She did it again. Casey Cartwright broke my heart yet again. You would think I would learn from all the times before; breaking up with me freshman year and running to Evan, leaving my room after hooking up junior year just to go back to Evan, and toiling with me, claiming she was in love with Max and I meant nothing to her. Sure things haven't been the smoothest between us lately. But after mom and dad came into town things seemed to have gotten better. With this renewed sense of togetherness and love I finally got the nerve to lavalier her. And then she rejected me. Well, basically. I guess I didn't give her much of a chance to plead her case when I lost all control of my emotions and yelled at her. Yeah, I probably shouldn't have done that. But I was so mad and upset….and hurt. It was like her plan was just to string me along until graduation and then break up with me because magically she doesn't see us working in the future. What in the hell ever happened to soul mates? Is there even such a thing as love?
The questions were going crazy through my head as I walked down the pier and away from Casey. I knew she was crying but hell, I was on the verge of tears too. How can she expect me to just go from having nothing of my future planned out to having everything written down on a nicely crisp piece of paper for everyone to see? The only thing I know, wait, knew, about my future was that I wanted her to be in it. But now that's not going to happen.
I'm still in shock that the two of us actually broke up. It probably couldn't have happened at a worse time. First, it's her birthday. Go ahead, I know; I'm sure I'm the top nominee for the 'douche bag of the year' award now. And second, it's only the 2nd day of spring break. So here I am wandering the beach, nowhere to go, no friend to talk to and most importantly I guess, no girlfriend. Once I was able to calm down a little the first thing that popped in my head was where I was going to sleep for the night. Casey and I were sharing a room and it would be more than awkward if I showed back up there and we ran into each other. Maybe I'll just sleep on the beach in the sand. I'm sure there will be other passed out, drunken kids right along with me. Maybe there will even be another guy who just had his heart ripped out and stomped on by the love of his life.
I guess I will take anyone to talk to at this point. Well, anyone not close to our situation. Gosh, how on earth am I going to tell Rusty? He was probably more excited about me lavaliering Casey than I was. I guess it was my mistake for telling my frat brothers. I probably should have kept things quieter. I'm sure they are all waiting for me back at Tijuana Tony's to walk in arm and arm with Casey and her wearing my letters. Sorry guys, not going to happen tonight. I wonder if it's even possible to avoid everyone until we go back to Cyprus…..yeah, probably not. Well I guess I could always take a bus back home like Rusty did last year but running away from my problems is not the very 'grown up' thing to do at this point.
Growing up. God, those are just two of the ugliest words for me. All the older people I've talked to; my parents, Mr. Hilgendorf, they all say to stay as young as you can for as long as you can. Why would anyone want to grow up and be old and boring? Sure I'm not going to stay in college forever, however I do hear there is such a thing as a 'professional student'. Nah, that's not me. I do want to grow up….eventually. People stay in college for five and six years all of the time because they don't know what they want to do with their lives. What is so wrong with me being that type of person?
I respect Casey and her decision to go to GW. It's something that she has to do for herself and I'm not going to stop her. But what is so wrong with a long distance relationship? It's only a seven hour car ride and an hour and fifteen minute flight from Ohio to Washington DC. Yes, I looked it up because there has always been a real possibility of Casey going to DC for a job or law school. And it's not like I couldn't afford to fly and see her every couple of weeks with my grandpa's inheritance money. Who knows, maybe even doing the long distance thing would make one of us realize that we do need to change for the other. Maybe I'll hate being away from her and am forced to grow up to be with her.
But I guess that doesn't matter anyway. Casey and I are done. This time I feel like my heart is broken beyond repair. This is exactly the reason I didn't get together with Casey at the End of the World party. I told her I was a childish and lazy frat boy who let her down before. But thinking about being with her, getting the chance to love her again, kiss her again, make love to her again made me get off that roof and go after her. But then there was my conversation with Evan. And he just confirmed all the thoughts I was having before; Casey thinks about the future, why would I want to go through all of that again? So I didn't go after her and despite all that the two of us remained friends.
Sure there has always been that undeniable chemistry between Casey and me, even when we weren't together. Actually, if you ask me, I think that chemistry faded a little bit after we got back together this time. Of course it was still there, but I think it was masked by all the differences and arguing the two of us were having. And what about love? Gosh, I've always loved Casey and to be honest I'll probably still love her until the day I die. There is just something too powerful and magical about our love. Maybe it's because we are each other's first loves. I don't know. Casey said she loved me when I tried to give her my letters but I wasn't really feeling that love much once she started talking about us only being a college thing. A college thing. The phrase does make me chuckle just a little bit. Who in their right mind puts a time line on a relationship? And why would Casey want to stay with me knowing that things are going to end once she graduates?
I finally got to the point where I was done with questions. My head is spinning and hurting even more than it was when I walked away from Casey. I could sit here and analyze every little piece of our relationship and it still wouldn't make a difference. Casey and I are broken up; there is no more Casey and Cappie.
I finally found a spot in the sand that wasn't covered with shells to sit down. Surprisingly the beach was very calm and quiet. The waves gently crashed against the shore and for a moment I was able to just take a deep breath and take in the surroundings. And then I started to think about how I was supposed to be here with Casey. She was supposed to be sitting next to me with my arms wrapped around her tightly and my letters around her neck. It was at that moment I finally let a single tear escape my eye. But that single tear turned into several others and I was just about to bury my head in my arms and cry myself to sleep when someone tapped me on my shoulder.
"Dale? What are you doing here?" I asked as I turned to look at him and quickly wipe the tears off my face. I was trying to sound confident and not shaken up but I was sure he could see right through me.
"Rusty and Dana told me to get lost for a little bit so they could save some money," he replied.
I shot him a confused look.
He leaned down close to me and whispered "Sex."
"Oh," was all I replied nodding my head.
Dale took it upon himself to sit down next to me in the sand. At first nothing was said between the two of us. He obviously knew I was upset but I think he didn't really know how to approach the subject. We just sat there staring out into the ocean running our hands through the sand underneath us.
"Well Cap, I guess I'll just come right out and say it," he finally said. "You look like you've been through hell."
"That's an understatement," I replied again burying my head in my arms.
"Is it our woman in common?" he asked.
"I guess, if you want to put it that way," I replied lifting my head back up and looking back out into the ocean.
"You know Cap, I may call Casey our woman in common but I know you two are in it for the long run," he said with a sort of sincerity in his voice I had never heard before. "You are hers and she is yours. But just know that if you ever hurt her you will have me to deal with."
"Well too late for that after tonight Daley," I replied avoiding any eye contact with him.
"Did you guys get into a fight?" he asked.
I didn't respond. I felt like if I was going to tell the whole story over again I was going to start crying….again. And there was no way I was going to cry in front of Dale. Just not going to happen.
"Well, I'm not sure how much help I'm going to be since I've never really been in a relationship other than with Sheila," he began. "But I'm sure you guys can get past this."
"Casey and I broke up tonight," I blurted out, still continuing to avoid any eye contact with him.
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Cap," he said after a brief silence.
And then like my mouth couldn't hold the words in anymore, I began to spill everything to Dale.
"I tried to give Casey my fraternity letters tonight Dale," I began. "I was giving them to her to show her that I felt the two of us had a future together. I could honestly see the two of us married at some point down the road. But then she began talking about our different life paths. She's going to Washington DC for law school, I'm staying at CRU. Neither of us wants to change our plans for the other. So that just leaves us stuck then. It's like we're treading water and going nowhere. She made the comment that the two of us should just stay together until the end of the semester and that's when I lost it. If she doesn't have any faith in the future of the relationship then why should I?"
"I know exactly how you feel Cap," Dale replied. "Sheila and I experienced the same thing. She wanted to have sex, I didn't. I proposed to her, she rejected me. She—"
"Wait, you proposed to her?" I asked finally making eye contact with him over the genuine shock I was feeling at the moment.
"Well yeah, it was only appropriate given the sin her and I committed," he replied. "But that's beside the point. What I'm trying to tell you is that I changed for Sheila. She wanted to have sex and I finally gave in to her and disregarded any of the beliefs I had before. And that ended up being the biggest mistake of my entire life."
"So you think I'm right in not wanting to change for Casey?" I asked.
"Just the opposite," he replied. "Right now you are sitting here in the same situation I was last semester, only you haven't changed anything for her. Think about where you are right now Cap. You're sitting on the beach trying your hardest not to cry without the most important person in your life."
"You're kind of confusing me Dale," I said, not exactly sure where he was going with this conversation.
"Cap, I was wrong for changing for Sheila because the two of us weren't in love. There was no emotional connection there, everything was purely physical. I'm pretty sure I had more emotional feelings for her than she did for me. You and Casey, you guys have that emotional connection. You're in love."
"Well I thought I was in love Dale," I said cutting him off and returning my gaze out into the ocean.
"Oh stop with the poppy cock," he replied and I tried my hardest not to laugh. Who on earth says poppy cock anymore? "You wouldn't be sitting here with this much hurt and pain written all over your face if you didn't love her."
He paused but I didn't say anything. He was right but I was having a hard time admitting it.
"Cap, nobody is expecting you to graduate in a month," he continued. "Not even Casey."
"I appreciate your opinion Dale but you have no idea how Casey is feeling at this point," I said somewhat bitterly.
"Actually I had a brief conversation with our woman in common before finding you here on the beach," he replied.
And then I looked over at him again. How could he not mention this from the moment he sat down next to me?
"Don't get mad at me or anything," he said raising his hands in the air. "I just think it's silly that you're both off crying about something that could be resolved if you just talk things out with each other."
"Well we tried to talk and look where it got us Dale," I replied. "She just doesn't want to listen to me."
"Have you ever thought you're not listening to her either?" he snapped back.
I just continued to glare at him, not knowing how to respond to his question, whether it was rhetorical or not.
"Look, you two are free to do whatever you want. I can't make you guys talk or get back together or whatever. All I can do is give you my honest advice as a friend and someone who really cares about Casey. She's still crying over there under the pier if you decide you want to try again."
And without another word Dale got up and walked off. I avoided my gaze towards the pier for several minutes, not really sure what I wanted to do. Casey and I would have to talk again eventually but had I calmed down enough to continue our conversation we had earlier this evening?
I finally mustered enough guts to turn and look towards the pier. All I could see was the back of her blue swimsuit cover-up. I could tell she was still crying as her shoulders were bouncing up and down ever so slightly.
And then it was like my body completely detached itself from my brain. Without even thinking about it I was standing and walking towards the pier. I had no idea what I was going to say or do. But with my heart obviously leading the way I was nearing closer and closer to her. No time like the present I guess.
A/N: So I'm sure most C/C fans were highly disappointed in the finale earlier this week as I was. So I thought I would write a little fic about it. There will be one other chapter posted in the next few days. Hope you guys like it!