I don't own Digimon Frontier
A/N: this fic's from Kouji's step mother's pov. The names I use for his moms are what I found on some site, you know other names, drop me a line.
Japanese terms used in this fic:
Tadaima: I'm back
Okaeri-nasai: welcome back
Okaa-san: mother
Gomen ne: sorry
Moshi Moshi: when answering the phone.
-Sensei: a doctor's title.
Arigatou: thank you
Mother-Son Complex
I find myself smiling for no reason again, for what's probably the 10th time today. No reason whatsoever. I'm just that happy. I have more than enough reasons to feel this way. I have a roof above my head, good food to eat, clothes to wear, and a loving husband.
I feel the smile wither just a little for the 10th time that day. I can't help it. It happens to me whenever I think of him.
"Tadaima!"
Him.
The 15 year old teenaged boy that came with the marriage. He's the closest thing I'd ever have to a son. So I put on a smile, even though I know it full well in my heart.
"Okaeri-nasai!"
I'm not his mother.
It's been 4 years since he came to me, wearing that shy smile on his face, giving me those beautiful flowers. Tears filled my eyes, and not from allergy. He gave it to me and for the first time since we've met, acknowledged me as what I longed to be for him.
Okaa-san.
I thought my dream came true, but apparently, I had to wake up. Turns out that along the way, the cat was let out of the bag.
He met his older twin brother neither of us knew existed, and from there, the road to meet his real mother was short.
It's such a weird saying... 'real mother'. What would that make me, then? A fake? A cheap replacement? Or maybe, just someone living in illusions. I fear the answer is... none of the above.
I can't say we've gotten closer and then suddenly became strangers. That didn't happen, thank god. His smile, which suddenly became a constant view proved it. It also showed in pretty much everything else about him. He opened up to me. We began talking and I learned so much about him. I suddenly discovered such a magnificent person right in front of me, and no matter how much I loved him before, I fell in love with him all over again, and so easily. Any mother would be lucky to have him as a son. And I was lucky...
But she's luckier. After all, he's really her son. And it killed me to admit it.
Whenever he said he was going out, with that awkward yet beautiful smile, I felt my heart ache.
Yet, I love him.
That's why I let him go.
"Kaa-san?"
I blink as I look up at him. He's looking at me worriedly, and I haven't even noticed he came next to me.
"Ah, ha? What is it, Kouji?"
He's still worried, but I can feel the tinge of relief.
"Nothing, I just called several times and you didn't answer."
I can't help but blush. Even after four years, him caring for me is flattering.
"I was... deep in thought. Gomen-ne."
He smiles slightly and goes to do what any other normal teenager does when he comes back from school – raid the fridge.
"Ne, Kaa-san..."
"What is it?"
"Have you by chance heard from Kouichi?"
A sigh escapes my lips and I don't even try to stop it. It's not that the older twin and I are on such bad terms... but we're not on the best of them, either. It's as though that on some level he's blaming me for being apart from Kouji all those years. I can't really blame him for it. I'd be looking for someone to blame for it too.
"No, not since he visited last week. Why?"
"Well, I was supposed to go visit him today..."
There goes that feeling of losing him again.
"...but when I called there wasn't an answer. I left two messages on the machine, but nothing."
"Maybe he's out with your mother."
I made it a rule for myself that whenever we talk about Kimura Akiko, she will be referred to as Kouji's mother. It was painful, don't get me wrong, but I had to get used to the concept.
Four years later, I'm still in denial.
"No way. He knows I was going to come, he'd have either waited for me to come along or at least let me know about."
There's obvious disappointment in his voice, but I can't do anything about it. A part of me doesn't even want to.
"Well, I'm sure it's nothing, really..."
The phone rings and frankly, I feel like God had just spared me.
"I'll get it, you eat."
He sits down as I exit the room and hurry to pick up the phone in the hall.
"Moshi moshi?"
"Moshi moshi. Is this the... Minamoto residence?
A male voice from the other side asks.
"Yes, what can I do for you?"
"Is Kouji present?"
I glance into the kitchen. He's eating and seems to be enjoying himself. I return to the phone with a soft smile.
"He's a bit busy, would you like to leave a message?"
"What are you to him?"
I feel it to be a rather rude question, but he sounds rather urgent.
"I'm his...step mother."
Rule number two – I'm the step mom, villainess of fairytales. Fear me.
"Well then, Mrs. Minamoto, this is about your step son's real mother."
Make it hurt twice as much, why don't you?
"May I just ask who is this?"
"Ah, forgive me. I'm doctor Kido, from the Juuban hospital. It's about Kimura Akiko, and I've previously stated."
His tune suddenly changes, and so does my mood. He quickly delivers the message and hangs up, not before I hear some racket from his end of the line. The speaker is misplaced on the phone as I return to the Kitchen. Kouji stands up, worried about me, no doubt.
"Kaa-san, what's wrong? Who was that?"
I take a deep breath and try to force my voice out.
"Your mother, she... was in an accident."
I see his eyes grow wide and his face go pale. He's this close to crying but instead he keeps standing.
"Where? I... I gotta... I gotta go see her!"
I wonder for a second if he'd have reacted the same if I were in her place, but there's no time for that. I grab my car keys and pick up my coat.
"Let's go."
He's shocked for a moment, but the look of gratitude is all I need.
My son wants to see his mother? By God, he'd get there.
He's quiet all through the ride there, just staring out of the window, deep in though. I try to keep my attention to the road, but I can't. The question keeps bugging me no matter how hard I try to push it away. Had I been in her place, would he react the same way? Would he care as much? Would he shut himself up, not willing to give the sadness and maddening concern a chance out? Or would he be calmer? Somewhat indifferent to my situation?
I know that's impossible, but I have to wonder if that's thanks to him being the kind of person he is, or is it because I mean what I hope I mean to him.
I only realize we're there by the sound of him opening the car door and slamming it behind him as he rushes to the hospital. I hurry after him, amazed that I'm actually able to somewhat keep up.
I spot him talking to a doctor, and upon mentioning his mother's name, the man's face becomes grim. He points at the elevators and I'm already there, waiting for Kouji. We don't speak a single word as we make it to the fifth floor, and he rushes out even before the doors are fully open. We hurry down the corridor and I know exactly who he's looking for. And there he is, leaned against the wall, no doubt waiting for us. No, waiting for him. You wanted to see your brother, Kouji?
"Kouichi!"
The older twin looks away from the ceiling and looks as though he suddenly found out he wasn't the last person on Earth.
"Kouji... Kouji!"
The two twins hug and fall to the floor, the older bursting into tears on the younger's shoulder. No one looks at them oddly, perfectly understanding their predicament. The doctor looks from them to me and decides it's safer to bother me now.
"Minamoto-san?"
"Kido-sensei, I assume."
"I'm glad you came here so quickly."
"He wouldn't have had it any other way."
I spot the two get up in the corner of my eye and they go into her room.
"How is she?"
Don't get me wrong, I don't have her. I'm envious of her status as their real mother, and God knows I'd do almost anything to get Kouichi to like me, but I don't hate her. If anything, she's the closest thing to a best friend I have right now.
"She's in quite a bad condition, but she's stable. We hope she'll regain consciousness soon. Until then... we can't be too sure of anything."
I peek into the room to find a rather sad scene. Akiko-san's laying on the bed, the constant beep from the machines the only mark she's alive. Her first born son is sitting next to her, while the younger one's standing behind him, hands on his brother's shoulders. I'm not surprised he doesn't cry. He's stronger than his brother, that boy. And even if he wasn't, he will be, for Kouichi's sake.
The smell of medicine causes me to sneeze and Kouji looks up at me. He smiles wearily in an effort to calm me and I motion towards the waiting room, letting him know where I'll be if he needs me. He nods with a slightly wider smile and reverts his gaze back to his mother. That's a moment I shouldn't interfere with under any circumstances.
"You have a good mother, Kouji."
"I know."
It's already evening, and I'm still waiting here for any word from... I don't know, Kido-sensei, a nurse, God... Kouji...
It's heart moving how much the boy cares for that woman... not that I can blame him, she is his mother, after all. And his brother's there, too. I really hope she'd get well soon, for Kouji's sake... or so I claim.
To be honest, I want her to get better for a single reason – as long as she's here, Kouji'll be here with her. I'm selfish, I know, I'm a horrible, selfish person. But I'm afraid. I'm genuinely, truly afraid. I already said I don't hate her, but in addition to being jealous, I fear her. I fear the day Kouji'll go back to calling me "Satomi-san", like I was a complete stranger. Like I was a mere guest and was about to leave, even two years after I married his father. Like I wasn't anything to him, even after I discovered he was the world to me. I fear that the worst, but I guess there's nothing I can do about it... I have no right to interfere, she's his mother... I'm just his father's wife...
I look up at the sound of footsteps in my direction. Several other people do so as well, but this time it's for me. I smile slightly at Kouji as he half collapses on the chair next to me.
"You've been here all along?"
He asks, taking a sip from his cup of coffee.
"Did you really expect me to leave you?"
Hi hides his blush behind the cup and looks away.
"Sorry to have kept you waiting."
"Nah, it's only been about four hours."
He still won't look at me. I mark the page I was on and put my book aside.
"How is she?"
I hear a small relieved sigh escape from his lips.
"She woke up. The doctors say she should be fine after some rest and treatments."
"I'm glad."
He looks at me with slight surprise, just enough for me to notice it's there, and it's my turn to look away.
"Kouichi-kun's still with her?"
"Yeah..."
He leans backwards and stares at the ceiling.
"Really, that woman... almost making me lose he again..."
I hear the welled up tears in his voice and wonder if 'that woman' realizes just how lucky she is, to have him care so deeply for her.
"Promise me something?"
I look up at him to see him crying. It feels like my heart is being turn to pieces but I can't wipe his tears away, my arms went numb. He meets my gaze and tries his best to smile.
"Promise me... I won't ever come close to losing you? Ne... Okaa-san?"
I pull him against me with force I didn't have a millisecond ago and feel such relief as he hugs me back. The relief, however, turns into sadness and frustration as all I can do is pat his head and whisper soothing words.
"I promise."
I feel him smiling against my shoulder and that's all I need to keep me here waiting for him for the rest of the night if he'd ask me to.
"Arigatou... Okaa-san."
Warmth spreads through me at the sweet realization, and all the fears and doubts fade away into nothingness.
Kouji is my son, and nothing can come between us.
Not even his mother.