sit us both on the couch. Lara rests with her head against my chest and I hold her with no intention of letting go.

"I wanted to die," she says. Her voice startles me. I'd been listening to the rain outside and the sound of her breathing. Her words are like a knife to the chest. "I almost said it during the interview. That I wish I'd died on that island. That I wish I hadn't been so stubborn. Part of me is ..disgusted with myself. If I'd been alone there, if there'd been no one to save I would have just let the island have me. Then I wouldn't have to live with this...this...I jump at noises, I have nightmares and my inner demons always taunting me."

PTSD, I wanted to tell her. I think she already knows, but sometimes you just don't want to say the letters out loud. "You seemed so...so much better after your dig."

She sits up and pushes her hair out of her face. "I kept trying to put myself in situations that would get me killed. But I couldn't do it. I kept thinking of reasons to pull myself out of that pit, or avoid a trap. I had… I had a reason to live."

"That's...good though, right?" Ice. There's ice in my stomach. She's been hiding this all along and while I had suspicions I had no idea it was this bad.

"I kept thinking about the way you touched me. When I held the knife on you. Even though you were scared, you were trying to reassure me. You know you're the only person I've been with since before Yamatai?"

"Uhm.." I shake my head. I hadn't ever asked her to be loyal to me or anything, but hearing it confirmed is a big, big deal. My head starts swimming as I try to absorb what she's telling me.

Her smile is tight and strained, and she hugs herself defensively. She's vulnerable, and it's still daylight out and she's not half asleep and the implications floor me. I touch her, lightly stroking my hand along her arm. She puts her hand over mine and squeezes. "I come back and you're the first person I see. You kept coming to see me. You'd check on me, make sure I was eating, bring me things that...were actually kind of thoughtful."

"Even when you told me not to."

"Even when I told you not to." Lara's hand tightens on mind. It starts to hurt, but I'm not going to break the contact. "I'm...I'm starting to rely on you. It's not healthy and I know that. You don't need some broken, co-dependant-"

"You're not! Okay so you're a little messed up, but if you weren't messed up then you'd be some kind of sociopath. You feel, you care you…" I pull her back into my arms. Yeah. She's messed up, she's a little co-dependant, but god, so am I. In ways she probably doesn't even understand yet. "And I need you. God I need you, Lara. My life was so fucked up before I met you. But you have all these stories. You figure out things about me I didn't even know. Ever since I got clean I've been...just trying to make it day to day. Avoiding the places that nearly killed me. Trying to make up for years of being a selfish bitch. Getting to see you made the struggle worth it. I know that it's not the same as...you know. But it's.. you're important to me. I'm so lonely and you make everything...warm."

"Do you want to go out to dinner?"

I stare blankly at her. "Are you… Are you asking me out?" Isn't it kind of late for that? She's already had the milk without an emotional commitment. Frequently.

Lara fidgets against me. "Yes…I think that I'm...you make me...I like you a lot."

I answer her with a kiss. "I 'like you a lot' too, but how about we stay in tonight and go out to dinner tomorrow?"

"I'd really like that."

We stay in and watch stupid movies that make us laugh like we're fifteen. She even beats me in the pillow fight, but I win the naked wrestling match. I think she lets me but I'm not going to complain. Then one date turns into two, and four, and then more. I spend more time at her apartment than I do my own. I introduce her to my friends and she starts to let the world in again. She takes me on a dig and I learn that I'm really into hiking and climbing. Also really way out of shape but we're working on that.

A year to the day we first met, Lara asks me to move in with her. Of course I say yes. Neither of us believes in fate but...but from the moment I saw her face I just knew. She's a little broken and I'm a little messed up, but that's okay. We're both finally whole.