This is the first Chapter of an alternative story to my 'Christan and Syed' (the one in which Syed comes out.) In this story Syed does not voluntarily come out and Zainab will attack who she believes is to blame. Lots more chapters to come and reviews really appreciatied

Christian and Syed- In the alleyway and after

"He's not you though."

The two of them had stood in front of each other, exchanging pleasantries but their bodies and their eyes were talking a whole other language.

They'd all ready begun this unspoken conversation earlier at the meal…..

Sitting at the table, Syed couldn't stop himself looking at Christian. They were both acutely aware of each other. It was as if the two of them were connected by an invisible current that ignited whenever they were close. Christian tried to be a good host, to support and compliment James, but as soon as he and Syed were alone in the kitchen together, the atmosphere became more charged. Both of them tried to keep the conversation light, superficial.

Neither was really concentrating on what was said and then Syed cut his finger and Christian was instantly at his side, all concern. When Christian took Syed's hand in his, Syed could feel his blood pounding. Christian was so tender. Syed couldn't help looking at Christian, he felt he never wanted to stop looking at Christian. Oh god the man was so beautiful. Syed knew he should stop, that he wasn't being fair but he couldn't hide his need to know that Christian wanted him more than James, that nothing had changed The looks that passed between them said it all. Syed found it hard to tear his gaze away there was such hunger and reproach in Christian's eyes.

Christian's frustration with the whole situation was reaching boiling point. Back at the table he took it out on everyone and the 'party' quickly broke up. He knew he hadn't behaved well and he took himself off to find Jane to apologise. She gave him no comfort.

"Nobody gets a happy ending Christian," She almost spat the words. "Not without a lot of hard work and pain along the way"

She didn't know just how much meaning those words, spoken about her own situation, struck at Christian

"You may enjoy making a drama out of your own life but don't do it to mine"

Christian wasn't used to harsh words from Jane and knew if he'd elicited them he probably deserved everything he got.

He felt completely at odds in himself. Everything felt wrong. He knew he wasn't being fair to James and James was all ready getting to him. He made too much mess, spoke too loud, liked Christian too much. Christian knew this wasn't fair and if he'd never met Syed he could have cared for James properly. James was lovely, a decent guy. But…

"He's not you though"

Christian and Syed stood facing each other. Everything that really mattered wasn't spoken. Christian looked to the side, saw the alley and acted, pulling Syed with him. Seconds later Syed stood with his back to the wall, Christian pressed against him, both of them breathing heavily. The wind moaned outside and the door of the passageway banged and creaked.

"I tried Syed but…"

"I know," murmured Syed, his voice thick with desire.

Syed's heart was pounding, adrenaline coursing through his body. He saw a sudden movement, turned his head sharply, trying to see what it was.

"I think there's someone watching," he said

But Christian's need was too pressing and the strength of it carried them both back to the place where there was only each other.

"You worry too much," he said. "Come here"

And then they were kissing, tongues in each others mouths, hands rubbing and stroking, both needing to let the other know how much it meant. The short period spent apart, trying to move on, their mutual jealousy of any other person in the way had only intensified things between them. However much either of them tried to deny what they were feeling, what was happening between them, it always came back to this. All that mattered was this. Christian pulled Syed against him, made him feel him.

"Sy, I want you … " he said groaning with his need.

"Go on," he breathed as Syed's movements became more deliberate, more knowing.

"Christian, we have to stop we can't do this here...let's go back to yours"

Syed had to force himself to come up for air. They were drowning in each other.

"C'mon Christian, not here!"

His voice took on some urgency and Christian became aware of where he was. Syed pulled him further down the passageway, around the corner where no one could see them. Syed felt more awake then he'd ever done in his life. Fear of being discovered mixed with intense excitement was a heady combination. He felt high, like he could run and never get tired.

"Christian, you go first. I'll give you a couple of minutes and I'll catch you at yours."

As soon as Syed was in the door they were taking off their clothes. They didn't kiss. They looked at each other as each item of clothing was thrown off, revealing themselves to one another. When they were both completely naked, they moved together, the feeling of skin against skin almost shocking in its sensuality.

Syed ran his hands all over Christian.

"Say you want me," said Christian, "Say it"

"I want you Christian"

"Say it again,"

"Christian, you know I want you"

They kissed more deeply. Christian ran his hands lightly up and down Syed's back, Syed shivered. Christian moved to stand behind him and pressed the full length of his body against Syed back,lifting Syed's hair,kissing his neck, light kisses, running his hands up and down Syed's arms, resting his hand on Syed's belly and pulling him even tighter against his own. Syed reached behind him and with both hands on Christian, pulled him against him so he could feel his full hardness. It was as if they were trying to become one being, as if the more they pressed and pulled, eventually there would be no separation. They stood there, like that, for some time just feeling the subtle changes as one body part pressed a little more and then another, listening to each others breath, Christian running his tongue over Syed's skin, pressing his teeth into Syed's shoulder just enough to leave a momentary mark. All the time the two of them could feel their desire building. Syed closed his eyes, and they swayed together a little. Then Christian moved his hand lower, held Syed, feeling the blood pulsing and Syed became harder with the feel of Christian's hand and the thought of where it was going. The feeling of Christian behind him, the movements of Christian's hand were becoming almost unbearable. His whole body was pulsing and suddenly he pulled away, turned to face Christian, pushed him against the wall needing to take things up a level. Syed knew that Christian would be exited by him taking the lead, that that was part of what made their love making so intense, that either of them could play this role. He loved that look Christian gave him when he took over. Loved his ability to create anticipation and surrender,... that Christian let him.

Christian let him do a lot more and they made love until they were both exhausted. They fell asleep in each others arms still wanting the closeness.

It was dark when they woke up and Syed made coffee while Christian gathered up their clothes, put the heating on, ran them a bath.

They had reached that moment again. Syed would leave, to continue trying to live his other life and Christian would nurse an ever growing pain that seemed to intensify every time they renewed their connection and then felt the aloneness after Syed had gone. He could all ready feel himself almost hating Syed

Christian looked over to where Syed stood and Syed's head was bowed as if he was in pain. He got up, went to him, touched Syed's face.

"Sy, what is it?"

Syed looked anguished

"Why does everything have to be so difficult?" I just want to be with you and I can't do it"

"Sy you're here now, you can do it"

"You don't understand how afraid I am. I couldn't stand seeing you with James; I don't want this to end…I think I'm in love with you Christian. I don't know what I'm gonna do… What am I gonna do?

"Come here"

Christian stroked Syed's hair away from his face.

"Syed, look you have to face this. If it's not me then it will be someone else. You're never gonna be happy with Amira. You're never gonna be able to make her happy. And she'll find out and then she'll hate you for lying to her. You can't deny what's happening here. What you are. I love you Syed. I never meant it with anyone before, I could never say it, but this is it Si, you and me, it's something special. I knew it from the first time."

Christian kissed Syed then, so gently, with all the love he could convey, stroking Syed's hair, holding him close.

"Look, you've got me. I'll stand by your side. It's us together, not you alone facing this. I'm Superman remember?" he said smiling, trying to lift the darkness he saw in Syed's eyes.

Syed spoke then.

"Christian I've tried to be brave. I almost told Amira but then I couldn't do it . I went to the Imam but he gave me nothing. I've trawled the internet trying to feel supported so I can face my parents. I've looked on all these forums, there's lot's of other Muslims like me, going through the same struggles and it gave me strength when I read them- but then , when I think about telling mum and dad, what it's gonna do to them… I'm not brave like you Christian"

"That's just not true Sy. Look how you helped me when I was too scared to even step out the house. You came to the police with me, you would have come in with me – you weren't hiding then. I was scared, I was a mess. I couldn't even answer this door for god's sake. Everyone feels weak sometimes Si but you'll get strength from being honest with yourself"

"When I'm with you I feel strong enough. I think my parents love me- it'll turn out okay and I'd be doing Amira a favour in the long run. But when I'm with them I lose it and I can't do it"

"So let me be there with you Si. Let me help. Look at me. Look at me Si. We can be together everyday, You and me. They will understand in time. Your mum loves you she's not gonna cast you out of her life, not forever. She accepts me, whatever stupid things she says sometimes."

"Yeah, but you're not her son, you're not Muslim, you're not going to provide her with grandchildren, and would she really stand by you? Look how she was at Bushra's party."

"Well you weren't much better, but you're here now. People learn, sometimes 'cause they have to. They change, love makes us surprise ourselves. I think they'll deal with it, they just need time. You needed time"

"Christian, you can't change what's written. I live my life by what's written, I still need time Christian and there's probably never gonna be enough."

"Well, time's up! I can't go on being your bit on the side" said Christian suddenly feeling the full pain and frustration of their situation. "I've hurt James, my best and oldest mate, I've taken it every time you've pushed me away, but I can't keep on. You've really hurt me, more than once. Why is that okay? Do you think I've got less feeling than other people? One minute your in my arms and I know what's going on, neither of us is playing at this. But then you're telling me not to touch you, as if I'm pushing myself on you and you've got no part in it. I've had enough of it Si. I need to know I'm worth something to you. I'll stand by you, hold your hand, and be with you when you tell your family. I'll take whatever they throw at me, and I know they're gonna hate me for corrupting their precious number one son. As long as I've got you it doesn't matter to me. But I need to know where I stand. You say you love me-what does that mean Si?"

Christian looked at him, just seeing his face made Syed's chest contract.

" I have to go Christian,"

" Yeah," said Christian, hurt and angry again. " you know, your gonna be getting married in six weeks and if that happens Si I know I can't do this any more." I'm not just fucking you Si, I'm in love with you and don't tell me not to say it. You said it first tonight, although you said you 'think' you're in love with me. Well I know I'm in love with you. This is it for me. I am your boyfriend even if your not mine and I've just about had enough of not even being able to say that to you, let alone the world. You go Si , ask Sameenah if its worth it. Come back when you have the answer"

To be continued