I was dared by my buddy FullmetalKarneval13 on Tumblr to rewrite the Friends scene where Rachel keeps giggling whenever Ross touches her butt... replacing Rachel with Yuuri and Ross with Victor. The stipulation being that it had to take place post-Episode 7 kiss and under the assumption that their relationship would be new at that point.
This is what I came up with. I pray that someone else finds this entertaining!
Once the anxiety brought on by Victor's sudden appearance had passed, Yuuri began to feel a host of new emotions. Flutters of excitement and happiness, skirting the edges of slightly bigger words like love and lust. The blossoming of his emotions was gradual, like a shy flower opening to the warmth of spring's sun watered by Victor's patient caring and consideration. After his very public declaration of his heightened feelings, their relationship had shifted, developing from timid caresses to open affection. Every day he felt himself becoming more open, accepting the love that Victor was offering to him with newly welcoming arms.
As his back landed, cradled by Victor's arms, on the cold ice in China, Yuuri feel a new emotion erupt inside of him. It started in his chest, nuzzling against the inside of his ribcage making him feel tingly across his torso. Victor's smile, which reached all the way to his eyes and was reserved for Yuuri alone, made the feeling spread into his cheeks, causing them to sparkle a lovely red. Victor's voice, declaring his need to surprise Yuuri, sent the new sensation darting down his arms setting his fingers on fire as he pressed them into Victor's back. By the time they slid into the back of the cab, Yuuri's entire body was vibrating with it, from the tips of his hair to the nails of his toes.
Yuuri was giddy.
Giddy was an emotion he hadn't experienced before, at least not in this all body consuming magnitude. Every part of him seemed to be gloriously infected by the giddiness, his smile unwavering from his face, his hands unable to control their need to touch Victor, and his body's desperate desire to fit itself as close to Victor's as possible. For his own part, Victor appeared to be experiencing the same level of emotion as Yuuri, dancing his fingertips over Yuuri's skin and pressing back against him with the same level of need. Yuuri was positive that if they didn't get to the hotel soon, he was absolutely going to explode from his happiness high.
Tumbling into their hotel room, Yuuri could hear Victor happily humming under his breath. Throwing his jacket toward a chair, and nervously laughing as he heard it thud onto the ground, Yuuri set about trying to undo his costume. His shaking fingers would not cooperate, his mind only half-focused on his task, leaving his buttons half in their holes. Feeling Victor's closeness before registering his nimble fingers on Yuuri's buttons had Yuuri giggling, a nervous high-pitched sound that caused the smile on Victor's face to widen.
"You were beautiful today, my Yuuri."
Victor was speaking so close to him that Yuuri could feel his breath skating over his cheeks as his costume slowly parted in the front, leaving his skin to be teased by the cool air of the hotel room. Clashing sensations brought another giggle singing through Yuuri's throat. "Thank you," Yuuri indulged himself by running his fingers over Victor's cheek, "you look beautiful all the time." He heard the words escape from him, another small giggle chasing them into the air.
Victor leaned in, capturing Yuuri in a kiss that was far more intimate than the one they had shared in front of the whole world. Their bodies moved into one another, hands beginning to explore when Yuuri suddenly remembered…
"Yurio!" he called out, still partially attached to Victor's lips.
"It would be appreciated if you didn't shout an angry teenager's name while we were kissing," Victor looked more amusedly confused than annoyed, and Yuuri grinned at him as he threw open the bathroom door, continuing his search for the surly teen.
"I gave Yurio my key to the room," Yuuri explained, throwing open the doors to the closets for good measure. "His fans tweeted out his room number and the hotel was giving him a hard time about switching so I told him he could hide out here." Turning he saw Victor checking under the beds and behind the curtains. It was one of the single most adorable things Yuuri had ever seen and his elated heart couldn't handle it without exploding. When Victor straightened, raising his palms as if to say 'there is no Yurio here,' Yuuri found his face aching from his constant grin. Crossing the room, he slid his arms around Victor's neck tipping his face up to meet Victor in another kiss.
His heart was thudding in his chest… he was kissing Victor. Finally, after months of waiting for this step, after aching for it, it was happening. It was real, Victor was skillfully moving against his lips and Yuuri was adding his own level of skill to the mix. Every part of him hummed with happiness, until…
Victor's hands slid from Yuuri's back over his butt and Yuuri burst out laughing, clapping his hands over his mouth to stare wide eyed at Victor.
"Um…" Victor looked confused, stepping back but not dropping his hands from Yuuri's hips, "is everything alright?"
Stifling his giggle, Yuuri nodded, stepping back into Victor's personal space to kiss him again. His body reacted, fitting perfectly with Victor's as his hands slid up to loop around Victor's neck once more. Then Victor's hand ventured past Yuuri's waist line to cup Yuuri's most prominent feature.
The laughter struck harder this time, causing Yuuri to break the kiss with the slight graze of teeth against teeth. He smacked a hand over his mouth, giggles sneaking out from between his fingers. "I'm sorry!" he squeaked, looking at Victor's furrowed brow. "I keep thinking… oh my God, Victor is touching my butt! He is touching my BUTT!" Yuuri erupted in a fit of giggles, slouching against the table.
A calm eyebrow raised on Victor's brow. "I can hardly understand why that is funny." There was confusion mingling with hesitation as Victor watched Yuuri sort himself out.
"It's not!" Yuuri ran an absentminded hand through his hair, "I'm sorry. I'm all tingly and I guess I'm just nervous?" It was a question, paired with doe brown eyes peering up at Victor with wide innocence. "I mean… it's you! It's… you know... me…"
"Yes, that seems to be the two people accounted for in this situation," the quirking of Victor's lips conveyed his own nervous humor, idle hands flitting around Yuuri's hips.
"We're crossing a line, I guess," Yuuri played with his hair again, switching to wave wildly, accidently slapping Victor in the chest. The accidental contact made Yuuri giggle again. "I want to cross it!" He almost shouted, returning the slapping hand to his mouth. Breathing deep, Yuuri smiled at Victor. "I want to cross that line, I'm just excited I guess is all. It's kind of a big thing, you and me." He played with his fingers, nervously reaching out to tug at the front of Victor's suit jacket.
"I agree," Victor let his hands wander to Yuuri's sides, "it is a big thing. I didn't realize it was a laugh until you pee kind of big thing though."
Yuuri shook his head in mock exasperation, grabbing Victor's lapels and pulling him back into his space. This time, Yuuri went for the kiss, begging for entrance into Victor's mouth and feeling himself grin when his request was granted. He felt Victor's hands, securely on his sides begin to move them toward the bed. After two steps, Yuuri felt the laughter bubbling again, trying to suppress it and failing miserably.
Frustrated, Victor dropped his hands, raising both of his eyebrows. "And what now?" There was still humor laced into the question but it was waning. "This time, I did not even come close to touching your butt."
Collapsing on the bed, Yuuri belly laughed finally letting all his giddy energy escape. "But I was thinking about when you did touch my butt!" He laughed for a solid minute before collecting himself. Springing back up, he did ten jumping jacks, shaking his arms out and wiggling his legs. "Ok, ok, I'm ready! Bring on the butt touching!"
Victor faltered. "I don't think I can now," his own laughter was barely contained by his pinched lips. "For one, I am feeling fairly self-conscious at this point, and two," the giggle squirted out despite Victor's attempts to repress it, "you can't say bring on the butt touching and expect me to hold it together." They collapsed together in a joint fit of giggles on the bed, finally coming to rest in a breathless heap.
"I have an idea," Yuuri sprang back up a second time, throwing his costume jacket to the side and stripping out of his pants, leaving him standing only in his dancer's belt. "Just grab it."
Flabbergasted, Victor's hands remained at his sides, obviously pondering if Yuuri had snuck champagne sometime between the rink and the hotel. That would at least start to explain whatever was happening. "I don't think I can," he whispered, staring at the beautiful orbs of Yuuri's cheeks.
"Yes you can," Yuuri took a step backwards, "just grab one cheek then." He felt bad for ruining the moment and was doing his best to recover from it. "Okay, hold up your hands and I'll back into them!"
"Yuuri… I…" Yuuri's butt was less than a foot from his face and Victor was at a loss as to what to do when the main door slammed open.
Yurio stared at Yuuri. Yuuri blinked at Yurio. Yurio glared at Victor. Victor shrugged at Yurio.
"I don't even want to know!" Yurio yelled, grabbing the door to slam it shut on his way back into the hallway.
"Victor won't touch my butt!" Yuuri yelled, having absolutely no idea why he thought sharing this information was a good idea.
"Dear God!" Yurio screamed from the other side of the door. The silence made them think he was gone, then another loud scream came through the door. "Just be like nemo and touch the butt, old man! Ugh! Geezers are so ridiculous!" The sounds of stomping feet down the hallway had them turning to face each other.
Laughter burst forth from both of them, Yuuri collapsing on the bed for a third time, rolling against Victor's side as hysterical tears leaked down their faces.
It took them an hour to calm down, but eventually, Victor managed to grab Yuuri's butt and from then on, he never let it go.