Written some time ago, finally decided to upload it.
Disclaimer: Not Mine blabla, ye know how it goes.
Memories were strange things. You could have them, life them, look back on them; look forward to them… even if you were a blind man.
When you were thinking back, knowing that there weren't going to be anymore memories in the future… nothing to keep track of, no agenda's to be filled in.
That thought scared him, he had no future anymore, nothing to look forward to, but than again, he also didn't have things like bills to pay or stupid jobs to do.
A smile crept up on his face, ah, peaceful life…
Or death, he should say.
After all, it wasn't the world that was ending, it was just him.
Just… him…
He didn't feel pain… he didn't feel anything at all, just curiosity.
'Let's find out if that mother fucking god's real.' He thought. He remembered looking down on the first person he'd shot down, he'd killed. Eyes wide open to the sky, not seeing anything… Isn't that ironic… The first thought that had run through his mind at that moment was if he'd go to hell for that.
The answer was clearly yes. But hell was a place on earth, so he would be leaving it soon.
He remembered her name, his first kill, Maria. He'd found it such a pretty name when he first met her. Beautiful, intelligent young lady, Maria. Until he fell for the trap she'd set up to save her own ass. Ironic as well, since that's what he'd done ever since… but he was never killed, until now… Ah well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.
People's faces he'd long forgotten, he saw clearly again. He didn't remember most of their names, just a few lingered, the most important ones.
He saw his sister, his wonderful sister, where would she be? He asked himself. Why had they lost touch? Oh, that's right, he'd gone to fucking Mexico, leaving his whole bloody family to rot and figure out their lives themselves.
He'd never felt guilt, so he wouldn't now. It was too late to think about all the things he'd done wrong, all the mistakes he made…
There was only one mistake that was bothering him now, one fatal terrible thing… something he'd done just moments ago. He knew that if he could open his eyes and could look upon her, he'd cry… See her dead body, not because of her; she stayed the sadistic fucked up loser girl. No, not because of her death, he didn't care.
Because with her death, something else had died. Someone else… Their child…
'I should've… saved the fucking bullet for myself.' He thought, but where would that have brought the kid? It wasn't as if Ajedrez did have any idea how to raise a kid, neither did he. Maybe the child would be better of dead… just like he was… better of dead.
Eventually he even managed to set that thought out of him head, he'd killed so many, why would a fucking unborn life mean anything more than all the fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters he'd killed before?
His thoughts were fading, slowly, but surely he wasn't thinking about important things or even real memories. He thought about the last couple of days. He was still smiling, at least he had still killed even after the bitch made sure he couldn't see ever again. After all the pain, he'd just stand up and went for it, took the bait and went for the kill, knowing the consequences would be fatal, but not caring. This time not wanting to save his own life above all else, but actually sacrificing himself…
He'd known he'd get killed ever since his line was being compromised, he'd known Ajedrez was up to something, but trusted her enough to think she would never do anything… anything… so… like she did.
His mind was fogged, he could fall asleep any moment now… and he knew he was never going to wake up again. He went in and out of consciousness, again and again. And it wasn't a bad feeling, he wasn't afraid, nor was he capable of understanding what exactly was going on.
Everything failed him, their was nothing left he could trust now. Nobody to rely on, not that he had to rely on anyone anymore. He couldn't see a fuck, he couldn't think clearly, the only thing that was certain was death…
But in the end, isn't that always the case? For everyone?
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