Lynn stormed through the halls of the Dauntless compound with a scowl on her face. She could feel the jealousy and hurt burning in her chest. Her footsteps made an angry din ricochet around the underground tunnel. There were people blocking her path, and she shoved each of them out of the way. When she got to the room where she had made her bed, she slammed the door closed.
With the last few ounces of her composure, she dragged herself over to her bed and sat down, shaking. Her breath was hitching and her eyes stung. She clawed at the legs of her jeans, needing something to anchor her to reality, needing something to keep her together so she wouldn't fly apart.
She couldn't say why she felt so betrayed that Marlene had kissed Uriah in front of her and the whole compound. It wasn't like she had ever expressed her feelings out loud, even though she felt as though Mar had somehow sensed them; Lynn's lingering looks, wanting to spend more time with the other girl than they already did, and an increase in her usually hostile attitude when confronted about her behavior had all been obvious enough to Lynn herself. It was pathetic, really; she pined after her best friend, who had no idea she felt the way she did and was in a happy relationship. She was a giant cliché.
Tears began to spill out of her eyes. She hugged herself tightly. Not that she would ever tell Marlene. The girl was so clearly in love with Uriah, it was laughable to consider telling her now. She would just make things more difficult and put a strain on their friendship. But, God, how she wished Marlene would look at her like she looked at Uriah.
She let herself cry; big sobs that made the bed shake along with her and her hands clench up into fists. She thought about how many times they had come close to dying in the past few days. She could feel a fear growing in her chest that she would never be able to say the words out loud to Marlene. That she would live the rest of her short life as a Dauntless with this desperate feeling trapped in her chest, the words fluttering just inside her head, begging to get out, I love you, Marlene! I'm in love with you!
She didn't know how long she sat there, but it was long enough that someone came looking for her. The door opened and someone poked their head in. She couldn't see who it was, but instantly recognized Marlene's voice, high and clear and worried now that she saw Lynn bent over in tears. "Lynn? What's the matter?"
She couldn't speak, her throat too thick, and even if she did what could she have said? I love you and I know you'll never love me back? She shook her head and turned away. It was humiliating enough for Mar to find her like this.
Marlene rushed over and kneeled next to her, her hands taking Lynn's balled up ones and rubbing them with her thumbs. "Lynn, please tell me."
Lynn wanted to; she wanted to tell everyone in the Dauntless compound, she was in love with her best friend! But burdening her beautiful, wonderful friend was the last thing she ever wanted to do. Marlene looked up at her with big, pleading eyes. She had a wrinkle between her eyebrows and frown on her lips. Lynn hated herself, knowing she was causing this. To appease Marlene, she said the most truthful thing she could think of:
"Mar, I'm scared."
The wrinkle smoothed out between Marlene's eyebrows and the frown turned to a relieved smile, like what Lynn said was easily solvable. Marlene pulled herself up onto the bed next to Lynn and put an arm around her.
"Lynny, don't worry about those Erudite bastards. They can't touch us when we're on home base!" Lynn wheezed out a laugh; the Erudite were the last thing she was scared of, but if that was what Marlene thought she was talking about, so be it. "Now that we're home, we'll build ourselves back up and prepare to take down those murderers and the traitors, too. No one's ever going to hurt us again." Lynn smiled shakily, and Marlene smiled back at her. "C'mon, let's go have fun! Zeke was betting Uriah that he couldn't hold himself over the chasm for ten seconds. Uriah said he could do it for twenty. I want to watch." Marlene jumped up and turned to go.
Lynn felt a sudden rush of adrenaline, and blurted out, "Mar, I…"
Marlene turned back around and smiled at her. "What?"
"I…I'm really glad you and Uriah are happy." She was such a coward.
Marlene giggled and grabbed Lynn's wrist. She let Marlene pull her up off the bed and out of the room. She shoved her concerns to the back of her mind. She would enjoy herself now. She would worry about telling Marlene how she felt later, when things had settled down and she had worked herself up to it. After all, she had all the time in the world.