THE NARUTO EPIC

Chapter One

A/N: YAY FOR IMSOMNIA!! I just got this idea for a Naruto fanfic, and HAD to write it down. I had a lot of fun writing it, and I must give some credit to my Imouto for getting me into fanfictions. Had I not read hers, I wouldn't have written this. Thanks a bunch, Jac, love ya.

"YEAH!!! THAT'S RIGHT, NARUTO, SHOW NEJI WHO'S THE REAL FAILURE!!!!!" Kei yelled, punching her left fist up in unison with Naruto's own. It was the final episode in a two hour Naruto marathon on Cartoon Network, and seeing the episode for the second time (the first time in the original Japanese, this time in the English dub) made her really excited about fighting. Once the episode had ended and the sorry excuses for anime began, Kei sat back down in front of her computer to continue IMing Jac, one of her closest friends. She had left to help her mom, and came back during the final and most crucial minutes of the fight. To her disappointment, her imouto (Japanese for younger sister), had already gotten offline.

"Dammit…." she swore softly. Sorry, mate, I wanted to watch with you... Another time, aye? She closed the chat box and picked up her cat, Jackie. "Looks like we're out of an IM buddy and good anime to watch, huh, Kawaii-chan?" Kei smiled, petting the small, all black cat. Due to her extreme cuteness, she had taken to calling her Kawaii-chan ('kawaii' is Japanese for 'cute') occasionally. Should get some sleep, have to go friggan' shopping tomorrow... The 15 year old hated shopping with a passion. First of all, it was stereotypical for girls to love shopping, and she hated stereotypes even more than shopping. And second of all, shopping was a huge pain in the ass. When looking for clothes, there was never anything in her size. When looking for food, she could never find any of the flavours she liked. And everything was so expensive now-a-days. It was positively despicable. Kei finished her mind-ranting, changed into her nightshirt, and fell asleep reading the next book by Patricia Cornwell, Hornet's Nest.

Kei opened her eyes. Morning already? No way… It felt like she hadn't slept at all. But why would she wake up like that? Whenever she woke up exhausted, she just went back to sleep. Okay… Back to sleep. …… Er, why wasn't her body listening? It was... getting up… walking around… looking in the mirror… and… WHOA!! HYUUGA HINATA?! KICKASS!!! SHE WAS A HYUUGA NOW!!!! AND HER FAVOURITE NARUTO CHARACTER NONETHELESS! Sure, she needed a new hairdo badly and was inexplicably timid, but Hinata was really a nice person and when she began to fight, she really kicked ass. Well, since Hinata always trained at night, that explained the exhaustion. Hinata's point of view began to fade as she took out her clothing for that day's training and possibly a new mission.

Kei's eyes opened yet again, faced with a second unfamiliar ceiling. Okay… Who am I now? She sat up, and a curtain of pink closed across her vision. GAH!!! NO!!!! NOT HARUNO SAKURA!!!! NO!! SHE WAS TAKING OUT A PICTURE OF SASUKE AND HUGGING IT!!!!! THE FANGIRL-NESS!!!! IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!!! ANYTHING BUT THIS!!!! TORTURE!! TORTURE!!!!!! Kei settled down as her vision faded more quickly than the one of Hinata.

Kei heard an alarm going off. "Gah… How troublesome..." Nara Shikamaru's voice stated as Kei's vision came across Shikamaru's room. YAY! YAY! YAY!! she mind-squealed. Shikamaru was her favourite male Naruto character, and she thought him to be a total bishi (Japanese for 'hot boy'). Shikamaru turned off the alarm and sat up with a groan, looking down in exhaustion (though it was probably just laziness). OH MY GOD!!! HE WEARS FISHNET TO SLEEP IN!!! YAAAAAYY!!!! Shikamaru put a hand to his head. "That sounds like a fangirl… But I'm too much of a loser to have any like Sasuke or Neji…Man, I must be hearing voices, now… How troublesome…" Kei cooled her jets and let the bishi go about his morning routines, until her vision faded to give him privacy to change. Awwww...

Kei visited the wakings of Inuzuka Kiba, Tenten, and also Hyuuga Neji before waking up in her own bed.

Sweet… she thought. I never have dreams.

The next night, a Sunday, Kei fell asleep in a set of clothes different than those she wore that day. She was freshly showered, and in clean sheets. It was three in the morning, and she had just finished the last page of Hornet's Nest. She could never get to sleep on Sunday nights and knew she wouldn't have that much time in the morning if she wanted to sleep in, so Kei always got dressed for school the night before. Oddly, the girl fell asleep more quickly than usual.

The air smelled sweeter than usual as Kei drifted into consciousness. It wasn't the stale air of the indoors, but the fresh scent of morning dew air. Odd, she hadn't remembered opening a window… Opening her eyes, she yelled, "HOLY DAMN!!!!" for she was no longer fully dressed in her own bed, but fully dressed in a tree over looking Konoha, the village hidden in the leaves.

"So, you're finally up?" Uzumaki Naruto asked.

Kei looked up at him, standing underneath a tree branch using chakra. "Yes, I'm up. Do you always watch strange girls sleep?"

"No. Do you always sleep outside on a tree branch?"

"No. Do you always ask strange people questions about their current situations?"

"No. I-I mean yes… I mean… GAH! YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL SMART, DON'T YOU?! WELL, I'M UZUMAKI NARUTO, AND I'M GONNA BECOME THE NEX—"

"THE NEXT HOKAGE!!! BELIEVE IT!!!!" Kei finished with him with just as much enthusiasm. "I know. Everyone knows. You're the only one cool enough to be Hokage, Naruto."

"Well, duh. I mean, that's what I'm trying to say! Thank you!!" Naruto smiled one of his goofy prankster smiles. "So, uh… What're you doing out here anyway? And you're dressed kinda funny, too… And you don't have a headband, or even kunai or senbon needles… Wouldn't you be some kind of shinobi, or shinobi-in-training if you were way up here?"

"Well, er… See, I just… Kinda woke up here!" Kei laughed a little too hard to be serious, and Naruto gave her a look that told her so. Once it had died down she continued speaking. "I fell asleep in my bed, and woke up here. Honestly. But, where I come from there are no ninja, or hidden villages, or anything like that. And weapons in school are strictly contraband and illegal. People dress like me, and if anyone were to be dressing like you guys, it would be for a convention. Shinobi only exist on TV, in my world."

"Man, that really sucks. If I couldn't be a ninja… IF I COULDN'T BE A NINJA, I'D GO INSANE, I REALLY WOULD!!! I MEAN, WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO?! I could sell ramen… NO!! I'D JUST EAT IT FIRST!!! I COULD NEVER NOT BE A NINJA!!! NO WAY!!! IMPOSSIBLE!!!" Naruto was ruffling his hair, going into hysterics. Kei smiled and reached up and patted his shoulder.

"Naruto, mate, you don't have that problem. You can be a shinobi here, so don't sweat it."

"R-Right… Hey, if you don't know how to defend yourself here, you're screwed!! Come on, I'll take you to Iruka-sensei and he'll teach you EVERYthing you'll need to know!" Naruto grabbed Kei's wrist and ran down the tree. She was off-balance and awkward, nearly falling in his wake several times before they reached the ground. Naruto ran at a fast pace toward Konoha, and Kei was surprised she could keep up at this speed and that she wasn't wheezing due to her asthma yet.

Naruto flew by the Hyuuga place. "N-Naruto-kun…" Hinata said in a mousy voice as he ran by, dragging a strange girl behind him. Hinata blushed and wondered who she was. Naruto saw Hinata and dragged Kei back to where she was standing. "HIYA, HINATA!!!" he greeted her.

"Yo," Kei told her, smiling as much as she could. Kei rarely smiled upon a first meeting, so it was awkward.

"HINATA!! I WAS OUT TRAINING, AND I WAS CLIMBING TREES WTH MY CHAKRA, AND I WAS CLIMBING THIS ONE TREE, AND I GOT HALFWAY UP, AND THERE WAS THIS GIRL, SO I STAYED UNTIL SHE WOKE UP, AND WE WERE TALKING, AND SHE'S NOT A SHINOBI, at least I don't think she is, AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY WEAPONS, OR FAMILY, OR A HOME, OR ANYTHING, SO I'M TAKING HER TO IRUKA-SENSEI SO SHE CAN LEARN TO KICK ASS, AND EARN MONEY FROM MISSIONS, SO SHE CAN LIVE SOMEWHERE, AND—"

"My name's Kei," she said to Hinata, talking around Naruto's loud ranting and hand waving.

"Hello. I'm Hyuuga Hinata," Hinata replied, shyly taking the newcomer's hand. Kei smiled, more broadly this time, because she really liked Hinata, and was glad she was being friendly, and not so withdrawn. "I noticed that your chakra pathways are completely unused. But you have a lot of stored chakra at your core." Hinata smiled back. "I think you'd do great as a ninja."

Naruto finished raving and stood there panting. "So, we goin' to Iruka-sensei or not?" he asked tiredly.

Hinata nodded. "Sure, whenever you're ready, mate," Kei told him. Naruto began running off again, so she followed him, but not before giving Hinata a friendly wave good-bye. They were almost to the Ninja Academy, when Kei heard some yelling on a side street. "Oi, Naruto-kun! Stop for a sec…"

The yelling was getting louder as the source approached. "STUPID SASSYGAY!!! I'M NOT AN ENEMY SHINOBI!!!! I'M NOT EVEN A DAMNED SHINOBI!!!! NOW UNTIE ME, BAKA (Japanese for 'idiot')!!!!"

"I TOLD YOU THAT I AM NOT A 'SASSYGAY'!!! I AM A SASUKE!!!! AND UNTIL I CAN PROVE YOU'RE NOT MY ENEMY, I WON'T UNTIE YOU!!!! BAKA!!!!"

The first voice, female, gasped. "DON'T YOU 'BAKA' ME, BOY, NOW BACK IT BEFORE I GO ALL GAARA ON YOUR SORRY SASSYGAY ASS!!!!!"

Kei ran at the tied-up figure. "HOLY DAMN!!! JAC-CHAN!!!! YAY!!!!" She tackle-hugged her hug-o-phobic imouto, Naruto trying to figure out what was going on as he walked over, and Sasuke trying to suppress the urge to beat something.

"KEI-CHAN?! OH MY GOD!!!! YAY!!!!" She hugged her Oneesan (Japanese for 'older sister') back before asking, "Hey, mate, mind giving the hug-o-phobe some space?"

"Oh, sure!!!" Kei sat back and smiled, not really giving any thought to why her imouto was tied up by Sasuke.

"Naruto… What the hell is going on?" Sasuke asked obliviously. He listened impatiently as Naruto ran through his hyperactive explanation again. "So… They know each other… But if Hinata said that HER chakra has never been used, the same is probably true for this one as well…"

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!" Jac shouted at him. "BAKA NO SASSYGAY!!! (Japanese for 'Sassygay, you idiot')" Sasuke coolly ignored her, clearly not willing to admit a mistake.

"JAC-CHAN!! HOW DID YOU GET HERE?! CUZ I DON'T REMEMBER, I JUST WOKE UP IN A TREE, AND NARUTO WAS STANDING OVER ME!!!!" Kei asked excitedly.

Jac gasped. "LUCKY!!!! I WOKE UP IN SASUKE'S CLOSET!!!! AND HE WAS EGOTISTICAL ENOUGH TO THINK I WAS TRYING TO BURGAL HIM!!!! BAKA!!! I DON'T REMEMBER HOW I GOT HERE EITHER, BUT I WISH I DIDN'T LAND IN SASSYGAY'S CLOSET!!! GAH!!!"

"OH MY GOD!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!! JAC-CHAN, DO YOU NEED A HUG?!?!?!"

"Er… No, that's fine, thank you, Kei," Jac replied, still hug-o-phobic.

Hai, a cliffie, I know, but I had to. It was just the best spot to leave off on, believe it or not. Feel free to review, please. This is my first fanfic (X3), so try to go easy on me. Thanks for reading.

Wizu (a nickname given to me by obsessive DNAngel fans… YAY!)