Disclaimer: 'Gossip Girl' belongs to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz, and the CW. No copyright infringement intended.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Blair turned to her other side and threw her hand out, waiting to feel his body beside her; all she was met with was sheets. She groaned. "Chuck?" She blindly tried to search for her boyfriend. The suite was silent. She was alone. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked around the room. "Chuck?" she called again into the empty space. He was gone. Again.
***_ _ _ ***
Chuck Bass could not sleep.
Blair was out minutes after they came down from their high.
He held her in his arms as she snuggled close to him. He just watched her chest rise and fall as she breathed easily. He was soon running his fingers through her brown locks. She sighed in content.
He lay like that, watching and touching her, but sleep would not come. Only the anxiety crept further into his consciousness. Every so often he would glance at the clock.
By seven he could not stay in bed. He untangled himself from his girlfriend and went to the bathroom to take a scorching hot shower so that when the tears fell, he could blame the heat. And not the real reason.
Him.
After almost an hour, he shut off the water and wrapped a towel around his waist. Staring in the mirror, he noticed the stubble on his face; he hadn't shaved since Friday morning.
He ignored his appearance and returned to his bedroom, heading for the closet, but his gaze moved to her. She was so peaceful; so beautiful. He knew he should stop the thoughts that plagued him, but he still felt she deserved better. He was a mess. He could barely get through some days without going crazy. Blair didn't deserve that.
Instead of the closet, he went to his bed and sat beside her, watching his girl again. She captivated him, even in her sleep. This was the person who saved him time and time again. He needed her. She said their love consumed her. It did more than consume him. It helped him breathe, it kept him going. That night at Victrola, she was the only one who cared, and though he knew he had his family and friends, she kept him strong and able to go on.
He shook his head and went to his closet to dress for the day: black slacks and a dark purple, buttoned-down dress shirt. He rolled up the sleeves. Before leaving, he went back to Blair and stroked her check. She snuggled into the touch and he gently kissed her lips.
But he felt suffocated.
Before leaving, Chuck stopped at his mini bar and took a large gulp from his scotch bottle.
What was so difficult about doing this? It was never this hard, not in 18 years. And he was just there! A month ago!
The boy, barely an adult, took a deep breath and left the Palace. No limo. Arthur was probably with family. It was the first day of summer. Walking would be good for him.
He was in a daze. It had been years since the Bass' did anything for Father's Day. Elementary school, they did dinner together, but by middle school, Bart seemed to be always working or out with a date. By high school, Chuck completely forgot this day existed. (Okay, so not really, but he was excellent at pretending.)
As he walked, Chuck passed one restaurant after another. His stomach was acting up, but he knew if he even smelled food he would throw up. So he walked to his destination, ignoring all the kids laughing with their dads.
Suddenly he stopped and turned his head to the right; he was at the flower shop. He couldn't put flowers there. But his father would never forgive him for coming empty-handed to visit his mother.
Chuck Bass entered the establishment and instead of going to the carnations like usual, he went to the orchids and grabbed a single purple flower.
For her from him.
Chuck took a step toward the check out, but stopped and grabbed one more.
***_ _ _ ***
The rest of the journey followed in the same hazy way and soon enough he entered the cemetery. He knew his way to her with his eyes closed.
The two Bass headstones rested side by side in front of him. He sat on the ground between his parents and set one of the orchids in front of his mother.
"From him," he whispered into the air as the wind acted up.
He choked back a sob.
Slowly, he turned away from her and was met with his father. Silence enveloped them. He cleared his throat. "Happy Father's Day, Dad."
A shiver ran down his spine.
He hated the cemetery. It made him paranoid. There was no way his parents were with him. No such things as ghosts or spirits or whatever. Just that damn anxiety creeping back.
***_ _ _ ***
It was noon. They were having brunch – waffles. How was this supposed to be a holiday?
They were all enjoying Father's Day. His sister was gone – Europe. And he was here. Celebrating Father's Day with … not his father. Granted, he didn't know where the man was or how to contact him, but this wasn't right. The only other man who he'd want to celebrate with, or even thought of as a father figured, was dead. Which made this even worse.
Eric had to get out of the apartment. Maybe spend it with someone else who was fatherless.
"Excuse me," he said abruptly, interrupting whatever was going on at the table.
"Eric, what-"
"I have to go." And he rushed out, ignoring his new family calling out for him.
***_ _ _ ***
Once in the fresh air, he took a deep breath and felt like he did when Blair bailed him out of the Ostroff Center. Free.
She was lucky. She had, what, three dads? He wished he had one. Sighing, he turned to the direction of the Palace and walked.
***_ _ _ ***
There was a knock at the door, but she knew better than to hope it was Chuck; it was his room after all.
"Hold on, Daddy," she said into her cell and went to peak at who it was.
She looked confused as she opened the door. "Eric?"
"Oh, hey, Blair. Can I come in?"
She nodded. "Yeah. Make yourself at home. I'll be right with you," she closed the door and returned to her phone conversation.
Eric sat on the couch and listened. She was so happy and it made him smile because if something was wrong with Blair and Harold, you knew the world was in danger. This was how things were supposed to be.
Minutes flew by before Blair hung up and sat beside the younger boy.
"So, what's up?"
"Is Chuck here?" he asked and saw Blair's smile fade and the light in her eyes from talking with her father disappear.
"He'll be back," she said more to herself.
Eric nodded. "Yeah. So, um, why are you here?" he asked softly, hoping not to see that look again; it scared him.
"My dad's in France. I just spent about an hour on the phone with him. I talked to Cyrus before that. He's with my mom and later tonight he's got plans with Aaron," she shrugged.
The room went silent. Neither knew what else to say, both wondering about the boy they were both waiting for.
"He was gone," she whispered and then sucked in a deep breath.
Eric looked at her and saw her shoulders shake and he moved closer, wrapping his arms around his brunette sister.
"I woke up and he was gone. Again."
He nodded; he knew the story of Chuck skipping town after the funeral. Blair had been a mess, always asking if he'd heard from their broken boy.
"He'll be back," he told her confidently.
"I know. I know, but I had that feeling come over me when I woke up alone, and I hate it. I felt a panic attack coming on and I had to remind myself that it's Father's Day and he needed to be alone. I don't blame him, I just felt selfish for a few moments."
Eric squeezed her tightly. "I had to get out of the apartment," he offered. "They're celebrating. Dan and Jenny and Mom are celebrating Father's Day and having fun and he's not my father. I ran out. No phone. They're probably wondering where I am, but I don't care. But I know he cares, Blair. He'll come back soon and you two will be okay."
She nodded. "Will you wait with me?"
"Yes, I'd love to wait for you, Blair," he smiled and let her go. "Movie?"
"Your pick. No click flicks though."
Eric gasped. "What? Did Blair Waldorf just say no to romance movies?"
"Ha ha, funny, E."
***_ _ _ ***
The two of were finishing up their second movie of the day when the door opened. Blair shot up and knocked straight into her boyfriend. Chuck stood shock still, eyes wide at the welcome.
Eric laughed and walked over to his brother. "Hey."
Chuck nodded. "Hi. What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to be with family," he replied with a smile. "You're my family."
Blair eased up on her hold and kissed Chuck on the lips. "You left me." She felt his stubble and knew he was hurting.
Chuck looked down at the girl unable to let him go. "I'm sorry. I had to get out. I had to…" he trailed off and moved away from Blair.
"We understand," Eric jumped in. "They acted like a family, like nothing was strange. But he's not my dad, so I ran out of there. Blair and I are watching movies," he smiled.
Chuck looked over at his little brother. "You came here for me?"
"We're fatherless," he shrugged.
Blair bit her lip and watched Chuck's face. She hated that look. The one he wore when she found him in her room during her mother's wedding. It made tears spring to her eyes. That couldn't happen. "I'm hungry," she mumbled to distract him.
Chuck met her gaze and nodded. "Okay."
"I'll order!" Eric smiled and went to the phone.
Blair took a step toward the couch, but Chuck grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him. Brown transfixed on brown and Chuck pulled his other hand from behind his back, extending the other purple orchid to her.
Blair slowly took the flower, confused. "An orchid? What does that mean?"
Chuck leaned close, his hand going to her waist, his scruff scratching her cheek, his lips brushing against her ear. "I love you."
.end.