A/N: Obviously, I don't really write in RP mode (not that I RP like this, either) or anything like that. This is obviously a crack fic. XD I found this from a year or so again, and said, eh, what the heck. :P
/it was a day of a wedding in Konoha and everyone had tomatoes ready at hand\
Orochimaru the Priest: Neji do you take Gaara as your lovely beloved wife?
neji: I do
Orochimaru the Priest: and do you, gaara, take Neji as your uhh...crazy pyschotic husband?
gaara: yes
Orochimaru: i am skipping the objections part cuz i will be squashed with tomatos so you may now kiss the one-tailed demon
neji: i dont do that kind of thing -.-
Gaara: wah
/they run outside neji carrying gaara and instead of confetti hitting them tomatoes hit them\
Gaara: Just like how i thought my wedding would always be like n.n ...wah
Neji: -.- thinks to self: this is what i get for losing a bet
Gaara: LETS GO HAVE MAD DIRTY SEX
Everyone: o.o
Orochimaru: comes out WAIT I MUST INSPECT THE AUDIENCE!
Everyone: o.O okay?
Orochimaru: -pokes everyone but gets to Sasuke and grabs him- He's a virgin..he cannot be here
Naruto: BUT IM A VIRGIN
/crickets\
Orochimaru: ...-runs off with Sasuke-
Sasuke: o.o NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Itachi: well there goes my toy -looks at Kisame- ...make me a sandwhich
Kisame: wah
/after Neji and Gaara have mad dirty and completely consensual sex and sasuke gets raped by orochimaru...\
Neji: -.- my ass hurts
Gaara: I WAS SEME FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, YAY!!
Neji: not next time
Gaara: wah
Kisame: why am i here?
Neko: konbanwa :D
/crickets\
Neji: ..JACKIE MADE A TYPO OF MY NAME AGAIN DIDNT SHE
Gaara: ...i think she did
Jackie: STFU -Stab-
Gaara: wah
Neji: sex
Sasuke: IM STILL BEING RAPED HERE
Jackie: omfg YAY -runs off to watch OroSasu-
/crickets\
Neji: DAMMIT SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING THE STORY
Gaara: -takes out pen- I guess I'll have to write it myself
Jackie: -comes back- OH GOD NO
Gaara: why not?
Jackie: IF YOU WROTE IT NEJI WOULD BE SUICIDAL
Gaara: wah
/and now off to the real story...\
/a year later\
Neji: -.- crap...inuyasha was cancelled
Gaara: -is in a housewife dress cleaning the house- oh well maybe it'll be on saturday
Neji: maybe..i hope so..stands up NOT AGAIN -goes to bathroom and barf-
Gaara: -cries- STOP TRYING TO MAKE YOURSELF SKINNY
Neji: I'M NOT BULIMIC -passes out on bathroom floor-
Gaara: I guess we should get you to a doctor then..-.-
/doctor's office\
Dr.Nagasake: GRRRR NURSE MY GLOVES ARE TOO BIG
Nurse: sorry Doctor Nagasake
Dr.N: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Gaara and Neji: -walk in- o.o hello there Doctor..
Dr.N: hello ...
Gaara: uhm there is something wrong with my husband o.O we came for a checkup
Dr.N: oh yes oh yes sit down uhh...Hyuuga Neji
Neji: meh -sits down on that evil counter thingy-
Dr.N: You're symptoms are...Vomiting...Moodyness...Femininicy...
Neji: THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD
Dr.N: it is now! Anyways..Odd food cravings...
Gaara: -coughflashlightwithtunaplusmustardonitcough-
Neji: WAH GAARA MADE ME SAD
Dr.N: o.O Sudden Mood changes
Neji: YOU SUCK
Dr.N: ...i must run a few tests..gaara please step out
Gaara: wah -steps out-
/a couple tests later\
Dr.N: -comes out- gaara i have some very strange news
Gaara: yes?
Dr.N: It seems that Neji has all the symptoms of pregnancy
Gaara: O.O and the tests..?
Dr.N: say he's pregnant
Gaara: O.O ...how did this happen
Dr.N: ...i dont know...
Gaara: ..sperm?
Dr.N: -nod- yes
Gaara: i see u.u
Dr.N: soo..did he get raped?
Gaara: no but my friend Sasuke got raped by a pedophile perverted snake n.n
Dr.N: ...get out of my hospital
Gaara: O.O -takes neji and runs off-
/home\
Gaara: now that you're pregnant with my baby I will not allow you to hurt yourself..so no masturbating!
Neji: wah
Gaara: now take this medicne it'll make you pass out
Neji: WTF
Gaara: TAKE IT NOW DAMMIT -Stuffs it down Neji's throat-
Neji: ACK -passes out-
Gaara: -drags him to the bed and flops him on it- Night neji n.nA/N: End of the stupidest first chapter you've ever read. XD